Stranger Things on Heaven and Earth

Gasping, I started to sag against Tracer. She was still as limber and flexible as ever, and she molded herself to my body. She left feathery kisses on my forehead, my cheek. I don't know how, but I managed to get us from the wall to the bed. There, was sprawled.

"What am I gonna tell Twilight?" I gasped, quietly. Somehow, Tracer had managed to keep herself rooted on my softening cock. My cum dripped along my balls as I sprawled there. Tracer, as per her namesake, was gently tracing her fingers along my chest, nosing at my nipples. She chuckled, throatily.

"You n' s he's an item?" she mumbled.

"Yeah, like you and Emily." I paused. "I think."

Tracer snorted, quietly. "Mmm...I'm not that Tracer, you wanker..." She grinned, languidly -- like a well fucked kitten, full of cream. Her voice grew huskier as she leaned forward. "I'm the Tracer whose been fucking Widowmaker for at least since we met...and been fucked by at least fifty or sixty other men." She grinned. "And...Malik?" She put her arms on my chest, resting her chin on the crossed limbs, taking advantage of the fact I was taller than her. "None of 'em even came fuckin' close to you. You got a gift."

I put my hand over my face. "I'm an idiot!"

"Cor?" Tracer cocked her head.

"I'm from a porn dimension!" I laughed. "No wonder i'm hung like a horse and can fuck like a pro despite being a near virgin."

"Ahhh!" Tracer nodded.

"I mean, you should see what I could do with my tongue," I said, shaking my head.

That...proved to be both a mistake and a great decision.

Lets just say that, uh, it was a good thing my augmetic enhancements included lung expansions in the case of accidental exposure to the void.

***

"So, I gotta ask," Verse said, sneering at me from past the crackling lightsaber. "How often are

you gonna fuck Twilight Sparkle in the shower? That room's right next to mine. It's starting to-" she leaped forward, swinging her blade at me. I parried with my power sword, the two energized weapons sparking and flashing. "-sound like a fucking invitation!"

It had taken at least one serious burn -- the lightsaber had been modified by Tali to just sting rather than dismember -- before I stopped trying to sword fight. Instead, just as I did with sex, I let the instincts programmed into me by fiction and translation take over. Without Malik Fong, regular high schooler there, there was just Malik Fong, of the Fong Dynasty, with nearly two decades of near constant combat training to fall back on.

Yes, that would have meant I got combat trained as a baby. 40k, man. It was kind of fucked up.

I parried, then swung back at Verse. She ducked, rolled, came up, and nearly disarmed me. But I caught her sword and shoved her backwards, panting. "It's not," I said, grinning at her, sweat beading on my forehead. "If it was an invitation, we'd leave the door open."

Verse scoffed.

It had been three days since the whole Dalek thing, and two days since Twi and I had started dating. But, here was the weird thing. I hadn't even needed to bring up Tracer. Since, uh, Tracer had had a uniquely "smut" based solution to our little problem. She had snuck into Twi's room, seduced her, and let me walk in with the two of them grinding cunts like a miller's wheel. Needless to say, that had been a shock. But the end result was that two rooms were being converted into new chambers by Tali, and I had two sexually liberated, beautiful women who were all too eager to ride my fuckstick.

In other words, if it hadn't been for the possible death and evil space Nazis, I'd be in fucking heaven.

Like.

Seriously.

Best summer vacation ever.

Verse had just backed me against a wall when the PA crackled on and Bobbie's voice came into the cargo hold -- which served as our little sparring space. "All hands to the bridge. We're getting close to the new recursion."

I glanced at Verse. Verse discharged her lightsaber, twirling it around and slipping it into her belt.

"Red suits you, you know?" I asked, grinning at her.

"Fucking duh," she said, rolling her eyes.

"Duh? Do they say duh in Territus?" I asked, grinning.

Verse, who had already started to the exit, slapped me in the back of the head, hard enough I swore I saw stars.

When we came to the bridge, Festina was there with Bobbie, Tracer, Tali, and Twilight. All of them were eyeing the holographic display of the silvery orb that was the source of the signal that had drawn us here.

"Any sign of bad guys?" Festina asked.

"Not on sensors," Tracer said, stretching her arms above her head. She grinned at me.

