Strange Love

I scanned the bar. It was cozy, but somehow I felt even more out of place than if I was in one of the buzzing nightclubs. A few of the men at the bar looked up towards me and smiled. I heard the rush of the wind behind me and a huff of breath. "God, it's freakin' cold out there."

I turned my gaze from the many eyes and peeked around at my friend as she unraveled the scarf from around her neck. She glanced up at me like I had offended her, "what'd I say?"

"Nothing. I just don't want to be here." I ran my hand through my brown hair and tossed it behind my shoulder. The men, mostly older, and looking as if they had grown up as lumberjacks and construction workers, seemed to have their interest piqued by us. Obviously girls were not commonly seen in this establishment.

"You said after I was done with my book signing we could come out and have a drink. Get out instead of being stuck in that hotel." Anna whined a little. I knew I had been difficult of late. The constant nagging that we were always being watched had made me nervous to even be outside of the hotel room. Even in the hotel room, I had the nagging feeling that the walls had eyes and we were being watched somehow on the fifth story.

"I know and that's why we're here." I agreed. I spotted a table in the corner of the room, and with eyes zeroed in on that spot, ignored the stares.

Anna, my blond, forever friend sighed as she tried to keep pace. "Are you worried still?"

She didn't exactly believe we were being watched. I mean, why should she? We were in Portland, Oregon one of the most crime free cities in America. It was a rather large city, so it wasn't unlikely that outsiders would be amidst the locals. There was nothing uncommon with our appearance: we dressed like regular small town girls and our complexion was fair against the always-blustery wind. We were hardly flashy or exotic looking. The only strange thing was that we always seemed to pick restaurants and bars where everyone knew each other. Besides the fact that Anna didn't believe my nonsense anxiety, she never ignored it or attempted to make me feel foolish.

"A bit." I sat down and slid my black coat from my shoulders. It slid behind me and offered a bit more cushion to my back.

"There's no one scary in here." She whispered. I stifled my smile and the urge to mention the lumberjacks ogling us, but thought better of it.

"I know. I'm fine. Now let's just have some fun." I forced a smile, which wasn't quite so difficult. I wanted to have some fun just as much as she did. Fear had pulled me to this bar. It was closest to our hotel, besides the one in the lobby, and I felt a bit more comfortable closer to our sanctuary than driving further away.

Anxiety had always been a problem in my life, but it was hardly ever an issue once we had gone on vacation and got to our destination, but for some reason fear was crippling me more than usual.

At the multitude of book signings, events, and sightseeing we had done since getting into Portland, I felt the urge to crawl back under my blankets every day. The world seemed dark, as my senses zeroed around me, attempting to find what was bothAnnag me. Nothing was ever there, nothing ever jumped out at me.

We would be leaving in a few days and my body relaxed at just the thought of leaving this peaceful and terrifying city.

I looked across the table at Anna who smiled up at the waiter as he bustled in front of us with a wine list and a listing of their most popular cocktails. "I'll have the Sunset Cosmopolitan."

I glanced over the list of cocktails and spotted the one drink that sounded good to me, "I'll have the Volcanic Thunder."

We normally never drank, but we had heard so much about the cocktails in Portland, that our curiosity got the better of us and forced us back onto the streets and into this small den. The walls were paneled with wood, and the lights slightly dimmed, but around me, I felt my senses growing acutely aware of the eyes on me again.

As if feeling the same thing on her back, Anna uneasily turned in the same direction my eyes shot to. "Oh my God." She let out an exasperated sigh.

I too felt the same reaction, but was more relieved to know that this time, I was not insane. Across the room, in another corner sat three men. Quickly my eyes burned over each one. The first was undeniably a "beefcake". His hair was dark blond and slightly curled, but cropped short. Under his gray Henley were rippling muscles that even the thermal material couldn't hide. His top two buttons were undone, and offering a view at an extremely sculpted collarbone. His smile was bright and wide and showed off a perfect row of teeth. He was obviously laughing at something one of the other two men had said, but his eyes were smoldering in our direction.

