Sufferance Ch. 08

"Got me, novice?"

"G-got it, Lead...I understand...!" I gasped.

Jaunda humped twice more before she came inside me with a low roar, and still the mount beneath me didn't move or even whicker.

****

"Will it—?"

"It'll be fine. The lizards can't get at it and it has something to eat. Let's focus on you, hm?"

I badly chafed as I followed Jaunda back through the cloisters. Red Sisters whom we passed perked up with interest and made a variety of expressions as they determined two things immediately: the hunt was over, and Rausery's side had won. Even if they had heard already, my following Jaunda around empty-handed only confirmed it for them.

We went directly to D'Shea's quarters without pausing, despite a few others who tried to engage my Lead for some practical reason or other. Jaunda told them gruffly, "Later," and we continued past.

When we were bid to enter, I could tell from first glance that D'Shea was only waiting here because she knew Jaunda had returned with me; she was wearing her reds and looked as if she'd been busy recently. It was a notable difference from often finding her relaxing in her smooth robes working at her desk. The Lead withdrew Gaelan's Feldeu from a pouch and set it without comment on one of the side tables where it could be seen clearly.

And, yes, D'Shea was not happy with me. She was scowling, and her copper eyes flashed with too many thoughts and a great deal of energy as she focused on me.

"Thank you, Jaunda," the Elder said with a voice coaxed into being calm. "Please stay for the time being."

"As you command, Elder," her right-hand said and stepped quietly off to the side, standing straight and simply waiting to be directed.

D'Shea approached me immediately; I knew better than to speak before being spoken to, so remained silent. My Elder paced around me, raking every detail of my current state with her eyes. She took hold of my cloak and checked it with her hands, smoothing over the material methodically. I had no idea what she thought she might find, but it was my first hint that I wouldn't be speaking for a while.

"Remove your cloak. Roll it and set it on the ground," D'Shea ordered once she was satisfied that it hid nothing.

I obeyed, and then she checked every pouch on my belt, removing each bottle and tool and spent dose of poison, laying them out on the table next to the Feldeu I'd stolen. She checked the belt itself and commanded me to remove that and place it on the cloak, which I did. From there she checked my hair, my armor, my gloves, my boots. She found little that seemed out of place, but whatever she did find she placed on the table. Then I was to remove that item, and ordered to take down my hair.

Jaunda was right; I was filthy and needed a bath.

Shyntre's blue pendant lay between my breasts, hanging from its black cord around my neck, and D'Shea's gaze lingered on it for a while. She reached out, lifted it up in her fingers and turned it over again. She tugged at it.

"Take it off."

I was loath to do so, afraid I wouldn't get it back, but obeyed, and she placed it with the rest of my tools on the table.

By the end, I was naked and in a position very much as when I'd first laid eyes on D'Shea in the candle chamber. She checked over my body clinically, paying attention to minute details without a hint of the erotic.

"Take hold of your ankles, Sirana. You remember."

I did as she commanded, immediately felt her touching my between my legs, parting my netherlips and studying my intimate flesh.

"She's raw. Did you mount her before bringing her here, Jaunda?" D'Shea asked.

"Yes, Elder," her Lead replied neutrally.

"Did anyone else?"

"Not that I saw, Elder."

There was a very brief pause as I imagined them sharing a look. The fact that D'Shea neither asked why Jaunda had fucked me nor admonished her for possibly destroying evidence—or whatever she was looking for—told me it had probably been part of Jaunda's own assignment. Did that mean the warning about telling D'Shea everything was part of it, too? Jaunda was being a bit of a hypocrite if it wasn't.

"Sirana? Did anyone else mount you on that hunt?"

"No, Elder," I replied, my head still pointing toward the floor. "No one else mounted me except Jaunda with her own Feldeu."

"Yes, we'll get to the one that's not yours. First tell me how many healing draughts you've taken."

I wished I could stand straight again; blood was rushing to my head and I fully understood the meaning of the position she'd placed me in, reminding me of my place. "One and a half, Elder."

"I see two empty bottles. You spilled some?"

"No, Elder. Of those two bottles, not a drop was spilled."

Obviously the math wasn't adding up, but she only noted it and continued without pursuing that tangent.

"All your weapons have been used, some poorly cleaned, and your leathers are stained. What blood is on your weapons and armor?"

