Still You Want Me Ch. 07

"If you want to stay here for another night, a few nights, a week, or whatever—you're welcome to do so."

"Yeah?"

He looks surprised at the offer.

"Yeah, dude. If you want to stay with your parents, don't let me stop you, but you're also welcome to stay here as long as you want."

He smiles and runs his long fingers through his hair.

"If it's not too much trouble, then yeah, I'd like that."

We sit around most of the morning doing a lot of nothing. Sometimes he talks and I let him use me as a sounding board. I don't say much because I'd rather say nothing than mess up by saying the wrong thing. Sometimes he's silent, and that's okay, too.

Around lunch time, I take him home, drop him off so he can grab his stuff and take his car back to my house. We stop by the market and buy way too much food, then grab a pizza because we're too tired to cook. We end the night by lying on opposite ends of the large couch in the theatre room and watching a movie.

I'm not sure what to do regarding our sleeping situation. I don't want to offer him the guest room, again. I want him to continue sleeping in my bed, but I also don't want to assume he's okay with it and potentially freak him out.

After we decide it's time for bed, I busy myself in the kitchen to wait out his decision. When I think enough time has passed, I go to my room and find Colin lying in my bed.

I say a silent thank you to the man upstairs.

"I hope this is okay? I can sleep in the guest room if you want?"

I simply crawl under the blanket, turn off the lights, and let silence settle over us. I see Colin's phone light up, he picks it up, and sets it back down.

"Jesse landed in Brazil safely."

"That's good."

"Yeah, it is."

He lies on his back and falls asleep quickly. I'm not so lucky, or I am extremely lucky, depending on your perspective. I can't sleep but I have all this time to watch him without fear that he'll catch me. I hear him softly snoring, it's beautiful. I nervously slide my hand across the bed until my finger brushed against his arm and fall asleep caressing the soft skin with my thumb.

* * COLIN * *

"Dad, I'm not going to take time off of work!"

I can't believe I'm having this conversation or that he's trying to pull rank. Dad rubs his jaw in frustration. I can tell he's upset but he's trying to mask the severity.

"Why not? You're obviously upset. Please, take a couple of personal days, they're there for a reason!"

"No, I'm not going to ditch work because my boy—ex-boyfriend hurt my feelings."

I know I'm starting to act like a child and I cross my arms. He's looking at me sympathetically.

"Okay, I can't force you, but I think you should."

My mother is arranging throw pillows on the empty couch when she asks.

"Where are you staying?"

"Charles Gabett's house."

"Oh, great, we love the Gabetts! Charles has been over here a few times. He's wonderful!"

She looks at me with a smirk.

"He's cute and single...and gay!"

"Yes, Mom, I'm aware, but he's only a friend. Actually, he's my best friend, which is why I'm staying with him."

I remember something relevant.

"By the way, my current emotional distress started because you wanted to play matchmaker, so please, stoooop."

She raises her hands in defeat and walks away. Dad casually inquires.

"So, Mr. Gabett is your best friend?"

"Yeah, Dad, he is."

He has one brow raised.

"So, he knows everything?"

"No, he doesn't."

"Hmm."

"Yeah, Dad, I know. I'm planning to tell him, soon. I don't know how he hasn't figured it out, yet. I thought I'd been sold out, for sure, when I did the pitches. So many small things have happened. I think once everyone figures it out, they're going to smack themselves for being blind."

He laughs.

"I'm sure they will. Are you ready to come forward, yet?"

His eyes are shining with hope as I take a deep breath.

"I don't know, almost. Ideally, I'd like to wait a while longer, but if it comes out then there's not much I can do. I'm hoping to tell them, first."

I'm fidgeting with the tassels on one of the throws, it's a habit I picked up as a kid, and something my mom does, too.

"You should tell Charles, soon, since he's your best friend and all."

Dad's giant smile confirms his happiness regarding my new friendship. I didn't have a best friend while growing up, hell, I barely had any friends growing up.

"I know. I'm going to, I promise."

I've been thinking a lot about telling Charlie, I no longer fear that anything will change between us. At this point, I owe him the truth. I don't know that I'm ready to announce it to everyone else, though.

* * *

I don't know what I was expecting. Maybe that life would somehow shift off of its axis and my life would be thrown into an alternate dystopian world? I was prepared for the worst, but it never came. Not really.

