Submission: A Primer

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To those curious to submit. A Master explains.
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Hello-

It seems there is a new fascination with submission in light of the new film and various books. As a Master, I thought I'd help a few of you learn how it actually works. After all, when you think about it, I'm here to help.

Many who already enjoy this deviance are treating the film with disdain; I do not.

As far as I am concerned, if it has got you thinking, so much the better. If you now feel encouraged -and more importantly, empowered- to explore some of these themes, that's excellent.

However, it is imperative that I correct some mistakes. Because if you are truly interested in doing this, do it properly or not at all. Others have their methods. These are mine:

First and foremost, you must be a feminist or I can't accept you.

In case you don't know, all proper subs are feminists. Just not necessarily the political kind.

Most properly submissive girls are independent and defiant women by nature. All of you are bright, often fiercely so. Many highly successful. You have strong opinions about politics and culture and the world around you. You give a damn.

Be honest about what you want to do. You have a strong sexual longing to be controlled and it's confusing. Despite everything else you think of in your life, this has always been the case and it has always turned you on. If asked to explain it, you couldn't.

The problem is that you have lovers who either do not know how take control correctly or who pretend and then screw it up just when you need it most.

You need a teacher. And let the two of us be frank. You crave being given permission to come, hard and often, the way you do when you are alone, imagining this. Equally importantly for you, you need to give pleasure and be rewarded. You covet that attention.

And yet you love the idea of being punished. If you are submissive, you always have, by definition. This thrills you like little else.

Which means submission is the same as exploration. You have a need to learn why. A compulsion. This requires intelligence. Only an intelligent woman would even bother to explore these areas of the female psyche. In other words, an intelligent feminist. Which is the same thing.

But you need a partner. Someone who understands what you need to learn and why. This is not something you can work out on your own. But you need the right kind of guide.

In the way that I work, I do not mix with others. I will not take you to sex clubs or ghastly parties. I will not share photos of you with anyone else. I do not participate in any euphamism involving 'lifestyle'.

If I take you on, the focus is on you. And we will be realistic. Eventually, as in all things in life, you will move on. Think of what we're about to do as the most erotic education of your life. It is going to be.

Some other things:

Please don't waste my time with talk of nipple clamps.

Many people like these kinds of sex toys. I do not. I consider them vulgar. Do not confuse submission with fetish.

If you do get turned on by being bound and gagged, you needn't worry. I will teach you everything you need. Your dark and scary fantasies will all be brought to the surface in time.

I find that a blindfold, riding crop and a glass of wine are all I need when training most girls.

Next, I won't control you 24 hours a day. That is impossible. And I don't want to. I've got things to do.

I will control you for certain periods of time and as I train you the lengths of time will increase. I will also set challenges for you. Dares, if you like. You will need to meet each one to continue.

But when it is our time, I am in complete control of you. No debate. You must understand this before we begin.

You are the kind of woman who revels in having secrets. It thrills you to imagine the people at work who would have heart attacks if they knew what you like.

And you do love walking down the street still feeling the sting of your spanked bottom as the rest of the world passes by oblivious.

Now read carefully. I am going to ask you a question and I want you to take some time considering it. This is your first test.

Who is the person in your life you secretly want to tell? Confessing your submission to this person would humiliate you, no question. But it would also secretly excite you, too.

For many women the answer is a best friend, for some it is a sister. Your answer may be entirely different. But the experience is the same.

Imagine the shock in their eyes when you admit what you like. Watch them stunned as you describe what we do, what you ask me to do to you, willingly. And feel your body become aroused at the thought that this person now carries your secret around with them, too. Whoever it is will go home and think about it. It will be impossible not to. That person will become aroused thinking of you. Imagining you.

Consider who this is in your life. When the time is right I will instruct you to tell them your secret. But not for quite some time. That will come but not until much later.

Nevertheless, for us to begin, you need to tell me who it is and why it both scares and excites you.

Finally, I must tell you about collars because it is essential for what we're about to start.

You will be required to wear a collar, yes. But your collar might be a ribbon. It might be a simple gold band or an antique necklace we find in a dusty old shop.

It violates every one of my principles to consider putting a dog collar around a woman's neck. Yours will very clearly mark you and your body as mine. To do with as I wish. But your collar will be our choice.

It will remain with me at all times. And when it is time for you to submit wholly and entirely to me, you will come to me and beg your Master for permission to wear your collar and be a good girl.

This is how it's done correctly.

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AnonymousAnonymousover 6 years ago

I love this.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 9 years ago

This was a good read, but there are plenty of opinions put forth as if they were facts. What is and is not a fetish is in the eye of the beholder.

nono44nono44almost 9 years ago

Thank you for enlightening me.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 9 years ago
Interesting

You have touched a nerve within me. I do believe I am that strong intelligent feminist. Thank you for connecting the pieces in a way I understand.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 9 years ago
Submit only to yourself and your trusted lover

I read and agreed with most of your words. Reading them left me flustered. I still find it hard to admit that being submissive and talk of domination turns me on. I have not been abused. I am the product of a reasonably loving and liberal household. I am a strong minded, intensely stubborn, intelligent 37 year old woman. I have 2 kids, the youngest is 17months. It has been a long hard journey but I recently arrived at the mental and physical admission that I love to submit in the bedroom.

