Story of April

With that Steven turned around. He walked out at the next bus stop. The bus stop was in a no man's land. A park was there, not a pretty city recreation park. Abandoned weeds and trees that had grown on their own for years provided a maize of hiding places for people and the broken beer bottles that they brought. A few times a year, the police would come with water pressure machines to flush everyone out of the park. For the rest of the year, the wild kids and young not-so-grownups had the run of the place.

You could get everything in that park that your parents didn't want you to get. Everyone shared Marijuana there. You could walk up to any fire circle after dawn, join, and enjoy a joint. If you got in with the tough class mates from school, you'd still experience the giddiness about doing something illegal. If you got in with the kids in college and vocational school, you'd get to hang out in a group that was much too used and bored with getting high.

Of course, there were also specialized groups. Ask around and find the right group to get access to hard drugs. But beware, some of them don't have anything to lose in the way of grades. They break out real fights that end up in hospitals. They can take whatever is on your body without reproach by anyone. How can you proof to the police that the jacket is yours, when it is your word against theirs? When you run with the wolves, you gotta become a wolf.

There are also the specialist groups that know how to tattoo with a regular office pen and a disposable lighter. There is a hardcore group that does piercings. Nobody from the city talks to them. But, once in a while piercing masters from other cities come to study with them. There are the musician groups that drum or play guitar. Basically, you can get all the cool stuff that a teenager would want in an atmosphere of danger.

And, danger there is. Once you strip away the middle class kids in punk costumes and look in the shade, there are real adults. Those adults are not there, because they find the scene cool. They washed out from society and are hiding. They switch between supplying drugs and illegal goods to psychotic rages to hiding in the dirt under a bush for days.

That's were Steven left the bus. That was his world. And, he was one of the princes of that world.

The bus spilled April out at the front steps of the church. The church was a modern looking building with big blocky concrete. Only a couple discrete crosses gave away the function of the building. Inside the meeting room, the girls welcomed her warmly with hugs and kisses. The boys were on the opposite side of the room. The adult leaders were busy organizing their notes and posters.

One of the girls excitedly grabbed April's hand and pulled her away to the bathroom. She was welcomed into the inner circle of the cool girl's in bible study. They were chattering about who would dare to wear the shortest skirt. Of course wearing a mini-skirt was frivolous. However, wearing a short skirt showed being progressive.

For a lack of ruler, the leader girl of the group took a tissue paper and folded it two times in the same direction. "Okay, that's about an inch." Then, she measured the distance from her knee to her skirt line. It was a blue fluffy skirt. She measured three inches. The toilet paper was passed around. The next girl tried pulling her skirt a little higher to gain a quarter inch or so. April was leading with the second longest distance between the knee and the skirt's hem line. She was happy about the attention and status that she gained.

The girl with the longest hem line felt sore about losing out. Victoria was the oldest girl in the group and had been with the church, when the old pastor was still there. She was used to being considered as a leader. Victoria was a little plumb with a mouth that had big lips that always gave her a look as if she were sulking. She had a jewelry hair pin in her hair that was equally old fashioned and elegant. Her clothes were usually a fashion season or two behind. Not only were her parents on the poor side, she also had no sense of fashion. Yet, she was respected, because she was the oldest.

"Modesty rules. You are all tempting the men of our congregation in your frivolous way. A woman has to cover herself up at all times to help the men stay on their righteous course."

"Crossing the legs and sitting down straight has to become second nature. As a practice exercise, I am not going to wear any panties under my skirt. That way, I have to be really careful to perfectly move like a lady."

That said, Victoria reached under her fluffy skirt to pull her panties over down to where they would drop on the floor on their own. Her high heels with the big straps and buckle stood in between the two circles that her panties made. The floor was spick-and-span clean from the devoted church volunteers that cleaned daily.

Victoria bent over to pick up her panties. For a lack of a purse, she stuffed them inside of her large bra. Then, she smiled, crossed her knees, and made a little squat like a beauty contestant.

