Sufferance Ch. 03

A broken knee and she could still charge me...but a kick to the gut....?

I didn't have time to think about it Panagan tried to tackle me. Her off-aim told me she had been more disoriented by the light than I'd been. She barely managed to grab me at my waist and haul me with her away from Moria, but she didn't have a good lock on my body so I went willingly down with her to the ground, wrapping my legs around her hips and squeezing hard. She tried to snatch my weak spot, my sprained wrist, but wasn't fast enough as I leaned up to kiss her full on the mouth with an eager hum, my tongue flicking her lips before I bit her.

Her utter surprise followed by a howl of rage left her mouth open long enough for me to pull back and thrust the head of her own Feldeu past her lips to the back of her throat. She gagged but I kept it in place, tightening my legs to hold her to me and using my forearm to apply pressure to the back of her head. Panagan was unable to dislodge the soiled cock for a full five seconds, and the sounds she made almost caused me climax from the aurel stimulation alone.

By the time she'd spit it out and screamed at me, I became aware of Rausery laughing out loud in a grand belly-laugh, her rich voice laced with delight and filling the chamber.

"A win, Sirana," she said. "Disengage."

I did not make the mistake of hesitating; I immediately released Panagan and stood up, taking the phallus with me and stepping a pace or two from the sputtering Sister. Moria was scowling and rubbing her face with a leather cloth she'd had on her; her companion clearly wished she had something to drink.

Rausery stepped forward and held out her hand for Panagan's Feldeu; I placed it in her gloved hand, glad I didn't have to return it to its owner directly. She didn't have any reaction to its lack of cleanliness; she simply held it and looked at Panagan.

"I'll keep this," she said.

Panagan somehow resisted shooting a look at me and nodded stiffly.

Rausery looked next at Moria. "Remove your Feldeu and give it to me."

The second Sister looked more distressed but obeyed, whispering her command word to release the item's magical grip on her flesh and slowly slipping it out of her sex. She handed it to her Elder.

"Their pouches as well."

"What did we do wrong, Elder?" she asked as she did that, too. "We did as you asked. We had more wins than Sirana."

Panagan looked like she had a question as well, but pressed her mouth tighter as she removed her own pouch, perhaps not want to ask whether it was because I'd made her eat her own cock.

Rausery watched her for a few seconds, as if deciding whether to grant an answer. "If you've forgotten what it's like to be without favorite weapons, then it's time to reflect on that. Dependence causes weakness."

"May I ask why are the ones we training her, Elder?" Panagan asked. "Isn't she D'Shea's?"

Rausery half-smiled and narrowed her eyes. "We are all Red Sisters, Panagan. If you've forgotten that, too, maybe I'll send you to take Qivni's place in D'Shea's sector. Both of you could go. You will see whether Jaunda takes an interest in your quims."

Moria began to protest but her companion pursed her lips again and ribbed her hard with an elbow.

"As you command, Elder," Panagan said with impressive steadiness. "You have only to speak it."

"I'll think about it. See Agaila for your next duty. You're dismissed."

When they'd left, I stood watching Rausery and wondering at how different she seemed now compared to what I'd been told to expect, and what I had believed of her the first time she tested me. I wondered whether she was a better match for me than D'Shea; I could understand her method of teaching better. It was tough but direct; she expected results, prized efficiency and self-reliance, and the training had a surprising sense of balance to it. Her confidence shone but her ego did not rule her as much as it did so many of us...perhaps even me.

D'Shea, by comparison, only kept me guessing with riddles and intrigue. Granted, I'd indulged in plenty of that at Court, but D'Shea's tactics seemed particularly distracting and her motives buried beneath multiple possible angles. What did she want most of all? No one seemed to know. Rausery seemed only to want an effective, well-trained force to serve the Valsharess; she placed her reputation and her pride on that.

Which sort of begged the question: what did I want?

At this time, I wanted only to be effective, to be better at what I was trained to do. It aligned with Rausery's goals much better. Perhaps later my desires would realign closer to D'Shea's, if I ever found out what they were. But that was some time away yet; I knew that in my gut. First I needed to be effective.

"I have a few more techniques to show you," Rausery said, slipping each soiled Feldeu into its pouch and setting it on one of the few small tables set along the wall. "This time you will be fending off me."