"Duergar blood and Jael Aurenthietti's blood, Elder."

Again D'Shea was quiet a moment. "Three doses of your poison were used. Did you use any on the initiate?"

"No, Elder. All Duergar."

"How many received poison?"

"Three."

"How many were there total?"

"Seven."

"All dead now?"

"Yes, Elder. No survivors."

"Who killed the other four?"

"Panagan three, Aurenthietti one."

D'Shea paced some more before asking her next question. Meanwhile my head continued to pound.

"Several message pellets have been broken. Did you send any messages?"

"No, Elder," I answered, surprised to hear they were broken. "It must have been from my encounter. It was very physical."

"Any actual contact?"

"With one, yes. We grappled."

There was a pregnant pause as D'Shea absorbed that. "Were any Duergar present psionic that you knew of?"

"Yes, Elder. Three were psionic."

"And the one you grappled with?"

"One of the three."

"Did anything happen? Yes or no only."

"Yes, Elder."

Some of her underlying rage seemed to withdraw when she heard that, but again she didn't pursue that line of questioning. Jaunda would know D'Shea was being oblique referring to "something" happening with the psionic other than a fight, but apparently my Elder did not want to spill that pot quite yet.

D'Shea looked over the items on the table again, quiet and deep in thought.

"I haven't known a thing you've been doing for six entire cycles, Sirana, since your last visit to House Itlaun. Do you realize that? Again you never sent me any messages. That is unacceptable."

"Every event was connected to directives you've given me, Elder D'Shea," I said. "They happened too quickly to ask your advice, but I am ready to give you complete reports."

"Plural," she repeated. "Let's list the ones you owe me, shall we, in case I've missed any?" Her tone was the most sarcastic I'd ever heard it.

"Yes, Elder."

"First, Curgia."

"Ready when you are, Elder."

"Second, Rausery knowing about the Duergar before me."

She left out part of it but I understood what she meant: the connection, my borrowed memory of them shifting loose somehow to push me to tell Rausery about the danger to Jael in the first place. I had fumbled in not telling D'Shea about my recent conversation with the other Elder, admitting to my encounter on my trial in exchange for information about the Surface.

"I will explain all of that, Elder."

She grunted. "Third, why you had Gaelan's Feldeu on your person during your first hunt."

"I can explain that, too, Elder."

"Oh, yes, you will. Fourth, your second encounter with Duergar."

"Productive, Elder. Look forward to that report."

She noted my optimism, but I was still too far in the dung to her for it to lighten her mood.

"Fifth, your hunt against Panagan, resulting in the recruit being captured and currently in Rausery's quarters."

"Exactly as you directed, Elder, with more gained to offer you."

"Indeed. And sixth, that gaurro you rode in on."

"Gaurro, Elder?"

"The white mount with cloven hooves and horns. It has a name. It's a creature bred by the Duergar, am I to take it that you stole it from them?"

"Yes, Elder."

"Any particular reason?"

"I couldn't walk, Elder. I needed something to carry me to catch up with Panagan."

"And you could guide it; it understood and obeyed your signals."

"Yes, Elder. As I said, a productive event. Command me when at your choosing, I will tell you everything."

Each of my answers had been without hesitation, saying outright that I intended to come clean with D'Shea. It was the best I could do in taking Jaunda's warning seriously about D'Shea being close to setting a compulsion on me to better control me—with my asshole still burning as a reminder. I could guess none of us wanted a compulsion spell, but I also didn't want D'Shea feeling like she had no choices left but to leave me with none. I was sufficiently alarmed by now to decide against any secrets I may have been intending to keep.

"Stand up straight, Sirana."

I did so slowly, dizzy and needing to close my eyes and let my head find its equilibrium again.

"Jaunda, please standing just outside. Make sure we are not disturbed."

I needed to see my Lead's expression and opened my eyes; she was looking at both of us, actually a bit wary.

Jaunda said, "Please do not do anything irreversible, Elder."

Elder D'Shea looked a little surprised at the request, and how it was asked. Her tone hardened, however. "That is not your concern. Yours is guarding my door, and if Gaelan comes by, make her stay until I'm finished. I would speak with her."

Jaunda nodded, bowed and took her leave the door closing behind her.

