Starting Over Ch. 01

"Just what did you say to Juliet last night?"

"It wasn't last night, it was this morning. I don't think she heard me right. I was waking up and didn't know who she was."

"What? Wait!" She leaned closer to me. "She was in your bed?"

"It's a long story. Can it wait until I can speak to both of you?"

"Sure. It's a quiet night. Everyone will be out of here early on a Wednesday night and I want a full explanation. She has treated me like I have the plague and said something about you and me hooking up. If you implied that you were sleeping with me I'm gonna have your balls!"

I stared at her. Fuck! What was Juliet talking about? "No way, Mary. I wouldn't make up something like that."

She looked directly at me for a few seconds, trying to ascertain if I was telling the truth. She pointed her finger at me. "Okay, but we'll talk later."

We both looked over at Juliet and she was staring at us with contempt. I was really confused now.

I had a couple of beers and now the place was empty except for a couple of tables near the front windows. The bar was empty except for me, so Mary called Juliet over.

"Okay, Juliet, spill. What the hell is going on here? Why were you in his bed this morning?"

Juliet stared at her. "Like you have a reason to talk. He woke up and tried to fondle me and was saying your name. I thought you said you were in a committed relationship and changing your ways, you slut!"

Mary's face turned red. "You have no idea what you are talking about. I have never even touched John except for carrying him back to his apartment with you. I wasn't the one in his bed this morning, so don't turn this against me." She turned to me with a glare.

It was finally becoming clear to me. I smiled a little, thinking it was a little humorous, but stopped when I noticed how the two women were glaring at me and put both hands up in surrender. "Okay, look. I know what happened. I woke up and found a warm woman's body next to me, and I...." I hesitated a little. It was still hard to talk about her. "I... I guess I thought it was my wife, Marie. Juliet thought she heard me say Mary, but what I said was Marie." I sputtered a little on her name. The two women continued to stare. Recognition was in their eyes, but there was still a question there. "I don't know why you were there Juliet, but it was a mistake. Sorry."

Mary looked over at Juliet, her eyes narrowing. "Yeah, why were you there?"

Juliet looked at her feet. "I... I guess I was tired. I just meant to relax for a minute after we put him on the bed and the next thing I knew, John was trying to fondle me. I must have just zonked out."

They looked at me. "Look, I'm sorry. I had no idea it was you. But why do you care so much about what Mary does anyway?"

They looked at each other and then at me. Something passed between them and Mary spoke. "Juliet is my cousin and has decided to 'keep an eye on me' to prevent me from falling into my old ways."

I shrugged, wondering what that meant, but knew it was not the time to pursue it. "Sorry, didn't mean to pry."

They looked at each other and finally grinned. I looked back and forth and Mary finally spoke again. "Well, shit. That is pretty funny. So tell me, where is this missing wife? What happened? You guys split up recently?"

I stared at her, my breathing increasing. I could see the unease enter her eyes as my pain flashed in mine. I'm sure my face was white as a ghost. I looked at Juliet and she was looking concerned as well. "She... ummm... uh... she died eight months ago." The two women stared, their eyes going wide. Juliet's hand came out and she put it on my left forearm. It was warm and soft. "Cancer." I clarified.

"Oh, my god. I'm so sorry." Mary reached over and grabbed my right hand. Her hand was cold from serving the drinks. Juliet stepped up and put her arm around me.

"Sorry, John. I'm... sorry." Juliet searched for more, but couldn't come up with much else to say. There never was much to say about something like that.

"It's okay. I'm trying to start over."

Mary looked at my left hand and the ring that was still on it, but didn't say anything. "You want anything else? Drinks are on me tonight."

"Sure. Guinness." I tried not to wipe my eyes.

She went over to pour another and by the time I finished that one, the final patrons had left and it was just the three of us. They started drinking as well, and then Juliet asked. "Tell us about her." I did. Suddenly, I was glad to tell someone about her and our life. It became therapeutic for me. I told them about our meeting, dating, marrying, having a child, travelling, etc. I made it as brief and as upbeat as I could. I described the little things that Marie did that could piss me off and how I would love to be pissed off by any of them right now. I talked about how my daughter was just like Marie, headstrong and opinionated. I told them many of the good things and stayed away from the cancer. I couldn't face the pain of telling them what it was like to watch your wife of 20 years waste away. I finished and sat there. Even doing it briefly meant that it had taken me an hour to tell them about her. They looked at me.

