Sufferance Ch. 15

******

D'Shea refused to talk with me at all about Auslan when I gave my own report of the Purge so far. She kept our focus dead set on what was happening immediately and wouldn't deviate though I tried to nudge her. It didn't work; my Elder was like a stone wall.

She said, "Jaunda reports that you performed well, Sirana."

"Elder," I said, withholding a sigh.

"Did you feel any conflict?"

I swallowed. "Yes, Elder."

"How so?"

"Executing the children, Elder."

"Normal for your age, Sirana. It is not common that we must do so. Any other conflict?"

"The rapes, Elder. I had no interest in participating and could not watch. I was...glad Jaunda made it quick for the Consort."

D'Shea moved to stand in front of me in her red uniform and stared into my eyes; neither of us blinked. "Did you take any action not explicitly ordered, even if you would justify it?"

"No, Elder."

D'Shea watched me closely and seemed to decide that I was being truthful. She stepped over to her bookshelf and, after waving a hand to ease the ward, removed a plain stone box from the shelf and set it on her writing table. She contemplated it, not looking at me, without opening it.

"Some things have changed since the Purge began, Sirana. The Valsharess has ordered another audience with only those involved in Kerse's death, after the Purge is more or less complete and we can spare you. That will be you, Jael, Gaelan, Jaunda, and Shyntre. The Prime will be there, as will Rausery and I. She will not have any Priestesses there."

I frowned when she paused, but waited for the rest to drop.

"The chances are high the queen may discover your pregnancy, Sirana. I believe She did not before is because of your psionic 'noise' and how much else was going on in that chamber. She habitually reads thoughts to varying depths, and with fewer present in the room She may catch it from you or Jaunda."

Or Shyntre. But I kept my mouth closed about that for now.

"Unfortunately, I cannot offer an abortion, for if She discovers that as well, She may well order my death or condemnation to Auranka for it."

She paused to let me absorb that.

"Do you wish me to confess and resign myself to the Sanctuary, Elder?" I asked, nearly in monotone. I did not see many options but was still trying to think of something.

"Only if it will save you from or delay execution, Sirana."

My brows drew down. "Only if?"

D'Shea nodded. "There will still be punishment for Kerse's death."

"Why? The queen knows what happened, almost everything. Jaunda chose correctly—she never intended to kill him, and none of us dealt the killing blow. He did it himself."

My Elder shook her head. "The Priestesses are near rebellion with this Purge, and there are still sympathizers for Wilsira. Even if none of them are directly challenging the queen, they have not been completely cowed and they are already scheming. Tarra is at great risk right now, with only the queen's protection dissuading any direct attacks for the near future. She is the one who stepped forward to topple Wilslira, and she now will need to gain allies and prove she can recover all the power so quickly lost by the Priesthood before she will be on firm ground again."

My mouth tightened. "The Priestesses are demanding the punishment, and the queen and Prime will give it to them to satisfy the deaths in the Purge?"

"Yes, *but*..." my Elder emphasized, "Rausery and I had been given the opportunity to make a case to the Prime, which we have, and through her, the Valsharess. We may be able to persuade a service—a penance—instead of death to satisfy the Priestesses' demands. Do as you can to keep your condition from coming to your mind, use what the dwarf gave you—I can speak for its effectiveness. Whatever you have been doing has made you difficult to read with magical attempts."

She looked at my expression and added, "Well. Whether you knew it or not. Meanwhile, I will help Jaunda do the same with a spell."

I'd barely had time to absorb the one shock when I heard the other.

"A spell...or a compulsion?" I asked with a suspicious tilt to my head.

D'Shea leveled her gaze at me. I could tell: it was a compulsion.

"Elder, no," I said with anxiety rising. "How could you, after what you and I both know? You were a Lead when it happened to you!"

She tensed at my tone and frowned at me. "They have always been necessary, Sirana. In one form or another."

"She knows what you did to Gaelan. She abhors it. I know she would do many things for you before suffering that! Even if she does survive the queen's judgment then you will still lose your most loyal left-hand. How did the queen not pluck my pregnancy from her mind before, when she was giving testimony? Jaunda must have some training and experience, some mental defense."

