Sunday

"Can we reconsider?"

"I'm listening."

"I was wrong."

"Ya think?"

"You're not going to let me get off easily are you."

"Not a chance. This is kind of a big deal."

She stopped to think. I knew she was on the right track. I knew she was ready to propose returning to where we were before she decided we had to talk. However, there was no way I was going back to exactly where we were before. Hell if this could happen once with no warning, what might happen in the future with no warning.

"I imagine you are worried about our future. After all, you didn't expect this, and..."

There they came again. The"ands." She was on a roll too. But I have to admit, the "ands" all connected things that reflected my valid concerns last week when she brought this hair brained scheme up. So I kept he movie stars and supermodels out of my mind, and heard every word.

"....and if we can burn that contract, I'll agree to a new one that says anything you want to say if you'll take me back as your only woman like we were before."

I sat there and considered what she said. At least I made it look as if I was considering it. Of course I wanted her back as my only woman. That's all I ever wanted. I know, I should have been hurt by what she had done....I was hurt. I just wasn't hurt that bad. I mean I was helped by Denise, Bobbi, Carla, my olive skinned client, Tina, Guy Lombardo girl and her friend. Yeah a week of nightly pussy with seven different sexy women will apply a lot of balm to a broken heart. But I planned to make Diane work for this.

"Blow jobs on demand, in whatever position strikes my fancy, wherever I say unless it involves public embarrassment or danger."

She blinked. Oral sex wasn't her favorite, unless she received it. Her head bowed down and a very meek Denise voice replied "done."

"To completion if I wish, without complaint or second thought. I will cum in your mouth, on your tits, on your ass, on your belly, in your hand, and you will swallow it if I wish, every time I ask."

She never swallowed. Never. It wasn't about the taste. Since it came out of the same body opening, she equated ejaculation with urination. Cumming in her mouth or on her body was equivalent to urinating in her or on her. I never figured out how she justified allowing me to cum in her pussy with that theory in her head, but now was not the time to bring up that distinction.

"I agree."

"Your ass is open for play time. It is available to me for whatever I wish, unless you are sick or are experiencing any kind of discomfort unrelated to sexual contact."

She was a "my ass is an exit only" kind of girl. I really wasn't interested in anal sex either, so this clause would be a big deal to her. But she was true to her word. She was going to agree to anything. Before I was done, she had agreed to wear ultra sexy costumes for Christmas, New Year's, Valentine's Day, St Patrick's, July 4th, Labor Day, Halloween, Thanksgiving, and my birthday. I originally proposed Rosh Hashana and Chinese New Year as well, but pulled them off this table when she objected on the grounds that those weren't holidays we ever celebrated. We werent Jewish or Chinese after all.

She did agree to sleep naked every Friday night no matter how cold if I provided an electric blanket in the winter, to wear a French Maid's costume to clean house every Saturday morning as long as I shared the chores with her, to serve me and my friends drinks and snacks dressed in a little black dress with CFM heels and lace top stockings on Super Bowl Sunday and the first game of the World Series, to remove one article of clothing every hour of any long car trips while I was driving, to sunbathe topless on our back deck to ensure a no tan line look, to keep her entire body smooth and hair free except her head (didn't think she'd go for that, so it was a throw away like Rosh Hashana, but she didnt object so hey, why not?). She also agreed to wear thongs unless she had a discomfort issue like a yeast invasion (yes I meant the choice of word. Her infections were an invasion of my sex life, so to me it was a yeast invasion), thigh highs instead of stockings unless the temperature was below 40* F when she could wear tights, to exercise at least 5 days a week, to take cooking classes and be naked except or an apron when she cooked just for the two of us, and to shut up and drop any argument on my word. Yeah I did lay it on thick. However the actual contract read differently. 15 minutes after agreeing to basically be my sex slave until we died, I placed this contract in her hands.

We the undersigned hereby agree:

1) to love each other completely, totally and exclusively until the day we die.

2) that the events of the past week are hereby forgiven, but never forgotten as they stand as a warning of what we both have to lose.

3) that in the future, if either party seeks to step out of the boundaries of our relationship as defined by our original marriage vows, and discussion with the other spouse does not find resolution, they will either a) drop all suggestion of their offending action immediately or b) leave the marriage immediately, sacrificing all claims to the wealth, property and emotional and financial benefits of their home, to follow the disputed pursuit.

My signature already graced the document.

Diane read it carefully, fully expecting it to be full of the legal traps Bobbi had planted in our existing agreement. Of course there were none. She read it again, I'm sure in the disbelief that I had not laid claim to her promises of swallowing blow jobs and anal sex every night. No traps, no sex slave. It actually only asked for what we had always had, except the third clause that required communication about anything that strayed from the norm, including involving others in our love life. It also included protection for honoring our original vows.

"So you don't want me in thongs and thigh highs every day?"

"Well yeah, actually I do. But I want a gold mine and the fountain of youth in the back yard too."

"And anal sex?"

"What and get shit in my dick? No thanks," I laughed.

"So you'll take me back?"

"Yes, but only you. No one else belongs in our sex life."

"I'll make it up to you, Ted."

"Only by going back to being my loving lady."

"No baby, I'll be better...."

"No! There isn't anything to make up. Clause 2: you are forgiven. I'll tell you whatever you want to know about the women I was with this week. Anything you ask, I will answer, after we sign. Just don't ask what you don't want to hear, because you forgive me the same way as soon as you agree to clause 2. For the record, I don't ever want to know about your adventures. I don't even want to know who they are."

"You don't care?"

"Oh yes I care! I'd probably kill them though. So keep me out of jail and them it of the hospital, or the morgue. I don't want to know. If I know them, warn them to be afraid, and never let me know. Don't smirk, don't gossip, don't even flirt with you."

"Are you serious!? You have to be kidding me, now you are jealous!? All week I have been hoping for your faced to crack, for you to react with a little bit of jealousy. Ok, Ted, I was stupid to start this thing, it you didn't even fight for me. Now you tell me you are jealous!?"

"Diane, it's different now. Now I want to keep you. Whatever was going on in your mind is over. Now you are mine. Last week, I believed you wanted to be someone else's. I wasn't going to fight for someone who didn't want me. When I fucked Denise, I was getting a start on replacing you. I didn't want Denise, but I did want to explore every shape, size and type of woman before settling down with a new wife. I sampled 7. Two might have been candidates in your absence, but no one compares to you. Now that you want to be with me from here to eternity, I will fight any fight for you."

She signed right then. Good timing, huh?

"So Teddy, do you think you could take me up and show me just what I've been missing?"

"Depends Hun, first you have to toss your old contract in the fireplace, mine is already there. Then light it."

She went upstairs and got her copy. God bless Bobbi, she had probably saved our marriage with that beautiful, clever document. She lit the starter log, and soon that chapter of our lives was ash.

"Now, Ted. Can we go upstairs and make love."

I laughed. It wasn't a funny laugh, or the sarcastic laugh I'd used so much this week. I was actually giggling with the irony.

"No Hun, we're still in the 48 hour cool down period between...."

I didn't get to finish. Well, actually I did finish something. She ripped my clothes off and pulled me to the floor. Nature took its course, and in another brilliant stroke of timing, I finished just a couple of seconds after she did. Now every time she says "honey, I've been thinking" I quickly answer "if it isn't about going to bed with me, keep it the fuck to yourself." I know, it is not an approved response from the Husband Handbook, but it works for me.