The second man was pale, with cheeks stained with red. His eyes, maybe blue, were trained on me particularly. He barely smiled, but seemed to be playing with a coy curl with the corner of his lips. His golden hair was disheveled and looked as if he had been running his hands through it. His body was slender but covered with a blue and black flannel shirt, obviously fighting the cold weather as much as Anna and I were. Just peeking from underneath the collar was a black undershirt, meant to be a second layer for warmth, not to be seen. His lips were full and slightly flushed from the intake of alcohol.

The third man... I paused and glanced between the two men whose eyes still remained fixed on our table. There was a third man there. Wasn't there? When my eyes settled over the chair where the third man had been sitting, there was no one there, not even a glass for his drink. I broke my eyes away from where another man should be and glanced at Anna who was obviously amused by my blatant staring.

"Were there three of them there?" I asked quickly.

"What?" She seemed confused.

"I swear there were three guys sitting at that table." I looked back, but still only the two men remained, the disheveled man still staring happily.

"Yeah there were." She paused and my attention was brought back to her. Her brow furrowed as she thought, "but I thought I was imagining it." She turned back around to glance at the guys. She lifted her hand to wave, but stopped before it made it far from the tabletop. "Must've been a trick with the lights." She assured herself more than me. But she had to have been right.

She turned back to me as the waiter brought us our drinks. She let out a nervous giggle as she slid the straw between her lips. "Are these the two that have been following us?" I shrugged, still unable to process what I had just seen, "We could only be so lucky. They're hot!" She nearly squealed and then contained herself back into her drink.

Both men had looked away and were deep in conversation when my eyes fixed back to them. I finally relaxed, having the feeling of someone watching finally off of my shoulders. I took a long drag from the pineapple and cherry drink. It cooled my now burning throat. The one glanced at me from the corner of his eyes, and the painted red on his cheeks began to brush deeper down to his jaw line. His eyes darted back to his companion faster than they had looked at me.

"They are really good looking." I barely made audible. Anna smiled and peeked back over her shoulder.

"Stop that. They'll see." I urged her. I almost hoped they would see, but we were hardly their types.

I glanced back over the disheveled one. I never knew a lumberjack could be quite so tempting. I was suddenly having a greater appreciation for the great outdoors and any tree that that man would throw his body against.

"Hey, how come you can keep looking?" Anna was almost euphoric, giggling.

"Because they can't tell I'm staring." I reminded her. She smirked and took another glance over her shoulder. This time the beefcake caught her looking and grinned.

"Did he just smile at me?" She giggled again, her sanity on the brink. I was a little surprised, Mr. Beef wasn't her type, really, but anyone would be dazzled by that smile.

Before I could answer her, I noticed the beefcake motion to the waiter. The waiter looked in our direction and nodded, heading back towards the bar.

I scrunched my eyes, willing my ears to hear from this distance. I suddenly felt burning on the back of my ears as if I was being watched again. I turned to see that there was a window directly behind my back. The wind whipped trees and bushes around, but still, no one was there.

"Excuse me. The gentlemen over at the far table wanted me to bring you a couple of more drinks," He stopped and set two more drinks down in front of us. Both Anna and I turned our gaze to where the two men sat, watching with raised eyebrows and smiles curling their lips. "And they wanted to know if they could join you?"

Anna's head whipped towards me, her mouth dropped open and eyes wide. "Thank you." I smiled back to the waiter, who obviously was uncomfortable with what they had asked him to do. Yes, many girls did not come in here.

Anna turned and nodded to the other table without my approval. Obviously she was in tune with me when she turned and frowned, "is it okay?"

"Obviously!" I rolled my eyes at her. The two men stood, the beefcake a bit taller than the disheveled lumberjack. The beefcake picked up a bottle of beer and carried it with him, while the lumberjack brought over a glass that looked like a rum and coke.

The bar was small, so even though Anna and I both held our breath the whole time we waited, it was only a few strides dodging tables until they came to our table.

All eyes seemed to be on us. Even the waiter and the bartender seemed interested in our exchange. This kind of exchange never happened in here either, obviously. Some of the men smiled at what was in their eyes, young love, while others looked even more disgruntled from their lonely lives being drained into a glass.

"Hi my name is Seth, this is Nicholas." The lumberjack spoke with an alarmingly soft and tender Irish accent. He reached his hand out to shake both of ours, his hand was warm, and his handshake softer than firm.

