Still Lost in Space Ch. 03

"Now that he mentions it, I wouldn't mind wearing something different for a change," groused McCoy.

"Now Mr. Spock, wouldn't you, just for once, want to wear something different?" slurred Scott.

Spock's response was to raise an eyebrow and draw his lips tight.

Sulu noticed that someone was running their foot up and down his leg.

"Yes, Captain, you were saying about dinner?" Smith asked, hoping to get the show on the road.

"After the soup, we have some fruit from Rigel IV. I think you'll find it to be both sweet and pungent."

"Goes good with a little hooch on top," drawled McCoy in his Georgian accent.

"After that, we have a traditional turkey dinner with all the trimmings including a nut stuffing invented by our chef onboard," said Kirk.

Smith pressed his napkin in the collar of his shirt, trying as hard as he could to send enough subtle hints that the Captain would hurry up the soup. As he looked in Kirk's direction, he noticed that Spock was back to staring at the Robot. "Fascinated by our mechanical man, Mr. Vulcan?"

Spock's mind was brought back to the room by Smith's question and looked in the Doctor's direction. "'Fascinated' would be exactly the word I would use Doctor Smith. I did not know that the B9 series was so sophisticated. This unit appears to have developed a personality with emotional sub-programming as well as a sense of humor. It's also in prime condition, as if it were just activated a week ago. In fact your entire ship reads on our sensors as if it was just assembled. Most curious," replied Spock.

"We had some help with that," replied Will, holding his glass out to Scott for a refill. "On the last planet we were on, I ran into a guy that gave me a wish stone to be used on my birthday. I wished for food, fuel, and for the ship to be back in it's original operating condition."

"The B9 was also rejuvenated?" asked Spock.

"Yep, him too," replied Will as Scott topped him off.

"Curious. Why weren't his memory banks wiped out and reset as well?" asked Spock, looking back at the B9.

"Exactly! That's what I said!" said Will jumping up to his feet. "I asked the guy the same question afterward and he tried to sell me a load of crap about our memories still being intact, then why not the Robot's."

"I am still grateful for having the breasts removed," said the Robot, uttering his first words since entering the room.

"Breasts?" asked Uhura.

"Yes, in demonstrating the wish stone to Will, as a joke, the guy wished me to have breasts. They were huge and hung down to..."

"Spare us the details you Boobless Bubblehead," snapped Smith.

The Robot fell silent and stood motionless again. Spock looked back to Smith and said, "Why did you just insult it?"

"Why not? It's just metal and wires. It has no feelings to hurt," replied Smith finishing the last of his hooch.

"Did you not just hear me say it has full functioning emotional sub-routines running?" asked Spock, giving Smith a look that would send most junior officers and crew running for cover.

"Nonsense," Smith waved his hand toward Spock, dismissing his objection. "That Dottering Dunderhead is no more intelligent or emotional than a toaster oven!"

"Doctor Smith, I must ask you to refrain..." started Spock when the door opened and several servers brought in the bowls of soup.

Somewhere in the previous few minutes, Scott managed to move his chair between Maureen and West and was whispering sweet drunken nothings into her ear.

"Hey, engineer, your seat is over there," pointed out Robinson.

"Aye, it was," Scott replied.

"That's my wife you're trying to proposition," said Robinson, puffing out his chest and looking like a real man for a change.

"You know that in the 23rd century, marriage contracts expire after seven years. How long have you been married to the Professor here?" Scott asked Maureen.

"It's been almost thirty years," she replied.

"It's your ex-wife I'm propositioning here, Robinson," Scott said. "So piss off."

Robinson looked to the Captain for help.

"Sorry Professor, marriage contracts expire after seven years, she's a free agent," said Kirk, between blows on his steaming hot bowl of soup.

"Does that mean I'm a bastard?" asked Will after doing the math in his head.

"You always were," answered Judy, feeling the effects of the booze.

"As Captain of this vessel I can perform the marriage ceremony for you," offered Kirk.

"Right after dinner would be good," Robinson replied quickly, noting that Scott's tongue was jammed in his ex-wife's ear.

"Not so fast, Mr. 'I'd rather talk than fuck'," Maureen said and then covered her mouth giggling like a little kid for using the 'F' word. "Remember that little 'hour or so' attempt at love making this afternoon? I spent thirty minutes trying to 'get it up' and the next hour trying to keep you awake. The only thing that woke you was when I called you a limp fish and you thought I was talking about serving lunch. The only satisfaction I got was from my rechargeable vibrator. Besides, I have a tour of Mr. Scott's quarters coming up after dinner," she said, giggling again.

