Taken By The Wind Ch. 12

"So, how are you doing?" Courtney asked Karen.

Karen felt like her friend had asked her that a thousand times in the past two months.

"Okay. Brianna's friend's something else," Karen replied.

Courtney nodded. "I'm sure Jane will get plenty jealous."

"Yeah, what's going on there exactly?" Karen asked. "Didn't you say the two of them hit it off?"

"They did," Courtney said. "I think Jane's scared to commit. From what I know of her she acts a lot calmer than she is, and since she's such a good actress to begin with it's hard to tell that she's faking it. I think she took her father kicking her and Rob out a lot harder than she admitted and is feeling emotionally vulnerable. She's trying to protect herself by keeping others out."

Karen looked at her friend, and felt like she was talking on more than one layer. She might be talking about herself. Courtney had used similar tactics to protect herself after what had happened with Keith back in high school. Though Karen half wondered if Courtney was referring to someone else as well: Rob. He insisted that he was fine, and he genuinely seemed to be, but Karen got the sense that Courtney was not fully convinced. Karen was not sure she was fully convinced. You do not just walk away from your parents and get over it in just a few months.

Karen knew a lot about faking being 'okay', she still had to do it on the days that got rough. Maybe Rob was like her, he hoped that by faking it someday the lie would become real. What else were they supposed to do? Allow themselves to be hurt by the events of the past? Faking being okay was fine as long as real healing also took place, and Karen was sure that with Courtney at his side Rob was healing up just fine.

"So Brianna's using Miyu to get to Jane?" Karen asked.

"Sort of. I think she's trying to do what she's supposed to and try to date other girls, but she really just doesn't want to. I don't think Brianna would be capable of just using someone to get to someone else, but I don't think she's looking for a relationship with Miyu either," Courtney replied.

Karen nodded. The two girls were silent for a while, each deep in their own thoughts.

"You did a good job with the party," Karen told her.

Courtney smiled. "Thanks."

"And that costume's just... I mean wow," Karen told her.

Courtney's smile broadened. "I try. I like yours too."

Karen shrugged. "I just found something I felt comfortable wearing."

Courtney reached outward and pressed a hand against Karen's cheek.

"You look beautiful," she told her.

Karen's eyes looked away modestly but she smiled. Courtney came forward and pressed her lips to the other girl's. God it felt good to be able to do that when she wanted to. Karen responded, and their tongues were soon sliding along one another. The kiss quickly became heated, and Karen's hands came up to Courtney's front. She squeezed her breasts through the corset, and Courtney moaned softly against her mouth. Courtney's hands reached up and cupped Karen's smaller breasts.

The firm swells filled Courtney's hand though they were meant to be there, their size and shape were perfectly suited to her grip. Karen hummed pleasurably into the kiss and their tongues swirled together more quickly. Her heart began to race, this was the most intense they had become since the old spark in their relationship had been rekindled. Courtney sensed it too, and even though she wished that they had more privacy and caution was telling her to stop, she pressed on. She did not want to stop something that might help Karen heal.

This was a way for Karen to reclaim that part of herself. To take back the sexual side of herself that had been snuffed out by what those two had done to her. Courtney kissed Karen with tenderness and desire at the same time. Strangely it was something like the way Rob had taught her to kiss. Before she had met him she had approached sex under the assumption that it was just a way to get off and power. Now she knew the power of the emotions that went along with it and the strength of the bonds it could form.

Karen's hands squeezed Courtney's breasts. The firm mounds of flesh were squeezed tightly inside the leather corset, and although it was highly visually stimulating it stopped Courtney from really feeling what Karen was doing. Karen's mouth left Courtney's and pressed against her jaw gently before going lower to her neck. One of Courtney's hands left Karen's breasts and cupped the back of her head as her grinning friend kissed along the path of her collar bone.

"Karen..." Courtney sighed as her friend reached the hollow of her neck and began to kiss downward.

Neither had heard the door open. Neither had noticed that someone was standing in the doorway. Winston, on the other hand, had and leapt from the bed to be fawned over by the newcomer. It was Courtney who first realized that they were being watched. She pushed Karen away, and the dark haired girl looked at her confused until she followed her gaze and saw what Courtney was looking at.