After a pregnant pause, the other leader of the group, dropped her panties as well. Then, everyone followed in a mad scuffle. A wall flower had really risqué panties from Victoria Secrets. One girl had little girl panties with happy cow faces printed on white cotton. It was time to leave. And, they all strutted out together.

April felt so self conscious. Not only did she were a skirt with no panties, but there was also a deep slit at the front of her skirt. She could felt her buttocks touching the soft fabric of the skirt. She could feel at the very bottom of her coolness and freedom from the air drafts that caressed her down there. Paranoia made her carefully look at the gazes of the young men and church leaders in the room. Like the other girls, she had her knees tightly crossed. And, she kept them there despite the upper leg falling asleep with tingling. She might fall, if she'd try to stand up now.

The room was decorated like a den to make it more welcoming for the young adults. Low couches lined the wall of the room, where everybody sat. There were no tables or rows of chairs to hide the hips under or behind. Everyone could look at everyone. A nice sound system played the Christian music songs that they sang along with. Colorful large sheets of paper had snap shots from group trips taped to them. Cheerful motivational posters reminded everyone to do their best.

During the break, Bob approached April. Bob was in his thirties. He had blond hair and a Jesus beard. He wore a neat shirt that lovingly curved his big gut. A little bit of baby throw up on his shoulder and the sandals finished his father look.

"Silent waters are deep waters. I always belief that there is something special to you, because you are quieter than everyone else, April."

"I know that you are really motivated to lead one of our evenings. As a practice, to get your ready for that, would you be willing to lead the prayer today? We are going to talk about forgiveness today. And, we are looking for a confessional type prayer that really stands out as an example for our friends to follow."

"The talk will talk about how Jesus told us to love our enemies as much as ourselves or even more. Can you be that strong person that shows us, how to love our enemies so much in a personal prayer with god?"

"Of course, Bob. It would be such a delight. I am so glad that you are thinking of me!"

Bob turned around to resume his seat from where he presided with a stack of handouts for later. April's mind busily wordsmithed her prayer. She only took in the talk in passing. What would be the biggest enemy in her life? What would be the biggest thing that she could do to love that enemy?

By the time that it was April's turn, the room had grown heavy and solemn. Some of the study participants hunched over with folded hands. Others leaned back with their palms raised to the sky. Some boy eyes kept squinting around the room, if any of the girls in skirts would move her legs. The room suddenly felt dark like the middle of night.

April leaned forward: "Oh, dear lord, how often do I forget in the moment that you love everyone just as much as much. How can I hate or fight against, what you love? Today, a girl in school did something really awful to me. And, I tried to fight her for it. But now as I sit in your light, I realize how small minded and full of anger I was. Please, forgive me. Help me! Guide me to feel my heart filling of love for that class mate. Help me see her side of the story, because everything is a two way street. However, evil we think other people treat us, that's how they feel that we treat them. Lord, give me the strength to talk to that girl in class first thing on Monday to ask her for forgiveness for my selfish actions. Amen."

Amens and hallelujahs resounded through the room. Someone threw a box of tissues to April. Everyone got up and shuffled out of the door for post-meeting ice cream at a close by ice cream store.

An old, dark alley was a short cut to the ice cream place. Jennifer strutted ahead. Jennifer was this young girl that only recently joined us. Her parents moved from a pretty rural place. So, she was playing catch up on the things that city girls did. She strutted in high heels with a lot of self consciousness. Her feet wobbled in the high heels. Her legs were long and slender, a 5' 8" girl in high heels. She seemed like bambi, as vulnerable and innocent. The boys were too cool to notice, but the girls giggled behind her.

Jonathan was a bumbling young man with a head overgrown by brown hair. His head looked like a plant that had grown out of control and was than half killed by a lack of watering. Jonathan caught up with Jennifer to make sure that he would sit next to her in the ice cream place. He didn't say much, but hi and how do you like it on your second week. Jennifer would politely reply and move away a little bit.

