Surrender Ch. 1

You started out just to free your mind, to think clearly about your relationship with him. Are you ready? But most of all, are you going to let him back in? You have put up so many boundaries around yourself, all self defense mechanisms. You pushed him away and hurt him so very much. He has loved you from the very beginning and you loved him too but could not admit it to him or even to yourself sometimes. You cannot remember the last person who made it near the center, maybe it has never happened, but he was so close. Are you willing to let him step inside now? You are a survivor, you have lasted these many years. You had been hurt so many times, especially from directions that should have never happened, but those were so many years ago, you were just a child then. The horrible scenes from your childhood flashed into your mind. You swore long ago not to let anyone get close to you again. You would not be beaten again, at least not mentally. There were many times you felt that the world would collapse in on you but you did whatever was necessary to survive. Unfortunately, many times this meant building more walls, most of all with the people closest to you. You used these against him before and hated yourself for causing him so much pain with words your heart never agreed with. But then again, you have always been able to hide the hate you felt for yourself. That is why you can never accept compliments very well. He has the ability to see right through your umbrella of attitude and false fronts. Better than anyone ever has. This comes from him knowing you better than anyone else. He knows about your past yet never passed judgment. You could see that he felt pain for you as you told him. His emotions were real, heart felt. You know inside that he could not hurt you yet years of conditioning are hard habits to break. You walk aimlessly in the woods oblivious to your surroundings.

The wind begins to whistle through the trees as you pull your collar tight. The sun has nearly set and you find yourself walking in the forest. The trail is barely visible to the eye as shadows grow longer and deeper from the trees. The leaves rustle around your feet and you wonder where the day went. The swirling breeze carries a sound you faintly hear..your mind races. Your pace quickens but you are lost and have no idea where you are, only that you need to hurry. The deeper you go into the forest the darker it becomes. The trees begin to moan with the wind, telling you their secrets. As you turn the corner an upturned root trips you and you fall into the dark underbrush. The trail, all but invisible now, cannot lead you out. You are scared, not of the things you see, but terrified of what lies in the darkness. You never should have lost track of time. As you rise to your feet, you hear a sound behind you. You turn quickly, nearly falling again, as shadow appears, almost specter in nature, the swirling trees move aside to allow a form to appear, a dark and fluid being. Your terror intensifies as it approaches and begins to take shape... Can it be? As the hooded figure becomes a man, a dark glove reaches out to you. As you feel him touch your arm, you vision fades to black, you faint into his arms.

As you awaken, you sense that you are in a warm place, without opening your eyes you feel that your clothes have changed, you feel the softness of silk, this causes your breath to catch slightly, as you begin to move, you feel as if you have been drugged, your body does not seem to answer to you, then you realize that you are tied down, your arms and legs will not move. Your mind screams but you emit no sound, your senses heightened, all without opening your eyes. You begin to feel the room around you, the warmth of the room, the soft crackle in the background makes you realize that somewhere in the room there is a fireplace, you feel you are on a soft but firm bed, a smell of fresh linen. You begin to realize a very important item that had eluded you until now....you are not alone in the room.

You can now sense he is there, somewhere very near, sitting quietly, watching your every move, your every breath, watching your eyes search under the lids. Your body begins to respond to the excitement that you feel, your nipples begin to harden..and you feel your pussy begin to seep it's delicious wetness. Oh my God, you cannot believe what is happening to your body..and your eyes are still shut! Very slowly, almost painfully so, you begin to open your eyes...it is very dark in the room which helps your eyes adjust quickly, you remember how dark it was in the forest and wonder how long you have been asleep, you see lots of shadows caused by the fireplace somewhere behind you, they move across the ceiling and walls, spirits dancing, watching you and you feel fear for the very first time. You begin to struggle at your binds... "Relax" His soft voice pierces the quiet. You are startled, you freeze. A hand caresses your hair. You feel the strength in his touch, warm and firm, you are afraid but your excitement begins to takeover. You speak but your voice cracks with fear, "Where am I?" You hear no answer, the silence is deafening, the hand moves away. You still cannot see him, but you can now smell him, that scent that you remember so very well, the one you have gone to bed so many nights ago smelling on your body, the one you have dreamt about, you know he is very close. His soft voice again startles you, "The time has come for you to look deep inside, to see the real woman you are, time for you to understand. It is time for a choice."

