Talking It Up With Jill Ch. 05 Pt. 01

As was the case for several days after returning from the cabin, for a period of time following Cedric's departure for school my wife Jill and I couldn't keep our hands off each other. It was a mixture of what I can only describe as loving and animal lust, left over from what we'd done, and I believe a sort of coping mechanism. There was lots of talk during sex and otherwise about our recent experiences with Cedric. Then, about a week later, the excitement kinda wore off. The sex, while no less frequent, was more loving and about us, with less and less mention of anyone else or fantasy talk. And finally, there'd be a day or two here and there where we stayed close but otherwise left each other alone. Break time of the mind and body. Well, we didn't completely leave each other alone, but we kept our heads. Just for a few days. And it wasn't something we acknowledged, we just did it. Jill would stay late at the office one night perhaps, or I'd be in and out and miss dinner. After a night or so of crashing early though, we'd usually cave and instigate some fun.

After about a month we were well seated back in our usual routines. So I was pleasantly surprised when Jill told me that for some reason she couldn't put her finger on, part of her was still basking in the same sort of afterglow we both were in the days immediately after Cedric left and after each visit to the cabin. Nothing in particular, she said. Just a feeling, and she wondered if I felt it also. She brought it up one night as we lie in bed.

"Nor does it have anything to do with anyone, except you perhaps," she said, looking at me.

"Hmm," I pondered. "Jill I kinda know what you mean." I took her by the arm. "Maybe because we've just plain done more. We had another experience, with someone else. Someone very different. Younger and...this sounds terrible but, under our control?"

"No I know what you mean," she said quickly.

"Mm, and maybe since it was at home this time...and because we're so open and honest and in tune with each other," I said, meeting Jill in an instinctive and quick kiss, "we're feeling more comfortable with ourselves is all. Sooner than before. And I don't think in an ignorant way, intentionally or otherwise. Jill I feel as good about you and us as I did the day I accepted your proposal."

"Hmmm," she smiled. "My proposal..." She moved in on me with bedroom eyes and a whispered "I was gonna you just beat me to it." And then we made out, passionately. All joking aside, when our kiss ended Jill looked relieved to hear what I was saying and placed a hand over mine. But, she'd innocently and unwittingly sparked it. All of a sudden I was hit with a wave of images of her, with Harvey and Kane and Cedric, and I felt my heart beat increase. Jill tilt her head and stared at me, blinking.

"You got that look on your face. Are you-?"

"Imagining you? Yes."

"With..."

"With all of them."

Jill's shoulders rose as she took in a sudden but small breath through her nose and exhaled it just as quickly.

"You and your beloved Kane," I said. She relaxed and gave me a smirk. I kept a straight face as I met her gaze. "But...mostly...you and filthy, gluttonous Harvey." Jill looked longingly at me once more. "You with young Cedric," I added. "I'm thinking of all of us, taking turns with you."

"'Us'? You mean, you too?" she asked, snuggling closer to me. I nodded. "Louis honey I like when you include yourself in our fantasies. I know what they're about, but when you're not only just there in them, but with me too?"

"Yeah?" I asked softly.

Jill nodded.

"Me too."

"Really?"

I nodded. And we kissed, then gazed into each other's eyes for a moment.

"But mostly..."

Jill grinned at me. "Mostly, yes...let's hear it."

I chuckled and continued. "But mostly, it's those three having you. In ways they have."

"Hmmm," she replied, as if deciding on it. "I understand."

There was a moment of just our breathing. I thought of Jill's response: "I understand"?? I was suddenly very turned on by the notion. By the many implications of her words, even the ones I knew probably weren't true. Jill likely simply meant, she wasn't gonna jab me one for being my usual crude self. But I was turned on. It showed.

"Louis, baby... I love how you look at me sometimes." She caressed my cheek with one hand and reached down with her other, running it over my crotch. "Love meee," she whispered, straining to plant a kiss against the corner of my mouth. Chills ran up my spine and I shivered.

"Aw...did I make you do that?" she asked, blinking at me. In one motion I scoot her entire body beneath mine and braced on my elbows, looking down at her. Again Jill had the same loving, so-happy-at-my-reaction laugh, but she quickly got serious, staring up at me.

"Like that," she said. "The way you're looking at me still. Thinking about me?"

I nodded and kissed her nose.

"Me an-"

"Just you," I whispered as I entered her.