"Brianna..." Karen said.

Brianna looked at them with disbelieving eyes. An expression of despair came over it and she fled without saying a word.

"Oh no," Courtney said. "Brianna!" she called.

"Should I go..." Karen began.

Courtney shook her head. "It'd better be me."

Karen nodded. "I'll go back to the party."

Courtney nodded but she was not really listening. Brianna had run in the direction of the bathroom so that was where Courtney went. She found the door closed and Winston sat in front of it, whining sadly. Courtney rapped her knuckles on the door but there was no response. She knocked again.

"Brianna?" she called.

"Go away," came her friend's angry and tearful voice.

"Brianna, please. Let me in," Courtney said coaxingly.

There was a moment of silence and the door to the bathroom opened. Brianna sat back down on the toilet and wiped her eyes irritably with the heel of her hand. Courtney sat on the edge of the tub with her hands folded in her lap and head bowed repentantly. Brianna's eyes avoided contact with hers and the two girls sat in silence for a long time.

"When were you going to tell me?" Brianna asked lowly.

Courtney paused. "I don't know," she replied honestly.

"What about Rob? Does he know?" Brianna asked.

Courtney nodded her head. The tired and defeated tone of Brianna's voice was terrifying.

Her eyes showed her confusion. "How... And he's okay with it?"

Courtney nodded again, and Brianna seemed to take a moment to process what she was saying.

"When..." she asked. "When did this start, is this new?"

Courtney shook her head. "We've been doing it for a while... Since high school."

She saw the words wounded her friend, who seemed to collapse in on herself.

"You knew..." Brianna croaked as she fought back tears. "You knew how I felt about her..."

"Brianna, no it's not like..." Courtney began.

"I told you how I felt about her, and you let me think that we could never..." Brianna sobbed. "And when I told her she didn't even..."

"Brianna, I didn't know how you felt about her when it started," Courtney told her gently.

"That's not the fucking point!" Brianna shouted through her tears.

Courtney was startled by the outburst. Brianna rarely raised her voice in anger, and it was terrifying to hear the amount of pain in her voice.

"I... Brianna I'm sorry. I don't know what you want me to say..."

"Don't you get it?" Brianna asked incredulously. "She could have loved me. It's in her, Courtney. The entire reason I was able to move on from her was because I finally recognized that I couldn't go on loving someone who could not reciprocate. But she can. But she won't. She loves you, not me. How can I compete with you? How can anyone?"

Courtney was confused. "What do you mean?"

"Oh for God's sake Courtney, think about it. You're the hottest, you're the coolest, and you're the one everybody always wanted to be. It's been like that forever," Brianna replied tearily. "Of course she fell for you."

"Brianna, that's not how it happened. It just... started. I don't know how," Courtney said. "We would mess around and then we realized that we weren't really playing. We realized we both genuinely liked each other like that. Rather than question it we just let it become a part of our friendship."

Brianna nodded absently to what Courtney was saying, but seemed distant. Unsure of what else to do Courtney kept talking. She was not accustomed to Brianna being angry like this, and was unsure of what the other girl was going to do.

"When I started dating Rob she was going out with Adam, so we stopped because we thought that it was cheating. But then, after what happened..." Courtney trailed off. "Well, I told Rob about her and I, and he was understanding about it. He knows and he's okay with it because it helps Karen."

Brianna nodded again but still said nothing and still looked upset. "What about the long term?" she asked.

Courtney could tell that that was not the question her friend wanted to ask, but she responded to it anyway.

"I don't know Brianna," she replied.

"What if what you're doing with Karen starts resembling something like an actual relationship? What if she becomes a threat to Rob? Don't you see how this could ruin what you have with both of them? For fuck sakes, Courtney, what was he going to say when you asked him? How could he say no? What would have you done if he hadn't? Rob's not stupid, he had to agree or you would have never forgiven him," Brianna said.

Courtney bristled. "It isn't like that."

Brianna laughed contemptuously. "Right. It's going to fuck everything up for you, Courtney. You're going to hurt both of them doing this. Karen's too emotionally vulnerable right now, and she's desperate for what you're offering her to see that what you two are doing is impossible to maintain."

