T Was Pops

(more hallucinogenic thoughts of brain on fire, T, my man)

*

T counted his friends as he went to sleep—fifteen, sixteen, seventeen...and he just hugged himself oodles because he had more friends all over the world than anyone else ever had. And he was gayskee and that was fun because he had always been pops but he had never been pops like he was pops now and he giggled and thought of the next visit to m.s. and that would be fun too, cause there was always his forms, not to mention his form. Which was hot for bods and bods were hot for his.

And everyone who spied him he spied in his own way back home cause he was home. And they were lucky, his buds, that he gave them the time o'day, cause he was limitlessly kool, dude, and if they knew him, they had come to the garden s. of the world, and that was just his karackagooa buds, not meant at his reel buds, as the reel of his life went on, for that was hokey cokey all the way round and he did not really need to snort the sling lines of coke, it was just for fun and made him gigglemeister of them all. Which had their hands on him. All the time. Which forecasted his face down there or up here and theirs down there. Which was the grove bag, babes.

And time would tell never on him for he never aimed to get past the run of the life ladder that said 19. He just squirmed in bed this New Year's Eve night, and he knew others were squirming, his cell in bed with him, and the grooves that grooved in his little minx of a head and his little come play with me bodacious self, as all the times were kneed in the groin with his number ringing Don't Sleep in The Subway Darling and hello there bug in my ear and do you luv me man cause I am luv man and luv man wants to take you r.t.w. and that was a great trip my last night before the trundleford homeward, all the diction that is me, yep gotta go man, my home boy, sure, you my home boy, don't worry bout a thin, gotta have ma lips on your girder soon big tiger later grofflink. And then was off and snapped shut.

Close. Like he had life. Like he had more than the incidentals, and was in the big hard hope of the heart of digit Cassandra, and god his 'rents were the buttinskies, all the yadayada you aren't a girl, all Christmas break long, and—here we let the man himself, the wonderful T. speak for his wonderful self, you may have noticed-- me sittin' there watching them do ridik and hearing their palavar of be careful you are out of your freakin' mind and all the need to dance naked with my beaus while the bos go stand on the line and observe my effervescent buggles of my bubbles, did you ever see bubbles like mine I say? Says his own damned self...

And they say its illegal and I say rubber me man I've got to slake my thirst and f. is wonderful and group f. is the best of all, as my mana man calleth me now and I say they shook with shock and shock shook with them and nuthin is wrong and nuthin is more than feeling and I trust you man and you don't even have to say it to me, u trust me, and we good for the game and no bad this time if you knows what I'm sayin, oh didith great in my forum don't worry bout that, o good for you too, no wait yes of course I tried that...think I was lonely ever in my life...I know the score...the score is you...and what's his name...Minxman too..

Or good on you ledgerdomain, ao what the kats done now...or grief stain my brain..catch 'ha later bro..and comin back two days from now, all greats, your goatee is the cats' my man maybe I can grow one too..and the circle purple hat you gave me for X was just as fun as can be...peacock feather in the brim was way too bright and the sun in my eyes man as I keep it in store..don't need my porkpie now, got your love to keep me head warm..all senses all days...all nights lying with you...you won't let me down now ace, got you, it's kool...and I wish my 'rents would just lighten up..yeah I know its illegal just bein..but the bars keep on tap and the o.room always has room for one more...don't worry ma mans and ma mains is always there for me..don't worry for the seasons..cause the seasons are always mine and always meeeeeeeeeee....I grow tired and weary of eye shades holding open, so I close them and watch in the dark room and the dark eyes the party begin...

I got the greatest chickos in the world man, u think I could cut out this study shit. And really study anatomy closer up and personal that I ever had before, why sure Im loyal, why sure I wont forget you, lessen you some hokey body to forget, now you take muscles and groove hair and you take arms big to hold me in and that legs round me like pillars of a coliseum and that hold me reel tight and mash into me, showing em that Im a man and so are you and its just all we ever need you with your winery breath and me with my adulation, and what else makes the world go round some day soon my daddy man and whatever you got sticking I got sticking too and that's all we need the moment the day the second the night the go again the riddles unriddles the shames what I used to call shames are now this nights life and I hold on them and studious me? Nary a, no matter what the 'rents say, sad me?, sorry me?, sensitive me?, compassionate me?, reader me?, complex me?, all that oogie stuff that they grind me that I was, well, hells bells, that sounds like a pretty dopey boy me that they say I used to be, which is damn well fine that I ain't no more, and who cares?, old friends?, ungroovy friends?—