I haven't had a lot of partners physically, only 3 with full sex. 2 of them were long term relationships. The first, the man/boy 6 years older than me was also inexperienced at sex. For various reasons our sex life was unhappy and due to not knowing enough about our own bodies, desires or those of each other coupled with a complete inability to talk openly about it led to a very unhealthy place sexually. Because I thought I was incapable of enjoying it, I was incapable. .. sex and sexual enjoyment are very mental. I, well I let him use me in the end, I gave up hope of ever enjoying it and he didn't make the attempt to fix it... so we just kind of stumbled along, he didn't enjoy sex with an unresponsive sack of potatoes as it were. So we ended up barely ever doing it and me dreading it when it did happen. Part of the issue was in fact that he was simply too big for me, which isn't helpful when you're not being stimulated enough to get wet properly. His foreplay was inadequate and my own fears got in the way. Despite this I loved him deeply, in most respects he was everything I wanted, caring, intelligent, looks did it for me. He loved me desperately, which I also need/needed especially at the start as my parents were breaking up. We were together 7 years and in all that time I am sorry to say I don't think I came properly once. At points my self esteem and mood were so low with regards to sex that I could no longer see that I was desirable or have desire myself. And I was a hot 22 when I eventually left. It took me a hell of a long time to realise I needed something or someone else. I had a messy affair and the ended up rebounding into the arms of a totally sweet kid who was utterly inexperienced and 6 years my junior. No hope of Master in any of that scenario. Besides I would have run a mile if anyone had suggested pain or dominance. They just equalled abuse in mind for far too long.

I have been with my kind, funny, scarily intelligent, beautiful man for 15 years. In that time I leant a lot about myself. We started out from scratch. The internet helped a lot too. I have talked to amazing people, read an endless amount of filth. Been utterly disgusted by what other people find arousing, and been utterly surprised and at times revolted by what can turn me on. And I think that is a big distinction to make. I can get turned on by all sorts of crap, but that doesn't mean I like them all. Learning what actually made me tick was slow and amazing. I learned to cum, and then I learned to cum in different ways, clitoral, vaginal, multiples, squirting, anal, oral, denial, ordered(in that order if memory serves me correctly). All took a long time. All happened because I wanted them to. Because I had read stuff and was more mentally primed I guess. But my vanilla other half was vital in providing a loving, ever patient hand, tounge, cock or toy to stimulate me. He enjoys playing with me. His totally unthreatening demeanor was vital to gaining my trust.

I admitted that I like to be spanked a long time ago and that was hard enough for my kind, inexperienced and vanilla man to hear. It took him a fair while to be mentally comfortable with the idea of hurting me. It turns out that I don't like an excessive amount of real pain anyway, just enough to sting and leave me warm and red for a while. After a few tentative attempts he got very good at teasing me and making me cum. Yet somehow admitting that I am usually my most aroused when he's taking the lead was an almost impossible admission to make. It took me forever to admit to myself that I like being submissive in the bedroom. That I enjoy the feeling I get when I am devoted to just desire, his and my own. I can't deny the reactions in my body when he does anything that takes control of all of me. Using my hands as if they were his was probably one of the first fairly innocent activities that made me aware that submitting felt unarguably right to me. He just liked to gently hold my hands and trace my shape with my fingers under his. But unknown to us it was still a lesson in submission and trust. Getting to the point where I needed to say the words out loud took a lot. I felt like saying those words would kill me, I was terrified it would be the end of our relationship if we couldn't work it out. And we have had our fair share of problems believe me. But eventually I had to say being submissive turns me on and that I needed him to be my dom.

Eventually after a lot of talking we realised that in many ways he already was my dom and that actually really helped. Once we were both tentatively receptive to the idea and what it might mean for us sexually it was like a switch had been flicked. The fact we were talking honestly and openly about the last taboo areas in our relationship at long last was amazingly healing. We have had a lot of good sex over our time together, but it has drastically improved again with this latest change in dynamic. We are still very much in the early days of our dom/sub relationship but have already managed to achieve such heights of extacy that we could only describe them as approaching tantric in their quality. What has been the key to this? Absolute trust in the honour and kindness of my man. I know he will only push me past my limits to an acceptable amount. I know he will never hurt me. He has no interest in pain beyond my enjoyment of it. He has no desire to rule my life and yet delights in his new domain of dominance. Outside of the bedroom I am usually the one who takes the lead. Being submissive makes me enjoy it more. I have to admit and submit to my own desires, all he does as my dom is make me face them, and sometimes some more of his own. As I say we are in early days.

I wrote this because I want to give other women hope. You can feel like a godess, the sexiest creature alive. You can cum till your knees give up, from a command or the feel of his cock in your mouth. Being bound or gagged can help, but being able to be still because it is expected of you is even more erotic. All these things were once not only alien to me but revolting or shameful. Don't be scared of your desires. Learn them, own them and trust them. Learn about your body and mind, and those of your partner. Masturbate. Practice. Relax. Learn to accept that your man probably loves your body just the way it is, because it is yours and he loves you. Don't ever give yourself completely to someone you don't trust completely. Me and my Mate love each other. Everything we do comes from a place of love and respect and honesty. I am so thankful that I have never had to go through so much of the bullshit ego boosting male dominated extremist crap that seems to so often be depicted in porn to find my submissive freedom. And believe me girls it IS freedom when you submit to the right man.

That's how you do it correctly. X

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