Surfacing Ch. 17

"From the sound of it, a psion and a Dragonblood were the two best bloodhounds we could have. I doubt the sorcerer was expecting us to close so quickly. He'd have been better off taking you from Manalar entirely before gloating to himself."

I remembered Cris had been staring lovingly out the window at the battle at the time. "That doesn't explain your severe change, Gavin."

He shrugged slightly. "I would be helping to retrieve you from a very powerful sorcerer. Call it a change of necessity."

I frowned. "Why not just leave me? Why risk him as an enemy?"

"My deal is with you Sirana, not with Mourn and not your sister. Without you I would have to make a new deal."

"Would that be so hard?" I asked wryly.

He blatantly ignored that. "Moreover Brom knows where the Tower is through Mathias and likely has an idea of my intent to take it. Considering his proclivities, do you think he would have been content to simply let me do as I please? No, he would seek to control or destroy me. In the end, destroying him was the best route, though of course not the safest."

My stomach tightened a bit. "Does anyone know that he is dead?"

"My sight ended when my crawler destroyed the vial."

And none of us would have been able to witness what happened next regardless.

"He's said he's come back through the Greylands before."

"Yes. There is a title for him in the Greylands... The Deathless. But accomplishing what he said takes time, perhaps even beyond your lifetime, Sirana. The Maiden is aware of him."

The Deathless? Appropriate. "How is she aware of him?"

"She has not told me. I'm not sure if he is from before or after her exile from Manalar, but she has seen him in the Greylands."

I straightened at the mention of banishment. "Yes, that. You called her something different after the rift was open. Stewardess of the Winter Throne, barred from Musanlo's realm. Stewardess...not Queen. Is that what you meant?"

Gavin nodded. "Exactly what I meant."

"Is Musanlo a...I'm not sure, a Steward of a 'Summer' Throne?"

"No. He is King of the Summer Throne. He is not a Greylord, Sirana, he is a God. Try not to make that error in front of His Chosen. I'm sure the Knight Captain would be quite offended."

I frowned again, tightening my arms crossed before me as I shifted on my feet, thinking this over. Gavin did not seem in the least bit jealous or annoyed that his mistress was a mere caretaker of a throne while Isboern was the paladin of an actual ruler.

"Who is the Queen of the Winter Throne, then? One of Musanlo's missing sisters?"

"There isn't one." Gavin froze, abruptly turning his head to look straight at me. "What did you say?"

"Musanlo misses his sisters," I repeated flatly, feeling some of that earlier anger again at the Godblood's presumption. "That's what Isboern told me. He wants my consort because he and his 'God' think that a male breeder Drow knows where they are hiding."

Gavin mulled on that for quite a few long moments. "Hm. And you told me your consort is sent dreams and visions by more than one entity, Sirana, and has been for most of his life. They are female?"

I felt a cold flush pass through my middle, remembering my earliest dreams in the Cloister, when I'd been stabbed by Soul Drinker and Gaelan had to wake me up. "As far as they've shown themselves. It could be trickery or illusion, I've never gotten a good look at them. Silhouettes and burning light and voices. But what hints I've seen, they have always been in Elf form, not Human."

"A good thing to bear in mind, then," Gavin agreed. "It's not unusual even for devils and demons to take a form their target is familiar with. Still. Interesting."

Demons. The word still hung in my mind, but I thought instead on their extension to my City, their own Matron, where the Abyss was directly linked to the Drow: Lolth.

"Lolth is the Spider Queen...she couldn't also be a Queen of the empty throne, could she? We've been in hiding all this time, like Musanlo's sisters..."

Even as I said it, it didn't sound right, I wasn't using all the information I had, and Gavin even shook his head after a few moments. "She may like to take it, Sirana, but that is one thing my mistress may be trying to prevent, despite the Sun God's pride obstructing her."

I thought more on that conversation with the Godblood. "And Isboern said the Spider Queen would kill Auslan once She knew 'what' he was..."

Gavin nodded. "I would imagine if you wanted to take a throne, the one who could lead the rightful ruler back to the kingdom would not be someone you want to keep drawing breath."

I hated that there was no argument there. "And if that connection to the Sisters is severed?"