His words scare and excite you at the same time, you are not sure what he is talking about because you feel you know yourself, but strangely, you are very excited, there is a warm feeling deep inside you that is beginning to grow, a feeling you have never felt before. He begins to tell you many things about yourself... "You have always tried to get through life by not letting people close to you, never inside, never really close..You let your guard down with me a long time ago and let me in. You always seem to confront me physically, knowing that you cannot win, but you want to lose to me, feel me win, feel my strength...You have trusted me like no other, you have told me many things, important things about yourself, totally opened yourself to me many times...only I have seen you opened, the deep feelings you have inside, how you hide them from others...Only I know how easily hurt you can be, how you fight that hurt with a ambivalent attitude, but I KNOW the truth. You used walls to drive me away, at least that was your plan for us. The only problem with your plan was that I know what is truly in you heart. The parts you refused to acknowledge for so very long." His words are so strong that you feel as if you have been slapped, has he really paid that close attention to you? Does he really understand you inside, in the places that you don't allow anyone to see?? 'Can it be possible for him to know you? Really know you?' Your thoughts spin inside your head, your fear begins to fade, excitement builds.

Your attention is brought back to him in an instant, he rises. He walks around the bed, for what seems like the first time, you see his face. The first thing you notice is his eyes. With the fire behind you, it highlights his face, there is something in his green eyes you have never seen before, you are not sure what it is, but as he looks into your eyes, you feel as if he can see right into you soul, you quickly turn away. His hand brings your face back to his, very firmly, 'Don't' His voice has authority in it, you feel yourself obeying quickly, not wanting to disappoint. 'When I am speaking or around you, I want your eyes on me.' You don't answer. His hands grasps your chin again, his face inches from yours, your eyes wide, looking into his piercing eyes, you see the passion, the fire, the strength, 'I expect to be answered to when I speak!' His voice is strong, and your answer startles you as much as it pleases him..'Yes,Sir' His eyes flash with pride as much as your mind screams at you. God, you feel your body responding to his touch, he has not hurt you but there is no doubt that he could. You mind is racing, uncertain as to whether you truly know him. Fear begins to run back into your mind. He speaks again, your eyes locked in his.."You are here because you finally decided to search me out, you made the decision to initiate contact between us, hoping that I would want you. You will have to trust me with your life, completely give me total control over you. If that is something you cannot do..you may go anytime you wish, just say the word and I will release you. Understand one thing, everything we ever meant to each other or our future together will be gone. You will never see me again, ever."

The finality of his words hit you like a slap. His eyes never diverting from yours, you know that everything he said is true, including that you started this. Do you have what it takes to finish this? Can you handle what you might find out about yourself? Can he be right? All these questions shot through your mind, you realize that he expects an answer. His dismay at the time you take is obvious, "Will you stay?" Your voice answers him quickly but weakly, "Yes..." His eyebrow raises..waiting...his gaze hardens.."Yes,......Sir?" He nods, acknowledging the precedence that has already been set. His answer is short, "Good."

He stands again, walks around the bed to the other side, all the while looking at you, his moves are smooth, fluid, he is wearing a dark shirt and pants, the glow of the fire on his face and the shadows dancing behind him give him a look of a spirit, almost radiant, yet very handsome. You could not take your eyes from him if you wanted, just the thought of him begins to make your body response. Memories of past encounters bring forth your hardening nipples again, your thighs involuntarily part, he sees this and smiles, the knowledge of the power he has over your body enhances his attraction to you. You have never wanted something to bad in your life, yet you have no idea just what his plans are. You are completely his, under his control, your senses are heightened with each step. He sits down on the bed beside you. His hands begin to touch you....You shudder at his touch. He begins to caress your face with his palm and fingers. The heat from his hand seems to touch you all the way to your core. You close your eyes as the pleasure fills you, you suddenly feel him pull away. You open your eyes and suddenly remember the first rule he set...your eyes fill with sorrow, you had let yourself fall into your pleasure, forgetting that he comes before all else. Your mouth opens to apologize, he quickly touches a finger to your lips. 'The next time will bring punishment." His voice and eyes leave no doubt in your mind.

His touch begins again, soft and gently he traces your face with his fingertips, as if he must remember it forever. Memories of a night long ago flood back to you. Oh how you wanted to respond to him that night yet so many things stopped you. Those things no longer existed. His touch moves down your neck, onto your shoulders, the soft shirt your wear opens before his hands. It is slit up the front, no clasps, you wear nothing underneath. His hands begin to travel down your chest. Your skin feels afire as he reaches your breasts. Your chest is heaving from the intensity of it all. He withdrawals his hands, sits back and looks into your eyes. The lust in your eyes pleases him. He leans down and very softly brushes your lips with his. A groan escapes from your mouth. He lets his tongue softly tease your lips. Your mouth wants him so bad. He presses his mouth to yours softly, then harder, your moans are caught inside his mouth, your tongues twisting each others as the kiss makes your heart pound. You are so wet between your legs, your chest flutters. You cannot believe how excited you are just by his kiss. His slowly begins to kiss your face, following the same route as his hands earlier, across your cheeks, to your ears, he leans up and glances into your eyes, "don't move", he says as a mischievous smile crosses his face as he returns to your ears.