I made a small show of swallowing in consternation; clearly I anticipated my orifices to be yielding several more times as I learned and practiced. But I could have been more dismayed at the prospect than I was.

"I'm ready, Elder."

*****

D'Shea sent Qivni back as it approached the end of the cycle, signaling that it was time to trade back again. Rausery grunted and nodded, sending me on my way by myself.

This was well after I'd changed back from my black leathers and into the borrowed red ones, and I had followed her around for a few hours as she went to speak with other Sisters and get things arranged for the next cycle or two. I was not privy to the conversations; I waited outside the doors, straining my ears but hearing nothing.

Magical dampeners, no doubt.

She did not offer me one last healing potion when we parted; she let me leave with the sore muscles and intimate parts heated by friction, just as they had been when the sparring was done. I never did prevent her from penetrating me even once; it seemed she had chosen two of the less-experienced Sisters for me to fight at first, and Rausery herself was far above my current ability.

However, I could appreciate the fact that she would count a "win" when she thrust inside but didn't continue to pummel me. She'd simply withdraw and we'd get up and start again. I could even admit to myself that after that much teasing, I was aroused despite myself and glad to have her finish with me on all fours, fucking and climaxing inside me once she'd decided we were done training.

Perhaps I could even say she was as relieved as I was to finally get off.

My mind was still whirling over the new knowledge when I left, visualizing things I could do differently in the future. I crossed the cloister with very little fanfare, reaching D'Shea's quarters where I knocked and waited to be bid enter.

I watched my superior's face carefully as she first saw me—she was dressed in her lovely robes again, sitting with a crystal glass containing a faint green liquid, and seemed to have been writing something. She granted me raised brows and a slowly growing smile.

"Mm. You do the uniform justice, Sirana."

"Thank you, Elder."

"I expect you have much to tell me."

"Yes. Rausery gave me strict instruction and I am ready for the ball, Elder. I shan't embarrass you."

She nodded. "That I did not doubt. Is that how you spent all of your time with her?"

"No, Elder D'Shea."

She waited. I knew better than to lie but I was choosing my words.

"She had me spar with two other Sisters."

"Oh?" she said lightly. "To what purpose?"

"To be able to fend off unwanted Feldeus on my own."

For once, D'Shea didn't look as though she'd anticipated the response—or maybe it was that I'd called the phallus by its name. Her brow drew down in thought. "Did you bargain for such a thing?"

"No, Elder." That was entirely true. Rausery had presented the bargain after prodding me.

She half-smiled. "But you accepted when offered."

"Yes, Elder."

"In exchange for what?"

I thought about that. Except for my choosing one thing I'd observed about D'Shea, Rausery hadn't extracted much of a price from me. She'd offered to spend the time teaching me, because she...what had she said? "Didn't understand D'Shea's methods of instruction"? That almost sounded like, "If you want something done right, do it yourself." It seemed to fit Rausery. She had to be sure, however, that I would remember her favor, and the contrast to D'Shea. Would she expect anything later? Undoubtedly, but there had been no detailed bargain at the time....

I pursed my lips, looking honestly confused. "She asked questions of how you were teaching me, what you were teaching me. When she coaxed me to admit that I... I thought I was expected, as the youngest, to obey any ranking Sister who wanted to sample me..."

D'Shea took a sip of her drink and started looking amused. I didn't mind the embarrassment of this confession because it completely glossed over anything that I had told Rausery about D'Shea. I would rather err on the side of caution and assume that my superior wouldn't appreciate my telling her rival that she herself hadn't sampled me yet.

I continued. "Well, Rausery laughed and said she would show me how to 'dissuade' them." I looked up from the floor and at D'Shea directly. "Why didn't you ever mention that I could do that? You knew the trouble I was having with some Sisters."

"It was your assumption that you had to obey them. I merely waited to see what you would do, Sirana, how you would handle it."

"And if I'd killed a Sister sooner or later, Elder?"

"I did not worry at all once you'd persuaded Jaunda to be your protector in exchange for sex with her. For all I knew, you wanted it that way." She was not laughing at me when she said that. Her voice was simple observation, and it was a masterful explanation.

Still, I narrowed my eyes. "I don't believe you, Elder."

"No?" Now she smiled. "Why not?"