Jill took in another sudden but deep breath, and before letting it out attacked me, pulling me down by the neck for a deep kiss and exhaling it all into my face with the most beautiful sounding moan. I loved her as she'd requested of me. We loved each other, slowly, in the moonlit room before falling asleep.

I did so feeling very glad and optimistic about us, and by Jill's willingness to always at least talk it up with me. That would always be good enough. Sometimes it was better than others. Sometimes, like that night, it came up and just as quickly disappeared.

It came up again one weekend morning not long after. We'd just completed a workout and I had come back upstairs with a fruit smoothie Jill requested. She must have been feeling frisky. I noticed she got that way sometimes after exercise. She was kicking off her sneakers, and began undoing her shoulder blade length, dirty blonde hair from the ponytail it'd been in as she walked toward me, a crooked little grin and a gleam in her eye: just slightly shy of 5'4" and 110 lbs of perfectly sculpted, and at the moment very sweaty woman I was so fortunate to have in my life. At 41, Jill looks, feels, smells and moves like someone ten years younger, and often passes for her kid sister whoisten years younger and also looks younger than she is herself. And then there's her smarts and loving heart, both seemingly boundless in their capacity, and their ability to further enrich my life every day since we first met.

I set Jill's smoothie on the bench.

"Hey," she said, wrapping her arms around me.

"Hey stinky."

Jill leaned close and breathed in deep through her nose. "Sure it's not you?" she said, looking up all serious in the eyes but still smirking.

"Probably is... With you it's a good stench," I grinned.

"Stench??" she said, smothering her face in my admittedly still wet t-shirt. "Mmm, I like your stench better than mine."

"Well I likeyourstench better thenmine."

We grinned at each other.

"You know I got a while before I need to go out," she said, pressing into me as we held knowing eye contact.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Oooh," I said, biting my lower lip. "Have some ideas on how to spend that 'while.'?"

Jill nodded as she stepped on my shoes to get higher and began kissing at my neck.

"Wanna talk?" she asked in a soft voice.

"Always."

"Mmm, good. I have a sudden urge to see that look on your face," she said next to my ear.

"Oh. Thaaaat kinda talk. Yes. I do."

I could tell by the soft wet sounds of it that Jill smiled at my second answer. She got close to my ear again, nibbling on it as she spoke.

"You get that look even when it's just talking you know."

"I do?"

"Uh huh. Makes me wet to see it," she whispered soft, giving me another gnawing kiss under my chin. "It makes me feel so sexy Louis?"

"Mm..yes please," I said.

Jill cracked another grin and a little laugh.

"Wanna tell me the fantasy again? like you did the first time?"

"Love to," I said.

"Or one like it?"

"Or one like it? Mm, well I have had this one kicking around lately... It has a specific location to it. You'll understand the relevance. And I've taken the anonymity and the man's behavior factors and amped them up in certain ways."

"Really?"

I nodded. "You inspire me."

"I'm glad it has similar qualities to that original fantasy you told me. I miss that one."

I thought for a moment. "You 'miss' it? Really? Hmph... You miss, him?"

"You know what I mean silly."

Jill's expression dropped.

"Yeah, I knew what you meant," I replied, trying to play if off for her in order to keep things going.

But Jill was stuck I could tell. It never fails. The slightest idea or suggestion of her wanting or needing someone other than me...for real, outside the fantasy talk...and the fantasy talk or hopes of it goes right out the window.

"I shouldn't have used those words," she suddenly said. "Because they're not what I mea-"

"Jill, I really did know what you mean." She still had a funny look. "C'mon honey I was teasing." That wasn't working so I tried something else. "Jill I know what you're about to say and that you feel you say it to me too much, so let me say it for you... Okay? So you know I know."

"'kay."

"The only person you could ever miss or miss anything with is me."

"Yes," she said as if checking off a list.

"You don't have a specific want for anything to happen, or a need for it to, ever. And Jill? I don't either. In spite of all. Okay? In spite of what I like to fantasize about or see, I don't need it. You know that in your heart."

She smiled up at me with love in her eyes and we kissed quick. "I do."

"But as I was saying to make my point...I know you never did. Because if you did? it would suggest you want or need other than what you have: me."

"Yes, and als-"

"I'm telling this," I reminded.

"Ooops. Sorry."

"Anything that has happened was because you sensed I was wanting it to. That, and that you knew you were gonna like the look on my face when I saw it happen. But even still, you never wanted it to on your own. Right so far?"