He knows how sensitive they are. He begins to nibble on them, your senses go crazy but you will NOT move, you have to win this battle over your body, to prove that you can, to yourself, but most importantly, to him, to show that you will do and CAN do whatever it takes to please him. His kisses move behind your ears, softly nipping. You shudder with excitement. Finally he moves down your neck, you are ecstatic that you were able to maintain, you sense the pride that he feels in you, you warm in the glow of his approval. He begins to bite your neck and moves along the soft slope of your shoulders, his mouth never leaving contact with your skin, he loves to suck and bite your shoulders as much as you love the feel of it, neither of your care if he makes a mark on your skin, you both are oblivious to it. His hands return to your arms as his mouth travels down your shoulders to your chest.

As his hands move to your waist, his tongue begins to makes slow soft circles around your breasts, moving closer and closer to your nipples, they are so hard, they are straining to touch him, wanting and seeking his tongue, the warmth of his mouth. Oh God, you can hardly stand it, your pussy is so wet, you can feel the juices dripping down between your legs, you tense your thighs together, but the restraints will not allow you to rub them together, you moan in futility. You are so hot. His tongue is closer to your nipples now, just off the edge, still circling your breast, he stops. He moves to your other breast and begins to trace the same circles around it, you cannot believe how sensitive you are to his mouth, his touch, it is driving you crazy. He again gets right up next to your aching nipples, they are begging for attention, he again stops just short. Your breath is heaving, you gasp as he sits back up and looks into your eyes, your gaze never wavers.

The lust in your eyes is so ready apparent to him, He can smell the scent of your pussy, it fills the room, you know that you are soaked. He just looks at you, expecting..... You slowly open your mouth... "Please?" .... "What?" ... "Please lick my nipples.." He smiles and lowers his head to your breasts. You feel as if you have been shocked by the electricity filling your mind as he takes a nipple into his mouth. His tongue begins to caress and rub across your nipple. He begins to suck the nipple deep into his mouth. You cry out and your body shudders as you realize that you are almost to the point of cumming and he hasn't even touched your pussy. You know from the past that you have never cum like this but you are so excited that you are at a boiling point. You pull at your binds, wanting to pull his head tight against your breast, hold him there, but you have no control, you begin to push you chest up off the bed to his mouth. He sucks harder on your nipple and begins to pull his head away, slowly, pulling your nipple, lifting your breasts with his mouth. The feeling is incredible. He releases the nipple and moves to the other one. He begins to repeat the same treatment and you are almost to the point of screaming. He then stops as suddenly as he started. You gasp for breath. You chest is heaving, you senses are on overload, and you have a wet pool between your legs, your clit is on fire and your nipples are so hard and sensitive that you can feel the slightest breeze in the room. Your eyes have not left his. You see him get up, turn around, and you stare unbelieving as he walks out of the room. You are afraid to call out his name and beg him to return, that would be putting yourself first, he would punish that attitude swiftly and sharply.

You lay there, sweating, trying to catch your breath. Your shirt is wide open, you are powerless to move, your nipples are pointing to the ceiling, you lift your head and can see the soft hair between your legs between gasps for breath, your legs are quivering. You want him back, now, to finish what he started, then it hits you...what you want really doesn't matter! Is that the lesson he is teaching you? Could he be so mean? Rather, was there another way to teach it, with some much affect? You realize that this situation is nothing like you have ever felt. Unique in every way. You have known for a very long time that you love him but now are looking at ways you never knew existed.

A soft noise causes you to turn your head. You see him standing there, leaning against the doorway, God, he looks so beautiful. How long has he been there? Seems like he just walked out but then you lost your train of thought, how long?... He walks over and sits down beside the bed again. He looks up and down your body, devouring you with his eyes, you blush at your imperfections, you hate him looking at your stomach, you are afraid that the marks from motherhood will turn him away, you hate them. He reaches out his hand and softly caresses your stomach, he turns to you and smiles. It melts your heart to see his smile, he says, "You are so beautiful." You softly shake your head and say "no", a soft polite smile to your lips. He reaches up and sharply pinches your nipple..HARD! "OUCH!!", you cry out. The pain seers through your chest. "Never contradict me again, especially about your body," he demands. With a small tear in your eye, you look at him and realize that he could have done a lot worse, in fact, now that the intensity of the pain was washing away, your nipple was even more sensitive than before. "I am sorry, Sir," you reply. "You have so much to learn my Love, so much to learn." You are not sure if the tone or context of his voice excites you or scares you.

To Be Continued...