Tankgirl Tales


"Listen up, cause I'm only telling you this once. I'm not bedtime story lady, so pay attention. It's 2033. The world is *screwed* now. You see, a while ago this humongous comet came crashing into the earth. Bam, total devastation. End of the world as we know it. No celebrities, no cable TV, no water. It hasn't rained in 11 years. Now 20 people gotta squeeze inside the same bathtub - so it ain't all bad." (Tank girl)

"Life doesn't come with a manual, signs saying stop, go or this way next. You rumble along and figure it out for yourself. Who could have known what happened next, I sure as shit didn't? Comet hits, life as you know it ends. The dreams of what once was cloud the waking thoughts of the crap that is left and you start all over again. Then some Power and Water scumbag comes along and cleans your life out, and you start all over again."

Rebecca finished talking to the ragtag bunch of cavern dwellers. Bringing the resistance together after killing Kesslee, had been a drag. Rebecca needed action, movement, something. Booga curled an arm around her back as he too looked out at the subterranean warren that they had stumbled into. "Right! Tomorrow Booga here will show you how to dig for springs and ration your food better, I'm gonna sleep, so shoo, get the fuck out."

The small room they were given was claustrophobic and harsh, mostly when on the road they would sleep outside under the stars, but a bed would be neat, she thought, very nice. She bounced onto the rust stained mattress and fell back like a star fish, "Oh take me Booga, take me, take me now," she growled in a throaty voice.

Booga looked around, "But we just got here. Take you where?"

"Get your furry little butt over here!" Rebecca rolled her eyes.

Booga pounced on her, and they snuggled up together totally exhausted. After weeks in the desert seeking out this group, they finally had some water and could sleep within the relative safety of the caverns. She rolled over and ran her fingers through Booga's fur. One of the Rippa's, Booga had been upgraded to human status by their creator Johnny Prophet. He was faithful and loyal, the perfect mate for her, he did what he was told, and she liked it that way.

She woke in the morning with Booga still curled beside her, the dry heat making her thirsty all over again. Rebecca knew she shouldn't whine, she did ok, she couldn't complain much. She was alive, she was loved, but right now that didn't count. "Booga, make me breakfast you lazy bag of fur," she grumbled and stroked his fur.

Booga was terribly sweet. He rolled to his back and pulled her close licking her cheek before getting up. Rebecca watched him, loving, obedient and loyal, what more could you want from a well hung, mutant roo. Rebecca pushed the rotting sleeping bag back, twisting and stretching her bruised and aching body. She and Booga took sex to new heights or lows of depravity depending on what rocked your world, and she smiled knowing the price was well worth it.

Rebecca stretched her arms above her head looking down to see her nipples pucker above her perky breasts. They were barely disguised by the netted shirt. Not quite ready to face the day she closed her eyes and imagined Kesslee watching her again, his ice blue eyes raking over, sneering at her as her hands travel down the length of her body. It was good fantasy material, 'rilly rilly, it was!'

Bending her knees her foot came to rest on the trigger of her gun still holstered in her gun belt, she let her toes caress it as her outstretched arms curled back to her chest to tease at her nipples. She lowered a hand down between her legs to the moist patch Booga loved to lap at so much and sighed. Her finger wormed its way down into her slit and finding her clit swollen and sensitive, she began to rub in small slow circles building up the delicious sensations that crept into her body. Her feet braced against the floor as her hips rose and rocked with her nimble fingers, the rolling thrills taking on a life of their own as she went into a mini orbit, satisfying the consistent itch she felt. Her thighs shook and her body trembled as she drew a deep breath, a footstep sounded behind her, and she rolled snatching up the pistol and aiming to shoot at the closest target.

Booga was standing above her in an apron plates in his hands, "Rebecca!"


"Whoops, well you shouldn't sneak up on a girl, ya know. Ya never know if she's packing," she laughed lightly looking at the hole in the wall opposite the door. "Bout time we blew this popsicle stand, I am going stir crazy in here." She sat up and pulled a shirt on with her ragged shorts and patted the bed. "Let's eat already!"