"Uncertain. They may yet be able to try through some other connection, unless the balance of things has tipped too far now and this is a last chance to arrest some unfathomable fall." Gavin did not seem to notice my scowl. "I wonder if Brom was meant to help restore the balance once. If so, he must have failed, or Isboern and Auslan and I would not be as we are, millennia later."

I felt my mouth go slack; it felt as if a small pop had just created a void inside my skull where I couldn't but think of a desert and the spanning centuries of shifting sand in utter quiet.

"What...?"

Gavin looked at me again. "He was a ruler at the time the Baenar disappeared from the surface world, wasn't he? And the chosen sire for half-blood Elves, something I still wonder about, given the absence of Elfish essence in the Greylands. He has been trying to find your race...but why? To fulfill a task long past its time, given to him by some god or goddess who now speaks to others? His task failed long ago, but he's been unable to move on because of the power he has. The Deathless should have died long ago."

"That would make him insane," I commented.

"I doubt anyone would be recognizable after so long, Sirana. At two thousand years, do you believe you would think and act as you would now, at one hundred? In your race such a lifespan would be closer to natural. The Deathless was once a mortal man and his mind was meant to live a human span on this plane."

"But his essence wouldn't be restricted to one mortal life, would it?"

"No, but it's never transformed as it should. After so long such a one might fracture and break, or change to be truly alien to its home world, even not recognizing the fact. Perhaps that is why Innathi does not speak to him. He is no longer the man he once was, for that man had ended long ago."

I almost reached to touch Soul Drinker by habit, but just stopped myself. I still felt nothing from the blade. It wasn't speaking to me, either.

And V'Gedra was...what had Cris said...was "not much changed" from when it fell.

Just as Manalar had just fallen.

We weren't repeating a gauntlet already passed through by my Valsharess and her contemporaries, were we? The very idea made me want to scream in denial; there was no way I could see that far around me, no matter what. I couldn't see it all at once the way Nyx could. It was too big, too much, I had to believe I was trapped up in a collective insanity to believe this all not only had a purpose but could easily fail again...

Especially since my only part may be to decide whether Auslan dies down in the darkness due to my own "trigger" and refusal to return...

Gavin tilted his head as he watched me for a few moments. "Sirana?"

Something tickled my face and I wiped my cheek; my bare fingers came away wet. My throat hurt and I couldn't speak well but I croaked out, "I think...I need to cry..."

The former monk considered that and nodded, turning around in his chair and setting up his things to start writing again. He did not react with my first few sobs or when I curled up on a pallet, and after a time I forgot that he was there.

I discovered the rolling pattern of shakes and heaves, of drawing breath to start it over again. My eyes drained as if they were flushing a toxin, as did my nose, and for a long while I was in my bed again at House Thalluen, with my mother oblivious or ill, waiting for my two elder sisters to come drag me out to the barn, where I would eventually see one of them killed by my design.

Where it all began.

The part of me that watched with disappointment as I lost control with Gavin in the room also became fascinated when the tension and the chest pain started easing on its own. My eyes stopped dripping and they blinked curiously at the wall as my vision cleared. I took a deeper breath, one that felt lighter than any I'd taken in recent memory, and my body was exhausted but cleansed as I relaxed, as my breathing settled, my face no longer aching from a grimace.

The crying had just stopped on its own; I didn't make it stop. Was that how it was supposed to work?

My mind was quiet for once, and I just let it be. Enjoy that rare silence.

Soon I fell into reverie.

******

...it wasn't pain I felt, but fire.

I was flushed, hot, sweating. Someone was with me, on top of me, lying between my thighs. His prick was inside me and he held my hips to the mattress with his weight; my legs clasped tightly to him, my ankles hooked on his thighs.

*Ta'suil...! Ohh, Goddess...!*

No longer out of reach, blocked by other females. I could have him. He was right here. As I'd always known, he wanted me to take him.

I clutched at his back and dug in my fingernails so he couldn't get away, and he moved faster inside me, thrust harder; he kissed me, gasped for breath and moaned quietly. I licked at his mouth and gathered him closer for a deeper kiss, his long hair spreading across my hands. I moved my hips against him... I was not sure I'd ever cum so hard as when he gasped a passionate cry and spurted inside me.

I rolled us so that I could be on top, and he made an adorable, encouraging sound as I straddled him. I grabbed his wrists and pinned them by his head and he arched his back eagerly beneath me.