"The engine room. She means the engine room," Scott corrected her.

"Yep, and then he's going to show me his Scottish suit of armor and bagpipes in his room," she said, running her hand along Scott's thigh.

Sulu took a peek under the table to find out who was trying to play footsies with him. Both Judy and the Major had a shoe off and both were playing with his booted feet. He reached down and moved the Major's over to Uhura, which he felt was West's actual target. Scott's hooch seemed to be affecting the Robinsons much more than the Enterprise crew, but then again, they were used to it.

Uhura looked down when she felt West's foot running up and down her tall boots. She smirked at him and said, "Have a thing with leather, Major West?"

"You could say that," he replied, continuing his efforts under the table.

Uhura joined him in his little game. "You know, I have all kinds of leather in my quarters," she cooed. Then she tasted her soup.

Sulu was having a great time because Judy was doing her best to give him a foot job right through his pants.

Penny was explaining to Chekov just how long a human's large intestine was and how it could stretch to accommodate large objects. He seemed fascinated.

"This soup is excellent Captain, but if memory serves me correctly it tastes like chicken," said Smith, thrilled that he was eating.

"Vulcans, aside from being the major pains in the asses they are, are also vegetarians Doctor. What you're eating is made entirely from vegetable stock," replied McCoy.

"I'm a bastard?" Will asked again.

"If we are being served turkey, what will you eat?" Smith asked Spock.

"There is always enough of everything else Doctor Smith. I will not go hungry," Spock replied.

"When we first entered the void, the chef had no idea what to give him since we were short on vegetables. It took Spock two months to figure out that he was being served 'Play-Doh' on top of pine needles. The chef always made a major presentation with the star shapes, squares, and circles from his 'Play-Doh' station. Spock couldn't figure out why he kept shitting crescent moons in Technicolor," chuckled McCoy.

"Vulcans weren't always vegetarians Doctor Smith. At one time we had our barbaric stage, eating seared flesh and drinking blood. Some of my ancestors were cannibals as well, cutting out the tongues and eating the brains of those that would insult them," remarked Spock while staring at McCoy.

Smith placed his spoon down and swallowed hard. "Lovely," he muttered.

"Give it a rest Spock," said McCoy, downing his drink. "You're the last person I'd worry about harming me on this ship."

"Vulcans are pacifists," offered Kirk to all that were listening. Not that there were that many at the moment.

Spock and McCoy were exchanging dirty looks, Robinson had his back turned to his ex-wife and was staring at the wall, and Smith had regained his composure and was again sipping his soup. Sulu was helping Judy try to bring him off, Scott had his hand up Maureen's shirt, Uhura was explaining her leather 'tools of the trade' back in her quarters to West, and Penny was demonstrating for Chekov just how far it was possible to jam a hand and forearm up one's rectum.

"Who wants some fruit?" asked Kirk.

"I'm a bastard?"

* * * Later after dinner in the library * * *

Professor Robinson sat in front of a small screen checking on all the advancements in relativity. A small smile was on his face.

* * * In Spock's quarters * * *

Spock was meditating in front of his fire pot. On the wall above the pot was the Vulcan IDIC representing his people's most basic belief, Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations. There was a chime at the door, breaking his concentration. It was considered extremely rude to interrupt a Vulcan in meditation, but most humans on the ship didn't understand. Most meant no harm and Spock reminded himself of that fact every time he left the meditative state and answered the door.

"Come," he said, as he pressed a button opening the door.

There stood the Robot.

Spock was taken back a second, wondering why the mechanical man was at his door. "May I help you, B9 unit?"

"I was wondering if you were willing to converse with me a while," it replied in its deep voice.

"Of course, enter," replied Spock, motioning for the Robot to come in.

"I am not disturbing you, am I?" it asked, clicking and clacking away.

"No, not at all. What do you wish to talk about?" asked Spock, his curiosity piqued.

"I wanted to know why you took exception to Doctor Smith insulting me."

"I believed that the insult was needless and uncalled for," replied the Vulcan.

"He does it every chance he gets. Once and a while, I manage to get one of my own back at him, but he always gets the better of me," the B9 replied, sounding morose.

Spock though for a moment and decided to ask a few questions. "Why do you think he insults you all the time?"