Rebecca hit the road that morning to find other resistance enclaves and information about the scientists that Johnny Prophet was working on a desalination solution with, or so he told his Rippa's. They had come across the last small underground warren of post-apocalyptic nomads a few days ago, about a week out from the Rippa head quarters. Calling them post-apocalyptic nomads always seemed much better than calling what they were, a bunch of dumbass survivors starving to death in the middle of the desert. Normally Rebecca wouldn't have cared, but there were kids with the group reminding her of her adopted little sister, Sam, who had been taken by Water and Power in a bid to lure her and the Rippa's out of hiding. Kids were the chink in her hard-ass, smart mouthed, Tankgirl armor.

Leaving Booga in the caverns she had gone out exploring the surrounding area expecting him to catch up and was half a day away from the settlement before she stopped to look around. She missed the lump of fur when he wasn't at her side, but he was better at explaining basic survival crap like rationing food and finding the underground springs than she was. It was safer for everyone that she didn't lose her shit over idiot questions and dumb-assery. She actually admired the doofus's like those in the caverns that could get along around here without looting and killing, God knows she couldn't.

The tank rolled to a stop on a rocky outcrop amongst the sand, and she climbed out to look around. Jumping to the ground Rebecca found herself on the wrong end of a pointy stick. She knew it was the wrong end because she was usually on the other end. Kicking the stick holder's legs out from under him she righted the situation, "Who the hell are ya?" She demanded, "And who sent ya?" She poked him with the stick for emphasis.

The would-be poker groaned, and as she poked him again and waiting for him to get his face out of the sand she took in her surroundings. When you wander around as much as she did the landscape tended to blur into the same old desert. She hadn't stayed put since Water and Power destroyed the resistance house, killed her last boyfriend and everyone she cared about and tried to imprison her. It wasn't so awful, she didn't make many friends this way, but it made it harder for her enemies to find her.

She glanced down at her new friend who spat sand and dirt from his mouth and looked up into her grinning face, "Well what do we have here," she poked him again with the stick, "Not real good with a stick are ya? Ya needs one of these." Rebecca pulled her pistol from its holster twirled it around in a showy move and returned it to her side.

"Don't hurt me please," the would-be predator grovelled.

Rebecca started sharpening the end of the stick with the knife she had pulled from her boot, "I'll think about. What are you doing out here in the middle of nowhere, Dusty? Don't mind if I call ya Dusty do ya? You know the cruise boat left hours ago, don't ya Dusty?"

"I'm on a mission," Dusty stammered.

"Dun dun dun dun, dun dun dun dun,dun dun dun dun, doo dee doo, doo dee doo, dun dun!" Rebecca sang, "I like missions. What kind of mission, I might choose to accept it," she babbled nonsensically as the man's body shook with the effort it took to respond to her question.

The stammer seemed to be worse as he struggled to get out the words, "I am looking for a..."

"For a what, Just one more little noun and we will have a whole sentence. A gun? A bun? Some fun?" She watched him struggle to find the word.

"Rock!" He finally spat out.

"Well," she spread her arms out wide, "Take your pick and stop teasing me with these dumbass missions, Geez! Got me all excited there, Dusty."

His whole body began to shake with effort as he slowly wailed the problem, "No! Not the right one. Need a special rock."

Rebecca looked at him, this stuttering shit was getting old fast, and the man's whole body seemed to have a stutter. She considered if ridding the planet of the highly annoying madman might be the best option. "Now don't get too excited and think you're special or anything, Dusty," she waggled her eyebrows and patted him down, "I do this to all the boys." His loose badly fitting clothes held no guns, or water, nothing of immediate value to her. She discarded an old compass and left a mouldy piece for bread for him to retrieve before pulling out what looked like a map from one of his loose coat pockets.

"Now this is more like it," she twisted the map turning it upside down and inside out as he stuttered back to life. "Now let's see, a rock, hmm? Which rock will we choose, huh?" Dusty lunged at the map, and she let him take it as she snatched up his backpack. "Let's see what treasure's you have found so far."

She dumped the contents out onto the ground sorting through them with her boot. Snatching up a square packet she yelled, "Eureka!" The crisp crackle of the breaking cellophane made Rebecca smile. "How does a loopy pirate like you have a fresh pack of cigarettes, huh Dusty?" Sure she could, from time to time, find old packs with one or two broken smokes, or bent ones that could be lit, but a fresh pack was a rarity. She stood over him as he scrambled on the ground for his precious belongings.

