Tali Ch. 04

As a reminder to any new readers, please be sure to read the other chapters first. Sorry this one took so long, but I realized that by trying to rush out the chapters, my feelings weren't really being put into the story. Hopefully this one is better than the last, and I will continue to try to improve upon my mistakes.

Disclaimer: There is still no sex in this story, nor do I intend for there to be (thought you can use your imagination).

***

Tali stirred as she started waking up. She instantly felt discomfort from being in bed, and habit shocked her into full alertness as she tried to figure out what her situation was. She sat up and tossed the covers that were laid over her off to the side. The pain in her chest reminded her of her unfortunate encounter earlier in the morning.

She recalled her master telling her that he and Kien would be out in the other room. She sighed to herself as she got up. She wished that they would just let her do her duty and serve. Sleeping the day away was a waste! She needed to feel useful. She needed to feel that warmth she knew so well from pleasing her master.

Before leaving the room, Tali made the bed and looked around to see if anything else needed to be straightened up. Satisfied that she had done all that she could, she made her way out, where she saw the two men chatting.

They were in the living room. Kien's house was a little more luxurious, as he entertained more guests than her master. Two large sofas were placed perpendicular to each other, with a table in front. Miro and Kien were each in one, lounging comfortably with their legs up.

In the corner formed between the two sofas, Tali noticed that the pillow her master had gifted her was there. She felt elated. That meant she could kneel as she was meant to! She almost rushed in her haste and forgot to do her due diligence at assessing the situation for any needs, but caught herself in time.

She noticed two cups on the table, each at different stages of emptiness. She made a detour to the kitchen to retrieve more of their respective drinks and reappeared at the living room. She noticed that the men did not stop their conversation when she moved to the table and knelt, being careful to not make any jarring motions to her chest.

Always aware of order of importance, she filled her master's cup first, then Kien's.

"Thank you, Tali," Kien stated.

Tali's arms jerked in surprise and her head whipped over to look at him. She wasn't expecting either of them to address her. She was normally ignored as she performed her duties. She saw in that split second that he had a curious expression, as if to see how everything would play out, before returning her attention to the table. She had spilled liquid all over.

"I... I'm sorry master, sorry.. sorry Sir!" It had been so long since she had made such a novice mistake. And in front of other company! She didn't know who to direct her apology more towards, so she bowed at her waist towards her master. What he said caught her off guard.

"Tali, where are your manners? Kien just thanked you. What should you say?"

"M..master?" She had no idea that she was supposed to say anything! "I.. I'm sorry master," the next she shifted on her knees to face Kien, "you're welcome, sir."

"Kien, Tali, please try to remember to use my name."

The thought still made her feel sick. "Y-yes K..K.." she stuttered. She looked down at her hands in shame. She prided herself in being a quick learner, but it seemed like all she was having was trouble lately. Dread washed over her, "I'm.. I'm sorry, sir," she felt like a failure, "please forgive me... please teach me..." she thought of what would really drive the lesson home for her, "please punish me."

Kien refused to be baited by her behavior. "Girl, all I ask is that you try."

"But... but sir!" He referred to her by girl instead of Tali. He was rewarding her for her failures... that's not what was supposed to happen. If he didn't punish her, she would never learn... If she never learned, she could never be forgiven. If she was never forgiven... she shook her head. She couldn't move on without forgiveness. She needed it. Why couldn't he understand that?

Tali put her hands down on the floor, assuming a more submissive posture. "Sir.. please, help me learn... I want to please you, sir, K... Ki..." she choked again, "please help me," she begged in despair.

Kien glared at Miro, "This. This is what you made her. Are you proud of that?" He made a noise of disgust.

Tali cringed at Kien's anger. Not only was she failing him, she was causing trouble for her master. Why couldn't she just say it? Get past this stupid mental block in her head. She had a fear that could not be described at the thought of it.

Miro knew exactly why she had trouble. He conditioned it out of her so long ago, she couldn't even fathom the possibility. She likely couldn't overcome it without a direct order or reconditioning.

