Tales from the Tundra Ch. 1

He said it so dramatic, laike. Kinda took me breath away for a mo. I give ‘im a look, but then I thought, BLOODY MEN! Here’s me got something really interesting going on in my life for once, and this booger comes out with a thing like that. I coulda clocked ‘im!!
I thought, ‘Stuff ‘im then! I ain’t tellin’ ‘im!’ (I did in the end though. Couldn’t resist! Jus’ can’t keep me gob shut, me!! lol)

But ‘e w’un’t say where he were goin’ and I think I know why! Guess what I found goin’ through ‘is pockets while he were snorin’ away -- well you do, don’t you. I mean, who knows what you find. Train ticket, Toronto – Sioux Saguanay – Toronto, that’s what! So I thought to mesen’, Aye aye --- bloody hell I’m soundin’ like ‘im lol lol !! -- he’s sold his Harley D.! Now THAT’s serious stuff. If he’s ever been in love in his life, that Albert, it’s with that bike. So I tell you what I think. ‘E’s BEEN LAID OFF! That’s what I think. Well, it stands to reason dunnit! I mean, what with Microsoft Works, Quicken Pro and stuff, WHO NEEDS ACCOUNTANTS these days. Dyin’ breed. an’ good bloody riddance, says I!

AINIT GREAT THOUGH! Me with a job and ‘im laid off. OOHH! I were made up!! lol

Now before I go, I’ve got something to say to you girls there in the UK! You think you’re all so smart and edificated don’t you. LOL But you don’t know everything. I were watchin’ this thing on the box, old BBC re-run --- all you ever get these days on CBC. Well anyway, maybe you know better by now, but in case not, I’d jes’ like to leave you with this final thought:-

IF YOU THINK LUMBERJACKS SLEEP ALL NIGHT AND WEAR WOMEN’S CLOTHES, TRY BOOKING ONE!!! ROFL ROFL LOL !!!!!!!!!

10. The Arctic Fox.

I 'ope yer readin' me. Tiddley Lake's e-Café -- well, primitive as t'Bratford privvie! So I'm postin' blind, so to speak. No idea whether this damn thing connected to owt!

Any roads, jus' want t' sign off, so t'speak. Off a'ter t'Arctic White Fox up t'Yellow river. I wish 'ee'd mak up t'mind! One year t'fox about extinct, t'next thee'r breedin' like fookin' rabbits..! ..!

Any roads, there's nobbut a single e-café 'twixt Watson Creek and t'Yellow river, an' this be it, so don't b' 'spectin' to hear from Albert t'Trapper any time soon! (Not that tha' gives a damn, I'm sure.)

Any roads -- Oh by the way, PegLegAnnie's 'ung up 'er knickers!! Can t' believe!!!! By God'm ‘er 'as!!! Got some kind of job in t'hotel in Vancouver, Director of Caterin' or s'umpn'. Trumped up waitress I'll be bound. Mind you, she lernt that computer damn fast! Dab 'and, 'ats off! An' I bet it won't be long afore she starts getting 'the itch' if tha’ gnaws what I mean. Wi'all them fine gents at'hotel! She'll be set up!!

Any roads, life moves on. Tak' a month or so to get t' t' trappin grounds. Skirtin' Hudson Bay --- gotta laugh when I think back! Albert Bay she used to call it. 'An I were 'udson!! Jane! Wot a lass!! Wanted a house -- 'hise' 'er pronounced it, rhymes with mice!! Brain like a pea!! I 'eard ‘er left One-eyed Pierre when ‘er found out about all them wives. OOoo what a bugger 'e were! Lyin' swine! Anyway, no room at the inn these parts, I c'n tell thee! No sense takin' 'em back jes' for t'same shit all o'er agin!…………

………Not that er's arsked, mind!

Any roads, who needs women. Tonight I'll get a roaring log fire goin' and lie in me sleeping bag 'n watch t'winter sun go down on 'udson Bay. No finer sight than that in all t’ world. Aye the female form's a sight to behold, it is an' all. But 'ee's ten a penny, women. Thee can 'ave 'em. An I'll ave this! Eat yer 'arts out!

I'm a lucky bloke! Count yer blessin's, I say.

==========================================