Sufferance Ch. 05

Eventually it came back.

It was Elder D'Shea. And we were in her bed.

She was injured and glaring at me.

Oh, fuck.

Even under her displeasured gaze, however, for a few seconds I only wanted to sleep. I even considered just closing my eyes for a few moments, and when I woke up—

If I ever did.

"I-I...apologize, Elder," I gasped, fighting back the urge to nap.

I figured I'd be taking some kind of punishment for this, but wasn't going to volunteer anything. I was genuinely sorry, though; I'd rather not get so far gone that I started trying to rip the flesh from my superior's shoulder with my teeth....

She huffed an exasperated and ill-tempered laugh and got off me, taking hold of my erection. She said what I took to the release word, and I felt the immediate separation of the Feldeu from my inner walls and outer folds, and it was once again just a rod stuffed up my twat. She pulled it out, continued staring at me, studying me in a definite foul mood.

She may have climaxed during our coupling (I was fairly sure she had) and she may have guided me out of the spiral of sensation that I'd been trapped in, but that didn't mean she was any pleased with me.

"I have never seen someone react like that to the Feldeu, Sirana."

"It was...my first time, Elder."

"Not even a first time!"

"Well...it might've helped if you'd given me some warning, Elder."

For a moment it looked like she wanted to slap me; I don't know why she held back. "I have the right to fuck you any way I want, young Sister. I didn't want to warn you."

I swallowed. "As you say, but...I was not in my right mind, Elder. That was not my fault."

"You full-flight panicked. I would have thought that you of any would have gained control sooner, but you never did. I had to remind you even to work your lungs. I expected more of you."

My brow furrowed and I felt resentment at her words. "Then ask me a question, Elder D'Shea. Anyone would expect that of *you* before closing a report and passing judgment. Aren't you going to ask?"

"Too bold in your afterglow, are you?" she hissed, leaning down and grabbing both my wrists to pin them again. "Fine. What in the Underdark was happening in that deviant mind of yours, Sirana?"

A drop of her blood from the shoulder bite landed on my breast, and I blinked as the vision of myself in the mirror back on the plantation—disheveled, muddy, and injured. The Duergar bite had been on my left shoulder, the same as hers.

Some of the thoughts just now had seemed as if I'd thought them before. Not mine, not exactly. But male. Genuinely male. As if it had been the Duergar again inside my mind and my body at the same time. I'd heard his thoughts, felt his sensations as he was fucking my own body.

I felt suddenly nauseous but looked back at D'Shea's eyes.

"You know," she stated. "I see it. Tell me."

I could not lie to her; she'd know if I lied or evaded. But no, I didn't want to tell her, not this.

It was already too late. I felt myself tremble as I swallowed down the nausea; she could feel my reactions, too, she was touching me. I was in no position to lie.

"It was...as it felt in the Underdark, Elder. After my trials, after the ritual, when the Sisterhood deposited me out in the wilderness. I told you...I told you then the power of the Goddess, the aftermath of that ritual was 'distracting' for me."

D'Shea nodded slowly, still watching every tick in my face.

I felt anger and fear mix in my middle and my breasts rose and fell faster as I breathed. "I underplayed that. It was utterly crippling, D'Shea. I couldn't satisfy myself, I tried. I wanted to scream from the isolation and lack of outlets. I could have died from the want, all I had to do was give up and let something find me. That was the worst thing you could have done to me after that ritual."

She tilted her head at that statement. "But you made it back," she murmured.

"Only because I found something to fuck." My throat was incredibly tight with emotion; I ground my teeth. I didn't want to say the next part, but I would.

"Yes. You found the Consort."

"No. I found a Duergar. Psionic."

D'Shea was genuinely shocked; her hold on my wrists loosened. Soon she let me go altogether and leaned back, sitting on her bed straight-backed. She stared at me before her gaze trailed over my body and down to where she'd set the Feldeu she'd used on me.

