Sugar Heart Ch. 05

"Oh... thanks," I chuckled, giving him a lopsided smile.

"I really would like to have the both o' you join us for the game. If Buddy feels up to it."

Buddy didn't answer when I first knocked. When I told him it was just me, he made some kind of muffled noise that I decided to take as an invitation to enter. I locked the door behind me.

Buddy was curled up tightly on his bed, facing the wall and hugging a pillow. I crawled in behind him and cuddled up close to his trembling little body.

"Please," I whispered against his soft hair, "tell me why you're crying, button."

Buddy sobbed and whimpered. I heard him swallow noisily, and make some vague guttural noises that I recognized as him struggling to form words. It was difficult enough for him when he wasn't crying. He gave up, and did not answer.

"Is it because Bernie's a great big butthead?" I ventured, hoping an attempt at levity would not go awry.

A short, staccato chuckle broke through Buddy's tears. "Mm... n-no."

I coaxed and cuddled him a while longer until he had calmed and was better able to speak. I shut off the light to help him. He always stuttered a lot less in the dark. He whispered to me about his mother, how she had been everything to him, and how he punished himself for ever thinking ill of her. He never doubted she loved him, even when she was on drugs and couldn't take care of him. He loved her, even when she made disparaging comments about "the gays", even when he had to lie about who he was. He loved her because she was his mother, and she was dying. He loved her because she'd been his safe place and his comfort when he was wracked with anxiety and bullied at school. He loved her because she'd stubbornly fought off cancer long enough to see him graduate high school. When she was gone, he hated himself, because some part of him was relieved, and not only because of her suffering.

"I feel sick," he breathed, "when I think about... how things would have gone... had she lived, and I'd had to tell her the truth of who I was. Me and her and Bernie, we were a family. For a little while, things were so close to perfect. But if I'd told... don't you see how it would have torn us all apart? She would have been so, so disappointed in me. I would have been so hurt. And poor Bernie... would be caught in the middle, wanting to defend both of us. No more happy family. All the good... soured. It's like... she left while we were all ahead. And I feel disgusting when I think that's for the best."

I squeezed him more firmly against me. My hand pressed against his and felt a warm throbbing pulse wherever it touched—his, or mine, or perhaps our hearts were beating together.

"You have to stop being so hard on yourself," I spoke up after a lengthy pause. "These things are always... emotionally complicated. You can't blame yourself for your feelings, or for thoughts that just pop into your head. You've endured so much, Buddy, and it's difficult for anyone to have to face the worst flaws of the people they love. At the end of the day, whether you love her or hate her or feel some crazy mix of things about her... you're allowed. You're still a good person. So was she. She had to have been, to have raised you to be such a sweet and caring person. And what might have been doesn't matter. What you have now matters. I love you, Buddy, and Bernie does too."

"I know," he mumbled, and broke off sobbing and shaking again.

I held him and stroked his hair, letting him get his emotions out. I'd done plenty of reading online lately about anxiety disorders, and I knew that telling him to calm down or get over his feelings would only make things worse.

"Buddy," I whispered, "I'm gonna go get some of that ice cream, okay?"

He nodded, and I popped up to go grab a pint of Ben & Jerry's from the freezer, and a single spoon. As I was walking back to Buddy's room, I could hear unfamiliar voices in the living room, and knew some of Bernie's friends had arrived.

I settled back in with Buddy, lights on this time, and coaxed him to sit up. I fed him a great big spoonful, and at last he smiled around a mouthful of ice cream, cookie dough, and gooey brownie, despite the tears still rimming his eyes and matting his lashes. I leaned in to kiss him, and, true to his word in the grocery store about feeding me with his tongue, he passed the whole mouthful to me. We both laughed and fought not to dribble on Buddy's sheets as we continued goofing off and abusing the ice cream.

We finished most of the pint by the time we'd descended to purely making out and grinding a little in Buddy's bed. I could hear guys—and Joanna—yelling at the television down the hall. Buddy broke our kiss, panting.

"I d-don't wanna do stuff... while people are over!" he gasped, rolling off of me and straightening his clothes.

"That's fine," I sighed, awkwardly adjusting my stiffening cock beneath my jeans. I figured we were pretty safe from interruptions while the game was on, but Buddy was paranoid about doing anything sexual even when it was just Bernie in the house. I supposed I couldn't blame him. He had a lot of trouble controlling his volume when he was being pleasured. I smiled at the thought.