--who never knew the score? Well it's up to me to lead the way to make the day to say this is how I want to play it it's up to me how much time I give and what kind of and how I can just stare you or silence you through the floor—well, that's your fault babe you don't live up to the magic machine you get squashed and stuffed through the door...and that's the old tune if I ever was the old tune..and that's nothing for me and nothing for you and I have to go on my way because its my life and maybe a boy me once cried because he was alone but diggit now man I ain't alone and I don't cry...cause got the greatest hottest bods and even the ludes ain't that good as when the bods are unpeeling my own bod and they get the rod on just seeing me...that's for damned sure.

So the cell rings again and its Peterwiskie and he's all been out of shape cause I aint called him or slapped him with an e. And he's half crying and I remember him vaguely from a time like he was a little old ant on the wrong side of the telescope lens, and I can't believe I ever had time for drippy cry-baby him, me and him and him and me and the jokes and the desperation of him and he says cant we be friends anymore and I say we buds man but from continents away and clouds of smoke away and he apologizes and all that gizzard crapola and I say man man gotta fly and he says wait don't you remember when you were kind and forgiving and I didn't have to be lead round the nose by you and I say watch it man, and he says sorry sorry sorry and don't you remember how you used to tell me you cared and that stuff you saw me through and how the past was over and now I have you, and that you were put on the planet to care for me, and I say upchuck man, and he says I mean I know you meant some of it, and I say your sorry behind I meant some of it.

I was just using you as old target practice, fail big deal nothing to lose in you, you fail big deal nothing else going for you like that's my job or something, and you apologize, ignore and you apologize and you make me feel guilty and I don't feel guilty anymore you and your old hang-ups while I was out with the boys, and while you was whizzing on the cell when I was in the bed doing the naughty naughty with R. and we bout bust a gut trying not to laugh at your lap dog please please, and you say but you just were scheming me, but you had to lay it out all slap in my face and fucked up X for me and we were nice together—and I say hey pops you aint pops like Im pops and hell yes, we had a great two years of es and some Ims and all that but man last year I been screwing u over and u are just a jerk, and he says, I'm sorry I blew up sometimes...and I say..hey pops u were catching on to my cavatching and you never trusted me even though you lied and said u should, and u should, but u should not now, so so long old pops, see u round the candy store, now that I giggled you the score...

And I slammed close and he said crying WAIT and I slammed close and that was the all of that date, and I turned the cell off knowing he would be pressing my chimes one million times or now more, so I cuddled up close in my sexual ball and I just counted all the great studs that were mine for the taking and I promised myself that I would get back to school baking even more than I had been, me looking pretty and young and soft and nice for the rest of my life,not that we ride on a rain bubble of superficial or nuthin, and no soft wrists whining bout a boy from millions of years ago playing me like I was playing him even before we both knew it, and he tried to warn me of things, but I got no time for that, V.D. okay once or twice, and then there was that too banging roofies man and that dude who got me in bed and took this penknife but F. stutter was there too and got him off me and man did I have to have some wineries restored after I sampled their product and I ain't no hore man and I got where it feels good and if someone sidles up to me on the street and bangs words like Im some low life hustler I just hit him with the tire iron of my tongue.

Diggit jack and he creeps off to follow another, and my buds are tight and my stomach is tighter and Im a fighter even though Im small and they like them small and thin and good and im so good to my homies wherever they roam, which is all over me with their hands and their things, and this is just going to go on and on and no fracas about the gay world eatin me up and spittin me out and making me more and more of a callous clod, that's the old pops worries and the old pops was wantin me to stay with him cell and e and that's impossible, don't he don't the 'rents want me havin any fun? And that's the thing that sends me to sleep, all toasty warm and sweaty sour flesh taste and smell of then. the night I was unvirgined and that was the greatest piece of pain there ever has been in the entire world, and I feel it now and I sleep cozy too cause the world is me and I am it, and ain't no shame in the sense of it, and now toodleloo.

The clock says cockeroo. And ain't that me too? Got my hat with my peacock feather held in my hands over my favorite part of me. Ain't blue my man, ain't blue. See u.