*You have Chosen, Ta'suil. She is your champion?*

"Yes," he whispered, staring up at me.

*And you, young warrior? Will you fight for him? Defend him and his brother, and see them where they must go?*

*Fuck, yes!*

*Do you accept his gift?*

"Give me more," I demanded aloud, equally breathless as I locked with his molten red eyes.

*Then let hope be reborn...*

******

I jerked awake abruptly, groaning, not sure to put my hand on my head or my crotch. I was breathing as hard as if I'd been fucking, and I knew my netherlips were puffy and probably pretty slimy inside my leathers.

I didn't feel content, though; I had the suspicion I'd been interrupted again.

Rolling on the pallet, I remembered where I was fairly quickly as I saw Gavin at his temporary desk, not writing but carefully tending his tools. He glanced my way, aware I was awake.

"What did you dream?" he asked bluntly.

"Mm, not sure you want details," I mumbled, sitting up slowly. "A memory. The coupling, when I conceived."

He grunted, watching me without expression. When he didn't say anything, I smirked in humor. I couldn't help myself.

"You know. It was messy."

He quirked one eyebrow. "Indeed. Was anything different at all from before?"

My smile lowered and I looked down at my belly, covered it with one hand, still only the barest bump under my armor. "I think I made an oath..."

Gavin turned in his chair, taking his hands away from his tools to face me. "You think?"

"I don't remember the other voice from before," I said. "But then, I barely remembered that time at all..."

"You dreamed about conceiving but barely remember conceiving the first time? Why is that?"

I wasn't sure how to answer that without giving a lot of details I didn't want to give. Gavin had never questioned how I became pregnant before, and I always appreciated that. This time, however, I knew it had to do with the dreams to which he himself had a direct connection. He wasn't likely to let it go as easily now, so I wondered how to explain this on my terms.

"You said the rift spurred your regeneration with near-unlimited energy," I began slowly. "It was maybe a bit like that. I was injured...very badly."

"How badly?" Gavin interjected.

I hesitated. "Gutted."

The necromancer nodded and motioned for me to continue. As if I really wanted to.

"And... Auslan used a lot of magic to heal me. As much as he had, probably. But his magic has always been for fertility... so I caught a child as well."

"Life magic," Gavin repeated, looking as though this made sense to him well beyond what I'd said. "Quite the opposite of mine. Perhaps you had truly died, Sirana, and when he brought you back with child, that was how the Grey Maiden found him."

I did not like this thought at all. My mind instantly rebelled against it. "Elf deaths have nothing to do with the Greylands, remember? And she said in your vision that it was *your* faith that allowed Auslan to be 'found.' She must have meant your faith in joining me on this journey, in keeping a deal with me long enough to discover the connection between me and the Auslan."

"I have learned never to assume what she 'must have' meant," he replied blandly, tapping his fingertips against his chair in thought. "You would recall we have spoken before on trusting such assumptions, and we agreed that it was better to consider all options rather than blindly accept it as a fact."

Maybe so. Except when he wanted to talk about me as if I was a resurrected servant, like him.

Gavin's thoughts had already wondered elsewhere as his eyes drifted to the side; his expression was of simple curiosity. "I dare think if Tamuril were ever to meet your consort, she might be awestruck if she could see past his skin color, or perhaps even more because of it. Her natural magic is a form of life magic, but his would be the base essence of hers in creation."

Given what Jaunda had done to the blonde Elf, I thought it unlikely. Still. Tamuril...and through her, Isboern and Musanlo. All three of them seeing value in my Consort? It didn't have to make *that* much sense.

"What vow did you make?" Gavin asked, again not seeming to notice my glower. It made my answer very sour.

"It was just sex talk. I wasn't repeating any vow."

"Sex talk?"

The tone and look on his face told me he had no idea what that entailed.

"Hmph," I grunted, sort of resenting having to explain it. "When pleasure rises in a good mating, words can come out. They are usually just sounds."

"Like what?"

"Like...'yes.' Or 'Goddess.'"

"Yes, Goddess?" Gavin repeated, as if trying to make sure he understood me. "You answered a possible deity's question with sex talk?"

I shrugged helplessly. "Or it was just a weird reverie and not a memory. Or a trick, some ironic worry of my mind. I've had them before."

"Given your past visions, Sirana, I consider that unlikely. What was the question, if not a vow?"