"Th-thank you... for respecting me," he said in a soft, almost sheepish tone.

"Respect. Ah... respect is non-negotiable. That's what Bernie said to me earlier. Good policy." I paused, looking seriously at him and taking one of his hands between mine. "You know he'll expect his friends to be respectful... right? We could go out there and say hello, watch some of the hockey game..."

Buddy cringed. "I... I was... rude. I know I c-can't expect him to kick anyone out of his life who isn't... pro-gay. I mean... my mom. Point taken."

"Well, I don't think he's very happy with himself for bringing up such a sensitive subject the way he did."

"Richard... I d-don't know if I can go out there. I'm scared."

"Of Bernie's friends? You know them, don't you? They've all been around here before, haven't they?"

"Yeah, but... not when..."

"...When you've had a boyfriend?"

He nodded, and hung his head. "P-please don't think I'm ashamed."

"I don't. You're allowed to be scared. Coming out can be really fucking terrifying. It's up to you, okay, Bud? I'd like to watch the game, but I don't mind chilling in here with you. Or we could just go out there as friends. I won't be hurt if you're more comfortable that way for now. You've already taken so many brave steps with me today. One at a time, right?"

He shut his eyes for a few moments, gravely considering his options. When they popped back open again, he looked both determined and guilty. "O-okay. We'll go. I'll say... I'll... I'll say you're my friend. Okay?"

"Sure thing, Buddy-boy." I tousled his hair. "Don't feel bad, okay? I really don't mind!"

He sighed and hugged me one last time. "You're s-s-ssso much more than I deserve."

"Nonsense."

I let Buddy go on ahead while I put the remaining ice cream back in the freezer. When I ventured into the living room, it was just in time for a commercial break. He was busy stuttering his way through standard small talk with Bernie's hockey buddies, four guys around Bernie's age. Their eyes flicked up to me with curiosity when I entered, hands casually in my pockets.

Buddy turned to face me, and his expression brightened. There was something in his eyes that flooded my chest with warmth. I felt a spark pass between us, as if we were seeing each other for the first time and falling head-over-heels in love all over again. I was pulled back in time to the first few days of our relationship, walking into the coffee shop to see him looking at me with that exact expression across the counter, ready to write my name on my cup with a little heart above the "i". I was so smitten with him, I couldn't breathe for several moments.

"This is Richard," Buddy blurted out in a loud, clear voice, without stammering for even a moment. His mouth stretched into a delighted smile. "My boyfriend!"

I was so touched by his unexpected surge of bravery, I must have looked like a complete moron as I grinned back at him. I pulled one hand out of my pocket in time for him to squeeze up to my side, letting my arm naturally settle around him. I was proud as hell to be beside him in this moment.

Once I could tear my eyes away from the gorgeous little guy winding his arm around my waist, I looked around the room to gauge the reactions of Bernie's friends. At first, I wasn't sure what to make of the four blank expressions turned our way.

"Don't he look like a young Robert Redford?" Joanna exclaimed into the silence. "A mustache and another decade on him, he's the Sundance Kid!"

"Dammit, Jo, cut that out!" Bernie bellowed, whipping a pretzel at her. "Yer embarrassin' the boy! Quit bein' a creep!"

Jo deflected the snack missile with her beer bottle and flung a pillow at him. Soon the whole room was in an uproar of laughter, punctuated by good-natured argument as to whether or not I bore significant resemblance to Redford's Sundance Kid.

"Well, good to meet you Richard," one of the guys said once the noise had calmed down. He seemed genuinely friendly, and two others uttered polite greetings. The fourth seemed more interested in the Skittles commercial on TV than anything else at the moment. I was happy enough to accept apathy. It was far better than hostility.

"Well, are Butch and Sundance gonna join us for the rest of the game?" Bernie wondered, smirking in our direction and tossing us the pillow his sister had thrown at him.

I looked to Buddy, and he smiled and nodded. Every seat in the living room was taken, but several more pillows were tossed our way. We made ourselves comfortable in front of the coffee table, and for the rest of the evening we were just guys. Buddy even accepted a beer, though he could barely finish half the bottle. I finished mine, and his.

Buddy and I retired to his bedroom once the game was over, and cuddled in the dark as we listened to the noise down the hall of the guys and Jo continuing to shoot the shit, and then eventually depart. I heard Bernie put some things away in the kitchen, and then head to bed.