"Gaelan," I said. "She was always there, so very convenient, so I could take my frustrations out on her. Just like when she found me at the Consort's plantation, borrowing your Feldeu on your order because she didn't have her own. I don't think she does, the one she has is yours. You never said a thing about the three-cycle gang rape or about Gaelan, and you were never around. It does not seem like something you would ignore."

"I was not ignoring it. I chose not to interfere," she replied.

"Directly," I retorted, then tacked on, "Elder."

She narrowed her eyes and smirked. "That could simply be Gaelan's particular delight, Sirana, a reward she's earned. She does enjoy being underneath."

I ground my teeth once, and she chuckled once.

"You are not pleased with me, Blue Eyes. Explain why."

"Rausery gives a straight answer every now and then, my Elder."

"Would you rather go to her permanently, then?" D'Shea asked blandly, although I didn't miss the dagger-in-silk tone of her question. It was not an idle one.

"No, Elder," I replied. "I would stay with you. But I would like one straight answer from you, such as you gave me when I was first brought here—"

"Since when do you need them, Sirana?" D'Shea interrupted. "You've played in Court before, and I've been seeing to your knowledge. I've encouraged you. You are doing well, much better than some others have. As I said, I already have plans for you."

I backed off my pursuit briefly and re-thought my approach, trying to ignore the compliment. "Alright, but, in my time with her, Rausery caused me to second-guess your actions, or lack of them, my Elder. It was disturbing. I, well—"

"Wanted reassurance?" she guessed with another slow smile. "What was your impression of Rausery?"

"A top warrior, excellent tactician, very strong force of will," I answered. "Utilitarian, she values efficiency and competence. Her desires are apparent and align with her position: to protect and serve the Valsharess."

"Interesting. Such glowing praise."

"Not so. Just observations of her strengths," I insisted. "I didn't learn any of her weaknesses."

I wanted to make that clear.

"I see. And me? How do I compare in your eyes?"

I had already thought about it. D'Shea seemed to have learned more from the Priestesses and politicians. She kept her desires and motives hidden from others and let her results vindicate her. Perhaps she valued distraction and decoys and causing chaos, confusion...

"You act very much her opposite, Elder D'Shea. I believe you are more cunning than she is, and your goals far-reaching. But you let everyone guess, Elder, while Rausery reveals some of her thoughts. I cannot directly compare you."

Despite the fact that I just had. I would have to continue watching to see if I was right. Still, she seemed satisfied with my answer.

"Did she seem to like you, Sirana?"

That brought to mind my coupling with Rausery, first in her room, then in the sparring room, and that I'd probably...no, certainly... call it enjoyable. I remembered distinctly how her laugh had sounded.

"I...seemed to amuse her, Elder D'Shea."

"Is that a yes? She trained you using a sex toy. She fucked you, yes? She must have taken some liking to you."

I nodded, feeling some heat come to my face for reasons I didn't fathom. "Perhaps. But I wouldn't expect it to grant me any special favors, Elder."

"Of course not. But she saw something she could use to reach you. Did she indeed train you to fend off amorous Sisters without Jaunda's reputation protecting you?"

"Yes, I believe she did."

"And if I loaned you to her from time to time, would you be opposed to that?"

The conversation, such as it was, seemed to be speeding up. I was still trying to determine just how likely it was that D'Shea might have orchestrated some of this? Did she know enough of me and of Rausery to predict the outcome of the last two days? Or was she just taking advantage of a surprise opportunity?

"Ah...no, Elder, I wouldn't be opposed."

She kept staring at me. I was not stupid.

"I take it you would have goals for me other than serving her, Elder. You are still my superior, your orders supersede hers."

Her smile really was one of the more beautiful ones when she chose to use it. "I enjoy that you can keep up in our conversations, Sirana."

"Rausery would have to expect exactly that from me, that I'm spying for you," I ventured. "She's not thick, either."

D'Shea nodded. "Of course. We both expect it when we swap teams. Why do you think we limit their access? Surely you didn't bear witness to all her conversations."

I shook my head in the negative. She tapped a few delicate fingers against her glass before taking a sip.

"Now she knows what I know," D'Shea said, again smirking at me.

Before I had a chance to follow her thought, she added, "You are dismissed. Return with Gaelan tomorrow."

