Tale of the Pink Steed and Owner

So this story actually developed by way of a conversation with a friend. There are a lot of random inside jokes that one may not get, so pardon me for those.

This is the first part as I wasn't able to finish it and got nicely sidetracked. Also please excuse me for any inconsistencies of tense, case or grammar etc. I did not get a lot of time to edit this.

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There once lived a crazy evil woman named Dawn, who once tortured a virtuous young paragon named Shark. Now Shark was the purest of the pure with a heart of gold. He bore no ill will to anyone and always helped a stranger in need. So much so that people took advantage of him. Now let me narrate the tale of how our young hero came to be in such a situation where he was being tormented by Dawn.

So one fine day our hero was walking down a street in a quaint little hill station in the Andes, happily munching a juicy apple that he'd just picked from an orchard. Now our hero was accosted by a breathless woman who seemed out of sorts. She said that she was abandoned by her boyfriend and had no way to reach home. She would be most grateful if Shark would deliver her safe and secure to her abode. Shark's heart melted at the poor woman's tale and at once he bowed and kissed her hand, "Have no fear Madam, for you have found your saviour."

Now incidentally our hero was clothed in an orange shirt with yellow pants and green shoes with a red beret (that is a tale for another time). Our hero then stood on his head and opened his legs forming a 'Y', then he rotated thrice in this position before standing upright again, hawking and spitting out thrice at the woman's feet who jumped and narrowly avoided the last bit of phlegm. But before she could say a word, a neigh was heard and out of the sky dropped a pink coloured steed with a resplendent rainbow coloured tail.

"Your vehicle has arrived, Madam" said Shark bowing low and jumped on to the steed. The lady started having doubts about taking up our hero's offer of help, she started fearing for her life. 'The local townsfolk may lynch the steed and it's owner and perhaps me if I'm associated with such a hideous combination of colour,' thought she.

Sensing the lady's hesitation, Shark reassured her saying, "No harm will befall you while upon this steed. Me gusta." The lady groaned and thought inwardly, "That's exactly what I'm worried about you idiot." Seeing there was no other alternative, she grudgingly climbed upon the horse. With a shrill whistle Shark kicked the horse to move it. However it remained put. Shark then dismounted, took ahold of the horse's tail and pulled it three times before deftly stepping aside in one practiced motion. No sooner had he done this when out came of the horse's posterior, blue cobalt coloured lollipops. He picked up one and stuck it in his mouth and offered one to the lady, who in response simply puked on him.

Well anyway our hero climbed back on the horse, who after relieving itself now seemed to fly like the wind. Soon they came upon the Lady's residence. Perhaps such a hideous sight thundering down the road might have scared the odd soul that wandered into their path.

By this time the lady had recovered from her initial shock and fright. Unbeknownst to our hero, she was actually a sex slaver on the prowl for young girls who wandered around the hill station with laptops in hand and who also drove around in cars. She had a few ideas about some buyers who would be more than happy to own a peculiarity of nature such as Shark, so a plan began to form in her mind and she invited him in. Shark being the good natured simpleton took her at her word and followed her in for a drink to refresh himself as payment for his troubles.

Meanwhile the pink steed wandered into a nearby wood to graze. A hungry bear was also out looking for some food and came upon the horse. Now as bears have poor eyesight, the bear could not see the horse clearly in all its resplendent glory so he came closer. Incidentally the horse's posterior was aimed at the bear. Bears as you also know have an extremely good sense of smell, so it was naturally drawn to the source of sweet lollipop aroma.

Just as the bear crept upon the horse and was about to stick his face in the horse's anus, the horse expelled a stream of urine aimed right at the bear's face and swished his tail and turned around. By this time the bear was able to see the horse quite clearly and had the fright of its life. The bear turned back and ran straight into a tree with such force that the tree trunk split in two.

To this day the legend of the split tree and the bear-who-ate-no-honey is quite well known around these parts. The split tree is still there for the curious traveler who wishes to journey and see for themselves.