- Erotic Horror
- Still Life
- Page 3
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It took her all day, but when she finished, it was perfect.
As it grew dark outside, she went to the closet and took the box down from the top shelf, the one her father had insisted that she take when she moved to this neighborhood. For emergencies, he said. Then she sat, staring at the painting, drinking wine, and waiting.
At midnight, there came a knock on her door. She heard something scraping against the floor outside. As she reached for the knob with one hand, she gripped the gun in the other. The hinges squealed.
"Hello?" she said.
There was a dark shape on the threshold. It stirred. "Christine. You finished it. You called me."
Her heart battered the inside of her chest. "Yes," she said. "I did." She kept the hand with the gun hidden behind the door.
"I knew you would," said the shape. "Now we can be together, forever."
Fear sweat broke out over her body. Her voice quivered when she spoke: "What do you mean?"
"I'll take you away from here, and after you're gone people will find your beautiful painting, and they'll put it on display, and it will be us, we two, together forever, in that perfect scene that you made, just like in our dreams. It'll be like you always wanted."
She took two steps forward, but kept the doorway between them. "Is that what I wanted?"
"Yes. It's why I chose you."
Fresh tears blurred Christine's vision.
"You know," she said, "a man I used to love always told me that I never know what I want."
And then she pointed the gun at the shadows, and pulled the trigger.
- COMMENTS
kuroukiphoenyxalmost 9 years agoDamn that was an awesome twist ending!!!!
Anonymousabout 9 years agoTroy and David didn't deserve to die, but neither does Komos. I don't think Komos understands the real world legal system, where a person can't get away with murdering another person because of jealousy - though murderers do get away with it. His decision to get rid of Troy and David was to protect Christine, but based on her behavior, she doesn't want anyone to make decisions for her/control her - she wants to be her own person. I don't think a sequel is necessary - though it would be interesting to see what happens to Komos/Christine, assuming he doesn't die.
FaithWhiteover 10 years agoI didn't realise I had already this story until about half way through. Figured keep going and when I reached the end searched for my comment. Apparently it is just as good the second time as the first time.
:)
Corpse_riderover 12 years agoThis is very well written, as others have commented, with strong descriptive writing, lively and realistic dialogue, well rounded and empathetic characters. It also well paced and suspenseful. The sex scene is also rendered well, and erotically charged. The ending is the problem here as it does not deliver, unless there is a part 2 - though with the death of the supporting characters this might be tough to write. You've ended the story mid-action - as she fires the gun - but this does not make the ending ambiguous - as - the 'demon/entity' of her dreams is clearly supernatural the reader will not expect him to be finished off with a mere bullet - thus we have an incomplete story. It feels, to me, as though at the time of writing you did not have an ending in mind, so broke off at the climax of the story. Story writing is organic, but you need to decide on an ending or you will frustrate your readers who have invested time and imagination in reading your work.
Clearly you have a lot of talent as a writer. I look forward to reading more of your work.
beasthunteralmost 13 years agoI liked your style, and I thought the prose was tight. I especially liked the phone conversation between Christine and Troy.