"I don't need you telling me how to handle my relationship, Brianna," she said with carefully controlled anger.

Brianna looked away from her and was silent for a long time once more. Thoughts whirled through her head, confusing and painful notions that nagged at her. One in particular demanded that she ask Courtney a question that she dreaded to even think about. It felt like a selfish, needy question that she just could not banish from her mind.

"Why not me?" Brianna asked.

Courtney's heart fell. "What do you mean?" she asked while already knowing the answer.

"If you liked girls, why did you always push me away?" Brianna asked in a hurt tone. "When I was freaking out about how I felt, when I felt like I was some sort of freak for being attracted to the 'wrong' people, why didn't you just tell me you felt the same way?"

"I... I don't know. It was private between me and Karen," Courtney replied lamely. She realized she was making excuses. The real reason was far less noble than that.

Brianna looked at her darkly. "Not even a mention though? Not even a 'Well, I've sometimes thought girls are kind of hot too'? Do you know how much that would have helped? How much better that would have made me felt? Don't you realize how much we all idolized you back then? If I would have known..." Brianna trailed off. "But you didn't tell me."

"I was scared Brianna," Courtney told her in a quiet, vulnerable tone that Brianna had never heard from her before. "I didn't know what it meant. We both like guys. It scared us both, and it was just..."

"Easier to play straight than be bi?" Brianna replied dejectedly.

Courtney had been her rock, she had been the one who had told her to be proud of who and what she was, she had been the one who had built up her confidence enough to come out to her brother, and then the rest of her family. But she had been ashamed. She had been fearful of what she had inside of her. The same thing that she had always argued so passionately that Brianna should not be frightened of.

Now Brianna knew why Courtney had always been able to be so understanding of her fears.

"I..." Courtney was at a rare loss for words and it took her a moment to recover. "Neither of us plan on spending our lives together. We're just attracted to each other. Karen's never really shown any interest in anyone but me, so I..."

"But you have!" Brianna exclaimed, interrupting Courtney again. "I never thought anything of it but you do! The way you looked at Jane, and Amy. Even me sometimes! I thought I was just being crazy... And Karen, obviously with the way you two... I should have known... You two..." Brianna seemed to lose her train of thought.

She seemed dazed now more than angry, her mind was reeling. For the first time Brianna was seeing Courtney's weakness. For the first time in her life she realized that she was in some way stronger than her friend. She knew who she was. She accepted the parts of herself that were difficult. She did not let her fear of what others thought dictate how she behaved. Courtney's words were no less true even if she did not live them herself.

"Brianna, I'm so sorry. This isn't how you should have found out. I never told you about it because I was scared this exact thing would happen," Courtney told her.

Brianna did not seem to hear those words. Instead she turned her eyes up to look at Courtney, and though they still shimmered with the tears she had shed the flow of droplets had stopped.

"It must be hard living like you do," Brianna said in a soft, unhappy tone. "It must hurt so bad."

Courtney was unsure of how to respond to that, but before she could say anything Brianna stood and hugged her friend close. Unsure of what to do Courtney fell into the embrace, and let Brianna draw her face to her chest. She shut her eyes as her cheeks were scratched softly by the hemp of the vest the other girl was wearing. Brianna held her close, and seemed to be trying to comfort her from something Courtney felt she was supposed to be experiencing.

All she was experiencing was confusion as Brianna held her tight as though protecting her from something, or perhaps everything. Courtney did not understand the gesture, but felt the profundity of it, which made her all the more confused by it. What hurt so bad? Why would she be needing comfort? Why did Brianna think that she needed to be sheltered like this? Although Courtney tightened her arms around Brianna in response to the other girl's embrace she was ignorant to what had so suddenly shifted within her friend.

"If you ever need to talk," Brianna said softly. "About anything, you will come to me right?"

Courtney hesitated. "Of course."

She could tell by Brianna's silence that her response had failed to convince her. "I hope so," she eventually said.

"I won't keep things from you anymore," Courtney promised.

"Okay," Brianna replied. It was a hollow acceptance, and Courtney was mildly irritated that her words had not convinced her.

"I'm serious," Courtney said pulling back. "Anything you want to ask me, anytime, just ask me and I swear I'll give you a straight answer."

