Surfacing Ch. 20

Isboern had been watching in disapproval, frowning but doing nothing to stop Mourn from taking those items after arguing at the beginning. Then I had brought up Ada's words, had asked him to look for what ended up being a gold-touched shield with Sun and Moons engraved together on its face...

A soft glow rose up behind me in the dark and instead of making my eyes ache more fiercely, it was someone had covered them with a plush, steaming towel, fresh-wrung from fire-heated water.

"May I?" Isboern asked. He indicated that he would sit next to me.

I frowned but did not have the energy to maintain it; I felt myself relax. I could see the Godblood's aura, which surprised me. Did psions have auras like mages? Was this what my little Sister now saw looking at Mourn, or at my belly? It was not pure gold as I might have expected, but with royal blue and crimson threads weaving a pattern of such mystical beauty that it brought an unexpected lump to my throat. The colors were most concentrated on his skin and faded going outward, but I almost thought the Man could light up an entire cavern by himself.

I shrugged, swallowing. "Sure."

"Thank you."

The Knight Captain settled down carefully with a sigh, sitting up braced on one arm and drawing up a leg so he could rest the other on his knee. He would never have been able to do that in his armor. He watched me, and I slowly realized the colors of his strong aura were echoed in his appearance, too. Golden hair, blue eyes, and very ruddy skin when he thought about—

He smiled gently. "Tami's breasts? Yes, well...I hadn't expected that she would want to show them to me. I would have taken her word that they were healed."

And I hadn't expected that mental image; a guffaw slipped from my mouth, as did the certainty of my tone. "You tell the truth."

He nodded once. "I do."

"Did you know they'd been scarred?"

He shook his head. "Not exactly. I knew something had hurt her more deeply than I could imagine when she first arrived at my camp a few months ago. She would not tell me what, and in any case, even that was hidden beneath her news from back home."

His son dying from illness, I knew. Before I could go in that direction, however, the Captain continued to speak and it was soothing.

"You saw me blush, and yet such things are not as strict or hidden in the mountains where I grew up, not as they are in larger settlements such as Lady Verina has been raised. We were more open. Tamuril was our guardian spirit, and everyone understood the way of nature and the pleasure inherent in procreation, and the bonds of love which could be formed from it. All of us had someone to whom we could not lie—at least one other if not more—and worry was reserved for immediate problems needing a solution. It was peaceful in a way I could never expect to see joining Musanlo's army, though I try to bring the hope of it with me."

I had been listening to the gentle cadence of his voice and blinked, wondering why I hadn't checked behind me lately. He had led me quite far into the conversation in only a few sentences and numerous questions I might have asked were forgotten.

"Back up," I said, sitting up more. "So you are saying you've seen Tamuril naked before?"

Willven chuckled. "No, just her breasts. She was bathing in the lake under the full moon, in the water up to her waist. It was the first time I had seen her since becoming a man, yet her face hadn't changed from what I could tell, and her breasts still had the appearance of a maiden." He looked Skyward briefly. "I was struck with a reminder of the extraordinary creature she was when she mistook me for my grandfather."

I wasn't sure how to read his expression. "And...how did you respond?"

"A zeph-kiss to the cheek, as I'd done as a child."

"A...what?"

Willven grinned. "Short for zephyr. It can be done from a distance and yet the one receiving the kiss can still feel something like a firm breeze brushing one place on their skin. It feels nearly like a true kiss."

I looked skeptical. "And...I suppose your grandfather was not known for using his talent on her this way."

"No. He respected Tami's space to the point of royalty."

"And you didn't."

The Man shrugged. "She had set different boundaries with me. My ability manifested very young. There was a short period just after my first link with another where I was afraid to touch friends and family, for fear of tumbling in uninvited again. It was not good for me.

"Tamuril made the suggestion of the zephyr kiss a few days after it happened, and she allowed me to practice with her. I almost think it was a way to distract me for a day. It helped lessen the fear, having a way to kiss my mother that night before I slept without...intruding. Until it ceased being a worry for anyone."

I tilted my head and said up straighter again. "What do you mean?"

Willven seemed to know this would be unusual to me. "My family let me be. They knew why I stayed away but after explaining that it was expected and no one blamed me, they knew I meant no harm, they let me be and waited until I was ready to try again. And when I was, they made no event of it. I had moved on, they moved on. They answered my questions whenever I had them until I asked for a tutor."