"I think he...hates me."

"I doubt that. There may be more going on here than you think. Does he ever talk to you or do you do things together when he doesn't insult you?"

The Robot stood there thinking and then answered, "Affirmative."

"When would that be?"

"I would rather not talk about it," it replied, with a voice half as loud as before.

Spock thought a moment and chose to change tactics. "B9 unit, what is your earliest memory?"

It failed to answer.

"B9 unit, you've been given an order. State what your earliest memory is."

It clinked and clacked and then said just loud enough for only a Vulcan to hear, "I tried to destroy the Jupiter 2."

"Was Doctor Smith an official member of the Jupiter 2 crew?" Spock asked.

"Negative," was its reply.

"How did he get onboard?"

"I do not know," it replied.

Spock stood and faced the Robot. "B9 unit, state your primary function."

It's bubble head extended to its highest point and it stood dead still. "Primary function: Preserve the Robinson family, preserve the Jupiter..." it stuttered and stopped.

Spock watched as the whole demeanor of the Robot changed.

It started again with an emotionless and staggered voice, "Primary function: At exactly sixteen hours after liftoff, destroy the Robinson Family. Destroy the Jupiter 2. Destroy, destroy, destroy the navigation system, destroy the operations system..."

"That's enough," ordered Spock. The robot ceased its recitation.

"What is your earliest memory of Doctor Smith?"

"He was trying to stop me from carrying out my primary function."

"You mean destroying the ship?"

"Yes," the Robot answered.

"B9 unit, as a Vulcan, I have the ability to mind meld with other sentient creatures. Would you mind joining our thoughts?"

"It won't hurt will it?"

"Not at all," Spock replied.

* * * In Sulu's quarters * * *

"So, Judy, what is your position on the Jupiter 2?"

"Like, what's my function?'

"Yes."

"Well, I was to be the first awakened when we reached Alpha Prime, being the suspended animation expert so I could make sure the rest of my family could be revived. That didn't happen, so I kind of became a nobody on the mission. I just started helping my Mother make meals and tidy the ship," she said with a sigh.

"Martha Stewart in space," chided Sulu.

"Kind of," replied Judy, as she fondled a sword hung on the wall.

"It's a beauty, isn't it?" asked Sulu.

"Is it authentic?" Judy asked, tracing the contours of the sheath.

"Aye, it's Samurai," Sulu replied, taking it off the wall and pulling the sword from its sheath.

Judy traced the length and her fingers quivered as her hand met Sulu's at the hilt. "It's so long and hard."

"Yes."

"Its power is great," she said with her mouth close to his.

"Yes."

With her mouth an inch from his, she said, "I've been told I'm a 'hot mamma'. Do men of the 23rd century still...fuck?"

"Yes."

* * * In Chekov's quarters * * *

"Yes, it's very impressive Pavel, but we're going to need something bigger," whined Penny.

"Bigger?" asked Chekov, looking down at himself.

* * * In Engineering * * *

"They're so powerful," cooed Maureen, looking through the grating separating the room from the Impulse engines. They're much more powerful than the engines on the Jupiter 2."

"These are just our sub-light engines. When we really want to get going we use the Warp Drive," slurred Scott while taking another swig of his newest batch.

"Can I have some more of that?" she asked, reaching her hands for the bottle.

"A lady never drinks from the bottle," he said as he made his way for a glass on one of the consoles. He poured her a full glass and handed it to her.

"Thank you, Scotty. Can I see your bagpipes now?"

"Here?" he asked looking down at himself.

"No, in your quarters, silly."

"It's right down the hall," he said, holding her ass as they left the room.

* * * In Sick Bay * * *

"This is truly amazing Doctor McCoy," said Smith checking out the diagnostic beds. "You can monitor every function of a patient while either making a diagnosis, operating, or recovery, without ever moving the patient at all."

"Yes, Starfleet made sure we were up to date on everything before we were sent out. Do you want some of this?" asked McCoy, holding out a flask containing a clear liquid.

"More of the engineer's swill?" growled Smith.

"No, it's wine from our last stop," answered McCoy swirling the liquid around the flask in an enticing manner.

"Goodness gracious me. Of course, thank you Doctor," cooed Smith.

"Call me Leonard. We're both disciples of Hypocrites."

"Ah yes," answered Smith, taking the proffered glass. "Please call me Zachary. I rarely find someone my own age with the same gift of insult I possess."

