Taking Control in the Park

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I wandered home in a slow and meandering pace. I replayed all the events in my head, trying to burn each and every detail into my memory. When I walked in the door, I went to the fridge and grabbed myself a beer. I wandered into my bedroom and flopped onto the bed and lay there staring at the ceiling for a long time. Of all the things I had seen that night, what came to me was that pair of eyes. I tried hard to find the image exactly, and to see into them. Inside those eyes was a greater mystery than my darker impulses or the lure of the flesh. I wondered to myself if it was too late to call the devil back. Maybe we could make a new deal.

It has been several days since that fateful night. Every time the phone rings or there is knock at the door I feel like my life is going to come to an end. I can't think of the future. I have only the day, the hour, the moment in front of me. I think the waiting and not knowing is almost worse than being finally caught. I really do feel like an animal now and I am in a cage of my own making. I am completely in her power now and she must know it. All I can think is; What is she waiting for? What is she going to do? When is she going to do it?

Who could have predicted that this is how things would end up? I thought I was in control but in truth I never was.

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AnonymousAnonymousalmost 11 years ago

I feel dirtybadwrong saying a rape story was cool, but it was. Writing from his POV was good. Usually it is from hers and we have no clue his thoughts beyond just 'rape her.' As much as I want to know what she is thinking, I want to keep his POV, or at least give both. I like the idea of finding out what she is thinking as he finds out, by her actions and what she says. Usually what we get about the perp instead of the victim.

Oh the questions. What is happening in his head space now that he has done it? I image a rather Edgar Allen Poe response...creeping paranoria. But that is just one option. Will he hide out? Watch for her to return? Stalk her away from the trail? Does she truely know who he is? Has she been watching him watch her? What will she do? Will there be retribution? Will she come back to run, to see him? What will she do about the money? Use it to fund her revenge? Does she want revenge?

This was so well put together that I eagerly await the follow up.

ZardozSaysZardozSaysalmost 11 years agoAuthor
comments please!!

Since this is my first attempt at anything like this, I would be thrilled to receive any comments or criticism about the story. I am planning a sequel of sorts soon and your comments will definitely help in that process. Happy reading

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 11 years ago
clear he didnt cut her

You stated he had the dull side to her. The knife was to further frighten her. It was effective as the other reader was upset enough to think he did, and it squicked me out. He had her physically overwhelmed so the knife seemed like gratuitous fear mongering. It put me in mind of the original Star Trek tv series-the aliens who fed off of others' emotions. The rape was not enough, he had to rachet up the fear of being cut/killed on top. *whole body shiver of the not good kind*

Will there be more? What will she do if she knows him?

shayshaymcdumblehousinshayshaymcdumblehousinalmost 11 years ago

Also liked how he planned getting away with it in a way that sounded somewhat realistic and believable when most people probably, correctly, see it as utterly dooming. Minus him coming inside her that is. Giving people tips lol

shayshaymcdumblehousinshayshaymcdumblehousinalmost 11 years ago
inspirational

Didn't think he was cutting the face either. Super duper awesome, loved it throughout. Style and length were perfect, going to work on my writing now as I wait for the next part.

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