"Sweet cheeks," I whispered. I was growing hard against his cute butt, having been anticipating a continuation of our morning's exploration all day long. "Hey, little cowboy. I'm so proud of you. And I want you so fucking much."

Buddy did not answer. I listened to his deep, even breathing. He'd already fallen asleep. I sighed softly and willed my hard-on to calm down. We could both wait till morning.

* * * * * * * * * *

* * * * * * * * * *

Buddy woke before I did. I must have been deeply asleep, because he was already naked and working at undressing me when I returned to consciousness.

"Hey," I mumbled hazily, "you trying to molest me in my sleep?"

"Yup. But... n-now you're awake. So... awake molesting."

"I'd prefer that," I chuckled, and squirmed around the bed to help him pull off my boxers. Buddy seemed to have awoken in Beast mode, and it certainly made for a fantastic morning.

"I'm so... so... horny," he huffed, flinging my clothes across the room. "And so are you."

"Fuck!" I blurted out as he grabbed hold of my admittedly impressive morning wood and stroked it firmly. I was suddenly much more awake. "Bernie?"

"Garage."

"Good!" I sat up and pushed him face down onto the bed. "You want to continue where we left off yesterday?"

"Yes, yes!" he exclaimed, gamely popping his ass up into the air.

"Mmm... that is one fine-lookin' behind you've got there, Butch," I drawled.

"All yours... Sundance," he giggled, wiggling a little to tempt me further.

I kissed both of his round cheeks, and then the tender apex of his cleft. He sighed and hugged his pillow. I spread him wide and licked a steady line downward until I reached his sweet little opening, which was already more relaxed than when we'd started out yesterday. I massaged his sensitive pucker slowly with my tongue, and his moans were beautiful music to me.

"More," he groaned, pressing back against my mouth. "In... in."

I poked my tongue firmly against his asshole and began to prod in earnest, working my way in. I felt his ring relax a little more, and I pushed through, shoving my tongue as deep into him as I could.

"Ohhh Richard!" he wailed. "Ohhh your tongue! Oh yes, oh yes, make love to me with your mouth!"

I did as he commanded, though I wished he would use the word "fuck". It was a challenge to get any dirty words out of Buddy. Perhaps it was for the best that he was reluctant at this phase—if he'd suddenly begged me to fuck him, I'd be so turned on by the mere words that I might bust a nut before I even got halfway to pointing my cock at him.

I slid my tongue in and out of him until it ached with the strain of overwork, but I powered through, enjoying myself—and Buddy's cries—far too much to let my body crap out on me.

I had been too absorbed in feasting on him to notice he was reaching for the lube, but all of a sudden I felt the bottle pressing insistently against my knee. I pulled back and took a minute to catch my breath. Buddy rolled over onto his back. A deep flush had spread from his cheeks all the way down his neck and even his chest. There was a sheen of sweat across his face. His eyes blazed up at me, blue and green and grey all at once, looking like a storm at sea. When I didn't immediately pick up the lube bottle, he grabbed it again and pressed it against my chest until I took it from him, chuckling.

"Tell me what you want, button," I encouraged, my voice shaking a little. I wasn't sure exactly where this was going to go, but I knew where I hoped it would.

"Finger... two fingers!" he demanded, settling back and spreading his legs wide.

"Two, right away? You're sure?"

"Richarrrd!" he wailed.

I laughed and squeezed out a generous amount of lube. The way he got impatient and pushy with me when he was horny was one of my favourite things about him. I settled down and placed the well-lubricated pad of my middle finger against the hungry orifice that was already slick and partially relaxed from the labours of my tongue. I massaged him in little circles, and then began to press in with my middle and index fingers together.

"Ohh... whoa," I whispered. At first it didn't seem like my fingers would fit, but I pressed a little more firmly with some encouragement from Buddy, and then, gradually, I felt his snug passage relax and admit my fingers all the way inside. He gasped and twisted the sheets beneath him in desperate handfuls.

"Does it hurt?" I asked.

He looked like he didn't know how to answer the question. "Not in a bad way!" he decided after a few moments' hesitation. He took several deep, slow breaths. "Now... move a little."

I started to gently move my fingers in and out of him, carefully thrusting as I kept my eyes fixed on his, drinking in his enjoyment. The tight embrace of his inner muscles around my fingers was the most astonishingly pleasing sensation. I didn't realize how hard I was breathing, and I had even forgotten my cock for the time being.

"Like this," Buddy panted, making a beckoning motion with his fingers.