"I'm not a pirate, I am a soldier," the words came out stilted and slow, the stutter annoying Rebecca who sighed.

"Argh, shiver me tits. I love pirates, shoot first, ask questions later, rape, pillage, blood and guts. My kinda people and you had that whole pirate map thing going on, Dusty. What are we gonna do with ya now?" She looked at him and shook her head.

"Rebecca!" The bounding shape of Booga leaped over the tank landing on top of Dusty.

"Booga! What are you doing here I thought I left you to teach those nasty nuggets how to dig to china or something," Rebecca punched his arm, "and get your foot off his head.

"Oh sorry," he looked down, "How very rude of me." He picked Rebecca up and moved a few steps his long ears up and alert, "I heard you and him came to make sure you were good."

She kissed him, faithful Booga. Good for fucking, good for cooking, good for protection - she liked those qualities in a mate. Good for conversation, too. When she feel like talking. Most of the time she didn't, she wasn't good real often, "You killed him you big knob!"

"Yes. I think I did," he looked at the twisted head and stiffening body.

"Well how can I have fun throwing rocks at him for information now," she snapped.

"Aww Honey, I can find you another Water and Power scumbag if you really want one," Booga looked at her with immense puppy dog eyes.

"He wasn't a Power and Water scumbag he was a pirate, now pick up my fucking cigarettes for me," She pulled the backpack up throwing the rest of the contents back in side, taking time to look at the odd bits and pieces. "And pull that map out of his pocket we might be able to play dot to dot on it."

Booga took the map and lit a smoke for Rebecca handing it to her, then hugged her tightly.

"Always so happy to see me," Rebecca gloated stepping back slightly her hand trailing down his furry chest. Her hand landed on the knife hilt, groaning and rolling her eyes she grinned as she pulled the giant knife from his belt, "We need to get you a gun!"

The sun rose higher in the sky and the heat built more, Rebecca's thoughts turned to water, "Did you bring me anything from that badly filtered mud hole?" Booga smiled toothily and handed her a small bottle of clear-ish liquid. She lifted the tainted water to her lips, the thought of really clean, cold water was almost orgasmic, but she chugged down what they had.

"We really should stock up on water," Booga said. "Got any money?"

"Sure here you go," she sprinkled a handful of pebbles in his hand.

"Um..." he looked at her tilting his head, "that's not money."

"Then I guess we don't have any fucking money then, just like not having any water," she threw the backpack up onto the tank.

"A simple no would have sufficed, how about something to trade?" He looked at her hopefully.

"You bet," she said shaking her hips and making kissing noises at him.

"Save that for the really hard times, honey, we aren't that bad off," Booga's tongue was lolling from his mouth.

"How hard?" She let her eyes drift down over her mate's torso, flashing a grin back up to his face.

It was obvious the only thing these two had to trade was sex, and they saved that for each other. Booga leapt on Rebecca lapping at her neck and tearing at the remnants of her shorts. "Slow down there big boy, I gotta have something to wear." She pulled the shorts off, his muzzle diving in between her legs his mutant face wrinkling even his less than refined senses told him they needed to find a settlement with some sort of cleansing facility. Crawling up her body he entered her roughly and began fucking her wildly.

There was no finesse or sensuality about the wild abandon that accompanied their mating, it was rapid, hard and animalistic, and they both reached the screaming heights of orgasm swiftly. Rebecca was pinned within his clawed hands and wide jaw as she ripped at his fur in primal lust.

Laying back in orgasmic bliss, Rebecca like many in the dust bowl that was their world daydreamed about water. In her minds eye, she was on a lounge in a blue pool of water with a waterfall cascading near by to wash all the dirt and grime from her body. The water was everywhere, no sand to get in her hair, her butt, or her gun. Beautiful people everywhere, cool water on tap. She knew where to find it but didn't want to take Booga into such a dangerous place.

Opening her eyes she growled, "Fucking sand!"

The tank fired up, roaring to life. "C'mon Tanky, let's get outta here,"

"All right," she yelled over the din of the tank, "I'm coming."

Rebecca grabbed the dead guys compass which lay discarded on the ground, and they headed west towards Liquid Silver, Power and Waters luxurious resort hidden within the desert. "This compass is as screwy as the mad pirate that had it," Rebecca tossed it to the back over her shoulder and looked through the scope, "Nothing but fucking sand."