"She does, yes, but not indefinitely and not in a small audience with the queen focused on her," D'Shea retorted. "I do not know everything that will be asked and we must be prepared! If I can keep you alive past this next audience, then that is what I want. My plans for you have changed significantly...but I would still keep one Sister with such potential, even if I must lose Gaelan and Jaunda in the process."

Once upon a time, it might have pleased my sense of ambition to hear that.

"Are you willing to give them up so easily, then?" I demanded, in my upset neglecting to use her title.

She ignored the slip as her temper flared, focused on the problem at hand. "Open your ears, novice! My first plan is that I keep all my Sisters and that the Valsharess does *not* discover you are pregnant and have that card in her hand at all! If Rausery or the Prime knew, this would not work and your fate would be out of my hands. I'm trying to keep it there."

D'Shea paused and took a breath, giving me a moment to accept what she had said before continuing. "But... if we cannot manage to negotiate a service as payment for Kerse's death, then I am giving you the order now to confess your pregnancy and the queen will spare you, if not the others. Jaunda and myself must plead ignorance of any foreknowledge, and Jaunda *must* believe her ignorance or we all die! She is the weak link and I cannot ignore that. Then I have two more years to come up with something else to help you."

I could see the necessity, and D'Shea's tenacious focus on protecting me should have been satisfying, but I could not forget about the price my Lead would pay for it. Every impulse inside me rebelled against the method. There had to be another way!

"What if I could give Jaunda a psionic suggestion instead of you giving her a compulsion?" I blurted.

Her brows shot up. "Assuming you could, that is untested. Would you risk yourself, me, and Jaunda on something of which you couldn't be sure? Even if you would, I wouldn't."

"I know how it feels from the other end, Elder, and I was linked to a Draegloth who was linked to an Illithid," I said stoutly. "Yes, I believe I can do it, and choose when it would wear off. It wouldn't be permanent on her."

"She would not believe you, or risk it knowingly. It would be as bad as a compulsion to her."

"Yet I could try without her knowing, Elder," I said. "I just need time. I'll...I'll...Give me this eve when she returns, I'll go to her room and spend the night with her. If it doesn't work, you will still have time for your plan, won't you?"

We stood in silence as she turned this over and over in her mind.

"You may be able to have it both ways, Elder," I pleaded, trying to push a little farther. "No loss of Jaunda's trust *and* the knowledge of my condition out of the hands of the Valsharess for now."

After a quiet moment, D'Shea said softly, "Your new...power was instrumental in breaking the compulsion on me, Sirana. I've not felt this in control in centuries. Perhaps we can try it your way, but we must act quickly to see if it may work. Are you ready to try now, if I call her back before the Purge is complete?"

I nodded earnestly. "Yes, Elder."

"Then do it."

*****

Jaunda was getting cleaned up after D'Shea had debriefed her about the coming audience and possible service—in a less complete version than I'd received, I assumed. I hadn't been there, but I found her in her quarters shortly after watching her leave our Elder's.

"Going smoothly, Lead?" I asked after she bid me come in the door.

She was nude form the waist up, having stripped very quickly and was now scrubbing at some dirt and blood on her arms before she even got to her leather bottoms and boots.

"Yeah," she grunted, touching a bruise on her upper arm with a frown. "Word's spreading fast enough, we're getting more resistance. Doesn't stop us, though."

"Kiren and Lawret still having fun?"

Jaunda shrugged. "Sure. Less time for dalliances now, though, and not so smart to turn their backs on anyone."

"And you?"

She huffed a laugh and shook her head. "Not in me to take such risks, novice, when I know the Abyss is touching this thing."

I smiled. "All that fighting, then, and no release, hm?"

She caught my tone and paused in her washing, looking at me with a mixed expression: interest and bewilderment. "Thought you were still recovering. You've had some bad shocks involving your cunt."

Blunt as ever.

"I don't want to hide from it," I said evenly. "I need to face it. And you know about it, so..."

My Lead quirked a brow. "I'm 'safe'?"

I nodded. "If you want it, Lead. I'm looking. I can try another Sister, though, Gaelan or Jael, probably, if you're not in the mood."

Jaunda rarely ever was not. She grinned and shook her head in bemusement, striding over to take my hand and haul me farther into the room. She caught me up in a tight embrace and claimed my mouth, stroking the inside deeply with her tongue as she began stripping me out of my leathers. I wasn't bundled up in armor at the moment so it didn't take long to expose my skin.

