Swinging for Beginners

She turned to me and said hoarsely, "Jesus, she's coming on Saturday. Right; we've got two days to get this place looking respectable. Get the vacuum cleaner out and put some fresh bedclothes in the middle bedroom." It was nearing the end of January and she added, "And make sure the radiator is working."

I was surprised and replied, "What are you talking about? We've got a super king-sized bed so why the fuck do we need the middle bedroom? I thought she'd be sleeping in our bed."

Anne looked at me without expression and said, "She will be."

My mouth dropped open and I gasped, "What? I'm going to be banished?" I was shocked and felt really hurt. "I thought we were all going to...well you know."

Her expression softened and she put her arms around me. She kissed me on the cheek and said, "My dear sweet husband you're not being banished, it's just a proviso. If we all get on then the three of us will sleep together. If she doesn't like either of us then she'll be sleeping in the other bedroom. If she objects to a big hairy man snoring and farting in the same bed then you'll be sleeping elsewhere. And by the way, you can forget the third option."

We cleaned and scrubbed every inch of the house as the hours hurtled by. During Friday evening Anne was upstairs when suddenly she screamed. I rushed up to find her sitting on the bed with her head in her hands. I asked desperately, "What the fuck is wrong?"

She looked up with a distraught expression and groaned, "Food you idiot, what about food? What are we going to give her to eat? Suppose she's a vegan or a fucking Amish or something. Why haven't you thought of it you selfish bastard? Why do you always leave everything to me? Tomorrow we have to buy everything that is edible; chicken, alligator, haggis. I don't care what it costs as long as we cover every menu known to mankind."

I said calmly, "Don't you think she would have mentioned it if she was a vegetarian or allergic to nuts or something. As she's going to be here for a day and a half she probably expects us to feed her. Or maybe she's going to bring her own sandwiches. For Christ's sake stop panicking or we'll both finish up frigid with anxiety and she'll have to spend the whole weekend wanking herself off."

Saturday came and Penny's train was due at one-thirty. Anne was preparing to leave at midday even though the station was only fifteen minutes' walk away. I told her to sit down and not be stupid but she said, "Suppose the train is early, I don't want her hanging around in the cold."

"Suppose the train is early? Now you've really lost your mind."

She paced up and down for the next thirty minutes constantly glancing at her watch until I grabbed her. She whimpered, "Cuddle me because I'm frightened. I've been dreaming about this moment and now I'm scared shitless."

I kissed her gently and said, "How do think she's feeling? Well I'll tell you how she's feeling. She's terrified and wishing the train was going in the opposite direction. She's a very brave girl."

Anne finally left at one o'clock and I did a last check around the house. The champagne was in the cooler and the chicken was roasting nicely. We'd decided that shellfish was a risk although there were a couple of cooked lobsters standing by in the fridge. Lobster ravioli was a speciality of mine.

I showered and changed into slacks and a sports shirt. I cleaned my teeth twice and squirted so much breath spray into my mouth my tongue was burning.

At one forty-five I heard Anne's car in the driveway and my stomach lurched. When the key was in the front door I panicked. Should I be sitting or standing when she walked in?

What the fuck was I thinking? She would have some sort of a travel case so I scrambled to my feet and rushed into the hallway. I got there just in time.

Anne came through the door and said, "Hi Honey I've brought someone to meet you." She stepped aside and I found myself looking at a stunning blue-eyed blonde. The weather had taken a dive and she was wearing a sort of bonnet with a fur rim that covered her ears and framed her pretty face. She was wearing a dark red coat that had the same fur around the hem. She was about five-three and looked so nervous and vulnerable I wondered how she had ever plucked up the courage to make the trip.

She stepped forward and as I offered my hand she fumbled to remove her fur glove so she could shake it. There was a moment of awkwardness before Anne said, "Right, let's go upstairs and dump your things."

I returned to the lounge and wondered which bedroom she would be taken to? Would it be, "This is your room" or would Anne take her straight into our bedroom? It was a tricky one.

Ten minutes passed and Anne returned. She had changed into the black cocktail dress that I had bought her for Christmas. It had a plunging square neckline that left an ample amount of upper breast exposed. She never wore a bra. It was very short with thin shoulder straps and she was wearing black stiletto heeled shoes. It was a bit dressy for a Saturday afternoon.