"She never did agree with me about Gaelan," D'Shea murmured, turning her powerful gaze back on me again. "I take it you know where you stand? I will know all the details soon enough, but already know you've done several things of your own design without consulting me and at Rausery's benefit. I know that you know about Gaelan's inability to speak about my plans in detail."

I nodded, feeling a flutter in my stomach. "I do, Elder. I know."

"And you're still confident in the choices you've made?"

Even after a second thought, I nodded the affirmative. "Yes, Elder. There's more benefit than cost."

"As far as you know," she snapped. "We will see. First, report about Curgia. You let her see you?"

"Yes, Elder. In her plantation's gardens, after three cycles waiting."

"Then what?"

I recounted it exactly as I recalled it, including some boring details as I waited in the garden. D'Shea waited me out without interruption, and her expression became complex when I talked about Wilsirathon's possible response to a recommended change in Curgia's behavior.

"I see."

She was quiet for several long moments, and I second-guessed my thoughts about benefit versus cost on this very first report. I hadn't been told much of anything about what D'Shea wanted out of the Wilsirathon-Itlaun plot. Had I truly messed this up for her?

"You gave me no specific instruction, Elder," I reminded her preemptively, "and you've always expected more from me than following your word to the letter."

"I know."

She turned away briefly, setting her gently curled fingers to her mouth as she considered the possible shifts in events. "You gave Curgia a reason to live and cease seeking an end to her pregnancy. You gave her insight into the Priestess's actions, which you learned from me."

"Yes, Elder." I dared not say anything more at the moment.

"It has been a year, hasn't it?" D'Shea said quietly, almost to herself. "Wilsirathon hasn't waited this long before offering a solution to her prey in the past."

"It's...different, then, Elder?" I asked cautiously.

D'Shea nodded. "A little. I am going to want you to find out what becomes of Curgia's negotiations, Sirana. Even if you have to speak to her again. But not until I tell you, understand?"

"As you wish, Elder."

"Did you ask anything in return for your information?" she asked.

"No, Elder. I told her to expect something later."

She nodded; of something like that, I knew she could be satisfied. She was one to love having favors that could be called in at will.

"Second, why did Rausery know about your knowledge and connection to Duergar at all?" my Elder asked. "Why would she believe you when you came to her desperate for her help?"

I swallowed. "The last time you loaned me to her...we talked. I...she was irritated you hadn't taught me anything about the Surface yet but didn't seem like she would step in without knowing something that you were up to. Since it was my own personal challenge, nothing that was originally yours, I told her about the rape and that you'd been helping me with it, and thus we weren't focused on any Surface knowledge at this time. I didn't tell her the trigger was the Feldeu, however. She doesn't know any of that."

D'Shea nodded once, shortly. "And what did she tell you about the Surface now?"

"The Ma'ab. A bit about them, about how they became powerful capturing one of our Priestesses, that we were watching them. That's all."

My Elder still looked surprised. "She wants you for something specific, then."

"Like what, Elder?"

"A specific mission. I don't know what exactly, but she's looking at you." Before I could inquire further she sighed and rubbed her gold-touched temple before pinning me with her gaze again. "No more on that. Why did you steal Gaelan's Feldeu?"

I shifted my weight uneasily. "I...never intended to. Gaelan figured out you had initiated me on wearing one, she got me to admit it to her. She did a very good job persuading me to use her own Feldeu on her, so then I knew the command words."

D'Shea quirked a graceful brow as if to say, *Clearly you are not finished.*

I wasn't. "I was afraid to wear it, Elder...knowing what I've done to you and not remembered afterward. But...I...gave in, and I took her with it. It was...different. I remembered everything and stayed in control. Gaelan never knew about my struggle, just submitted to me."

She looked intrigued despite herself. "Interesting. Go on. Did you feel any pain?"

I nodded. "My head. Right side. But I also experienced all the pleasure and remembered everything."

She nodded. "How did you manage to take it without her seeing?"

"Jaunda interrupted us, saying a recruit had been collected and we were expected."

"That's why you were late." Her mouth twitched on one side.

I nodded. "We were trying to prevent Jaunda from seeing us, so were hurried. Gaelan didn't secure it and...I was the last one to leave the room. I picked it up."

"Impulse?" she asked.

I nodded. "It truly was, Elder. I know you will never believe it entirely but it was like...it was calling me."