*********

I'd bathed before lying down to rest, and when my mind finally let my body rest— when no one came to disrupt my sleep for once—the reverie was one of the deepest I'd known. In it I saw the tawny paleness of the Valsharess's eyes hovering above me. I didn't see a face or an expression, just an impression of the eyes, and the faded gaze soon drifted from me, forgetting me as their attention was drawn to the left.

I followed the general direction just as the image disintegrated in a haze and I saw another silhouette, solid black but backed by light that rose up from the curved line of some vast expanse of space. The source of light was round and shone more brightly than an infinite number of candles could ever manage.

Gold.

Searing, golden light.

I knew that it should hurt, I should be screaming in pain. It had to be the Sun; it matched all the stories. It burned everything, slowly and over time. Our cloaks disintegrated on the Surface, turning to grey ash over the course of a few cycles...Days. Over the course of a few Days. Our skin would heat beneath it and be sensitive to the touch until it peeled away in dark, ashen flakes. Our eyes would not stop leaking water if we tried to look at it.

I should be on my knees right now.

Yet I was well for the moment. I watched the black silhouette walk toward me and lift her hand so that I could see what she held. Grains of red and yellow sand unlike any I'd ever known to exist flowed from the point of a dagger blade. The dagger itself had a shining metallic blade with a red and black hilt. Scarlet runes were etched along both sides, glowing hungrily.

The weapon was not being offered; it was being brandished.

I started backing up, meaning to escape, but I don't remember what happened next.

*You.*

*Will.*

Suddenly the dagger flashed and bit deep into my gut. I doubled over, clasping the graceful wrist of she who held it, my mouth open but silent. I felt the blade eating me from the inside out, dissolving my life essence, my soul, like a spider's venom dissolved the guts of its prey.

Now I was on my knees, and finally I started screaming.

"Sirana...Sirana!"

I opened my eyes sucking in a lungful of air; I was staring up at Gaelan. She actually looked a little concerned and was gripping my shoulder, still nude, her own bed not far from me. She must have arrived sometime after I did.

"What did you dream?" she asked. "You've thrashed some before, but...was it Lolth's Threshold again?"

I let out my breath more slowly, willing my heart to slow down. I did not think to shake my head but nodded in confirmation instead. "Yes...the one with Lelinahdara."

Gaelan nodded. "I've heard those true-ritual flashbacks can last a century in some of the survivors."

What a doubly-delightful thought to land right on top of my instincts, which were still howling for secrecy about the real dream. I made a face at her. "It'll fade."

"If you say." She made what perhaps was to be a "cute" smile. "So now you're awake, may I see it?"

"What?" My head was still partly in the dream so I didn't notice her gesture with her chin until she repeated it. I looked over and saw my new red uniform folded neatly atop a shared dresser.

When I was resting in the Cloister, I'd been sleeping in Gaelan's small quarters whenever Jaunda didn't want me in hers. It had been a few weeks now; I did not have my own as of yet.

"May I see it on you?" she repeated. "I heard you came back from Rausery wearing it."

"True," I said quietly, starting to sit up on the floor pallet. "I'm wearing it for the ball."

She very nearly giggled. "Going for best costume of the festival, are you?"

I scowled at the implication that it wasn't genuine when I wore it, then smirked. No doubt that wouldn't be the last time I'd hear that in the next cycle or two. "Now you mention it...why not? I doubt many others will have the same effect on the Noble guests."

Gaelan granted me that and, after I'd stood up and dressed in the soft clothing, she helped me secure the armor properly. Normally it was me helping her; we'd gotten used to a routine of sorts. As we worked my Sister's expression had become less teasing and more contemplative, even admiring. She nodded in final approval upon completion, still standing naked as I was fully dressed. "You do it justice."

Same thing D'Shea had said. Now I just had to live up to it.

Gaelan's copper eyes seemed to deepen as she looked me up and down again. "Mmm," she purred, stepping forward to plant a kiss on my mouth.

Lacking another plan right then, I accepted it, but it was extremely clear in my mind that this time, unlike every time before, if she wanted to go further, I might step back. I just might say, "No."

I could refuse, and make every effort to back it up.

However Gaelan didn't try to undress me after we'd barely put the red leathers on; this time she just leaned back with half-lidded eyes and another lingering gaze. "I see this every day and yet... this is the first time I've seen it with a new face."