"They are truly that dull?"

The Godblood tilted his head back and laughed, and his eyes twinkled like gems when he looked at me. "I thank Musanlo every day that they were."

"You all worshipped Musanlo? Even so far from Manalar?"

"We do. The Bishops' City is far from the only example of how to worship the sun, Sirana."

Hadn't Mourn or Krithannia said something almost exactly like that?

I squinted. "Why worship at all?"

"Because He's always been there for us."

"Like Tamuril was always there?"

The Captain considered that and nodded. "She came as a blessing and another reason to be in awe of our world."

Shaking my head, I said, "Not everything you behold is something to be in awe. Some things will just rip you to shreds."

"And what is awe, if not a healthy respect for the world around you?" he asked, still smiling. "Even something meaning to eat you."

"Or cut you with a cursed edge and laugh," I said, resting my hand in my chin and staring at his eyes. "Or rape you and steal what you have."

"Ah." He nodded, becoming more somber though the light was still in his eyes. "I grant I feel the same fear and anger for wrongs done against me and mine as anyone. I believe, in the end, I am in the same place as you, Sirana."

I blinked and my hand almost slipped from my chin. "What?"

Willven nodded. "At the end of all of it, such wrongs have purpose, and they are more than reason enough to keep going. You want to continue living on this world so much, you love this life so much, that you accept the pain that comes with it, the challenge, and you have the will to head on and meet it. The path chosen may differ between us but there remains, even in despair and vengeance, purpose and the will to live, and... if you work for it...to see it becoming better."

I shook my head again, more slowly. "That's a very broad reach to include all of us."

The Captain was back to smiling and he nodded again. "As broad as the entire world. As far as a Noldor will go to watch over some good people, and as far as a Drow can travel to ultimately show mercy to her once-enemy, despite what each of their own people teach them, and did to them."

Oh, so that was it. We were back to the oft-admired, pink-nipple breasts.

"I think...I was more curious," I said. "To see what would happen. Krithannia presented it with such mystery."

"At the beginning, certainly. She knows you well enough, it seems." He still watched me. "It would not have worked if you had wished Tami any harm, Sirana. So I thank you."

I shifted, breathing in then out firmly. "Will you thank Jael as well?"

He didn't bat an eye. "Absolutely."

The quiet following that word shocked me; it was like the world had stopped. No birds tweeted; no wind rustled the leaves, there was no buzz of annoying tree-beetles...

When had it stopped?

Where was I?

I looked around, and there was the vague sense of rock and shade and air...but mostly I only saw his glowing aura and felt the warmth of my sapphire at my chest.

"Have you decided?" the Godblood asked.

"Yes," I answered, knowing to what he referred. "I am going to Manalar."

That felt right. As long as I knew where I was headed, the immediate solution found, the worry fell to the sides. I was most afraid being caught in between my present and my future, with my past gnawing on my heel. But I wasn't shouldering this alone.

I even had a few ideas to help.

"Good," the Captain smiled, repeating that odd slap to my shoulder he'd once done in the crypt. "I welcome you."

"Even pregnant?"

"Especially so."

"Lying."

The psion laughed, because we both knew that he wasn't. "There is no greater motivation than to protect the future, Sirana. It will give everyone who knows that much greater will behind their actions."

"You aren't telling your Templars...?"

"No. Our view of the world can be small, and because of that we do not all protect our future in the same way. But remember this quiet place the next time you feel overwhelmed, Sirana, and you'll do fine."

This quiet place?

I blinked again, this time for real, and my eyes felt dry and gritty, along with my tongue and throat. My back hurt like rocks had collapsed onto it in a crawl space and my first deep inhale held the clustered scent of a crowd of familiar individuals. Someone's hand was on my forehead. Where the fuck was I?

"She will be fine," Isboern said in a confident baritone. "She's coming out of it."

"What happened?" Mourn rumbled, complete with rustling, agitated tail.

My vision was blurry as if I was beneath the surface of a lake for a few seconds, but I made out all of those I'd left behind on the hill: Jael, Gavin, Talov, Krithannia, plus Mourn who had since returned...and now Isboern. I didn't see Gavin's mare immediately, but then glimpsed a dark smudge over to the right. I heard crunching bone, to which no one seemed to react at all.