I could smell how hard she'd been working recently; her scent was strong and she wasn't at her freshest, but somehow that only made her more appealing.

"Let me leave this on," I said breathily, touching my sapphire pendant between my breasts after she removed my shirt.

"Don't need it to siphon any magic from me," she smirked. "Getting sentimental about the wizard?"

"It reminds me how much I've survived."

"Gotcha."

She didn't need a deeper explanation. She clasped me again, our breasts mashing together, and she mouthed the skin of my shoulder before she encouraged me to touch her in return, placing my hands at the waist of her leathers. I helped her strip the rest of the way before she caught me back up in a deep kiss.

"Glad we got you back," she gasped heavily, greedily squeezing my rump and sucking on my neck, biting it to make me gasp. "No Red Sister should fuckin' die that way."

I couldn't think of a reply as she lifted me up to get me quickly on her bed.

Almost all of her usual enthusiasm was there, but I noticed my Lead was being more careful about certain acts: where she put her weight or how hard she squeezed with her hands when near my abdomen and, when she finally mounted me, how deeply she thrust into my willing and eager pussy. She had yet to play with my ass as she so loved to do.

Was she falling into a pattern of holding herself back on my account? It may be my pregnancy was at the fore of her mind, even if it had just begun and, realistically, her normal preferences wouldn't hurt something that was barely a speck inside me.

No wonder a pregnant Red Sister was usually sequestered away from the others... even if I didn't know how much was just my relationship with my Lead, how much might be a magical side-effect of Auslan's, or what Red Sisters truly thought about offspring from our own cloister.

Wilsira might have been right about one thing: the Red Sisters couldn't truly forget our blood, much as we might try, much as the Prime wanted it trained out of us. If we traded our birth families for the Sisterhood...then the child of one of us was the child of the entire Sisterhood. Flawed as that idea was.

I enjoyed my Lead's attention nonetheless as she led every change in position, and I used the slower pace to concentrate on that feeling I remembered from before when I was connected with D'Shea...of a hole in a veil, of a small tear—of being able to go through it and merge with another.

The blue pendant glittered and swung gently from around my neck as I braced myself on all fours and Jaunda covered my back, strokeng her Feldeu inside me much more gently than usual, her hands cupping my breasts and sliding down my flanks. As she did so, it felt almost as if I drained my own gem as I focused harder; its presence became weaker as my mind grew stronger. Was it working?

If it was, I had to be subtle about this. She couldn't know I was there.

Pleasure began to come in waves for me, from two sources which seemed to line up in tandem....and then in sync. I slowly became aware of being able to feel her thrusting into me—but from the perception of her body as well as mine. The last time I did this, only a few cycles ago, I could feel it from Kerse's side...

Given a few more moments, I noticed as well that this was not dissimilar to what I'd already learned about managing wards by listening to my body. I wondered whether what had happened to me in the wilderness had ultimately made me so effective with wards...?

*Jaunda...Jaunda...*

I mentally whispered my suggestions, quietly, but over and over...until there was a...something I could only describe as a resonance, coming from her.

*Yes...* she whispered, both a primal thought of pleasure and one of comprehension.

*You'll remember everything again in a week's time, and you won't recall that you'd ever forgotten. Meanwhile, you have no need to visit or talk about solitary.*

*Yes...*

Her thrusts gradually became much harder as she stopped holding back. She gripped me more firmly, reaching to twist my nipple before squeezing my tits hard, growling deeply in lust. She withdrew from my soggy snatch and pressed firmly at my netherhole, squeezing in, encouraging me when I cried out at how fast she had speared me.

She made me tell her aloud how much I loved being fucked by her. I told her gladly. Both of us felt how good it was to still be alive.

"Spider-bitten slut," she whispered lewdly in my ear as she reamed me and spanked my buttocks hard, eventually gripping my hips tightly and pounding into my ass two score of times.

When at last she slammed in all the way and held still, she released a hoarse roar from her throat, shuddering and rasping. I could not tell a difference between her orgasm and mine when it happened.

"Ohhhh, fffuck, I needed that..." my Lead gasped, her sweaty forehead resting against my shoulder blade. "Much better that you didn't bite it, Sirana. Hope Wilsira's writhing in the Abyss."

I chuckled. "Me, too. Good thing the wizard steered us toward the Consort, hm?"