She whispered, "Well what do you think of her?" Before I could answer she said excitedly, "She's absolutely gorgeous isn't she. We hit it off straight away."

"Did you kiss?

"Of course we kissed you idiot. What do you think we did, rubbed noses?"

"Any tongues?"

She snapped, "Stop that and if you're going to be crude you can fuck off to the pub."

"I was joking for Christ's sake. I'm saying silly things because I'm nervous. Do you think she likes me?"

"I'm not telling you so just behave yourself. Sit on your arse and say nothing if that's at all possible. We'll see who makes the first move and it certainly won't be you."

I shifted nervously in my chair and looked upwards. "What's she doing?"

"What do you think she's doing? She's just been in a dirty smoky train for a couple of hours. She's showering and changing her clothes. Just be patient, we've got thirty-six exciting hours ahead of us."

Ten minutes passed during which I checked my zipper several times. Then she walked into the room and I caught my breath.

She had short blonde hair and was wearing a green dress that was sleeveless and cut well above her knees. It had a deep v-neckline to show her breasts opposing each other like shining pink apples. She was smiling confidently and the change from her earlier nervousness was noticeable.

I stood up to receive her and she lowered herself into a chair. As she crossed one shapely leg over the other I caught a fleeting glimpse of green panties. She looked relaxed as she dangled a maroon coloured moccasin from her toes.

Anne exclaimed, "Wow Penny you look absolutely stunning" and then turned to me to ask, "What you think of our guest Kevin?" Her eyes narrowed slightly in a warning to choose my words carefully.

I said exactly what was in my mind. "I think an angel has just walked into the room."

Anne laughed and said, "Down boy and stop drooling."

Penny smiled and said, "What a charming husband you have, and quite dishy too."

I glowed inwardly with pleasure and popped the cork. I enquired, "Is champagne okay Penny?"

She replied, "Does the Pope wear a funny hat?"

I took that to be a yes and the three of us sat in a triangle and sipped in silence. It was developing into an impasse so I asked, "Do you have a boyfriend? I ask only because you are such an attractive girl I cannot believe that you are unattached."

"Yes I have a boyfriend. Well he's a boy and also a friend." She crossed her legs the other way and there was another flash of green underwear. She continued, "Let me explain. I live in a small village where the girls outnumber the boys and the only unattached males are still in school. My father is the local vicar and I'm an only child. Both he and my mother are deeply into God and we live in the vicarage.

I've been with my boyfriend since we were at school and he is also heavily into the church. I believe he thinks he's either Jesus or Cliff Richard because he insists on being celibate. Whether it's until after he gets married or forever I can't be sure.

I work in the local hairdressers and the girls have helped me to escape for the weekend. Right now I'm on a hair colouring course."

That was about as full an explanation as I could have hoped for and left no questions unanswered. No wonder she was breaking out of jail.

I changed the subject with, "For lunch we're having roast chicken done my special way with smoked paprika and honey. Do you have any food dislikes?"

"No and I'm looking forward to eating anything you put before me."

Was that a double entendre? I stole a glance to Anne and she had the hint of a smile on her lips.

I'm an enthusiastic cook and the meal was delicious even if I say so myself, but I noticed that we all ate sparingly. Was it to finish early and commence the fun and games or to avoid feeling sluggish? Both I guess.

We returned to the lounge and I sipped a brandy but they both declined. It was already getting dark outside so I drew the curtains. I strolled to the music centre and put on some soft music and on the way back I casually reached for the dimmer and subdued the lights.

We sat in silence and I could feel the tension rising so I decided to ask, "Are you a good dancer Penny?"

"Not bad."

"Anne likes to dance but I've got two left feet." Actually that wasn't true, we were both pretty good. "So I'm afraid I'll have to volunteer Anne to be your partner."

It was an offer that neither could refuse. After a brief hesitation Anne arose and Penny followed. There was a moment of confusion as to who should lead so they compromised by draping their arms around each other's necks. As they started to move I noticed that they left a sizable space between their bodies. Anne kicked of her stiletto shoes and they became roughly the same height.