"Yes," I croaked. "What...? Where—"

Isboern tapped at my right temple with a thick finger and I grumped irritably. "You were in here, too far. It seemed to me like a psionic trance some Varasa go into if there are too many thoughts and emotions from the others surrounding them, working their way inside."

I frowned. "Were my eyes open or closed?"

"Open."

Well, no wonder try were so dry. I could well imagine how that had looked to everyone here as well. Hells, it had probably been one of the Guild leaders, if not all three of them, who decided to call the Godblood out here. I noted the rising Sun; it had easily been two hours, and I must not have even stirred during that time to feel so stiff.

Isboern gently laid a hand on my forearm, watching me like a healer might. "It's like a caterpillar spinning a protective cocoon, but we...well, I couldn't be sure you knew how to find your way out. Forgive me for intruding, Sirana. My thanks for accepting my help."

"So she's okay, right?" Jael said, coming closer.

"She is."

"You can stop touching her now."

The Godblood stood up and gave ground without a fight, and I sat up slowly to stretch my back, rubbing multiple sore spots. Jael made to kneel down in front of me where Isboern had been, but Mourn's hand abruptly came down on her shoulder and he rumbled in warning.

"What?" she asked.

I knew what it was. Soul Drinker was tilted forward at an unnatural angle on my belt, as if offering wordlessly for Jael to draw it. I righted it with a firm hand and climbed to my feet as Mourn gently pulled my Sister back to make room. At least she allowed it.

I let out a breath, rubbing a tingling spot on my scalp behind my left ear and looked first at Talov, then Mourn. "First question. How are we getting back to Manalar en masse?"

The hybrid cocked a brow even darker than this skin and appraised me, my face and my body language as he drew in air subtly through his teeth. He grunted. "The same way Krithannia and the rest arrived. It will get us near enough, we will travel from there."

"It appears to be an empty room."

He smiled. "So it does."

I maintained my gaze, avoiding crossing my arms. "Do you have anything particular you want me to ask Kurn before we plan with the Templars?"

I couldn't help smiling then. I had finally got Talov: he looked thoroughly confused, then suspicious, like I was playing a prank.

"Kurn's dead," he said, though not argumentatively, more as if he was speaking aloud to bring back details back from when we'd first met in Augran. "Mourn had the severed finger and the ruby, we collected the bounty." He put two and two together before Mourn had to explain it. "But you were th'one tah kill him. Wi' that cursed dagger, was it?"

I nodded, crossing my arms beneath my breast and, yes, looking a little smug.

"Ye can still talk to those ye kill with that thing?" the Guildmaster asked, deigning to look impressed and intrigued.

Mourn nodded. "Potentially. It can be dangerous."

"Hm." Talov peered at me. "Who else of note didja kill with that recently?"

"The High Inquisitor," I answered. "A few Witch Hunters. And one of the Hellhounds inside the temple."

Krithannia and Talov exchanged glances.

"Are you willing to try?" the Noldor asked. "If we do have questions."

I nodded. "Why I brought it up. Kurn and I are going to talk regardless, about his sire, Divigna."

Isboern was trying to hide his concern with minimal success. "This is a communing with the black magic blade? Do you need a lifeline?"

I shook my head, even only vaguely understanding what he meant. "I don't want you touching the dagger or the mind inside for any reason. It could try to corrupt you."

The Captain smiled just a little. "That would be difficult. I can't be turned from my God."

"It would hurt you, Captain," Mourn said. "Far more than necessary. The Deathwalker would be better suited for the task, also incorruptible from his Patroness, but with a more compatible mind."

"You mean as a mass murderer," Gavin said softly. He might have been speaking wryly, or just stating facts.

Mourn nodded without blinking. "I wager nothing that dagger could show you would cause you enough horror to break, or withdraw until it was time."

"That's a curious thought," Krithannia spoke up, looking at Mourn. "Are you saying one has to have committed murder to handle that blade without being corrupted?"

The hybrid shook his head. "Only that certain killers will be better prepared for what they see. The Captain has never killed for personal wrath or vengeance, only in battle. Soul Drinker is not a blade made for war; it was created as a queen's judgment. I cannot describe the difference better than that."

