Sundown

"No" I said stepping away from her.

"But you don't understand" she said "I love you, I'll never love any other man"

"Yeah" I said "That's why you've been fucking every swinging dick with a couple of bucks"

She was clearly knocked for a loop that I'd said that, and she stopped trying to get closer to me.

"No" she said "That isn't tr.."
"Before you lie again, I should tell you that I had an investigator on you, so I have pictures, videos, and even audio tapes. I guess the first lie was probably the first time you told me you loved me"

Mary's hand went over her mouth and her eyes filled with tears when I said that.

"So lie 2 would probably be when you swore to be faithful, keeping yourself only to me" She reached out like she really needed to be held then, but I wasn't having it. "That was a bad one because it was in church before God, the preacher and all of these sanctimonious assholes who are standing here getting off on our conversation. You see I didn't tell anybody why I left, I'd hoped we could just go our separate ways and after I left town you could tell them whatever you needed to get you through but you've kind of forced my hand and with all of these fucking busybodies around here by tomorrow it'll be national news, isn't that right, Myra?"

"Anyway you just started lie 3, which is that you didn't do it or that I don't understand the circumstances, or is it that you weren't Sundown's whore that I just didn't understand?"

She started crying and this time her friends were too shocked to do anything.

"Isn't it funny that now that they know, none of these good Christian people want to offer me a shoulder to cry on, or any comfort, I mean they were so judgmental of me less than 5 minutes ago, but now that they know they were wrong, not one of them has even had the guts or the decency to say they were wrong about me or that they're sorry. The truth is that they're all sorry, and in fact they're the sorriest bunch of assholes I've ever met. With friends like this it's no wonder I'm leaving town"

"No John" she screamed

"Don't worry Mary", I said softly, "There's at least 5 or six truck stops in this town so even with Sundown dead you'll be able to find all the dick you need. But if you need to talk to me so badly, I'll make a deal with you. I'm leaving this fucking town tonight, even if I have to walk, but tomorrow I'll call my attorney and have him bring you the divorce papers back and if you sign the papers, we'll either exchange letters or I'll have him give you my new cell phone number and you can call me one time before I change the number."

"But you can't leave me, what will I do without you. It'll kill me if you go" she said seriously. It was good to see that her acting skills hadn't been lost during our break-up. It reminded me to buy that damned oscar statue before I left town.

"You didn't seem to be suffering so much yesterday in that motel with that doofus while I was working to put food on the table for both of us, or do I cease to matter when you've got someone else's dick in you? In any case, after you sign the papers you can say anything you want. I'll give you 30 minutes uninterrupted or I'll read any letter you send"

"What if we decided to try again when we talk" she said.

"Then we tear up the papers and we try again" I said. "So what's it going to be, letters or a talk?"

"Both" she said.

"As soon as I here from my lawyer I'll write you a letter" I said "The phone number will be in the letter"

"I want my talk to be in person, not over the phone" she said through her tears.

"You don't get to call the play here Mary" I said.

"You've got nothing to bargain with either" she countered. "I'll go door to door and tell everybody myself, I'll take your sleazy little pictures and put them on billboards. I don't care what happens to me as long as I have a chance to be with you. So I'll sign the papers, just to get a chance to explain it to you, but our meeting will be in person"

I left then, I couldn't take seeing her cry because I still loved her so much. That's partially why I was being such a dick, because it hurt me as much as she had already hurt me to be mean to her.

What I really wanted more than anything else was to wrap my arms around her and forget that this had all happened. But there was too much water under the bridge for that.

3 days and 800 miles later, I got down out of the truck as the snow started to fall again. I waved to the driver and thanked him again for the ride and the company.

I made my way through the drifting snow into yet another truck stop. This one was a little better than most. It was warm, and actually served good hot food. My dollars were in short supply so I decided to just have coffee instead of a meal. The place was packed and the woman who gave me the coffee was another well stacked country girl.

Big breasted and broad in the beam, built more for comfort than for speed. As I looked at her she reminded me so much of Mary that a tear rolled down my cheek. Would I ever get over that woman? Probably not.

"All you want is coffee?" she asked.

"It's all I can afford, until I get settled, I'm on a budget" I replied.

"Well if there's anything you can think of, let me know" she said, smiling.

"Actually, there is...Arlene" I said reading the name off her name tag. "There's a computer in your office over there, do you think I could please use it for a few minutes?"

"Well the internet don't work on it and the owner is kind of partial who she let's use it" she answered Hesitantly.

"Well, I just wanted to write a letter, and have you mail it for me, but thanks just the same" I said.

"Oh shit, go on and write your letter, but I can't mail it until the snow stops and the mail truck comes"

It took a lot longer than I thought it would to write the letter. It's hard to sum up all of your hurt, anger, pain and other emotions, in just a few words, especially when you have to also tell the person why you now feel that way. I also ended up telling her a lot of things about just exactly how much she meant to me, and how I would love her until the day I died. I told her that I couldn't see myself with another woman so I'd probably end up some lonely broken old man, and I also told her about my plans for our future, how since she couldn't have kids I was hoping she'd adopt some with me. Maybe they wouldn't be our biological kids but they'd still have our psychological imprints and they'd be just as much our babies. I also told her that all the love in the world wouldn't be enough to put us back together and that she didn't need me.

She was still a beautiful woman and she could find hundreds or even thousands of guys to take my place in her heart. I didn't mention that she'd already found lots of guys to take my place in her body and that was why we were here. Lastly I told her that the divorce papers were only a formality, so she could re-marry or If I was ever lucky enough to love again that I could. The terms etc. were just numbers for the court. I'd left her everything we had together and I took only a few items of clothing and the money I had in my pocket. I'd left everything we had in the bank, the house was hers and both cars were hers too. My lawyer, when he called to tell me that she still hadn't signed the papers and was refusing to let me go, said she thought that I was driving the Mustang. He also said that she had a PI of her own trying to find me. Good luck with that as I was walking and hitching rides everywhere. If she really wanted to speak to me ever again she needed to sign the fucking papers.

I folded the letter up in an envelope, sealed it and gave it to Arlene. By the time I'd finished the truck stop was closing up, and I hadn't had time to find my next ride. Luckily I remembered that we'd passed a comfort station about a half a mile before the truck stop. Those things were usually deserted and I'd probably be sleeping on a hard bench or maybe a nice cot if I was lucky, but either instance beat having to try to survive in this storm. I thanked Arlene and headed out into the blinding snow. She looked at the envelope with Mary's name and address kind of funny. "Please don't open it" I said.

"You can't go out in that" was all she said.

"Don't worry Arlene, you can only die once, and I had my heart ripped out about a week ago. There's nothing a little snow can do to me"

I walked out into the storm relishing the cold and heading for the comfort station.

By the time I'd gone a hundred yards I could barely see the outlines of the truck stop, but I could still see Arlene holding the door open and the lights from inside.

I smiled again, she really did look a lot like Mary.