"I don't like this," Festina said, frowning as she rubbed her chin. "Those assholes have been like a second shitter for us since this bullcrap started."

"I'm endlessly impressed by your fecal elegance," I said, grinning. "Maybe they can't track us without the Shadow onboard and without their own copy of the Admin key?" I frowned. "But you know what I would do if I was a slimeball like Mordin?"

"You'd contact every villain you could, warn them about people like us, and just wait for us to show up?" Festina said.

I nodded, slightly. "He's the kind of guy who'd get that ability as soon as he realized the Strange existed. And we know that communication can be passed between recursions."

"We do?" Bobbie asked. Then she snapped her fingers. "The signal that got us here."

Tali and Twi both nodded.

"All right," Festina said. "Since we don't know where the bad guys are or what the fuck is waiting for us in there, I want a flexible away team. Me, obviously." She looked at the crew. "Verse and Malik, you're with me too."

I blinked, slightly surprised.

"The rest of you, keep an eye out for the Harbinger. Go in after us if we're not out in eight hours, or if you spot the Harbinger," Festina said. "Verse, get your gear."

Verse grinned, cracked her knuckles, and sauntered off. I waited till the door was closed -- but Festina answered my question for me. "I've got a long experience of working with women I can't trust," she said, her voice soft. "And I've gotten very good at spotting when Verse needs to...blow off steam. She's not the kind of girl you want to get...bored."

I nodded. "I...I actually kinda guessed that. Why me?"

Festina grinned at me. "You've proved that you got a good head, and the ability to translate with useful skills. Since you started with nothing but high school math and some, what, basketball?"

I nodded.

"That's something impressive," Festina said. "So..." She shrugged. "Come on."

The three of us stood at the edge of the cargo hold less than five minutes later. Standing at the edge of the drop down door, we looked down at the recursion. It looked like a large, silvery ball -- roughly the same size as the one that I had come from. I looked at Festina, who was checking her stun pistol. Then I looked at Verse, who was making a complex hand gesture. She finished the motion and it created a glowing glyph in-front of her palms. She flared out her fingers and flames exploded from her palm.

I nodded. Another thing that made sense: Festina was a skilled sci-fi person. Verse was a skilled fantasy person. I was a skilled...modern...day fuckeroo person. Made sense for a balanced away team.

"All right then," Festina said. "Immortality awaits."

"Seriously?" I asked.

"No, but it's better last words than 'Oh Shit.'" She said, then smirked at me. "And you already knew that."

And with that, she stepped off the edge of the Normandy. I followed. Verse followed after me. We drifted downwards through the strange mists and fogs of the Strange. Our feet brushed against the recursion and we slipped inwards. I tumbled in and didn't focus on anything specific. I just wanted to translate what I was to something in that recursion, something that would work. Something that'd be useful.

My feet touched grass. I stumbled forward, blinking as I looked around myself. I stood in bright sunlight, and leaves drifted past my nose. Petals, actually. Lotus petals, flowing through the air like rain. Verse stepped up next to me. She was dressed in a somewhat flamboyant outfit -- orange jacket, black under-shirt, a red sash. Her feet were clad in simple sandals. She had a large spear with a kind of poofy pom-pom underneath the blade in her hand. She also looked...well...Asian.

"Huh," she said.

"Oh you gotta be fucking kidding me!"

I turned and saw Festina.

Verse laughed.

Festina was, well, dressed in the next best thing to a Conquistadors outfit. She had the sloped helmet. She had the curved breast plate. She even had a large, narrow barreled musket, which she was holding with the next best thing to disgust. She looked down at herself...and then leaped backwards. I was kind of shocked at how mobile she could be in that armor as she rolled and came back to her feet. She stood in a kind of combat position for a few moments before snapping out of it. She shook herself, then touched the helmet, then exclaimed in utterly incandescent Spanish. Like, so foul that I, uh, honestly don't want to write it down. And I speak Spanish. Holy shit.

When she had gotten that off her chest, she put it in English: "I'm a fucking Conquistador!?"

"Well, uh...yeah," I said, slowly. The area around us looked a bit like a small mountain path in a rural part of...well, considering Verse and the temperature and the trees, I wanted to say China. I looked back at Festina and saw she still looked like a kitten that had been soaked in water and deprived of cream.