Ahead of the ice cream place, Jonathan sped up to open the door for Jennifer. He held his forearm out to be gallant and help Jennifer up the steps. Jennifer afraid to offend him and touch him, laid her hand as briefly and tentatively as possible on his forearm, while her head move away from him with big eyes. Jonathan looked obviously at Jennifer's butt as she walked inside. One of the funnier guys playfully snipped Jonathan in the general area of his groin to point out Jonathan's horniness.

Jennifer carefully closed up on April to silently plead for a rescue from Jonathan. All three ended up sitting around a table on high stools. Their cups with ice cream was in front of them. Jonathan immediately finished his vanilla ice cream. Jennifer coyly shaped the ice cream smooth over and over with her spoon. April tried asking Jennifer questions about the place that she had moved from. Jonathan was over eager to join the conversation with the quiet Jennifer.

In a moment of silence, April was thinking about her lack of underwear and how it was the first time. She kept the meat of her thighs pressed together tied. She could feel the crumbled fabric of her panties under her bra. It was quite a sensual experience. It felt so daring and transgressive. She wanted to have an adventure. Yet, there was only dull Jonathan and withdrawn Jennifer.

The ice cream session ended. Everyone walked in their own directions towards their homes. April felt good about the day and in a bit of a frisky mood. She had led the prayer. She had her ice cream. She had gained status in the group with her skirt. She had this daring sensation in her body from the no panties secret.

After a solemn walk through the dark night from the bus stop to her house, she entered the house quietly. Her step dad was still watching a soccer game on TV. She said 'hi' in a friendly voice, as she remembered treat others as you like to be treated yourself. Her step dad waved 'hi.'

Everything was good until she meet her step father again in the kitchen to get a drink of water for the night. He eyed her carefully. He looked back into the refrigerator with no more beer left.

"You know, you are beautiful. Physically, you have grown very well. But that's not all. Also, how you treat people has become very beautiful. You greet people nicely at church. You even baked cookies for your aunt."

"All that beauty that you display is just a show. It's a show to cover up how selfish you are. You only think about yourself and what you have to do that nobody finds out. I don't mean to hurt you with this. But, as your father, someone who really knows you, I have to tell you."

"When is the last time that you cooked food for the family? Your mother cooks every day. You cook zero days. We put up everything for you. And, you just take, take, and take. We paid every family vacation for you without asking for anything. You just come with your pretty smile and say thank you."

"Do you realize how much you are hurting the people around you? You never think about that, do you, because you always think about yourself and how to be beautiful."

"It is time that you become responsible. It is now one month after your 18th birthday. From now on, you pay a quarter of the rent. That is $400 every month."

"But, I don't have a job. I have to go to school. I have to study for this big test. I am already at the risk of failing class."

"Do you see how often you said 'I' in that sentence? That shows you what a selfish and spoiled brat you are."

"But parents are supposed to take care of their children. My friend Victoria got a car as an 18th birthday gift."

"Now, you are thankless for all the things that we have given you. Go up to your room and think about that!"

April walked to her room sobbing. The moonlight touched her room with a soft light. Her stuffed animals were no longer sleeping in her bed. They were now on the couch opposite to her bed. She could make them out in the black and white lighting of the moon. They used to be her guardians, when she was little. She believed that in a time of danger, the inanimate stuffed animals could become alive and coral around her for protection. Her head was on the pillow with which she had once tried to suffocate herself. Next to her bed was a metal box, which she had once tried to fill to the brim with her tears.

She pulled her panties out of her bra. What seemed then exciting, seemed now ridiculous and stupid. She took her blouse and skirt to crawl under the sheets. The sheets felt cool, crisp, and cozy. She nourished herself while sobbing until she eventually fell asleep from emotional exhaustion.

Around midnight, she woke up to fully prepare herself for bed with brushing her teeth and combing her hair. Before she left the bathroom, she thought for a moment about what she had to do next. She was clearly no longer wanted in this house. She picked up the toothbrush and comb to hide it under her pajamas to smuggle them into her room.