That was not the same thing, they both realized, that was not what Brianna was asking of Courtney.

Brianna nodded. "Alright," she said with a little more sincerity. Courtney was unsure of whether Brianna response was genuine, or if Jane was rubbing off on her and she was acting. There was a moment where Courtney felt the threads of a question starting in her mind, a question that might have given her answer, but before it could form fully Brianna withdrew from the embrace and the two girls separated.

Brianna exhaled shakily and smiled awkwardly as she wiped the stale tears from her eyelashes. "Sorry," she said.

"For what?" Courtney asked. "I'm the one who fucked up."

"I overreacted," Brianna said simply.

Courtney frowned. "No you didn't. You're crazy about Karen and you caught me kissing her, I'm amazed you didn't attack me."

Brianna laughed softly. "Wouldn't be fair, you're a wimp."

Courtney bristled. "I think a certain someone is forgetting who took down Brittany Birch in high school for throwing paint in your face."

Brianna's lips curled in an odd smile. "That's not what I meant."

Again Courtney was confused, and was getting frustrated about it. "What do you mean?"

Brianna shook her head. "It doesn't matter," she replied.

Courtney wanted to insist that Brianna give her a straight answer but some instinct told her that she would not like what she heard. She hesitated, and the longer it hung in the air the less appropriate it seemed to press. Brianna sighed, and tore off a few squares of toilet paper to wipe the tears from her cheeks.

"Here," Courtney said. "Let me do it, you'll smear your makeup."

Brianna handed her the bath tissue and Courtney attempted to clean the tears from her friend's face without ruining the makeup, but failed miserably.

"I'm going to have to redo it before we go back out there," Courtney said.

"I don't want to go back out there," Brianna replied miserably.

Courtney hesitated. "I... Well Miyu might be kind of disappointed..."

Brianna made a dismissive sound. "I don't care about what she thinks. I should never have brought her."

"She seems nice, you shouldn't be mean to her," Courtney replied.

"She is not nice," Brianna replied emphatically. "She was making fun of Amy, don't act like you didn't notice."

"Everyone thinks it's funny," Courtney said.

"Then they're all assholes," Brianna said. "They shouldn't be laughing at Amy for not knowing something. It's just like high school all over again, and I fucking hate it. People are always making fun of her for her innocent mistakes."

"Hold on a second," Courtney interrupted, "we don't make fun of her."

"Everyone does," Brianna retorted, "and its mean! Amy doesn't say anything, but I know it has to hurt being the brunt of most of the jokes. The next time someone says she's having a 'blonde moment' I swear I'm going to knock them the fuck out."

Courtney wondered where this fire had come from. Brianna was rarely confrontational, in fact she was typically a tad meek.

"Alright," Courtney said. "We'll keep you away from Miyu then, I don't want a catfight on my hands."

Brianna laughed. "Some catfight, I'd have that twiggy bitch on the ground in half a second."

Courtney could not help but laugh at her friend's newfound self-confidence. She sounded more like Courtney than Courtney herself felt like she had been acting. Brianna was right, Miyu had been rude to Amy, and normally Courtney would have done something about it. However, lately she had been so worried about Karen that she had let things slide.

"Please refrain from throwing any of my party guests," Courtney replied lightheartedly.

The two girls shared a laugh, and Courtney started to feel as though they were okay again. Then the laughter stopped and she detected a new unhappiness in Brianna's eyes.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

Brianna was reluctant to respond to that question. "I'd just rather not go back to the party."

"Miyu being a bitch isn't a good enough excuse. What's really bothering you?" Courtney insisted.

"Jane," Brianna said. The solitary syllable that represented the human being that she both hated and adored simultaneously. Just the utterance of it simultaneously made her want to smile and punch the wall in front of her.

"Is she still being stupid?" Courtney asked.

"She says she can't commit," Brianna replied miserably. "She says it will hurt both of us."

"That's bullshit. She can't just treat you like you're a convenient lay when she comes home."

Brianna blushed, and suddenly Courtney saw the more typical timidness that she was accustomed to seeing in her friend.

"It isn't like that," Brianna insisted. "She's just... scared. She does care about me."