I mostly have Charlie to thank for that. He woke up, made us lunches, drove us to work; where no one gawked at me, we went to the gym, we went home, ate dinner, and went to bed.

Rest and repeat. Everyday.

The weeks have passed quickly and I'm surprised how quickly things started to feel normal, more or less. The sadness was intense and consuming, at first, but it's slowly dissipated. I still think about Jesse every day, but the pain that accompanies those thoughts has become inconsequential.

* * *

I'm sitting at Charlie's desk as I normally do during lunch. We eat out once or twice a week, but we bring our lunches most of the time. I feel as though I've domesticated him. When I first met him, he was a free spirit who was always socializing, working, and socializing for work. Now, he spends his Sunday evenings prepping meals, he eats sack lunches, he carpools, and he spends the weekends doing things that don't involve the clubs or hooking up.

I've gotten so comfortable with Charlie and this domestic partnership that we've fallen into. Life is easier when you have someone that anticipates your next move—what you want, what you need, what you desire. Thinking about the intensity of my relationship with Charlie causes a panic within me, I blurt out.

"I think I need to go home."

"Sure thing. Get whatever you need after work and I'll meet you in the garage."

He's still chewing his carrot stick, not realizing what I mean. It's become so normal for me to grab a few things after work and take them to Charlie's.

"I mean, I should move back home. I guess, maybe, move back isn't the correct choice of words since they imply I moved out of my apartment, which I haven't, although it does seem like it. Anyway, I should start staying at my own apartment, again."

I nervously run my fingers across the seal of the sandwich bag. Charlie stops eating and looks at me. His face is unreadable.

"Oh. I mean, sure. Yeah."

He brings another carrot to his mouth and continues.

"That makes sense."

"Charlie, I'd only planned to stay for a week, but tomorrow will be a month since everything happened. I don't think that's what you were agreeing to when I started staying with you."

"I didn't have any time frame in mind. Only whenever you're ready."

"Maybe this weekend? I think I have a lot of stuff at your house. I can pack everything and we can have a relocation celebration? We can go out with Ryan and Quinn?"

"Sure, sounds good."

Neither of us are looking at each other, a sure sign of definite sadness in the air.

"Charlie, why does it feel like the end of an era? It's only been four weeks, is it ridiculous for me to feel sad about this?"

He smiles.

"I get it, I never thought I'd get used to having the same person in my bed every night...I might even miss it."

He smirks.

"I love you, too, Charlie."

This has become a common term of endearment when a conversation might be getting too mushy or one of us is being rude, or a hundred other reasons, or no reason at all.

"Yeah, yeah. Time for work, lover boy. We need to hustle to the gym afterward, you know how Thursdays are."

Charlie picks up our lunch trash and puts both of our containers into one bag to take home as I say.

"You're the best husband ever, Charlie. You treat me so good!"

I blow him a kiss then, suddenly, he smacks the side of my head and pouts before saying.

"Yet, you never put out! I'm going to find someone new and you're going to miss me."

I laugh but it's true! Heck, I'm gonna miss him when I move back home this weekend.

* * *

I'm spotting Charlie as he does his chest press reps and I laugh with amusement.

"You're really wearing that shirt?"

"Of course! This is the best shirt ever and it's a great conversation piece."

As a joke, I bought him a shirt I found on Facebook that says, 'Dwight, you ignorant slut!' I know he's a reformed slut now and this shirt would've been more suiting last year, but it's still funny and he loves it.

He demolished the shirt, though. The sleeves are gone and the sides of the shirt are cut down to his waist, revealing most of his body.

I don't know how it stays on him and, to be honest, it's distracting. It's hard to focus on lifting when there's constant glimpses of his perfect abdominal and back muscles glistening with sweat.

Charlie's a few inches shorter than I, but he's definitely bigger. His shoulders are wider, his legs and arms are stronger, and his abs have significantly more definition than mine. He has one of the best bodies I've ever seen, better than Jesse's.

It's easy to appreciate Charlie's body and appreciate it, I do! His work suits are tailor made to perfectly fit his body. At the gym, he's sweaty and his muscles are constantly rippling and, often times, his shorts show more than they should, and at home? At home, he doesn't even try to hide. He practically walks around naked. In fact, I've seen him naked several times. I try very hard not to notice, but god he's beautiful! It's easy to feel completely inadequate while next to him.

I may not be interested in him, other than a friend, but I still appreciate everything about him.

