Swingin' on a Star

She's tiny. She's like 4 feet 11. She has huge fake boobs and probably butt implants, though I can't say for sure about the butt padding. Her measurements are like 44-21-39 or some ridiculous numbers like that. She purposefully has no tattoos. She says that research has shown that women with a lot of tattoos turn most of the viewers off. They think of them as fetish performers or like circus clowns. You know you'll watch them occasionally but there's no way you'd ever want to have your friends see you with one. A few small tats like Sarah Jay has are a turn on. But Jeezus, the women today with full sleeves and tats on their necks and faces just come off like drunken sailors. And can you really see those women when they're forty or fifty? It's scary.

But the most ridiculous thing of all is that unlike you, she thinks she's going to move in and be my BUDDY. She's going to give me advice and all of that shit."

"What's wrong with that?" I asked. "There were lots of times when I wished that I could have given you advice."

"Elaine, I'm twenty-one years old. I'll be twenty two in four months," she said.

"Candace," I said. "A lot of people think that once they're over eighteen they know it all but believe me ..."

"Elaine, Kitty is twenty years old," she said. "The bitch is almost two years younger than I am, and she's trying to act like my fuckin' step mom." As we got out of the car, she looked so lost that I reached out and hugged her. Surprisingly, she hugged me back.

Then she started talking again. "Elaine, my dad thinks he learned his lesson with my mom. Since she died, he's had more than a few women. But he has never been married. In fact, you've lasted the longest of all of them. But, you don't have a leg to stand on. You two aren't married. You have to be together or cohabitating for seven years to give you any legal standing. You've made it to four years. But daddy is planning on throwing you out like garbage and moving Kitty in. That's why I gave you the money. That's why I'm warning you so you can start trying to save and put something together."

"So what should I do?" I asked. "What CAN I do?"

"We're here," she said, directing me to pull into a drive way. We got out of the car and walked up to the house. She had a key and opened it. "This is Abbey's house," she said.

I knew Abbey. I had picked them up from parties and bars several times. We went up to the second floor and the rear of the house. I was confused. Actually as we walked through the house, several things occurred to me but there was one thing she'd said in particular.

She led me out onto a balcony and sat down on a chair. There were two chairs there with a small table between them. On the table, there were two pairs of binoculars.

Candace sat down in one of the chairs and lifted a pair of binoculars to her eyes. The high-powered lenses seemed to be a slight overkill since she was looking into the next yard.

"Look at that bitch," she said. "I probably hate her as much as you do."

I picked up the binoculars and saw only a slim but amazingly curvy dark-haired woman washing a car. Every so often, she looked over at two tiny children on baby swings.

"I thought you said she had red hair," I said. "And her boobs don't look fake. She's also a lot taller than 4 feet 11."

"That's not Kitty," she spat. "That's Katie. She's the bitch that didn't trust me to baby sit her kids. Holy shit, she's paranoid. She doesn't trust anyone with those brats. But she could have made millions in porn. She's the spitting image of Ava Addams. But, she'd have to start making movies quick. Her bobs are real, so if she keeps spitting out kids left and right, those puppies are going to be at her waist."

"They're really cute kids," I said. "If I ..."

"Well, I guess you should know," she laughed. She looked at her watch as if she was waiting for something.

"I thought that you were supposed to be babysitting," I said. "And what do you mean I hate her? I don't even know that woman. And Candace earlier, you said something that I didn't think about at first. What did you mean when you said that Kitty could fake an orgasm better than I could?"

"Ooh you caught that," she smirked. "You're more observant than I gave you credit for. What I meant was that when you fuck my father, he doesn't get you off. So you pretend to have orgasms to stroke his ego. The truth is that you don't love my father."

"That isn't tr ..." I began.

"Don't even start," she said. "You're a self-serving, lying, cheating, conniving bitch. It takes one to know one. Everything I told you tonight was true except for the part about me babysitting. My dad does have a new woman, that Kitty whore that I was talking about. He had no intention at first of dumping you for her. My father, like most men is a bit of a collector. Your husband is the same way. Look at all of those fucking cars. He and his wife each have two Mustangs. That damned garage of theirs is bigger than most people's houses ..." I suddenly grabbed the binoculars. I looked around the yard and found what I was looking for.

The woman stopped washing the car and started talking to someone who I'd missed before. He stuck his head out from under the hood of one of the powerful cars, and I saw his face. It was different, but it had been four years since I'd seen him. He looked younger, but at the same time, more settled. In some cultures, they'd say that he had found his center. He smiled as the woman blew him a kiss. He held out a hand and pretended to catch it. My heart lurched as I realized the plan I'd been fomenting all afternoon would never come to fruition. My plan was to take the money I'd gotten from Candace and use it to find Ted. I saw then that finding him would do me no good.