The beefcake apparently named Nicholas didn't have an Irish accent, but was obviously just as gentle. "I hope we're not interrupting anything?"

They pulled the chairs out between us and sat down, drinks still in hand. "No, of course not. We're just unwinding from a long day."

"You're from around here?" Seth asked from my right.

"No, actually we're from New York. Anna's a writer and has been signing books for hours." Nicholas, for some reason, instinctively looked down at Anna's hand, which had been curled into a ball since the handshake.

"What do you write?" Seth asked. I sighed when his attentions faded from me. I took a deep inaudible breath, trying to keep my composure. It was silly really. Even though we didn't shun them, men never seemed to advance on Anna or I. This conversation with two extremely attractive guys had to have been the first in a long time, and never with them initiating the contact. I was aware of their eyes burning into my skin and suddenly noticed the three of them staring at me.

"I'm sorry?" I asked, obviously they had asked me something.

"What do you do?" Nicholas asked, I'm guessing for a second time.

"I'm her editor, and kind of agent. I'm better at organizing than her, so I always set up the meet-and-greets and the hotel arrangements." I felt a blush rise on my cheeks to meet Seth's painted cheeks.

"That sounds hard. My agent always seems stressed." Seth shifted in his seat, attempting to get more comfortable.

Without thinking I slurped down my drink and took a hold of my next glass. "Not really. It's fun." I paused. "Your agent?"

Nicholas rolled his eyes and I noticed the discomfort that suddenly overcame Seth.

"Oh- um-" He fought for his words, "I'm an actor."

"And a showoff evidently." Nicholas teased and took another swig of his beer.

"Oh really? Anything we may have seen?" Anna shamelessly asked.

"Um-" Seth sputtered. He looked over Anna and then myself, possibly to check for recognition.

"He was inDark World. He played John Davies." Nicholas gloated on behalf of Seth.

"Oh!" Both Anna and I exclaimed. Seth shied away and then calmed, possibly remembering he was the one who came over to us.

"We're filming the movieBlood Scentright now. It'll be coming out in theaters June 4th." Nicholas continued, a walking advertisement.

"Who are you playing?" I asked Seth. I had read the book once on a vacation. The book was one from a series about a clan of vampires who were trying to find their vampiress queen who had been killed and was reincarnated as a human. The final two books had not been published yet.

"Lucian." He ran his hands through his hair and sighed lightly. Lucian was the ex-lover of the queen. He was supposed to be handsome, old fashioned, and the perfect hero.

Both Anna and I grinned, "You'll be perfect." I hadn't realized it was my own voice until Anna giggled quietly.

"And you?" Anna asked Nicholas.

"Remus." He smirked, as if that was a bigger honor.

My eyes turned back to Nicholas; of course he was playing Remus, big and muscular as he was. Remus was supposed to be the sidekick to the hero, the tough man who took care of all of the problems. Anna's eyes were glued to him as if she was memorizing something about his face. Maybe his smallish nose? Or maybe his green eyes? I couldn't be sure, but as she drank her cosmo, she slowly became intoxicated, not just with her drink, but with Nicholas's good looks. But every time she would smile, he would smile in return, as if they were having a private conversation.

I sucked down my volcanic whatever and nodded when the waiter asked if I'd like another. Time and time again I would feel eyes on me and turn around to look out the window, only to notice that it was Seth looking at me. Now that he was closer I could see how cold his eyes really were. They weren't blue, but an icy gray. Even when he tried to give me sweet smiles and make them appear tender, they still were gray like ice. They were flecked like a pond covered in ice, lighter bubbles just beneath the surface showing intense life underneath it.

"So what's Cork like?" I asked Seth. I loved his accent, and the more I drank, the less afraid to speak to him I was.

"A lot like this. Cold, windy, rainy. Sun sometimes." He rolled his shoulders and ran his hand through his hair again.

"I meant life?" I noticed my 'L' hang on for just a bit too long. Was I drunk? I had to suppress a giggle at the thought.

Anna's eyes flickered to mine. Her face was flushed red, her lips were swollen, and her eyes were glassy. I wondered if Nicholas's missing hand was doing something to her under the table, or if she was beginning to feel the effects of her fourth drink like I was.