"It's not hard when you're around Spock as much as I am," McCoy said, handing Smith his wine.

Smith swirled it a bit and took a sip. "Delightful. What kind is it?"

"It's from Rigel IV, the same place as the fruit at dinner."

"I must make it a point to visit there. A planet that can produce such exotic fruits and wines must be a wonderful place to stay."

"Oh, you'd like it all right. It's a resort planet and the women walk around naked from the waist up," chuckled McCoy.

Smith paused in mid sip and then swallowed. "You don't say...how about the men?"

McCoy choked a moment on his wine and then started to laugh. "I guess they do too," he managed to answer.

"Splendid," cooed Smith as a smile crept on his face.

* * * In Uhura's quarters * * *

"Well Major, do you like My leather goods?" asked Uhura as she traced the tip of her whip down the side of his face, past his bound arms, his side, and down his thighs all the way to his bound feet.

West laughed.

"Ticklish, are we?" she asked, running the tip of the whip over the bottom of both feet.

He laughed again, jerking and pulling at his binds.

The hilt of the whip came down hard on his kneecap. "I asked you a question and I expect an answer."

"Ummumm, Uumm, Uum," was his reply.

His other kneecap was struck, harder than the first. "The fact that you're wearing a gag does in no way excuse you from answering My question. You could just nod your head."

He nodded his head several times.

"Good boy. Now how do you like My attire?" she asked, running her hands slowly from her neck, past her naked shoulders, stopping at the top of her black leather and string laced bodice to adjust her cleavage. "You like?"

He nodded his head repeatedly.

She placed a high-heeled boot up on the bunk next to his head with her knee hovering high over his face to give him a good look at her gams as well as a hint to what lay beyond the bodice. "You appear to be a physically fit man. Just how much pain can you withstand?" she asked, withdrawing her boot and circling the bunk. "You appear to be injured recently. What did you do to require stitches on your balls?" she asked, drawing her gloved fingers ever so close to his wound.

He couldn't respond to the question, but he was responding to her touch.

She stepped quickly to the wall, drew her whip and wielded it at his thigh drawing blood. The Major, after a short intake of breath, moaned.

"I didn't give you permission to allow that!" she hissed, pointing to the semi-alert status of his 'mini-major'. "Maybe it's time to go over some rules, Major West. You are in My world. You exist for My amusement and pleasure. Any other preconceived notion you may have had before you entered this room is no longer valid." She walked over to a cat-of-nine-tails hanging on the wall and removed it with her free hand. "I tell you when to talk. I tell you when to laugh, cry, or become aroused." The cat-of-nine-tails came down on his abdomen.

West started pulling on his restraints.

"Don't bother, I'm great at knots." She walked over to the side of the bunk and spoke into his ear. "I was going to go over the 'safe' words with you, but for some reason, you wanted to be gagged," she said and then leaned in even closer. "Personally, I'd rather hear you scream," she whispered, and then stepped back to unleash her whip again.

* * * Somewhere on deck eight * * *

"I'm a bastard?"

* * * In Kirk's quarters * * *

The Captain was sitting at his small desk waiting for a young lab assistant from life science when he received a note on his screen stating that she was canceling their meeting for the evening. Feeling passed over, he called up the off-duty roster and scanned it for names, stopping at one he'd forgotten about.

He cleaned up his appearance in the head, grabbed a bottle of Scotty's engineering essence (which he gave him after dinner) and headed for her quarters.

* * * In the library * * *

Professor Robinson sat in front of a small screen checking on all the advancements in relativity. A small smile was on his face.

* * * In Spock's quarters * * *

"We are one," both Spock and the Robot said in unison. "Your thoughts are my thoughts."

"At exactly sixteen hours after liftoff, destroy the Robinson family, destroy the Jupiter 2. Destroy, destroy, destroy."

Spock shifted his fingers and looked deeper.

"We have a deep rooted family love for the Robinsons, particularly for the boy. We have reserved feelings for the Major. As for Smith, we don't trust him, yet we would give our life for him."

Spock searched the Robot's memory as deep as he could but he couldn't find any conscious memory of Smith sabotaging the Jupiter's mission. If Smith were responsible, he did it before the Robot was fully activated. Spock decided to continue his exploration of the B9's memory banks about Smith.

"How are you today, Doctor Smith?"

"Spare me your babbling you Cackling Canister..."