Struggling Ch. 01

"Do it then. Right now. On the phone. You didn't have any trouble breaking up with me that way." She remembered back to that day, the day he smashed her heart into dust. He called and made normal conversation before dropping the bomb on her. One second he was telling her about his lunch, the next he was telling her he could do better.

"Come on, Zoey, I thought you'd be past your anger by now. It's been months! Listen, I really am sorry, and I want to see you."

"Months? Yea, Briar. Two months. We were together for two YEARS. So forgive me, if my heart is still in recovery. You don't need to see me, and I don't want to see you. Goodnight Briar."

He scoffed audibly. She was just about to press the end button when he spoke again. "I saw you tonight. Who was the guy? I can't see why you're pretending to be all hurt when you were locking lips with some dude not half an hour ago."

Is that what this was about? Briar wasn't calling to apologize or because he wanted to see her. He was calling because he was jealous.

"He's a guy that I met and he offered to drive me home. No big deal." Why was she explaining herself to him? She figured it was because she had become so accustomed to it. "Look Briar, if you called just to get in my business then I think we're done here."

"So you won't see me? Even though you're obviously over it?"

"Fuck you, Briar. And stop stalking me." She hit the end button and set her phone on the nightstand. There was so much going on in her mind, and she knew right away that she'd never get to sleep tonight.

Zoey picked the phone back up and threw it against the wall. She watched as bits of plastic flew all over the place. She cracked a sad smile before bursting into tears. There were so many emotions she had been holding inside, and they all came bubbling to the surface. She made her way out of the bed to get a broom. As she swept the pieces into the dustpan, she felt all the feelings she felt for Briar. The anger, the sadness, the love.. He was an asshole, sure, but she loved him. She knew she shouldn't. She knew it wasn't good for her. But love didn't fight fair.

Briar wasn't always an asshole. There were so many nights he held her, whispering sweetness in her ear. So many mornings filled with breakfast in bed. She couldn't forget the good memories any more than she could forget the bad. That was what held her in such a difficult position. And that was the hardest part about getting over him.

She emptied the dust pan and decided to write her journal entry for the day.

~*~*~

3/30/11 1:12AM

When love becomes pain, how much does one soul take? I imagine that some pain is impossible to avoid. Life happens, and we have to deal with it. But when that pain shatters everything we know, is that where we draw the line? I can't keep pretending with myself. There are so many truths to be told, and with each day, I'm promising to let myself realize one of them.

Today, my truth, is that I'm still in love with someone who shattered everything I know. I'm trying to draw the line, but it would appear that I've run out of chalk.