Taking the Risk: Misha's Story Ch. 11byshandal©
For those that wanted to know more about Misha before he met Froo, here is his story and how he came to be in England which is where he met her and fell in love,, and his time with Suzanne the woman in his past.
His passion for Suzanne becomes an obsession, as she plunges down into a self destructive whirlpool, so for those that believe that life's many experiences make up a rich and interesting tapestry....here is Misha's story.
To read about Misha and Froo please read the companion story Taking the Risk Chapter's 1-21 under Novels and Novella's.
John handed his friend the bottle of cold beer and sat down opposite, settling down to carry on listening to Misha as he unburdened himself and his troubles.
"I just didn't know how to stop her.....all this time I thought she loved me...but she was probably using me. Just as she used that bastard I found in my bed with her."
Taking a swig from his own bottle, John asked him, "Over the past year Misha, has she ever given you reason to believe that she's done this before?"
Misha sat sprawled in the big leather chair, his bottle of beer balanced on his belly, "I'm not sure. Looking back she could have. But I'm not sure....it really hurts John...I love her, but she's like two different people. The one I love...and this person who has doesn't care about anything but getting hold of the drugs, getting drunk and now I find whoring herself out to get them."
"Misha you have to accept she's an addict. You can't stop her, she has to stop herself. It's an illness. What you've been doing over the past year is to try and treat her as if it's just a blip every so often and that she'll be able to stop, but you can't do that. The need inside her controls her."
"I thought that she was doing ok, that everything was getting better. I was wrong....so wrong."
"What are you going to do Misha?"
"I've told her to get out. I can't carry on anymore. Not after this...."
"You really expect her to be gone when you get back? Are you crazy man? She's going to be there waiting for you. She relies on you and she knows what you're like, how to manipulate you. She's an expert at it."
Taking a drink from his bottle, Misha sighed, "I'm exhausted John. You don't know the half of it. The times I've come home to find her strung out. She's lost her job. She never bothered to turn up. When she's like this she misses going to college, and isn't in any state for auditions. She gets violent, hitting out when I try to stop her, and yet sometimes she's the woman that I fell in love with. Fun to be with, sweet and sexy, intelligent and normal."
"She's an addict Misha. It's the drugs and drink that are doing this."
"I know, but I can't cope. Even though I love her, I can't cope."
"Then you're better off breaking up with her now. Get on with your life, use your energy on yourself. I know it sounds trite but you'll get over her, find someone else. Someone that you will fall in love with...a healthy love. Your love for Suzanne is not healthy Misha, it's tied up with being her carer. You need someone who will give back to you and make you feel whole, not just take. Suzanne is just a taker..."
"There were great times, it wasn't all bad..."
"I know. But the bottom line is those times weren't all the time."
Leaning forward his arms on his spread out thighs, his head bent, shoulders hunched, he asked his friend, "Can I stay here tonight?....."
"...and tomorrow will you come with to my place? If she's there I need some back up."
"Of course, goes without saying..."
Misha turned the key in the lock, his heart in his mouth, John standing slightly behind him. He wasn't sure what to expect, nor how he was going to handle whatever he found waiting for him in his home. If she was gone, he knew it was for the best, but he would be heartbroken, if she was still there and still high as a kite he was scared he would over react. The fact that John was there with him was reassuring. He felt like a coward, which he had never felt before, and he didn't like himself for feeling like this.
The door opened and he saw her sitting there on the couch, dressed in jeans and one of his sweatshirts swamping her small frame. Her face was bare of makeup, her eyes red from crying, legs up, arms wrapped around them, looking like a scared child.
John pushed past him and walked over to sit down at the table, whilst Misha stood, hands in his jeans pockets, watching and waiting for her to speak. After a long strained silence, broken only by the occasional sniffs from Suzanne as the tears started to flow again, she whispered in a broken voice, "I'm sorry..... please forgive me....I was scared and you went without me....I was angry that you left me by myself. I won't do it again...please don't throw me out."
Misha stood silently, his head spinning, unable to speak, the vision of her having sex with that man on his bed running through his mind.
John spoke for him, "Suzanne, you can't keep doing this to Misha. It has to end."
"I promise I won't ever do it again. Please Misha I won't.....just don't throw me out, please....I'm scared."
Shaking his head he told her, "I can't cope with you Suzanne. I need space from you. This time it was more that you getting high. You slept with someone just to get the drugs. You betrayed me."
"I know...I'm sorry..."
"Sorry isn't going to make it change...the feelings I have at the moment...it isn't going to make it change how I feel Suzanne."
"Please...I have nowhere to go....I love you...I promise...."
John stood up, and looking down at the woman sitting in front of him pleading with his best friend and told her, "Suzanne I'll take you wherever you want to go, but you can't stay here anymore. Misha needs to have you out of here.."