I took a moment to recall, repeating it without the virtue and passion of the other voice. "Will you fight for him... Will you defend him and his brother, and see them where they must go?"

I could have sworn I saw an odd glint of excitement in Gavin's eyes. "And you said yes."

I threw up my hands in massive irritation. "I was fucking! I said 'fuck, yes.' And don't tell Isboern any of this! He wanted a pledge like this at Manalar."

"I have no reason to tell him." Gavin wasn't laughing, fortunately; he just tilted his head. "Who is his brother?"

I growled my answer. "A Drow wizard."

"Just a wizard? You've never mentioned him."

"Why should I have? You haven't seen him in any dreams, I'd wager."

"Probably not. Is there a reason he would be mentioned in that vow?"

I paused to catch my breath, giving it some thought but not much. "They are linked, by essence, I think. It was a magical bond forged over two centuries ago."

"Interesting. In other words, if the wizard dies, the Consort likely will, too."

*Goddess damn it...*

I nodded.

"I think I understand why your consort has not broken under the visions of two goddesses, Sirana. It is that wizard. He must be channeling what is bleeding off the other, perhaps being more obvious in his potential." Gavin thought this over. "He may be the sole reason your Valsharess and her Spider Queen have not realized this consort is a threat to them."

I lifted my head suddenly and blinked rapidly. "Bleeding off...? But the two males are hardly near each other."

"Your dreams have proven distance is a small matter, and their bodies are both in the same city, correct?" He continued at my nod. "They may be symbiotic at this point. The voice in your dream is correct. If you would see one where he must go, the other must be there as well."

I stared at Gavin, momentarily distracted when a scar I'd been used to seeing on his cheek wasn't there anymore. It reminded of where he'd been, and how far he'd come.

"The last I knew," I said soberly, "the wizard was in the Palace. As the Valsharess's new consort."

"That sounds dangerous. From what I've gathered of your culture, such a position would be temporary and terminal."

In most cases, with most Matrons. There was, of course, Phaelous as the sole exception...

"Look for signs of time in your dreams, Sirana," Gavin said, drawing me out of my thought. "Such things may be the only way to tell when these actions take place, which will warn how much time you have left."

I stared; I couldn't believe it. "So now you agree with the Godblood?"

"We're still missing the youngest mother and the ancient child," he said. "I may be able to find the latter, as she is near death, but the newest mother hasn't been chosen yet. I believe that choice is your consort's. My task to prove my ability to serve the Maiden was to form the soul shard, transforming one through death. Perhaps Auslan's task to prove himself to the Sisters was to bring true life to one who had lost it."

I frowned down at the ground, unhappy being reminded again; my stomach was roiling even as I became aware of hunger yet again. If that was true, then Auslan had not just brought back a life but created another and I knew that was all him. My womb had been shredded for the second time in my life, and I had nothing left to offer.

Quite a task to prove one's abilities.

Gavin leaned a bit closer to me when I didn't reply. "As I made Jacob to be my strike back the imbalance at Manalar...perhaps Auslan made you to strike back at the imbalance in the Underdark."

*You have Chosen, Ta'suil. She is your champion...*

"I must leave, I'm going to lose my meal," I said, and got up to leave the room as smoothly yet quickly as I could.

******

The dwarves made room for me when I stepped out into the hall and I breathed slowly, standing still to let the nausea pass. Jael's room was still quiet, and I asked Kellan after her health.

"Healer says she's fine. Might wake in the next hour or so, but Elves can be unpredictable."

I tried not to smirk. "What about the Knight Captain? Where has he been?"

"Meditating."

"Where?"

The short mage gave me an odd look then started over. "He's been awake for a couple hours now, but after he got that everyone was recovering, now he's just sitting. Isn't moving or seeing us, but his vitals are normal."

I thought that over with immediate concern. "He is communicating with someone outside your secret burrow."

Kellan nodded. "Talov says they've made a deal, and the Knight Captain has sworn not to reveal our location in exchange for being left alone to watch over his men and the Elf druid. We already know the man stands by his word."

I looked down each hallway and my first impulse was to go right, farther down from where I'd come. "May I see him?"

Kellan looked suspicious. "Ye dinnae need to."

I noticed more that his enunciation tended to slip now and then for a scholar, but it was far better than Talov's.