Summer of 1984

"I know what you mean," I said. I was head over heels for John Mark.

Labor Day

When John Mark dropped me off on July 7, I questioned what would happen now that we were back. The next day, my questions were answered. John Mark called me when he got off work, and we talked for about an hour.

About halfway through the call, I offered, "You don't sound happy."

"I'm not. I let things get away from me, and now I'm stuck."

"Talk to me."

"Well, it was DeeDee's idea to get married, I didn't resist enough, and things just snowballed until I found myself standing at the altar doing something I didn't really want to do. It was the same way with the baby. DeeDee claims she got pregnant by accident, but I don't believe her. I think she wanted a baby, knew I didn't, and so took matters into her own hands."

I couldn't offer him any words of comfort. I had no idea what he was going through.

What I could do was see him. "Meet me at the coffee shop on 17th."

"Okay, I'll tell DeeDee I'm going for a run."

At the shop, John Mark and I just talked. Every once in awhile, he would tousle my hair or put his hand on mine.

Every day after that, I biked to his dad's shop and talked to John Mark while he worked. Some days, I was there all day. It was my Uncle's shop, so no one cared or thought it was weird. We were just two "cousins" hanging out.

When we could, we'd sneak sex. If my parents were gone, John Mark would take his "lunch" in my bed. When they weren't, I'd blow him in a bathroom, or he'd blow me in park, or we'd sneak a quick fuck in his car.

July turned to August, and August headed toward September. As I started at the local university, I wondered about Labor Day weekend. My grandparents and I were certainly headed to the cabin, but I wasn't sure if John Mark was. DeeDee was close to popping, and I didn't think she'd tolerate him being gone. I was surprised when John Mark told me she not only tolerated it, but encouraged it.

"That's what we've become," he said, with only a slight amount of melancholy. "She'd rather I wasn't around."

*****

With our grandparents there, we were back to the living room floor, and the loud, raucous sex of the 4th returned to the silent, furtive sex of Memorial Day. Still, there was none of the dance of Memorial Day weekend. We both knew and wanted what was going to happen. We fucked each other Friday night, and sucked each other Saturday morning.

We spent Saturday on the river. John Mark let me blow him on the sand bar. Anyone running the river could have seen us. We didn't care.

After Granny and Gramps went to bed Saturday night, John Mark and I went to the porch, smoked pot, and made out. Our kiss matched the kiss from the morning of July 6. It took my breath away.

"I love you, John Mark."

"I love you, too, Matty. A lot."

We didn't have sex Saturday night. We just kissed and held each other.

We slept too long Sunday morning. When I woke up, we were naked, John Mark was wrapped around me, and Gramps was sitting at the dining room table, staring at us. A grey sheet was all that saved Gramps from seeing what he was trying not to see.

I nudged John Mark awake. When he started to kiss me, the terror in my eyes stopped him cold. I whispered "Gramps is up" and looked toward him. I was terrified about what would happen next.

John Mark was as cool as the underside of a pillow. He grabbed his shorts, slid them on, stood up, and stretched. When I followed, he tousled my hair, and said, "It'll be better tonight. You'll see."

John Mark strode to the kitchen, got a cup of coffee, and joined Gramps at the table. Without skipping a beat, John Mark said, "Matty had terrible dreams last night. The only way I could get him calmed was to hold him. . . . Is it okay if I call DeeDee? It's long distance, I want to check on my wife and our baby. I'm a little nervous being gone this close to the birth. I should've ignored her and stayed home."

I didn't know if it would fly. But, John Mark's cocksureness seemed to have done the trick. Gramps never said a word, and John Mark and I were fucking on the living room floor as soon as he and Granny closed the bedroom door that night.

I blew him a final time the next morning. We cut it close, as we could hear Granny and Gramps talking in the bedroom as I worked an orgasm out of John Mark's balls and cock. No sooner than we had pulled on our shorts, Gramps called down the hall "Rise and shine. Up and at 'em." He had never done that before. John Mark had not tricked him the morning before. He knew what was going on. He had just chosen discretion. And to warn us this morning so he didn't walk in on something he didn't want to walk in on.

*****

As we were loading the car, Gramps asked John Mark and me to join him on the dock. Once there, he proved himself to be a pioneer on the leading edge of society. "Look, I don't care what you boys do, but you best be careful. The world can be a cruel place, and I don't want that cruelty visited upon you. So, do what you need to do, but be careful about it. There's no need to let the world in on it."

As we drove home, I wondered where we were going. It was clear, at least to me, that this was not some passing fling. It was equally clear to me that there was not enough room in John Mark's life for me, a baby, and DeeDee. I was not sure how he'd work it out, but I didn't think it would be easy.

DeeDee made it easy. She'd stopped fucking John Mark because she'd started fucking the guy in the apartment above theirs (obviously unbeknownst to John Mark). He was hot and single and rich, or at least headed to riches (he was a Radiology resident). She hadn't lied about the baby. It was an accident, and she didn't know whose it was.

To John Mark's surprise (and DeeDee's), the tests showed he was John Mark's. She didn't want him or John Mark. She wanted the Radiologist. And, he wanted her. So, John Mark's problems were solved. DeeDee took off, leaving the baby (Travis) and John Mark behind. She never looked back.

Travis had arrived on September 21st. He was perfect and adorable. I loved him the first moment I touched him.

For awhile, I pretended to be interested in Travis and claimed to be visiting him. But, it was not long before the secret was out, at least in our family. John Mark and I were together. I for all intents and purposes moved in with them. My parents didn't like it, but I was 18, and they couldn't do anything about it.

I officially moved in at Christmas. I took everything I owned. My parents cut me off, at least financially.

John Mark and Travis and I were deliriously happy. John Mark and I were living a dream. We were together, and we had a perfect baby boy.

Epilogue

On June 26, 2015, the United States Supreme Court held that same-sex marriage was a fundamental right. When it did, John Mark and I had been together for 30 years. Our life together had not been easy. One, the world was a different place, and it was difficult for both of us to deal with the intolerance. We tried to hide, but it's hard to hid in plain sight. Two, we were flawed men who made selfish, self-centered decisions. I will not detail them here, but - suffice to say - we both behaved badly, there were times where I was certain John Mark would leave me, and there were times where I was certain I would leave him. We should have ended a number of times. But, no matter what, we always found our way back to each other.

John Mark is now 56, I'm 50, Travis is 31, our adopted daughter (Elizabeth) is 26, and our grandchildren (David, Michael, and Katherine, all through Travis) are 5, 3, and 1. We have seen a revolution in our lives. We started living in the shadows. We now live in the light, honest and open about who and what we are.

We are true partners. We still like sex, but we like to have wine on our porch or walk hand in hand through the park even more. Mostly, we like to spend our evenings with our grandchildren on our living room floor, building forts and playing with blocks and cars and dolls.

In 2015, we also love each other more than we ever had. We started as boys, really, me more so than John Mark. We were too young and too stupid to know we didn't have of a chance of making it, at least not together. Our youth and stupidity may have worked to our advantage, as we had made it. Not easily. But happily.