Seth had slammed back just as many drinks as I had, and God only knew how many prior to our arrival, yet he seemed coolheaded. I knew I must've looked the same as Anna, wedid notknow how to hold our liquor.

"Busy. People are much friendlier in Ireland than America, but we brood on things more." He chuckled. Nicholas had slugged back the last of his beer and held his hand up for another round. He was a big boy and was probably holding his own better than any of us.

"Nick- let them take a minute." I heard Seth say. I closed my eyes and inhaled the stale scent of the room.

"What?" He asked gruffly but innocently.

"Look at the flush under their skin." I heard another voice say, but it wasn't Seth. It came from behind me. I opened my eyes and snapped my head around towards where the voice came from. Still I only saw the empty window once more.

Seth and Nicholas both looked a little uncomfortable, but that fear was replaced by utter relaxation after a moment lapse. Both Anna and I glanced anxiously around the room for the owner of the voice.

"What was that Seth?" Nicholas asked trying to gain our attention.

"Look at the flush under their skin." He repeated, even though I knew the line was not from him. "They're obviously in need of a break."

I let my eyes lazily linger on Seth. His cheeks were more flushed than before.

"Who said that?" Anna whispered more towards me than either of the men.

Nicholas looked around and shrugged, "said what?"

"I don't know." I answered honestly. She was obviously just as baffled as I was.

"I did." Seth cleared his throat. "Sorry, when I drink sometimes my voice gets more rough."

"That wasn't rough. It was beautiful." Anna whispered again, this time to Seth.

"It was Seth though." Nicholas sternly spoke. Anna's eyes flickered back to his face. Studying him again, and finally accepting what he said with a nod.

Seth relaxed a bit and glanced over my worried face. He reached out a hand and touched it lightly to my cheek. "What's wrong?"

"That wasn't you." I demanded. I felt as if I was losing my mind.

"You're a little lightheaded from drinking. You're just confused." He left his hand against my cheek. It was cool against my burning skin. Flushed from the alcohol, red from the embarrassment. I leaned into it, allowing it to cup my face a bit more. His fingers felt rough against my inflamed skin.

"Maybe we should get you guys some air?" Nicholas suggested. Standing, he pulled Anna's jacket from behind her and held it open for her.

Anna stood, but Seth and I remained seated. She slid her arms through her gray peacoat and waited for us to join them.

"I'm fine." I lied. Flames were licking my face and going downwards towards my throat.

"We'll be right back." She looked at Seth and then me.

Nicholas put his hand on her back and urged her towards the door. I noticed her clinging to her purse as Nicholas stopped by the front door and pulled a black leather jacket from a peg.

My eyes focused back to Seth as the door gushed a cold breeze across the room towards us.

"You really need some air also." Seth sat back in his chair.

"That wasn't you." I repeated.

Seth rolled his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest. "You know, I think the alcohol has really gotten to you." He held his hand up to the waiter who brought over the bill.

Without even glancing at it, he threw two hundred dollar bills onto the table and stood up. "Come on. Let's get you outside."

My eyes wandered over his lean body, recognizing the flannel shirt, but skimming past his hips to the black jeans that hugged him snuggly, and the large brown work boots that weren't even tied. I would've put a bet on the fact that he was a construction worker and not an international movie star.

He held his hand out for me and when I was too dumbfounded to take it, he slid between the window and me and pulled my chair out for me. He came back around to the front of me and held his hand out again. This time I took the soft warm palm in mine and allowed him to help me up. I shook as I slid my arms into the jacket he held for me. He picked up my black leather purse and held it while he held his hand out for me to follow him.

I shook because I was afraid to let him go. If I didn't say goodbye, and how could I, I was afraid where we would go next. My mind raced to sliding my hands inside of his flannel shirt and his lips against mine. I could just see the outline of scruff on his jaw, and wondered what it would feel like brushing against my cheek. My face grew hotter as he stopped in the same spot as Nicholas to put his own gray wool coat on.

My heart was beating very quickly when I felt his hand on my wrist this time and not my hand. He tugged me towards the door and my face was greeted with the sharp sting of the Portland night. It had gotten dark quickly, at least it seemed quickly, but honestly I wasn't aware how long we had stayed inside.