"You've been thinking on this," I commented with certain wryness, and Mourn smiled just a bit. "So what is it you are suggesting Gavin can do for me now that I haven't already done on my own?"

"Give you a voice to listen to other than Innathi's," he said.

Especially after the fight over Jael. He didn't have to say that part for me to get it, and Gavin understood as well.

Isboern rubbed at the stubble on his jaw, looking between Gavin and me. "Have you linked minds before?"

Gavin tensed but waited on me to answer. I said, "Once."

It was the only time I'd gotten a glimpse of the Greylands, but I'd been in too much pain at the time to fully appreciate it.

The Godblood picked up on something in our body language; he frowned. "Was it an accident?"

"More an impulse on her part," Gavin said. "For survival."

"You didn't consent," Willven said to his opposite, though not without sympathy, I noticed, and that made me clench my hands a bit.

The necromancer shrugged, frowning and brushing that aside. "There are many things that happen to which we do not consent. The end result matters more."

"The ends justify the means?" Clearly Isboern disapproved.

Mourn stepped in, coaxing the conversation back on track. "Gavin consented to help at the time. He only means the methods were unexpected. The end result was that he saved Sirana from a miscarriage."

The Knight Captain looked from Mourn to Gavin in surprise, then looked at me as if to confirm that a harbinger of death would do such a thing.

I nodded. "It is so. But I admit I have no idea how I linked with him." My gaze shifted to Mourn. "How do you suggest doing this, by having Gavin actually touch the dagger?"

The halfblood immediately shook his head. "Not a good idea. Innathi knows about Nyx and wouldn't answer your questions before. You would have to take him with you indirectly."

"That is possible for trained Varasa," Isboern said, frowning deeply in thought. "I am able to help."

"I do not think it is a good idea for you and me to touch, either," Gavin said flatly, looking at the other Man's eyes.

"Then we shan't," the Sun's messenger answered, just as direct. Neither of them wanted so much as to brush elbows. "But I can guide without touching, if you consent, Walker. I trust Sirana's will in handling the dark blade, but she does not understand yet how to link safely with another. Once that is done, however, I can stand back before she communes with the blade."

"Forgive me, but first," Krithannia said, holding up a gloved finger. "How long will this 'communing' take?"

"If past instance is any guide," Mourn said to her, "a few minutes at most."

"You speak true?" The Pale Elf blinked her slate grey eyes at me.

I nodded, and my two male allies joined me in doing so, while Jael stared silent between then, looking disconcerted. I'd told my little Sister about Mourn and Gavin helping to break my compulsion without killing my baby, but she still didn't know the details about my last talk with Innathi, just after Jael and I had fought over Soul Drinker.

"The last time was very short, less than a minute," Gavin said, "and I understand you experienced a full, passionate debate with our ancient queen of elsewhere?"

"Not including the run to reach her," I said, seeing some of those blue dunes in my mind's eye. Then I shook my head. "I cannot tell time passing when I'm there."

"We should do it out here, then," Krithannia said. "Now, if we do it at all."

Maybe before Soul Drinker or Innathi fully realize what we were discussing; the more I talked about it, the more she would know in advance. I looked at Gavin. "Depends on you, mage, whether I go alone or not."

He exhaled, thinking deeply a few moments, and I was reminded once again that, even though he now looked like a Ma'ab son just stepped out of the Greylands, with pneuma flint helping to form his bones, his teeth and nails, his heart still beat in his chest... he still ate our world's food, and breathed because he needed our air. Was he of both places now since the rift opened? How would that work if he stepped into Innathi's realm, even just his consciousness?

"Will you afford me a question or two of my own on behalf of my mistress?" Gavin asked.

I nodded easily. "If she'll answer you more than she would me. She might even be tempted or curious."

My death mage nodded. "And the Godblood's oath of privacy still stands, even with me?"

The Captain nodded smartly, his back straightening and his shoulders squared. "It does. I will keep your connection stable to help Sirana. I won't be rooting around in your heads while you are distracted."

Though he could. The Godblood's power was truly frightening that way when I thought on it more deeply. Was this what we'd have in an Illithid, if one was capable of being an individual? Or would it be only if one wasn't as predatorily ruthless as so many races in the Underdark?