As I continued to watch a car out front blew its horn and the woman went to the gate. She opened the gate and a small boy of four or five years old ran into the yard. I recognized him immediately even after three years. It was my son TJ.

The woman held the gate open and a woman who was clearly cut from the same cloth only bigger came in. They greeted each other warmly but there was the sense that the smaller woman watched the other closely.

Ted had clearly found what he was looking for. He had found a woman who was about my size, but with bigger boobs and a bigger butt, who looked like Samantha.

TJ ran around the yard playing with toys that were obviously his. That told me that he visited there frequently. Samantha wandered over and picked up one of the babies. She kissed it and then put it down and picked up the other.

I wondered where Mickey was. There was no sign of him. A sudden slam drew my attention back to the car that Ted had been working on. The red Mustang was almost the duplicate of Ted's black one that he'd been driving when we were married.

The woman gave him a real kiss and then got into the car and backed it out of the yard. Ted followed her in the black Mustang.

"They're going out to race," said Candace beside me. "It's really cute. They love each other so much. Whoever wins gets to be on top when they fuck."

"Where's Mickey," I asked. "If you know all of this shit about my life, you must know about him."

"The guy you fucked to ruin your marriage, right?" she asked. "He isn't invited here, ever. He and Ted are polite to each other when they're in the same place. But the friendship that you destroyed or helped to destroy never recovered. Ted doesn't trust Mickey as far as he can throw him and Mickey is still afraid that someday Ted will take Samantha away from him. He's a good father to your son, but he's a bit of a loner. Sundays are his only off day. He watches football or NASCAR all day."

"Why are you showing me this?" I yelled. She clamped a hand over my mouth and pulled me inside of the house.

"I thought that was obvious," she said. "I wanted to destroy any idea you had that you could go back to your husband. He's moved on. You have no chance with him. In fact, if you tried, Katie would probably kill you. She used to be a cop and still has a gun. Did you see the way she watches Samantha? She doesn't trust anyone around her husband or her kids."

"But why would you want to hurt me like that?" I whined.

"I already told you, I hate you," she smiled.

"But I thought that you hated, Kitty," I said.

"I hate both of you," she said. "Neither other one of you whores is going to be the woman in my father's life. That's my job. However, don't worry, I hate him too. I can't stand the way he treated my mother. Like I said daddy, is a bit of a collector. He thought he could keep both of you. And Kitty is the bigger threat to me. You know what they say, "Keep your friends close. Keep your enemies ... closer." I needed Kitty in the house where I can watch her so you had to go. Bringing you here was my parting shot to get you out of the house while I had your shit moved into storage. Have fun being homeless." Then she turned and left. She got into a car parked down the street from the house we had just left.

"Where's my God damned car," I yelled as she drove by.

"It was repossessed," she yelled. "It was in daddy's name, so he returned it in order to buy Kitty a pink Cadillac. Toodles Biatch."

Over the next few days, I found out exactly how thoroughly screwed I'd been by a twenty one-year-old girl with a mean streak. She'd been right. I had no legal standing at all. In the eyes of the law, my living with Dan for three years made me a guest, nothing more. She'd even gotten a lawyer to draw up a restraining order that prevents me from returning to the house. I was given the key to a storage locker where all of my clothes were. Even the check that she'd given me was useless. I was almost arrested when I tried to cash it. It had been written on a check from a checkbook that had been reported stolen.

I ended up moving back in with my parents. Ted and his new family had no idea that I had ever seen them. I cried every time I thought about it. But in the end, I realized that Ted was doing exactly what he had always wanted. He had a beautiful home, with a woman that he loved and was on the way to filling it with kids. The man I loved was swinging on a star. Just like that God damned song he used to whistle.

The only thing wrong with his dream was that I wasn't a part of it. But somehow ... I don't think he missed me. With a heavy heart, I decided to move on myself. I was no longer as slim as I used to be, but it didn't matter for what I was doing with myself.

Actually, Candace gave me the idea for my new career. I bought myself a web cam and signed up with a service. I now have over five hundred monthly subscribers who watch me get naked in the privacy of my own home. Candace had said that average women with their own Internet feeds were bleeding the porn industry dry. So every time I spread my legs for the camera, I imagine that I'm taking another piece of bread off of that little slut's plate.

The End