"Please let me stay here with you Misha. Don't throw me out." She started to sob in earnest, getting up and throwing her arms around Misha's waist, her face buried in his chest, "Please...I'll change...I promise..."
The two men looked over her head at each other, Misha's face worried and pinched, his arms around the woman crying against him, John's face a like stone, shaking is head in silent entreaty to his friend.
Pushing her from him Misha stepped back, "Pack some things Suzanne, I need to think. I need some time to think."
Walking over and guiding the crying woman by her shoulders, John led her to the bedroom to help her to get some things together, whilst Misha walked over to the kitchen and poured himself a glass of water, trying not to walk into the bedroom where he could hear John talking to Suzanne as she cried and pleaded with his friend to intercede on her behalf. He looked down at his hands holding the glass of water and was surprised to find them shaking.
After a while they came out, an overnight bag in John's hand, "I'm going to take her over to a friend of hers from college."
Misha turned his back on the crying Suzanne, his whole body tense and hurting, and after a while he heard the door close. Letting out the deep breath he had been holding, his body sagged. It was over. His near year long relationship with her was over. He stood in his apartment in the silence alone, and he knew he should feel relieved, but all he felt was empty.
Robin stood next to him at the club, people watching, checking out the women as they stood in clusters dressed up to attract the males standing around the semi dark noisy place. It was a meat rack, men and women there for the sole purpose of picking up a partner.
"What about that one? She's got a great ass."
Misha glanced at the woman standing talking with her friends a few feet away, her curvy bottom encased in the short skirt, and then shrugged. "She's ok."
"Ok? Misha it's been almost a month. Come on man, get back into the melee. There are woman out there waiting to be plucked. You're free, get back in there and stop feeling sorry for yourself."
But he just shrugged and with a desultory look glanced around, bored and fed up, not really wanting to be there, wishing he was back at his place, doing the research and work towards starting his own business up in the UK, just as he had been doing every night since that day that he threw Suzanne out.
Finishing off his beer he looked around to the crowded bar and asked Robin if he wanted another drink. "No thanks man, I'm going to go find Joanie before some bastard hits on her and she might realise he's a better bet that me."
Squeezing his body between two other people leaning against the crowded bar Misha tried to get the attention of the barman, but each time he thought he had his eye the man went to serve one of the women who had come up after him. Sighing he stood there considering telling Robin and Joanie he was leaving when he heard a voice next to him say, "It's always the same when he's the one serving behind the bar, you won't get a chance unless one of us girls buys you a drink. So what's your poison?"
The attractive brunette next to him smiled up, her face open and cute with a turned up nose and freckles. "You're offering to buy me a drink?"
" Yes. Unless that cuts your male superior ego to the bone, and you feel that women shouldn't be quite so forward. Which in that case you can buy me the drink but I'll order and you pay. We'll get served quicker if I do it?"
Misha laughed, "No, you pay. I have no superior male ego when it comes to having drinks bought for me. Make it a cold beer. Domestic."
Pushing in front of him, the woman held up her hand and within moments she was being served. Passing the bottle back to Misha and picking up her own bottle she turned around and moving back out of the crowd asked him, "My name is Tracy, what's yours?"
"Misha. Thanks for the drink. Do you do this a lot; pick up men by buying them drinks."
"What! Get them drunk you mean, and then have my way with their intoxicated body so that they can't fight back?"
"No. You're the first."
"The first to buy a drink for or the first to get drunk and take advantage of?"
Smiling at each other they moved over to an area that was quieter and leant against a wall to talk. Misha liked her forward attitude, it was open without being overbearing. Tracy seemed confident, uncomplicated and easy to talk to, and before the night was out he found himself at an all night café sitting talking with her over a coffee. Finally the conversation came around to past romantic history.
"So I told him he was a jerk, threw his collection of computer games out the window and told him to go play with them somewhere else. What about you? Someone as good looking as you is either gay, attached or somewhere in 'Lonely Street Hotel'."
Frowning he replied, "Lonely Street. Just out of a year long relationship. About a month ago."
"I take it that you're finding it hard."
"How did you guess?"
"Been there, bought the book, saw the movie, got the tee shirt, got pissed on by the man."
Smiling at her Misha asked her, "So what are you doing Saturday night? Want to go to see the new Lord of the Rings and out for a meal after?"
"Make it the new Pirates of the Caribbean and you're on."
Exchanging numbers and making arrangements, Misha suddenly felt a little more positive and upbeat. Maybe what John had said to him only the other day when he came over, that life goes on, and he would soon heal the wounds left by her betrayal.
That all he needed was someone to remind him how normal and nice a real woman can be.
Maybe Tracy was the one.