"Hurry up! I have to piss, bad."

I swear he's doing the slowest reps in the world. Finally, he finishes the last rep.

"Okay, fine. I'm going to get a drink of water and I'll meet you over there."

He's pointing toward the leg press so I shoot him a thumbs up and jog to the restroom.

When I return, I see him talking to another brunette. The guy has his hand on Charlie's arm and is laughing flirtatiously. Instantly, I'm filled with...jealousy? No, a little frustration, maybe? I don't know, but I don't like what's happening and when I see Charlie smile back at him, I'm surprised that I feel hurt.

At the gym, Charlie is my husband so that must be why I'm reacting this way. Shorty McDouchebag over there should know he's flirting with a taken man and therefore needs to keep his hands off. I pull myself together and walk toward them, struggling to keep myself under control. I smile at Charlie.

"Hey, baby! Are you ready to finish?"

Then I look at Shorty.

"Who's the new friend?"

Who am I? What am I doing?

Charlie seems more shocked than I am. Usually, he's the one who relentlessly teases me when we're here. Charlie smirks at me and then looks at Shorty.

"I don't actually know."

"I'm Lukas, I was telling Charlie here—"

"It's Charles, unless you're his husband?"

I look at him, questioningly, he hesitates for a moment then shakes his head no, and I politely smile.

"Okay, then! It's Charles."

"Sorry, I was telling—Charles—that I like his shirt because it's funny. I'm a big fan of The Office, myself."

He smiles at Charles, again. I huff out a sarcastic response.

"That's nice."

Ugh. I want to rip this guys throat out, does he have any class?!

I turn my attention to Charlie.

"Are you ready, baby? You know how Thursday's are."

I wink, showing him it's all fun and games. Just playful teasing, at least, that's what I tell myself.

After Shorty is out of range, Charlie says.

"You can retract your claws now."

I look at him with as much innocence as I can muster.

"What?"

I smile as I adjust the weights on the machine.

"Charlie, everyone knows we're married. He's a jerk to flirt. Can you try to focus on me instead of Shorty McFlirt over there? I don't want the weights to fall and crush me because you're too busy ogling some twink with a bad haircut."

Why do I sound so fucking jealous? I need to calm the fuck down. I take a deep breath, willing my blood pressure to return to normal.

He playfully kisses my forehead and speaks loud enough to get Shorty's attention.

"I love you, too, baby! I have eyes only for you!"

We finish working out and I re-rack some of the weights while Charlie waits for me against the wall. I notice Shorty eyeing him as he starts to saunter towards him. He's a fucking dog with a bone that doesn't belong to him.

I move quickly, again, taking myself by surprise. Without thinking things through, I stand in front of Charlie and push him against the wall with my body. I see Shorty, from the corner of my eye, stop in his tracks.

Damn straight. Walk the fuck away.

I run my hands up Charlie's stomach and lift his shirt as I go, I growl.

"You're so hot when you wear this shirt."

It's true, this shirt is fucking hot on him.

Then I kiss him on the lips. It's only a chaste kiss, but a fucking kiss—on the lips! I smack his ass for good measure. Fuck! Why can't I can't stop myself?

"Alright, let's hit the showers, baby!"

I look over at Shorty McUglyface and wink.

He's married, bitch!

Charlie's laugh echoes through the gym.

"What the fuck was that?"

"What? You do it all of the time. Consider it a favor. You're welcome."

"I'm not complaining, but it was funny. I like a jealous husband, it makes me feel loved."

He jokingly kisses my cheek. I look over at Twink McTrashy to see if he's watching, he is, so I smile.

"What favor should I consider this, anyway?"

"I was running interference because he was totally hitting on you!"

He laughs louder.

"What if I wanted him to hit on me?"

I hadn't thought of that. I mean, it never crossed my mind.

"Oh! So, did you?"

My stomach feels like it's turning inside out.

"No, but still, you did cock block me."

Charlie puts his arm around my waist and walks me to the locker rooms, but not before he winks at Shorty McDoesnt-have-a-chance.

* * *

We're lying in bed. It's our last night together before I go back to my apartment.

"Thank you."

He mumbles.

"Huh? For?"

I sarcastically respond.

"For the last month? For everything? Do you want me to make a list of specifics?"

"Yeah, that'd be good."

I can hear his smile as he mumbles and I punch his arm.

"I'm trying to be sincere here."