At first they moved in a slow revolving shuffle while looking over each other's shoulders, but tentatively their bodies began to creep closer. Eventually they were cheek to cheek with full body contact. It was fascinating to watch.

They remained like that for a while but then their heads turned slowly until they were mouth to mouth and looking into each other's eyes. The first mouth contact was tentative lip brushing but that progressed to nibbling and then gentle sucking.

The music was still playing but they were not aware of it and stopped pretending to dance. Their kissing became more animated and then their hands slid down until it was all out buttock squeezing, tongue probing, open mouthed passion. She never kissed me like that.

Surprisingly, Penny made the first move by easing the straps from Anne's shoulders to allow her dress to tumble to the ankles. I winced as a very expensive Christmas present was kicked away.

Anne was now in just her panties and Penny lowered her head to kiss the top of her naked breasts. Anne leaned backwards and Penny accepted the invitation by nibbling the stiffened nipples.

Despite seeing my wife sexually engaged with another female, thus far my dick hadn't progressed beyond a half lob. Then Penny's left arm encircled Anne's back and her right hand dipped slowly until her finger tips were touching the black band of Anne's panties. I heard her murmur, "May I?"

Anne whispered, "Oh yes please," and reached up to link her fingers behind Penny's neck. She moved her feet further apart and closed her eyes in anticipation. The hand disappeared slowly into the panties and a second or two passed before Anne tilted her head back and uttered a shuddering gasp. It was at that point that my cock snapped smartly to attention.

Suddenly they were on the sofa together and as Anne wriggled her feet out of her panties, Penny was feverishly ripping off her own dress.

Without leaving my chair I sat as high as I could and in the subdued light I could see Anne lying on her back with her knees up and her thighs wide apart. Penny was now kneeling with her head buried between them. I could also see that she had one hand between her own thighs.

I bitterly regretted having lowered the lighting because from where I was sitting it was difficult to see exactly what was going on. I considered moving onto the sofa beside them but even in my elevated state of excitement I realised that it would have been a serious mistake. Anne would have told me to fuck off, so I forced myself to remain in my chair and resisted the urge to get my cock out.

In recent weeks we had frequently masturbated together while fantasising about her with another female but it had just been make-believe. Now that it was reality it was more exciting than I had ever imagined. I was gripping my cock through my clothes and the urge to masturbate was almost overwhelming. While I teetered on the brink of a messy orgasm it was only by squeezing it tightly could I stop myself from coming.

With her tongue buried deep in Anne's pussy Penny was obviously unable to speak but her writhing partner kept up a constant , "Yes, yes, oh God yes." She continued in the same breathless monotone for more than a minute until she suddenly blurted a desperate, "Oh Jesus I'm coming."

Until then she had been frantically squeezing her nipples between fingers and thumbs but now she clapped both hands to the sides of Penny's head. She lifted her bottom from the sofa and arose crablike in a taut backwards curve while uttering a succession of shrill squeaks as she bucked and twisted.

Finally she gave a long deep groan and slumped down in a crumpled heap. Penny immediately clambered up to smother her face with passionate kisses.

It was the closest I had ever come to having an orgasm without any physical stimulation.

I heard Anne whisper, "Penny you are absolutely wonderful, that was the biggest come I've ever had." That really pissed me off.

She continued, "But I'm being selfish, let's swap places."

Penny replied, "I had a little one at the same time as you so let's just relax for a while."

Then Anne called out, "Are you okay Kevin and did you enjoy the show?" She added, "We've been ignoring the poor darling, let's go and see how he's doing."

They knelt either side of me and Anne reached for the bulge in my slacks. She muttered out of the corner of her mouth to Penny, "He's got an erection, I wonder what brought that on? Shall we give it some air?"

Penny replied enthusiastically, "Yes please, I've never seen a real one."

"You're kidding me."

"I'm not, I've led a very sheltered life."

Anne asked incredulously, "Are you telling me that you've never seen a man's cock?"

I interrupted with, "Penny, don't start thinking that Anne is an expert because mine is the only one she's ever seen, as far as I'm aware."

Anne responded, "That may be true but I have every intention of broadening my experience as soon the opportunity arises."