"That's all I know," he said quietly, "that's why she's here, isn't it?" In his mind, he thought he had trained the girl perfectly. In his heart, he felt some tug at something else. The invisible string Kien had been yanking at for so long now. If she chose her way of life now instead of doing only what she was conditioned to, it would mean she was truly willing, and not just doing what she thought would keep her away from punishment.

Miro stood up and knelt in front of Tali. He lifted her chin, "look at me, girl, let me see your eyes."

Tali lifted her eyes, but didn't make eye contact.

"Is Kien more to you than me now? You will do as he says but not me?"

Tali's eyes instantly met his. They were impossibly wide with fear. She put all her effort behind keeping her eyes open and keeping them still.

"Please, master, I'm sorry," she pleaded, "you mean the world to me, master, please believe me!"

Miro looked in her eyes and could see she was begging for something... anything. He decided he would try to help her a little.

"Here, girl, this should make it easier. From now on, you are to call Kien by his-"

"No!" Kien injected, becoming enraged at Miro, "I will not let you taint my lessons. She will learn by choice, not by command."

Miro flinched at the tone, and looked away in embarrassment. He was just trying to help her... give her something, but he had to try to think differently now.

"Girl, remember that when you are here, you follow Kien's rules. I am but a guest," he suppressed a sigh and removed his hand from her chin. He stood up and moved towards the kitchen. Someone had to clean up the mess, though it sure would have been more convenient at home... Tali would have had it done by now. Before he disappeared from view, he called over his shoulder, "just try to learn what Kien has to teach you, girl."

Tali was left there, kneeling in shock at the exchange between her master and Kien. She didn't know what to do, or even what to feel. Her master seemed to be off balance, which was rare. She hoped everything would be alright with him.

Kien crouched down and took Tali's hands gently. She was surprised at how quickly he was able to shift his emotions... how much control he seemed to have over where his feelings were directed.

"Come on, Tali, stand up and come this way," he said softly, soothingly. He lead her over to the corner created by the sofas, "let's give this a try. I know your master gave you your first real personal item, this pillow. I want you to be comfortable enough to learn this lesson."

Tali was so confused, she had no idea where this was going.

Kien continued patiently, "here, you can kneel down on your pillow."

She eyed him warily. Was this yet another trick? She didn't understand him. What game was he trying to play? She did want to so desperately use her pillow though...

She slowly, but still gracefully, knelt down on the pillow, careful to be well centered to keep her balance. She started to lean forward to place her hands on the floor and lower her head, but he stopped her.

"No no, remember, we want to see your pretty face. Is there anything you have to say?"

Tali sat back up, straight. She DID have something she wanted to say. She felt such gratitude from this gift, but ... but she knew what Kien expected from her. Eye contact, mention by name... but it was so hard! She knew he deserved everything she had to give. She should be able to do this more easily. She started to raise her eyes again but continued to struggle.

Kien knew she would struggle... one thing at a time though, "just the name will do," he encouraged her, quietly. Baby steps. He would break through those blasted mental barriers.

Tali almost breathed a sigh of relief, but then cringed. Just his name? No eye contact? He was making it easier... because he didn't think she could do it? Because she was too slow to learn, too weak to handle the lessons? She wanted to please! She wanted to do well... no, she wanted to do the best that she could. She battled down that impenetrable wall in her mind, turning a blind eye to it for as long as she dared.

She raised her eyes and locked onto his eyes. She very deliberately kept her speech even, and said with clarity, "thank you, Kien." When she finished, she held the gaze for several seconds before slowly lowering it, not letting her frightful instincts kick in.

Kien was surprised at first, then smiled and laughed in pleasure. She in turn smiled at his pleasure. Tali was always full of surprises. She always pushed herself beyond what was expected of her, eager to please. She was the perfect slave.

He nearly gasped as the thought crept into his mind. A flash of horror appeared in his expression before he wrestled it away. He got a grip on his thoughts before remembering to give an answer.

"You're welcome, Tali."

Tali sighed as she felt her mind slowly becoming more used to being on the receiving end of polite speech. It didn't feel that terrible after a while.. but was that what she wanted anyway? She didn't need it... but would she be happier? She couldn't know.

Just then, Miro walked back in, a wet rag and dry paper towels to clean up the mess.

