tagHumor & SatireTango's Twilight Zone

Tango's Twilight Zone


I had been corresponding with K, for about a week, through Snatchmaker, an online sex site I had recently joined. I had even called him (something I rarely-to-never do) and we had chatted easily and made vague plans to meet (translation: fuck our brains out).

Then...nothing. I hadn't really noticed because I get a lot of emails; hundreds per week. But then, yesterday, I received this:

Dear Tango, sorry I haven't given you a call like I said I would. I have read your testimonials and I just don't think we would click. I am not looking for one-time hookups or multiple sex partners. I know it probably sounds weird since Snatchmaker is a sex site but that is just how I am. Sorry if you feel like I wasted your time. I just wanted to be honest with you.

How fucked up is that? He was APOLOGIZING for not wanting a one night stand or multiple sex partners. That's when I knew I had entered Tango's Twilight Zone.

Tango's Twilight Zone is a surreal alternative universe where orgies, sex cams, and debauchery of all types are the norm and monogamy and polite sex are as rare as natural tits in a porno movie.

I am not a stranger to this Twilight Zone. On several occasions I have received emails from guys who write like they know me, but for the life of me I have absolutely no recollection of who they are. Absolutely no memory. I'll look at the user name and try to figure out who the person is, but on sex sites, user names tend to blend into one: bigcock4u269, 2hungnhard4u69, bigcock2hungnhard4u69, etc. And not everyone posts a picture on his profile. And if they do, it's usually a cock shot. And, after awhile...well...seen one cock, seen them all, you know? I try to figure out who the dude is by looking through my email trash and sent folders, but...like I said...I get TONS of emails. The only thing I can do is to ask the guy point blank:

"This sounds bad", I email back, "but have we fucked?"

The sharp ones (and there are some very very smart guys on this site) usually respond,

"T, if I had fucked you, you can be damn sure you would remember me."

Smart, huh?

Tango's Twilight Zone also includes incidents where I have double booked. OH YES. Having ADD, I'm not the most organized person, especially if I'm dealing with more than 3 - 5 things.

Thus one Friday night, I had showered and put on my "New Guy" outfit...the outfit I always wore when meeting a new fuckbuddy for the first time: black camisole, tight stretchy tiger print mini skirt (which sits on my hips JUST RIGHT), lavender cardigan and 4" spike heeled fuck-me mules and sandalwood body oil. I was waiting for the Accountant to show up at 8:15pm, the specified Fuckbunny time.

At 8:00pm sharp, the door bell rang. I rushed to the door, opened it....and there was Karate Guy. I had seen Karate Guy for the first time 2 weeks earlier and we had hit it off (and hit it...twice!) and had made subsequent plans, I thought, to meet again this Saturday at 8:00pm. Oops. BIG oops. Karate guy noticed my "New Guy" outfit (which, of course, I had worn when I met him for the first time 2 weeks ago) and quickly figured out what the deal was. I don't lie, so I confirmed to Karate Guy exactly what he had suspected...that I had gotten the days wrong and was actually expecting someone else - another "New Guy".

But...OMFG, Karate Guy looked so cute standing there with this expectant puppy-dog smile, all clean and tall and smelling good. And I remembered certain...move he had when he fucked me. I mean....well...what's a Fuckbunny to do? Let's just say that Tango rallied and took care of things with both Karate Guy and Mr. Accountant.

Then there was the incident with The Detective. The Detective and I had been emailing back and forth for about a week when he asked for another picture of me. I had recently run a local 5K and I sent him a picture of me crossing the finish line. I was proud of completing the race and I liked the shot of me, crossing the finish line. It showcased my shapely runner's legs and wild red hair.

I kind of forgot about sending it to the Detective until, one day at work, I was reminded.

A couple of days after sending The Detective the running picture, I received an internal IM at work: "Hi Tango, wanna fuck?" It was from someone whose name I didn't recognize. Shit, I thought....Holy shit. Someone from Snatchmaker had found me out in real life.!!!

Looking over my shoulder to make sure no one was watching, I IM'd back:

"Who are you, and how did you find out???"

The Detective, being a clever man, had accessed the 5K race sponsor's website and looked up my entry number. I was part of a group of people from work who ran as a team...and turns out the Detective and I work for the same company, although not in the same location.

"Want to do lunch?" the Detective asked.

After the initial shock and fear wore off, I quickly looked up the Detective's profile on Snatchmaker and found his picture. Hell yes I wanted to do....um...lunch...right; lunch. I agreed to meet him, and 15 minutes later we were fucking like rabbits in the woods of a local park which was 5 miles away from my building.

Snatchmaker members...we're smart motherfuckers, and we are EVERYWHERE.

Tango's Twilight Zone....enter at your own risk....

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