"Louis that's the truth."

"I know. K? I know."

Jill just nodded. I kissed her and she spoke up.

"Louis you have to understand I really, really mean those things and-"

"Jill? You nutcase, I just said them to you... I only could because I understand them and believe you mean them. I know that you don't want or need anyone in any way besides me. Ever. You only ever indulged me. The only way you could ever have enjoyed yourself was by seeing that look on my face...the one you allllways talk about."

Jill made a face and I had to stifle a laugh.

"These things I'm repeating back to you, will never change. Am I still right so far?"

Jill took in and let out a deep breath of relief.

"Yessss. Louis-" she said slowly.

I didn't let up.

"And I'm stuck with you forever, no matter what. Even I wanted to leave, or sell you off, or just plain ran away and joined the circus..."

"Heyyy!" she said, scooting her lips to one side with a scowl.

"...it'd never work, because you'd hunt me down, and shackle us together. And jeez! If I could just get outta here but you'd nev-"

"All right!! I get it I get it. Youuuuu get it,'" she said, hands on her hips looking around. "Yeeeesh."

"Oh I knowww. So high maintenance you are," I teased, pulling her to me. Jill was never high maintenance but she hated that term in general, which made it fun to tease her with it.

"Whu?- Mm'mm!" she grumbled, trying to pull away from me. I didn't let her go. She struggled harder, trying not to laugh because she was still serious. "Louis...Mmghh! Mmmgghh!! Let....me....go!" she huffed as I slowly pulled her up to me. I tried one of our famous old timey movie kisses, where I force a "lips closed" kiss on her until she relents. Even though I was practically lifting her off the floor she put up a good fight. But in accordance with the pact we agreed on long ago without ever really saying so, we held our kiss until she stopped struggling and began to kiss me back. But I couldn't help grin at Jill's futile struggling attempts moments earlier and, while starting to smile too, she pushed away from me again. This time I let her go.

"You bum!" she said, punching my chest as I stifled laughter. "I caved and started kissing and you started laughing. Them's not the rules. You bum you."

I took her hand and held her open palm to my lips for a long kiss of it, maintaining eye contact as I did.

"Jill I know those sentiments are important to you. They are to me too," I said, pulling her back to me with easy success. She fell into me with her chin up and lips pursed. We kissed, then hugged again. "Look, the truth is I like hearing them from you, a lot, no matter how many times you wanna tell me."

"You do?"

"Yes."

"Promise?"

"Promise. I wanna say we shouldn't constrict the words we use to express ourselves during fantasy talk because we know how we feel about each other, and I don't want that to limit the fun we have when we talk fantasy. 'Cause I like getting so lost in that kind of talk we can't tell if we're serious or not. That's what makes it fantasy and fun."

Jill was nodding this whole time. "I know what you mean."

"But...we're also sticklers about putting each other first, always. And jealously so. Right counselor?"

"You're darn right," she said, lowering her gaze to kiss my chest.

"So, sometimes we bring up our checks and balances and while we feel we need to, we don't wanna make the other feel like they keep hearing the same thing."

"Exactly Louis."

"But I never get tired of it from you Jill. 'K?" She didn't answer, I reared back to look her in the eye. "'K??"

"'K."

We smooched over it.

"That said," I added "I like how, brought up or not, we both see eye to eye about not needing anything or anyone but each other. We come first. If, in the end the fantasy talk suffers in quality because of that...then oh well, and if need be all that stops.

"Yes."

"My focus is on you Jill."

"And mine you."

"Something happening, even in spite of the cabin, I don't look at it as needed or necessary, assumed or presumed. Not in any lucid discussion anyway. To me it feels like doing so wouldn't be us."

"Yeah..." She hugged me tight as she spoked against my chest. "I like hearing that Louis."

"I feel this way in my own private thoughts too," I added. "Well...they're not so private now but, you know what I mean."

"Oh Louis me too. It means so much to me you telling me that, us talking about it. You say things in a way I feel but can't put into words...at least not so well."

She looked up at me, pursing her lips. I kissed them and we beamed at one another. As we did I was thinking of the fantasy I was about to get into, and in light of what we'd just discussed I had the sudden urge to say something to Jill, but I didn't want to ruin the mood. Something I just then realized I'd always felt but never addressed with myself. At least not as directly as I felt I now wanted to address it with Jill. The concern must have been evident because her eye contact got sharper and she crooked her head.