"Master! Please, let me take care of that," Tali jumped up immediately, only to groan and hug her chest.

Miro chastised her, "be careful, girl. Don't forget that taking care of yourself as your master's property is just as important as anything else."

"Yes, master, thank you for reminding me," and providing me some familiarity to anchor myself to, she added silently to herself. "Please master, please let me take care of the mess! I am sorry for being so clumsy." Tali didn't think she could stand seeing her master clean up her mess... Everything about that just screamed out at her as being wrong.

Kien cleared his throat, "actually, it was my fault that I startled you. I should be the one to clean it up." He reached his hands out and Miro handed him the items.

Tali's eyes followed the exchange and reached her arms halfway up, "but... but sir, please! I.. I was the one..." she didn't know how to argue. She didn't know how to finish her thought. She lowered her arm and knelt back down. Her sadness at seeing another have to clean up for her mistake caused tears to well up, and she began sniffling a little.

Kien sighed and looked towards Tali, who was just staring down at her hands in helplessness. She couldn't even disobey when she wanted to. Even when she felt it was right. He cleaned up the spill. She would either learn to be more assertive, or learn that others could perform chores for her too. Hopefully both, somehow.

Miro offered to take the dirty towels back to the kitchen after Kien finished cleaning. Tali was reaching her limit, he thought. Once she broke down in tears, she almost never recovered her mental state without the comfort of knowing that her purpose was still being served... that she was still worth something to someone. He caught Kien's attention and waved him over.

Kien told Tali he'd be right back and went to Miro.

"What is it?"

"You're breaking her."

"She's already broken, by your own hands."

"I put her back together. You're breaking her again. I know I said we could do it your way but... she... I don't know why I even feel this way... I hate to see her in distress for so long. She needs relief!" Miro couldn't understand why he was feeling the way he did. He didn't have issues when he was the one who broke her before.

"Well, it's a good sign that you have feelings, at least. I was worried you didn't care for her at all. You're the one who put her back together and made her mindless. She won't learn to think for herself unless something drastic changes. You think I like doing this?" Kien suppressed the thought of earlier... when he had thought of her as a slave himself, "I don't like being a part of this at all, but someone has to do it."

"She's at her mental limit, if not beyond. I haven't pushed her this close in a long time. She isn't used to it anymore. Let her go home with me."

"Hmm..." Kien gave it some it some thought, "soon, then. I have a couple more ideas for today."

Miro shook his head and sighed, "very well, I trust you know what you're doing."

Kien just gave him a smile. He turned and called to Tali, "Tali, are you thirsty?" He knew she would be. She hadn't had anything all day.

At the mention of her name, Tali looked up. "Errm.. well, it's okay, sir."

He walked to the doorway. "I asked if you are thirsty, not if something was okay or not."

"Well, y...yes sir, I am thirsty, but... please, I can get myself a drink," she started to stand up to walk to the kitchen herself.

"No, stay there, I will bring you something. What do you want?"

A command. Stay there. She started to kneel back down. But.. but she couldn't let him serve her a drink... And what did she want? She wanted to get her own drink. She turned towards the kitchen again.

"Sir, I... I can get..." but he told her to stay there! She turned away again. The thoughts warred inside her mind. "Please... please sir, may I get my own drink?" The thought of someone else getting her a drink left a bad taste in her mouth. She couldn't let herself be a burden...

Kien growled, causing Tali to freeze and drop to her knees immediately.

"Please sir, I'm sorry! Please don't be mad, I'll... I'll have water please, I'm sorry sir..." Tali knew she pushed him too far and kicked herself mentally. She didn't know what to do... how to do it...

Kien sighed silently. She still had a very long way to go. He went to get her a glass of water, and reminded himself that next time, he would have her choose something besides water, for better enjoyment.

"Here, Tali," Kien reached the glass out to the kneeling girl.

She took it from his hands, nearly spilling the water given how much she was trembling. She felt so ashamed that he had gotten her the drink, but she knew her duty now that she received it, "thank you, Kien," she murmured. She gulped down the whole glass quickly and set it down.