There was too much chat going on and I was beginning to get impatient so I growled, "Are you going to get my cock out or are we going to spend all day just talking about it?"

Anne giggled, "I think he's getting frustrated. You get it out Penny but don't be disappointed because it's very tiny."

Penny reached for my zipper and lowered it. She felt inside and when her warm hand gripped my throbbing member she gasped, "Wow it's really hard."

As she eased it out her eyes widened and she said incredulously, "This is a small one? I've seen pictures of some and they didn't look any bigger."

Anne chuckled and said, "Actually it's more than adequate," and then, "would you like to use it?" My heart beat faster.

Penny looked surprised and said, "Right now?" She started to rise to her feet but Anne pressed her down with, "No not that way, I mean like this." She made a rubbing motion with her hand.

My heart rate slowed down.

Then when Penny said, "May I give him a blow job?" it quickened up again.

It was Anne's turn to look surprised. She hesitated and I could see that she was stuck for a reply. She could hardly refuse the request but she was losing control and she always wanted to be the one in charge.

She attempted to re-establish her authority by saying in a doubtful tone, "Blow job? I'm surprised that you're even familiar with the term. Anyway, I think that might be a little too advanced for you. Perhaps we'll consider it later."

Penny surprised me again when she said calmly, "No I don't think so and I might be quite good at it." Then she played her trump card. "That is unless you want to keep your husband's cock all to yourself. After all there are three of us and I distinctly remembering advertising for a couple."

Sheer genius.

For the first time I saw Anne beaten comprehensibly in a verbal tussle and there was nothing she could do about it. There was a moment of silent tension and then she said icily, "Okay if you really think you're ready for it." She turned to me and warned, "Remember to be a gentleman so be careful not to offend."

She got to her feet and said, "Hang on while I get some Kleenex." I quickly wriggled out of my slacks and underpants and tossed them to one side while my erect penis throbbed in anticipation.

She returned with the tissues and settled down again. "Okay Penny you're on your own so show me how you handle my husband's cock."

As Penny shuffled closer I reached down and cupped both her breasts in my hands. Her nipples were hard and pressed into my palms. She looked up to me and said, "I've often masturbated while thinking about doing this. Is it okay if I play with myself at the same time?"

I replied desperately, "Do whatever you want but please get on with it because I'm close to the edge of insanity. With you two constantly chatting to each other I could get a quicker blowjob in the Women's Institute."

Finally her warm mouth engulfed my throbbing member until she had absorbed it fully. Then she did something that I had never experienced with Anne. I felt her lips tighten and she began to pull up very slowly with a dragging motion.

Then she engulfed it again and tightening her lips, repeated the dragging movement. I felt as if I was being milked and I couldn't prevent myself from groaning, "Jesus."

When she did it for the third time I gasped, "Move away quickly," and Anne grabbed a handful of tissues.

Penny was reluctant to let go so I put my hand against her forehead and pushed her away. I was only just in time and as Anne wrapped my jerking member I squirted copious amounts of seed into the enveloping tissues.

Penny's knees were spread apart and I could see the fingers of her hand moving rapidly between her thighs. She was staring wildly with an open mouth but making no sound. Suddenly she hunched her body and clamped her thighs together. Her body froze, but then she relaxed with a long deep sigh.

For several seconds there was silence until she looked up and said, "Wow, sucking your cock made me come big as well." I noticed that Anne was staring intently at her with an expression that was difficult to interpret.

Then Anne asked the question. The question to which there is an infinite number of answers and every one of them is incorrect.

The question was: "And how what is it for you Kevin?"

I considered a selection of possible replies. I could have said, "That was the best blowjob I have ever had," or, "You should take some lessons from Penny," or perhaps even, "The rest of my life will be utter misery until I get another blowjob like that."

I may be guilty of the occasional verbal indiscretion but a loaded pistol was pressing against my temple and I'm not completely stupid. So all I said was, "Incredible." Anne could interpret that how she wished.

What was I supposed to say? We were entertaining a guest who had just sucked a cock for the first time and was anxious to know how she had done. It had been a great blowjob by a gifted beginner and I wanted her to feel good about it. Whether I had come too quickly or enjoyed it too much I will never know, because it was one of the wrong answers.