"Yeah. Good thing we made it in time, too. The mage is a quick thinker."

"Yes."

I slowly caught my breath with my Lead's Feldeu still lodged in deep as I waited patiently for her to withdraw. I breathed out slowly as she did. Fortunately she was up for a little pillow talk as always, and I could probe her with a few more telling questions.

I wound up smiling. It had worked, somehow it had worked! I was confident that Jaunda remembered everything except Auslan impregnating me—for now, at least—and was sure that I had succeeded.

I could convince D'Shea not to permanently alter her Lead at all, and we would all be able to stand against the queen's probes.

Even now, the Sisterhood would keep its secrets, provided that I could make contact with Shyntre prior to the next audience.

*****

My regular duties had been disrupted enough that I could manage a call upon the wizard. I'd told D'Shea quite plainly that I needed to talk to him about the talisman and the fight, to fill in some holes—pun intended—and she granted it with a slow nod of her head.

"Only if you will lay grounds in my favor with him. He still won't talk to me."

"I'll try, Elder."

Phaelous was going to be a problem. His "sending his regards" to my Elder in the past made more sense now, of course, and no two Drow in the same room within the Tower would draw his spying eyes more that his gifted son and his former lover's favored novice.

Basically, once Shyntre granted me an audience in his quarters (and yes, Phaelous did phrase it that way), I had to have a simple motivation. I had to walk in with only the obvious intent to couple with him. By forceful persuasion, if necessary.

"Are you addled in the head, Sirana?" he asked as he backed away from me. He'd just closed and warded the door for privacy.

"Shut up. Come here."

He hesitated using anything forceful against me as he had once in Callitro's room—further indication that he knew my secret, if I needed it— but he did send me straight into a magic shield.

"Shyntre!"

"What is wrong with you?" he demanded in return, now almost trapped between his own well-ordered desk and his neat bookshelf, all scrolls tied tight and neat and stacked just so. He was lit from the side by the single candle covered in glass which sat upon his desk. He looked quite good in that soft light.

"Let down the shield and I'll show you."

The mage seemed not to know how to read my actions, likely because he didn't believe me "back to normal" yet.

Of course, he was right.

"Shyntre, come on, just let me fuck you," I said in a lowered, almost conspiratorial tone as I smiled.

"I'm hardly in the mood," he said, although I could tell his curiosity was warring with his caution. "Sirana, just leave if you have nothing else to say."

I removed my gloves, tucked them at my waist, and pressed my bare hands flat against the shimmering, near-invisible shell of magic. I could feel the vibrating tingle of energy but it wasn't a punishing formation as it sometimes could be. Another way he was holding back in trying not to hurt me.

"I'll break your shield eventually, mage."

"And how would you manage that? It's not a ward."

He stared defiantly at my eyes, and I smirked, tugging out the pendant that was the twin of his own, drawing his gaze down. It was glowing.

"Fuck!" he spat.

"Exactly. Let me closer," I coaxed. "I won't hurt you."

His mouth firmed up as if he would deny having any concern for that. "I thought you needed something."

"I do. You're the one who invited me to your quarters, just like I said you would." I smiled. "Don't be thick, wizard."

His cunning, dark red eyes narrowed at the subtle changes in my expression, and he considered. He was definitely thinking with the wrong head, in my opinion, but that was what made him so challenging to seduce and why I could even possibly plan with him while leaving D'Shea out of it.

"Take the challenge, or wait for me to break through," I said gruffly. "We're running low on time but the result will be the same, I promise you."

His jaw tightened and I thought I saw some of the gold in his eyes glint. He frowned, unhappy with the choice, but hissed out a breath and the shield dissolved beneath my hands. At last.

I took those final two strides and pushed him back up against his bookshelf, rattling a stone or two that sat among the scrolls. My lips came down on his and I kissed him with a genuine eagerness as his familiar taste and scent dominated my senses for a few wonderful moments. He resisted with only a portion of his usual stubbornness.

Eventually, I moved to his ear, nibbling on it, using my tongue to explore it while holding him tightly in place. I whispered voicelessly, "Cover your eyes in my shoulder."

He did, making a small sound of reluctant desire as I kept touching him all over. It nearly distracted me from my primary purpose, it was such an arousing sound. Oh, Lolth, why couldn't he have made those sounds before now?