Mary took my hand. "I wish I could find somebody who would feel and talk that way about me. I'm beginning to wonder about David, my current boyfriend."

"God, me too. I'd love it if someone spoke about me like that!" Juliet echoed.

Mary rolled her eyes and gave me the 'God, she's still such a baby' look.

"Well, I guess I should head home now. You guys need to close up."

"Yeah, another day done." Mary turned and started cleaning.

Juliet hugged me and kissed me on the cheek. "See you later."

I trudged home. I wasn't very drunk tonight and I felt a little better. It was getting easier to tell people about Marie. I enjoyed talking about all the good times.

I went to my apartment and plopped down in front of the TV. I started flipping some channels. I ran across the Cinemax channel that was commonly called "Skinamax" because of the soft porn it shows, but that didn't even hold my interest. I had been sitting there for about 20 minutes when my doorbell rang. I looked at the clock. 12:30am?

I walked to the door and checked the peephole. Juliet and Mary were standing there so I opened the door. "Wanna go to a party?" Mary spoke and Juliet just smiled.

I hesitated. "Uhhhh... I don't think so. I'm afraid I wouldn't be much fun."

Mary stepped up and put her arm thru mine. I could feel her firm breast on my arm. "Oh, c'mon. It's just some of our local friends and they won't mind. Their parties usually last until about 3."

I still hesitated, but looked back at the lonely, empty apartment. "Okay, just one request. Please don't tell anyone about my wife. Pity sucks."

Mary pulled herself against me with her arm in a semi-hug. "Okay. I understand, but I have a question. Why are you still wearing the wedding band?"

I lifted my left hand and stared at it for a second. Then I lifted my head and looked directly into her eyes. "Because I'm still married to the woman."

Mary looked like she was going to say something then stopped. She looked over at Juliet and then back at me. She avoided any response at all. "Okay, let's go!"

We went downstairs and all piled into Mary's car. It was a Prius, just what I would have expected of her, and Juliet said she'd get in the back. Mary drove for only a few minutes and we were at a large house on a residential street. There were a few cars there, but not that many. We piled out of the car and walked up to the house. Mary didn't even knock, just opened the door and walked in. Juliet and I followed.

The house was old, the furniture had seen better days, and the people in there were all talking so loudly that I was assaulted by a constant buzzing from it. Mary put a bottle of something that she brought on a table with all the other alcohol and took my arm. She led me up to a couple about her age and introduced me to them. They were the homeowners and were evidently old friends of hers. I forgot their names as soon as we walked away. Then she led me over to the drink table, made us a couple of scotches on the rocks and led me to an open spot on the couch. She sat on my left as she told me that these were friends of hers from school. She told me how she had led a "very wild" life when younger, but finally found that she wanted more out of life and was going back to school. She told me she was always good at academics, but was distracted by sex and alcohol, although no details were offered. She was trying to get her act together now. As she talked I looked around and most of the individuals there were between 25 and 35. I wondered again about Juliet's age. A woman sat down on my right and Mary introduced me. Her name was Jo and she was a grad student. I started talking to Jo and Mary got up to go talk to some other people.

"So what are you studying, Jo?"

"Business. I want to get my MBA so that I can compete with all the jerks out there that think a woman is just a plaything."

I could detect the bitterness in her comment. I figured there was some history there. "That's cool. An advanced degree is always a good thing to have in the job market." I didn't know what else to say.

We talked a little more and she seemed relaxed until she noticed my ring. "Where's your wife?"

I looked down at my ring. "Uh... she's not here."

"So she's at home?" Her question sounded a little accusatory and caught me off guard.

I was not prepared to answer questions about Marie at a party, so I tried to avoid it. It turned out to be a mistake. "Uh – no, she's just not here."

At that Jo snapped. "So you're out at a party, flirting and looking for a little something on the side, is that it?" She had definitely been treated badly by someone.

"No. I'm not. Jo, it's not like that...."