"Tell me," she said softly.

"Jill, after what we just said to each other, I find there's something I need to add, to make clear. Nothing new. Well, sort of. And doesn't change what we just said, but..."

"Is it about me?"

"'Course," I nodded.

"About something happening. For real?"

I shrugged my shoulders. "Sorta...and not sorta. Just, after what we said, about something needn't happen ever again. In light of that sentiment. I feel there's something I have to...admit. I don't know why. Maybe it kinda feels to me to be in spite of what we just discussed...in some way. In spite of my having no need in that regard, there's something I still like. Or, just at the same time... I dunno. It's weird."

Jill could tell I was thinking hard. She took both my hands in hers.

"It's okay," she said softly. "Don't constrict yourself, like you said."

I took in a breath. Jill just smiled warmly up at me. I spoke slowly.

"Jill I'm aroused right now and I kinda wish I wasn't, so that the point I'm trying to make would take center stage all by itself."

"Louis..." she said softly. "It does. Okay? What you said just now? I'm right there with you on that. I understand. Okay?"

"Okay," I nodded.

"Okay," she whispered. "So tell me like you need to. I'm listening honey."

"Thank you... This isn't me telling you anything new, Jill. I kinda said something similar when I first told you my fantasy of you. But that stuff is still fresh in my mind in the same way it was then. I'm only bringing it up again because I kinda need to to make my point, to...to get across what I think I'm admitting. Okay?"

"Okay..." Jill replied as she looked up at me.

"Aside from fantasy talk, and although we said what we just did and I meant all that, there are images that pop into my mind sometimes...and just like then I like considering them for real. Not in order to make them happen, and not that they leave me in hopes they do. That's...that's not in any way part of it. But I like considering them...as real. I like it. Can I just tell you some? Not to talk dirty to you. I mean...this isn't to be sexual here. It's gonna sound it, but it isn't meant to be. I don't mean for it to affect you, okay?"

Jill tiptoed up to hug me and stayed like that, stroking my hair. "Okay..."

I took a deep breath.

"Flashes...of images..."

I was hesitating.

"Tell meeeee," Jill whispered.

I paused a moment longer, then continued. "Flashes of images...still like pictures...but in some ways not." I took another deep breath. "Images...of your eyes crossed and rolled up in your head. Of your mouth hanging open. Of a pair of tight jean shorts that have been yanked down over your ass. Of it naked and jiggling after being smacked where you stand. Of it naked and being grabbed tight and held. Of a hand running over it, and further down... Of a hand scooping up your breast and tweaking a nipple. Of wide cock pistoning between your splayed open labia...and of one of the several times it stays in you and flexes with a pulse of seminal delivery..."

I felt and heard Jill swallow as I tried to get this out.

"...Images of your arms dangling in front of you, presumably because you're bent over and being held by either your shoulders or your...your hair...and being fucked from behind. Images of jets of semen being shot across your face and body... Of hands gripping your naked hips. Of fingers rubbing your barbered pussy."

"My bar-..." Jill blurted softly, briefly pausing her caresses. "Uh!... ...My God," she added so faint I could only make out the consonants.

"Rubbing fast...enough to bring you to your knees... Images of your small hand wrapped around a wide cock shaft... Of your mouth, stuffed impossibly full with one, a hand on the back of your head..."

Jill's breathing was heavy, but I noticed she wasn't trying to press against me with her hug. It was gentle. She was simply being there for me as I expressed my thoughts. She gave me a kiss on the neck, then rest her head back against me as she stroked my hair and listened.

"All these images originate from the notion of men mating with you as we always talk about. Of you...instinctively and dutifully providing relief to men who the mere sight of you has aroused. But they're a stand alone type thing. There's no particular man in them. And it's not about it being another man Jill. Or you being with another man... Someone beside me. Or instead of me. I don't know I ever made that clear."

"You never had to," she said softly, briefly turning her head up to kiss my neck as she scrunched up a fist full of my hair.

"Nor is about the fact that we're married. It's never been a wife sharing fantasy. Or even a...a sharing fantasy. Just...a Jill fantasy. Just the plain stand alone fact of something being done to you,...or with you, like in the images I see, and in some cases your...primal response. I dunno, that one's hard to explain better, that plain fact I mention there, because I know I've used the term wife when talking about you."