"Stop the tank," Booga yelled thumping on the broken monitor as it spluttered and the picture fizzled, "I think I saw something."

"Wait, hold it, hold it," the tank slowed to her words and she swung up out of the cockpit to the roof pulling her goggles down over her face. "What are you blathering about now?"

"Look there," He pointed and she strained to see what his sharp eyes saw, a crate on the side of the road, "Might be something good! Like a box filled with the pirate's treasure."

"Yeah like the way your head is filled with rocks, might be a trap ya big furry dingbat," he wrapped his arms around her, "Fine. I can't fucking stand this!" He pulled her with him as he bounded from the roof of the tank.

There was a large wooden crate in the distance. They looked at each other, shrugged and walked toward it. At close range, they realized it was only about a meter square. Not as big as they thought, but contained more than enough room for a substantial quantity of treasure as Booga had speculated. Rebecca still thought the idea was ridiculous.

They stopped about twenty paces from the box watching as another strange eyed man gripping a piece of the map in his hand sprang up from behind the box, he looked around furtively, "Did you bring it?"

Booga swatted him to the side, and he came up spluttering sand, "No, you can't I need the rock."

"Honey," Booga stepped to the side.

"How's about you and me have a little chat about this rock you all are so interested in, the last guy we met didn't finish the story. Then my friend can look at your booty," Rebecca smacked his ass and steered him away from the box.

Booga began to wedge the top off the crate while the man babbled on about a special rock. The crate was full of rocks, and several packs of the same cigarettes Rebecca had taken from the stick wielding pirate. The man seeing the open crate ran back and threw himself over it.

"Thank you," Rebecca plucked the map from his hand, and looked at it pulling out the other one. They were identical. "Let's take our friend here, and his crate, with us to his own sort of people," she marched back to the tank, thinking of the one girl who fit the bill. If insane was the name of the day, Barney was their girl. Barney was fatally insane, fatal to any that got to close to her, after breaking her out of the asylum Tanky then had to saved her friends during Barney's killing spree.

They had driven east for the rest of the day stopping when night fell to trade cigarettes for water, and beer before camping outside the Power and Water supported settlement. The closer they got to Liquid Silver the more Power and Water settlements were around. It just so happened that Barney had taken over one of those settlements.


Sometimes Rebecca enjoyed some quiet time to herself in the mornings, away from Booga, away from the tank, away from everything. The morning after finding the madman she stomped away leaving Booga to make her breakfast telling him she needed 'me time'. In truth she had walked away from their camp to enjoy something she hadn't for quite some time. She had gone through the meagre belongings of both mad men they had met yesterday looking for valuables, topping the list were boots and guns. No luck there, their boots were older than hers. She did, however, find one grand prize, the unusual treat of cotton panties.

They looked almost new, and she stashed them away wondering if they were a trophy of sorts, a remembrance of someone, it didn't matter, they were hers now. She had waited all night. Just the thought of the elastic sliding over her hips gave her thrills that ran up her spine. When she woke she grabbed up her prise and leaving Booga to mess around with their barbeque grill she almost ran away to an outcropping of rock south west of the tank.

Ready for a good dose of introspection and meditation she stretched her arms high above her head forcing her back to arch and make sharp popping noises. Bending to touch her toes, her back crunched and she groaned sitting back onto the large rock. She remembered all the things she had lost, ball gowns, designer jeans, clean underwear and looked down at her tattered clothes and laughed mirthlessly, how far had she sunk to be totally entranced by an almost fresh pair of cotton panties.

Feeling decidedly limber after crunching her back she bent her back to look down on herself as much as she could while she pulled the tattered shorts away, they may have been combat fatigues once, but they were unquestionably short, shorts now, it had been a long time since she had worn any underwear. Once she was naked she lay back on the rock and let the rays of the evil heat her body.

She had declined a dry shower in town, thinking them worse than remaining dirty and allowing the dust from the road to cling to her body made her skin seem pasty in the sunlight as the heat baked her skin. She thought of the stick wielding pirate and that fact that, for once, it hadn't been her that had killed him. She had shot more Power and Water soldiers than the young girl in a ball gown, she once was, would have believed possible. The woman she had become couldn't believe it was possible either.

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