"The Conquistadores were genocidal maniacs who hacked apart several civilizations for fucking gold, and then built slave empires and...and...and..." She glared at her musket. "And can we fucking head somewhere for once that has non-lethal weapons?"

"It'd be nice," I said. "Now, uh...lets find out where here is."

"Well, at least they got airplanes," Verse said.

I looked up.

And buzzing overhead flew the first mosquito winged, bronze plated, mostly wood flying machine. It left behind a streak of smeary black smoke. And it was carrying bombs.

CHAPTER FOUR: Strange Sifu

Festina and I reached the hill that overlooked the village first.

"Ah fuck," Festina said, putting it in as short a sentence as it could be put. The bombers had dropped their weaponry onto the village -- which looked like a picturesque Japanese or Chinese village. Right down to the nice, easily flammable walls and roofs. Strings of explosives dropped from the skies and smashed into wooden buildings, spreading fire and explosions and death. Men and women screamed, running for cover, while among them marched figures clad in deadly looking black and purple armor. They carried swords.

"That's bullshit tactics that is," Verse said, drawling casually as she leaned on her spear. "You don't send your good troops in while you're fucking bombing the place."

The bombers were flying away now -- and I could see that many survivors were drawing back to a large structure that seemed more fort-like than others. There was a narrow bridge leading to it, and standing on the bridge was a single woman. She was dressed in tight leggings and a vest, and her hands were wrapped in bandages. The reason why was made really apparent when one of the men in dark armor advanced along the bridge. She knocked his sword aside with the blade of her hand, then smashed her other palm into his chest, sending him sprawling over the edge of the bridge.

If this had been a proper kung-fu movie, that bridge would have been over a huge chasm.

As it was, the man dropped about four feet into a river. He splashed, flailed, then started to swim back towards the edge of the river. He started scrambling up, trying to get behind the woman -- but his way was made difficult by the thick bushes and branches of trees that grew next to the wall of the fortification, turning the already steep slope into a bunch of mud and thorns.

"We have to help them," I said.

"Right," Festina said, looking down at her musket. She scowled. "Fuck. They're firebombing this place. Not sentient."

"Oh, you're actually going to use that?" Verse asked, her voice snarking.

Festina glared at her.

"Not from here," I said. "Considering that thing, you'll be lucky to a hit building at that range."

"I know how primitive blackpowder firearms work," Festina said, rolling her eyes. "But this gun has rifling." She showed me the barrel. "And a folding sight. An anachronistic folding sight." She shook her head. "I'll be fine. You two get over there and stop the bad guys."

"That's my favorite thing," Verse said, grinning eagerly as she twirled her spear around her shoulders. She let the long shaft slap into her palms, then started forward, moving with a quick, confident stride. I gulped and hoped that my skill at sword-fighting, granted by my earlier translation, had turned into something equally useful here. Rushing into a burning village turned out to be worse than just 'mildly toasty.' The flames roared to either side of us, and thick, choking smoke rose into the air. I coughed and ducked low to try and get some clean air into my throat.

Then we came to a large wagon that had burst into flames. Corpses were sprawled in unlovely death next to it.

Verse swept her spear in a cutting motion and the flames went out with a snap - reminding me once more that she was a fucking fire wizard. I kept forgetting that. But my own body seemed to know what to do. I leaped up and over the wagon -- clearing it with a good three feet of open air. My feet slapped the ground and I skidded as three men who had been advancing on some cowering civilians turned to face me. I lifted my hands into a fighting stance.

And that was when the foot long steel blades exploded from my knuckles, shining and flashing and crackling with lightning.

"Uh..." I blinked.

"He knows Tiger Claw style!" one of the masked men said. "Assassin Lin said to kill each student."

The men started towards me. I started to bounce from foot to foot.

Okay. I knew Tiger Claw style.

Cool.

One of the men had a curved saber. He swung it at my head with brutal speed. I ducked, then brought my knuckles up into his chest. The blades burst from his back, and he coughed blood through his mask. I jerked my knuckles out, then kicked him into one of his friends. The third assassin rushed towards me, spear lowered into a charge. I readied to dodge, but before I even had too, Verse dropped form the sky, her spear catching him in the chest and pinning him to the ground.