She studied my face and body for several long moments before asking, "Did you use it after leaving Gaelan's room?"

"Yes, Elder. Thrice."

Her brows rose high. "Oh? On whom?"

This was skipping ahead a fair bit, but I answered the question, nothing more. "I stroked it by myself the first time, then I used it on a female Duergar, then on Panagan."

I had the insane urge to laugh at her expression and bit the inside of my cheek hard enough to bruise.

"*Female* Duergar? You actually saw a female of their race?"

"Yes, Elder."

"And you fucked her."

"Well...that's complicated, Elder."

She shook her head and her sigh was equal parts astonishment and exasperation. "Let's get to that in due time. First tell me what happened when you stroked the Feldeu. Did you cum?"

"Yes, Elder. But after I did, I was...immersed in thoughts that weren't mine. The knowledge you'd been after finally knocked loose, and that was when everything started happening so fast."

I had to back up a bit to tell her of my chat with Panagan while the Elders and Leads were gone seeing to Jael's trial, then my thoughts as I recalled them, and the reason I sought out any Elder I could at the time.

"Rausery decided to send Panagan and me after Jael to prevent the Duergar from killing her. Then we had to follow her, and if she made it close to the City, then—"

D'Shea nodded. "Yes, I know this part. I spoke with Rausery. Tell me everything that happened while you were out there, Sirana. Everything."

That took a great long time; my feet and back were aching as I stood and described everything to the best of my recollection. I answered her when she'd interject with questions, and she was most especially interested in my interaction with Lana. She was moderately pleased with my blackmail and domination of Panagan when I got to that part, also pleased that Jael had gone to Rausery just as planned, noting it all as per usual Drow politics—but she still went back to ask after Kain and Lana and anything else I recalled of my experience in that dwarven crawlspace.

When I was hoarse from talking and my head fully aching from trying to recall so much detail, D'Shea finally came close enough to touch me. She took off her glove and reached up to take my dust-coated chin in her hand, looking me straight in my eyes, studying me. She looked intrigued, and I told myself it was a good thing that she was not bored with my antics and that I had come out more positive than negative this time around.

"If the female psion was right...then we need do nothing else. You will heal your mind on your own and you will lose little of what you gained from that grey dwarf. Perhaps she's correct that you'll be able to recall their language and culture without wearing the Feldeu at some point."

"Perhaps, Elder." I still thought any memory would fade, given enough time or disuse, whether it was originally mine or not.

Her hand slid up to caress first my jaw, then to trace the edge of my ear. "I can agree with you, Sirana. Everything you did was focused on broad directives I have given you, even if your interpretation got a little creative. But you have always been good at thinking on your feet. You are more fearless and determined than many I've trained, and I like that you will claim all your actions. I've noticed only a few excuses here and there when you try to hide your true motives from me. But you'll learn, won't you? You don't need magical assistance, I take it?"

"No, Elder," I responded immediately.

"Good. Now, where you could fall, Sirana, is with over-confidence and recklessness. Never believe that you know better than me. Not until you are my rank and have lived six centuries."

I nodded, shivering slightly at her touch as it went from my ear down my throat. I felt my nipples harden in the free air. "Yes, Elder."

"I have to test that you understand what I'm saying, unfortunately," she said with a wry smile. "I have put her off for as long as I have been able, but no longer."

The potion from my struggle with Panagan had revived me well enough, but it had been a many cycles now and I was approaching exhaustion. Still, I refocused all my attention back on D'Shea. "Put off whom, my Elder?"

"Wilsira," D'Shea said with a sigh, caressing one of my breasts casually before standing back to place both her hands on her hips. "She has wanted to meet you. Has asked again and again since you were accepted into the Sisterhood. I've refused, and the Prime has had no reason to override me. However, we were only able to use the Draegloth to test Aurenthietti with Wilsira's permission, and in exchange, she wishes me to send you to her as an escort for a short trip she wants to take."

I was fully awake now, my stomach tightening. I understood without D'Shea having to say so that this had potential to be very dangerous. Suddenly my opinion of the Priestess was called into question; I had been told she didn't like me for controlling her son, even for that brief moment, but had assumed that her unwillingness to face me meant that she was weak, uncertain, intimidated by a younger, more attractive Drow.