He laughs and pushes me back.

"What? You're the one who offered."

I reply loudly.

"I was only trying to tell you I appreciate everything you've done!"

I roll over and try to pin him to the bed.

"For letting me stay at your house!"

"For a month!"

We start wrestling around on the bed. I know Charlie can take me, but I'm not gonna let it be easy for him.

"For packing my fucking lunches, you son-of-a-bitch!"

We start laughing as we wrestle around on the bed.

"For driving me to fucking work!"

"And for or washing my clothes!"

I have him on his stomach with his arms behind his back.

"For singing, Stand by Me, during Karaoke!"

"For keeping me busy!"

Somehow, he rolls over onto his back and, while still under me, wraps his arm around my waist and plants his face onto my stomach as he tries to flip me.

"For cooking damn good food every night!"

He flips me over so I'm on my back and he has my hands pinned above me as he straddles my hips. I yell up to him.

"For making sure I didn't die!"

"For fucking taking care of me, you fucking stupid fuck face!"

I can barely yell anymore because I'm laughing so hard.

"Is that enough of a list or should I continue?!"

I chuckle.

"No, that's okay. I get it."

He relaxes and softly laughs.

"I love you, too."

It's dark so I can't see his face too well, but I know he's smiling.

"Damn straight."

We're silent for a while, he still has my arms pinned above my head, eventually he falls sideways onto his back and we both lay sweaty and out of breath. I look over at Charlie and he looks at me, staring at each other in the dim lit room. I smile at him, thankful for everything, and he returns the smile. I feel my body flush with desire and I'm overwhelmed with the urge to kiss him, for real this time. I'm sure it stems from a deep need to thank him for everything, I think.

I sit up on my elbow and look down at Charlie, his chest is still rising and falling quickly from the wrestling match. I feel myself being pulled towards him and I do nothing to stop it. I mean, what's the worst that could happen? Ruin our friendship?

Oh God. I could ruin our friendship. What the fuck am I doing?! I quickly recover and punch him playfully in the shoulder.

"I'm serious dude, thanks for everything."

He looks confused or maybe a little disappointed and says.

"Yeah. No problem."

He pulls the covers over his body and rolls away from me. I don't remember him ever sleeping with his back towards me. Fuck! Maybe he realized that I was going to kiss him and now he's all freaked out. Thank fucking God I didn't, crisis averted!

I watch the back of Charlie's head and his big strong shoulders. I think about the last seven months and how close we've gotten and how wonderful Charlie is. I loved Jesse but now that we're not together, and I have a more objective view, maybe it wasn't as good as I thought? He was great, but compared to Charlie?

Not even close.

I need to pull my shit together before I destroy our friendship.

* * CHARLES * *

"I think this is everything."

Colin is walking around our bedroom looking for anything he might have left behind.

Sorry, my bedroom, not ours.

I'm sitting on the bed and watching him as he gets ready to walk out of my life. Maybe that's not exactly what's happening, but if he thinks I'm going to help him pack, he has another thing coming. I might be acting a little dramatic, but his leaving feels pretty shitty.

I do help load a few things into his car. It's basically three trash bags of laundry, a stack of garment bags for his work suits and shirts, a box of shoes, miscellaneous items, and a bag of his toiletries. It feels like a lot of stuff. My house is going to be empty.

"Okay, that's everything!"

He shuts the back hatch on his car and smiles at me.

"Thanks again for everything, you're the best friend a guy could have."

He wraps me in a big embrace.

Who has two thumbs and has mastered the Friend Zone? This guy!

I hug him back because—well, because I want to.

"Tonight, right?"

I nod to confirm.

"Awesome! I'm done feeling sorry for myself and I'm ready for my 're-releasing into the wild' party. It's time to move on!"

He does a little celebratory shimmy dance.

Cool. Sweet. Awesome. Can't wait.

I close his door and wave him off.

"Drive safe!"

I watch him drive out of my life. Whatever, that's what it feels like.

* * *

I look at Ryan and Quinn with the most pathetic look ever.

"Just shoot me, please!"

Colin's on the dance floor with the fourth guy of the night and it's hard to watch.

"Stop bitching and go dance with him. The only reason Colin's out there with him is because you're here—at the table!"

Quinn yells before taking a drink from his glass.

"You guys have been in this strange vortex of isolation. You two spend ALL of your time together."

Ryan rolls his eyes at me.