She was angry so fast. She stood up and was yelling at me, everybody turning and looking. "You misogynistic fuckers are all alike. Take a fucking hike." She stormed off.

Now I was mad, too. We had just been talking, there was no sexual flirtation going on. She leaped to some pretty fast conclusions and no matter how she had been hurt before, I was insulted. She had yelled at me in a public forum and I didn't like it. In the back of my mind my logical side was telling me that since I'd been drinking I should stay away from her. I should have just left, but I was angry and hurt and was going to take it out on someone. I jumped up and followed her into the kitchen. She was standing by the stove, her arms crossed, fuming. There were other people in the room, but I didn't give a shit. I had had too much to drink and I was still angry at life for taking my precious Marie, so when she attacked me my anger boiled over and I later realized that it had been held in check too long.

I walked right up to her and stared right into her eyes. She was a little intimidated by my invasion of her personal space. "Before you jump to conclusions, get your fucking facts straight. For your information, my wife is dead!" I could see the blood drain from her face, but I continued. I was too mad. "That was a pretty quick conclusion you jumped to out there, and I resent it. What's the female equivalent of a misogynist? I don't know the word, but I'm looking at one! Fuck off!" I turned and stormed out.

I walked directly out the front door and started in the direction of home. I had only gone a few steps down the sidewalk when Mary came running after me.

"John! John! Slow down!"

I stopped and looked back at her, barely able to stand still with my heart still racing and the anger coursing through me. She came up to me quickly.

"What happened in there?"

"Your friend Jo jumped to some quick conclusions, basically accusing me of being a philanderer and scumbag. As soon as she saw my wedding ring she thought I was out looking for a piece of ass while my poor little wife sat at home. Bitch!"

Mary stared at me and held my arm, not letting me walk away. "Okay... okay! You got worked up pretty quick. Why didn't you just blow her off? She's just had a couple of not very nice, or faithful, boyfriends."

I tried to smile, but the anger was still pulsing thru me. "I don't know. I can't say why it happened, but it did. It just pissed me off! She assumed she knew all about me in an instant, and I wasn't going to put up with anyone's shit anymore."

She smiled and took my arm. "Okay, calm down. She was just taking her anger at her shitty boyfriends out on you and you were apparently taking your anger at losing your wife out on her. Let it go. Relax." She looked around. "Let me take you home. You can't walk from here." She definitely had the soothing bartender rap down pat.

"What about Juliet?"

"She's going home with her roommate anyway. Jo is her roommate."

I rolled my eyes. "Oh, great! That's just beautiful."

Mary laughed and once again put her arm in mine. "Yeah, pretty funny, eh?" She led us back to her car and we got in so she could take me home.

I looked at her while we were in the car and my anger abated. "Thanks. You were pretty good back there."

She smiled. "It comes from years of practice, believe me. As a bartender you have to be able to diffuse some tough situations – or just call the cops. Besides, after watching and listening to you describe your wife, I know you're not like that."

When we got to my apartment building, she got out with me. "Mind if I come up for a while?"

I looked at her closely, wondering if this might lead to where I immediately thought it might – sex. I also wondered if I could to anything about it. "Uh, sure, no problem."

She could sense my hesitation. "Look, I'm not a serial killer or anything!" She gave me a wide grin.

"Sorry. Sure, come on up. After all, the night is still young; it's only 2am!" I put a touch of sarcasm in the time.

She laughed. "Well, those are the hours of a bartender. Is it past your bedtime?"

I could tell she was just poking fun and I grinned. "Yes, as a matter of fact it is, you smart ass woman!"

She put her arm in mine once again and led me inside the apartment building. "Yes, I am a smart ass. But I usually get what I want." Wow, did that sound familiar to me.

We went into my apartment and she immediately went to the fridge. "I'm going to have a beer, you want one?"

For the first time in a while, I didn't. "No, thanks." I moved into the living room, sat down, and fiddled with my iPad to play some music on my sound system.

Mary came in and sat next to me, turning so that she was facing me. "It really is true, you know." She smiled.

"What's true?"

"I usually get what I want." Now her grin was wide and she winked at me.

I laughed. "I can see that you would. In fact, I think any beautiful woman today can get just about anything she wants."