"You're welcome." He waved Miro back into the room to signal that he was ready to let her go. "As always, it's been a pleasure to have you here."

A pleasure? Why would he say that? Nobody ever told her it was a pleasure... she felt embarrassed and blushed. Had she really brought him pleasure today? She hoped so.

"Come on, girl," her master said, "let's go home. Don't forget your pillow."

Tali looked shock for a moment realizing that she had started to get up to follow him out without it. She rushed over to grab it up from the ground before running to her master, "I... I'm sorry I forgot, master," she feared the disrespect that she showed. Her carelessness.

As they were leaving Kien's place, she closed the door behind them. Miro pondered his options. Berate her or console her?

Now that they were out in public, Tali couldn't show her feelings, but inside she suffered. She wished she could just apologize over and over, but one of the rules to follow was to not speak unless spoken to, especially in public. And... he wasn't speaking to her...

Her master was good at hiding his emotions, but she knew he must be furious with her. She kept her head down as they walked, beating herself up mentally over yet another error. How long could this continue? How many times could she show her incompetence before he threw her out completely? She clenched her jaw as tight as she could to stop the shivering she felt.

They finally made it back, and Tali followed her master in through the doors. As soon as the doors closed she fell to her knees and broke out in sobs, unable to contain the self-inflicted punishment on her mind.

"Please master! I'm sorry... please don't be angry," she pleaded, "I mean, of course I deserve it if you are, but... I... I didn't mean it, I want to try to be better!"

She held out her pillow towards him, "master... I don't deserve this gift. Please teach me to earn it, I don't want to forget again... I don't want to betray your kindness," Tali's mind was in shambles. She just wished over and over that he would give her as many tasks as it took to make it up to him.

Miro got to one knee in front of Tali. He held her hands in his, around the pillow.

"Girl, I won't punish you for this. I know that you are punishing yourself more than enough over your error. I don't need to add on to that... you will do the right thing yourself."

Inside, she wanted to burst out wailing. The kindness her master showed her was uncalled for. Unwarranted. Gratitude began to surface itself in her whirlpool of emotions. He was giving her the chance to make things right.

"Th-thank you master, I... I'm sorry, please let me make it up to you."

"Let me simplify things for you. You are sorry for what you did, yes?"

"Yes, master," hadn't she made that clear?

"You have spent the whole time since the incident in regret, perhaps self-loathing, have you not?"

"Y...yes master."

"And you would give the world to know that I am not displeased with you, correct?"

"Of course, master! I would give my life if that would make you happy!"

"I know you would, girl, that is not what I'm asking for. Here, come on," he prodded, lifting her to her feet and leading her over to his chair. He sat down and leaned back, pulling her up to his lap so he could cradle her against his chest, while she hugged the pillow in her arms.

"I am pleased that you responded so properly to the situation. I'm sure you will not make the same mistake again."

"But... but master, how can you be so sure? I'm afraid still... afraid of screwing up."

"That fear will keep you on your toes," he comforted her, "I trust you to learn this one without having to punish you myself."

There was a brief silence as he stroked her hair, calming her mind.

"Master?" she started tentatively.

"Hm?"

"Do you want me to stay here?" she wiggled around a little, "I... I don't mind being on the ground, I mean... this feels too comfortable... it isn't right for me."

"What do you want?" he inquired.

She wanted to do the right thing, but what was the right thing? She knew these were all tests some how... she just couldn't figure out how she was supposed to react. One thing she did know, though, was that she still wanted to make up for her blunder earlier.

"Master, I... I would like to kneel... for you, I mean, I want to be good for you, kneel before you. That is where I belong, master," she tried to convey her feelings, but felt that words were falling short.

Tali let herself slide out of her master's lap, put her pillow on the ground where she should kneel, and in the same practiced motion, knelt and bowed her head down, hands on the carpet before her.

"I want to feel owned by you, master, and feel like I've done all I can, each and every day, to please you and fulfill your wishes." She tried to express her desire to serve through her words. She hoped he would understand, "I know you are trying to have me learn the kindness of the world, and I feel grateful for the opportunity, but even with the option, I still want to spend the rest of my life as your slave."