She was deep thought, and looked far more intrigued than disgusted. That genuinely shocked me in return, but somehow I felt calmer after the confession. So be it. It was exactly why our first coupling, hers and mine, had gone the way it had, and I knew it, and there was no other way for me to explain it without my Elder knowing I was hiding something. And I knew full-well she could use spells and compulsion potions if she decided she couldn't trust anything I said.

"Just the essentials to start, Sirana," she murmured again, looking at me. "What happened?"

"I encountered a Duergar scouting for gems. I needed food and water; he had it. I tried to bluff him to give it up, but it didn't work. He tried...he went invisible, so I circled him with light and we started fighting. He could hurl stones at me with his mind. I knocked him out and went through his things to get something to eat, but...but...it...the need overwhelmed me right then and he woke up."

I blinked. Dammit, absolutely not, no tears. Not even in frustration or shame.

"His eyes were pure white, and before I knew it, we were mentally connected. He...it...my need overwhelmed him, too. We fought. He bit me. We fucked. I climaxed so many times...I heard all his thoughts, felt his pleasure, his anger, his hatred of Drow...only when he finally peaked did the connection seem broken. I sought the nearest stone and struck his temple, got loose, retrieved my dagger to slit his throat."

"He's dead, then," D'Shea interjected, and I nodded. She seemed relieved. "Go on."

"After that, I could make it back. The need only took control of me again when I saw the Consort. But that was the second time, not the first."

Again D'Shea ponder, her face similar to when she was reading something with great concentration. I just swallowed, feeling my sticky tongue and wanting some water to drink.

"Intriguing," she whispered. "And you still returned to us after that."

I nodded guardedly. "I never intended to admit it, D'Shea."

She almost smiled. "But you did. And why...? Because your first time donning the Feldeu brought up whatever impression that dwarf left on your psyche. Indeed, if I had given you that warning, your guard would have been up and it might not have happened. As it was..."

She was looking at me intensely and I felt I would rather be sitting up. She allowed it and watched me as I scooted a little back from her, sitting cross-legged.

"It's luck when one finds those more powerful psionic Duergar, Sirana. Most of them are either not gifted or are weakly so. But this one could push in deep, and I believe he trapped himself in our divine magic when he did. He was trapped!"

She sounded almost excited. I had to take it at her word that it might've happened that way. She had the background, after all.

"There's no telling what intelligence he left inside your mind."

Oh shit. Fucking shit, no.

I started shaking my head vehemently. "D'Shea, no—"

Pure fear. I couldn't unring the bell, but I sure wanted to.

She reached out to grip my forearm, holding on. "Remember my title, Sister. You are out of slips. Now, listen to me. First, you are not the first Red Sister to fuck a dwarf. Or a Draegloth, or a Man, or a list of other races I could name. No one amongst the Sisterhood will care beyond a few jokes just as they do with the Consort. They will know you did it to survive, and you chose to come back to us regardless.

"Knowing what I do of the Noble class, you could just as easily have chosen exile or perhaps death. But the Red Sisters have no such boundaries; it is our advantage. I thought you knew that already."

I shook my head, then paused. "Well...Jaunda did tell me about attacking an exploration group...but she was doing all the fucking."

D'Shea chuckled, still holding my arm. "Yours were special circumstances, Sirana, Lolth's own magic. And with a potential benefit that few others get even in an interrogation. If we can bring that impression up to the surface, then you may have an edge on the Duergar. We'll get Lelinahdara's help again. You'll know things about them which may come in handy, and you can help other Sisters."

I bet I didn't have a choice about this, but at least it sounded like I wouldn't be ostracized for taking dwarf seed. I nodded slowly. She let go of my arm.

"Good. Now." She turned to pick up the thick Feldeu again. "Retrieve for me one of the small, dark green bottles in the top bedside drawer. I don't want your bite to get infected. Then we're going to try this again. With plenty of warning this time, you insubordinate, secret-keeping dwarf-fucker."

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Thank you for following the story this far! I've already got Chpt 6 mapped you; just need to write it. :)