She looked at me closely. "So you think I'm beautiful?"

I looked her over, but I had been doing that for three weeks now. I didn't really need additional confirmation. "Of course. I'm sure you don't need me to tell you that. You know you are a beautiful woman and that I'm attracted to you."

She kept staring at me. "What does that mean?"

"Look, you are nicely built, have an open, honest, and very pretty face, you are nice to everyone, and you've taken a liking to my old bones, so what would I not find attractive about that?"

She looked down, slightly embarrassed, but then looked up again directly into my eyes. "Is that the same as beautiful to you?"

"Hey, I'm a guy. If you ask me to appraise someone I've never met, then I'll probably do it only on looks; body, face, all physical characteristics. But once I get to know someone, then obviously there is more to it than that. You have impressed me both ways."

She smiled, getting the point I was making. "Yeah. But would you have sex with me right now?" She stayed locked onto my eyes, checking out my response.

I'm sure she saw the slight flicker of surprise there. I thought that she might be thinking that when she invited herself up to my apartment, but it was still a surprise to hear it from a woman who was at least 10 years my junior. I looked down for a second; unable to take her firm gaze, then looked back up. "Not sure if I can."

She cocked her head and looked at me funny. "Not sure if you can or if you want to?"

"Well, I really want to, but I haven't had sex in a year and with nobody except my wife in 20 years, so I'm not sure if I can." I looked at her closely as I paused briefly. "Besides, what about your boyfriend?"

"Dave? Humph! He can piss off. He thinks I don't know that he's been trying to get into the pants of one of the neighbors and almost succeeded except she changed her mind at the last minute. Guys! Are all of you like that? Were you?"

I was still working on getting up for sex when she hit me with that. "You mean always looking for a conquest, even while I was in a relationship?" She nodded. "I thought you knew I wasn't like that?" She shrugged and waited for me to continue. "Okay, I was never like that. I was always a one-woman-at-a-time man. I may have dated and slept with a few only once when I was young, but when I was in a relationship, that woman was the only one I bedded. Sure, I liked to flirt, but never, ever cheated on a girlfriend or my wife. It's just the way I'm wired. My wife even laughed at the way I flirted, but she was not threatened by it. She knew me."

She stared at me. "You never, ever had sex with someone else while even just dating someone?"

"Nope! I think that comes from growing up in a household full of strong women. Of course, it's also true that taking care of one good woman is a full time job!" I gave her a grin. "And one other thing; I've never been attracted to women who were not strong willed. I like someone I can wrestle with mentally as well as physically. They wouldn't put up with that." I smiled at my own attempt at humor.

She stood and took my hand. "Of course – now will you please have sex with me?"

I stared at her for a minute and then reached over and took her hand, pulling her back down to the couch. "Mary, I would love to have sex with you, but...." I looked at her and tried to explain it, but I knew I was probably going to fumble it a little. "Look. I really do want to have sex with you, but how about we cool it for tonight and just remain platonic friends for a while longer. I want to think about it and I want you to make sure you don't make a mistake about Dave before you are sure."

She stared at me for a second. "Hmmm. That makes too much sense. I wish you weren't making sense right now because I'm horny and Dave hasn't been taking care of that." I watched her closely. I think she could tell that I was a little surprised by her frankness. "Well, he hasn't. I guess what I'm trying to say is that Dave and I don't appear to be that physically compatible."

"Have you discussed it with him?"

"Ugh! Getting him to discuss it is worse than pulling permanent teeth! He just can't imagine why I'm not completely satisfied with his 5-minute sex routine." She looked up at me and could tell I was a little uncomfortable discussing the details. "Well, maybe I'd better stop there. Too much information, right?"

"Yeah, really!" I ran my hand over my forehead, giving her the 'Whew! That was close!' gesture.

She laughed and then looked at me with that look of intensity she gets sometimes. "Can I at least stay here tonight? I probably shouldn't be driving."

I hesitated for just a second, wondering if there was an ulterior motive behind that request, but finally acquiesced. If there was an ulterior motive, she was probably thinking that she could work her way into the one bed in the apartment, but she didn't know the full extent of my apartment. "No problem. I'll show you the guest room."