She emptied her sport bag with the cute monkey tied to the zipper. She put in a second set of clothes and her school notebooks. Then, April quietly tiptoed towards the front door. She was like on needles, so afraid was she to get caught now. She opened the door as slow as possible to mute the clicks in the lock. Once she was out in the cool night air, she started running and running. The empty sidewalk of the night carried her steps as starkly evident as the first brush stroke on an empty canvas.

When her lungs started screaming and her heart banging, she slowed down to a walk. Did she make a mistake? No, she would never go back to admit that it were a mistake to leave. She kept walking down the street. She felt despaired about finding food for the weekend. She had only $15 pocket money in her purse. A subcompact car swooshed past her with the morning news paper delivery. It felt good to be out and free. Things could only get better without her step father.

The park drew her closer and closer. She had seen people sleeping there. She would probably find her own bush to hide behind. When she reached the boundary of the park, her heart was pounding. There were no bon fires tonight, because most of the youths had been watching a big game with friends. It was the first time that it seemed she had the park to herself.

Her feet stepped onto the sandy dirt. She found her way around the scruffy plants. She stepped over burned coal and refuse. The almost full moon painted everything bright. She did not want to be seen by old homeless guys. So, she tried to stay in the bushy areas. Most of the homeless tended to sleep under the trees near the factory, because there was a lot of visible coverage. So, she had to take a spot not as good as those to find good sleeping. At the margin of the park, she found a low bush that nobody would pick, yet covered her completely. She found a discarded rubber tire to use as a pillow.

She tried to clear the area, where she lied down. There were no glass shards left. However, there was no way to manage all the pebbles, rock, and dried vegetation pieces. There was also no way of telling, if someone had peed there or emptied a beer bottle into the ground. The ground was hard. Her sleep arrived just as hard and fast from all the exhaustion.

Right at sunrise, she raised her head to peek out from her hiding bush. Around her was the same struggling mix of bushes, grasses, and trees as always. There was no sign of people. Good. She crawled out and snapped her book bag on. She wanted to use the common aversion to mornings among the party crowd to her advantage.

She walked over to the factory. The factory was a large compound with buildings, towers, and storage lots. Nobody remembered what the factory used to do. The rust on all the metal showed how long ago the factory was active. The metal link fence around the factory had many unrepaired holes. April infiltrated. She was aware of the danger of being caught by the wrong person in this place, where nobody would hear her screams.

She carefully walked up a metal fire escape with her heart being ready to explode any moment. There were large holes in the metal sheets of the stair case. The second floor had what she was looking for. A long hallway was filled with rotten stuff. Couches had the upholstery completely rotten away to expose the rusted and broken springs. People had covered the couch with fresher looking empty chips plastic bags. Doors fallen out of their frames lighted up the hallway.

At the end of the hallway and a few turns, there was the men's group shower room. The city had forgotten to turn of the water to it. The youths would sometimes play with the water in it. For April, it was now a chance to do her basic hygiene, so that people couldn't tell that she was living in the street.

The showers had round metal faucets. Half the room was wrecked. Debris covered the floor. She would not take of her shoes, at least not in the first days. She got her tooth brush out and brushed away her morning breath. Then, she let all the brown junk water run out, before the clean water followed. She used that to wash her face. She didn't want to wash more, but her arm pits smelled rancid.

She looked around herself. Some holes in the room showed the cloudy sky. Big sections of the wall opened into the next room, which was covered with building debris. The door behind her was missing, yet the hallway had a quick turn to make her less exposed. Rust brown water lines had formed on the floor. She kicked a few broken glass shards out of the way.

Okay, she had to bundle up her nerves and do it. She slipped out of her clothes, carefully piling them onto her bag to avoid contact with the filthy floor. There was only cold water. She controlled her shriek of getting the full country club load of cold water splashing onto her naked body. She got her hair wet and figured that as it was wet, she may as well shampoo it. Her skin was fair. Her body was slender and would have fit onto Playboy pages. There she was alone and nobody could see her. It felt daring, kind of like skinny dipping.