I curled my fingers the way he showed me, as if trying to tickle his bellybutton from the inside, and I felt my fingertips press against a spongy swelling that I quickly realized was his prostate. Buddy pulled in a sharp breath and nearly leaped right up off the mattress.

"THERE, yes!" he yelped, grabbing my forearm and keeping a tight hold on it as if to prevent me from pulling out. He looked enraptured, and I could scarcely believe the subtle press of my fingertips could have such a profound effect. I continued rubbing his prostate, and stroked his rigid little cock with my free hand. When I wasn't watching his rapt expression, I looked down at his excited prick, which was drooling an almost continuous stream of precum. He looked like he was close to an earth-shattering climax.

"Stop!" he exclaimed suddenly, his fingernails digging into my arm.

Startled, I froze. "Buddy... did I hurt you?"

He shook his head and grinned dreamily, gasping for breath. "No, no, not at all! So good, Richard, oh... so good! Just... so intense. Take a break."

I pulled my fingers free of him very slowly and stretched out beside him, soaking up the cozy heat his body was radiating. "God, you're gorgeous," I whispered. "I'll do that for you anytime. You're so hot when you're turned on. I wanna make you cum."

He kissed me fervently, locking his skinny arms around my neck and plunging his tongue into my mouth. After making out with me for a few minutes, he pulled back and looked me in the eyes. "Richard, I want to make you cum too. I want to feel it. I want to feel it inside me. I want you inside... your cock inside me, Richard. Please, I'm ready!"

I groaned and squeezed him tightly. I didn't ask if he was sure. My cock was aching to get inside that hot, snug little hole that I'd been fucking with my tongue and fingers. Remembering the pink dildo in his bedside drawer, I believed him when he said he was ready. I believed he had been preparing himself for this even before we'd ever spoken a word to one another. The thought of him fantasizing about me while he fucked himself with a dildo was incredibly sexy.

I crawled between his thighs and pushed them upward. Buddy grabbed them and held them for me, leaving my hands free. I slid one beneath his cute bottom, and used the other to point my rigid cock at his well-prepared hole.

"I've been imagining this moment," I whispered tremulously, hesitating now that I was right here, on the brink. I wanted to savour this. Or perhaps I just wanted to tease him, and force him to yell at me.

Buddy breathed as rapidly as a little puppy, waiting for me to properly pop his cherry. "Stop imagining and do it!" he burst out, grimacing with need.

I grinned wickedly. "Do what, Buddy-boy?" I whispered.

He whined and squirmed beneath me. "Richarrrrrd!" he growled. "PUT your COCK in me, NOW!"

A shudder rippled through me. I leaned in and pressed the dripping, scarlet-tipped head of my steel-hard cock against his waiting asshole. I fixed my eyes on his and pressed a little more firmly. It was going to be a tight squeeze. Buddy let go of his thighs so he could wrap his legs around me. Just when I was worried about hurting him, his heels dug into my bottom, encouraging me to push harder still.

"Go on!" he wheedled. "I can take it!"

I smiled gratefully at his encouragement. He was tugging anxiously at his hair. I grabbed his hands in mine and laced our fingers together, holding his arms above his head. I gave one sharp thrust, and felt my head pop through his ring all at once. We gasped in unison. His ass was so, so tight around my cock. Buddy's jaw fell open, and his mouth widened into a huge smile. His eyes glimmered with gathering tears. My chest felt like it might burst with the swelling warmth that was gathering there. Every beat of my heart was calling his name, and pulsing down through my body, through the swollen organ that was stretching his beautiful ass so wide.

"Richard!" he whimpered. "Love you so much!"

"I love you, button."

I leaned down over him and slowly licked the salty flesh of his face and neck. He moaned and sighed, and I could feel his inner passage relaxing a little around the broad head of my cock. He prodded me again with his heels, and I pushed in a little further, slowly sliding more and more of my hard shaft inside him.

"God!" I groaned against his neck. "Buddy... fuck... you feel so fucking amazing! Oh, your sweet little ass is squeezing me so tight!"

Buddy spluttered something incoherent, but I knew he wanted more of what I was giving him. His legs hugged my waist, and I started rocking my hips steadily, grinding more than thrusting. I could feel his small but very hard prick pressed between our bellies, and my lush crop of pubic hair was tickling his tight balls. I squeezed his hands; he squeezed back, and squeezed his inner muscles at the same time, clamping down deliciously on my cock.