"Whoo!" she laughed, then grinned at the man I had knocked over -- who was getting to his feet. He shook his shoulders, then clapped his hands together.

"Ice Shard style!" he announced. Crackling ice swept along his forearms and moved to his palms. Soon, he looked as if he was encrusted in ice -- armor that glittered and flashed in the firelight. He thrust his palms out at me in an alternating pattern, shooting out sharp chunks of ice. I started to sprint to the side -- ice slamming into the burning rubble behind me, into the ground, creating a shining series of impact points that marked where I could have been messily killed.

"No fair!" I shouted, my knuckle-blades retracting as I sprinted. "No one said you were a water bender!"

The man scowled, then slammed his palms into the ground. A wave of frost started to crawl towards me. Then Verse almost literally danced into view. She skidded backwards along the ground, her feet barely touching it. Her spear crackled with flames and she cut across the wave of frost, separating the furthest point from the man. The frost stopped moving and she jerked her spear upwards. A sphere of roiling flames exploded from the ground. Verse spun on her heels and smashed the butt of her spear into the sphere.

The sphere shot forward like a pinball. It smashed into the bad guy, and his scream was so short that it was almost inaudible. The sphere hit the still burning wall behind it, crashing through and continuing to roil and burn as it tumbled into the holocaust filling the village.

I gaped. I wasn't sure if I was impressed or horrified. Verse turned to look at me, her trade mark gorgeous psychopathy on full display. She grinned.

"Yes," I said, letting my voice sound exasperated. "That's what this village needs! More fire!"

Verse snorted.

The villagers we had saved gaped at us. I jerked my thumb. "Go! Run! Get outta here! I-"

The roar of a gunshot made all of us jerk down. I spun and saw no sign of Festina. But I did see a headless attacker tumbling down, his four shocked friends gaping at his body. They carried swords and spears and had been using the fire to creep forward and try and get behind me and Verse. Verse spun her spear around and laughed. "Holy shit, the purple faced bitch actually did it."

I sprinted forward, ducking underneath a half-hearted sword swing to cut the man across the chest with my tiger-claws. As he sprawled to the ground, Verse stabbed with her spear, then casually kicked a man in the knee. He fell and I grabbed his head and brought it smashing into my own knee -- the crunch of bone and the scattering of teeth made it real clear he wasn't getting up again. With the group dispatched, we continued towards the fort that made up the middle of the village.

Once we got there, I saw that the girl on the bridge was in a bad way. She was bleeding along one arm and while two bad guys were sprawled on the ground around her, the rest of the attackers were pressing the advantage, using their weapons and reach. Despite that, she kept dodging, weaving, struggling to get into their guards without opening up the route into the fort itself. I wondered why they didn't fling the gates shut -- but then I saw that the place had no gates.

"Okay," Verse said. "I'd normally suggest we wait till the final charge, then hit them while they're tangled with her corpse..."

I started to charge forward.

"But...yeah, you go do that." Verse said, rolling her eyes behind me.

Another crack sounded and one of the baddies pitched into the river, his back completely cored out. Two others must have heard me, because they turned to face me. But by now, I figured out that tiger claw style...was fucking broken. My blows were lightning fast, slashing through armor and flesh with equal ease. I snapped a sword in half with a swiping claw-strike, then kicked a man in the throat. AS he tumbled over the bridge, Verse stepped next to me, guarding my flank as she plunged her spear through a man's chest, then forced the spear forward, pinning a second man. The two of them fell, taking the spear from her hands. She swore, and then both of us were surrounded. The surviving men surged back off the bridge to do so, their swords facing us. My back pressed to Verse's back.

"Got a plan now?" she asked.

We'd killed half of them.

"Kick ass until we win?" I asked.

"Good plan," Verse said, then slapped her palms together. "I need you to pop me."

"What?" I hissed.

"No time. Punch the ground as HARD as you can!" Verse snarled.

I looked at the men. They were getting ready to charge, all at the same time, their weapons shining. I groaned, clenched my fist, then punched the ground as hard as I could. The impact caused the earth underneath Verse to surge upwards, shooting her into the sky. She flipped as she moved, her legs arrowing up into the air, her body facing down as she drew her unfolding recurve bow. She knocked and fired arrow after arrow.