Tears of the Fallen Ch. 13

His heart hurt, so much so, he started to cry.

"Liam, what's wrong, sweetie?"

Mommy picked him up but it didn't stop the pain. It didn't stop the weeping that started again inside his head, a dull muted sound that wouldn't go away.

"My heart hurts, Mommy," he whispered into her neck. "It hurts so badly and it won't stop."

He could feel his mommy's fear as she felt his head and ran her hands over his body. He knew she wouldn't find anything because it wasn't his pain he was feeling.

"Liam, tell me where it hurts, honey," she asked, as she took him into the sitting room and sat on the sofa to cuddle him.

The sound of the front door made Mommy sigh with relief. Daddy was instantly at her side, his already weary expression turning to one of concern.

"What's wrong with him?" he asked urgently, touching his son's forehead but unable to find a fever.

Mommy bit her lip and shook her head. "I don't know. He just keeps saying it hurts and pointing at his chest. I can't find anything wrong with him though."

"Liam, tell Daddy what's wrong," his father coaxed, cradling his face in his hands gently.

"Hurts here, Daddy," Liam sniffed, his hand over his heart. "Always hurts here, but not this bad. Help her, Daddy. You have to help her."

Mommy and Daddy shared puzzled looks as he tried to tell them what was wrong, his crying becoming stronger as the cutting feeling grew worse and worse.

"Help who, Liam?" Mommy asked gently. "Who does Daddy need to help?"

Big tears rolled down his face, his eyes pleading with them as he looked up at his parents. "Aunt Freya," he sobbed. "She hurts so bad, Mommy."

*****

The memory was a hard one to re-live. Liam wasn't surprised to find his cheeks wet as he closed the dark door. He had chosen that moment because he knew that Reasa related to his aunt on a level he couldn't understand. He wanted her to see how important Freya was to him and just how overwhelmed he could become by others emotions.

"You were just a toddler at the time." Reasa's voice was barely audible and if he didn't have enhanced hearing, he might have missed the words.

"My abilities were closely attuned to my family when I was younger. I always had a special affinity with my aunt, in particular, and that was why I sensed her pain so keenly at the time. It was as I grew older that everyone else's emotions began to overwhelm me and it became unbearable."

His hand touched another doorknob; this gateway a darker blue it was almost black. "My deepest shame," he whispered, before throwing it wide open.

*****

He screamed over and over, as his young body thrashed wildly in the hospital bed. "Make them stop! Make them stop! Make them stop! Make them stop! Make them stop...!"

"Mallen, do something!" His mother screamed, as she held him down on the bed, nearly blinded by the tears running down her face. "Liam, I'm here, darling. Mommy's here!"

"I gave him enough sedative to knock out a full grown Were," the doctor said, his tone frantic. "Rafe, I don't want to give him any more. It could put him into cardiac arrest!"

"Annie?" The deep baritone of his Alpha filled the room, followed by the musical lilt of his sister's voice.

"I can't reach him. His shields are too strong, but there's also something wrong with them. He's keeping me from psychically entering his mind and yet, he appears unable to construct a defence against pure emotion. I believe he's feeling every emotion within the pack and most certainly the full impact of all of our emotions in this room. We need to get everyone out and as far away from him as we can."

"I'm not leaving my son!"

Mommy was crying and her heart was hurting as badly as Aunt Freya's had once hurt. He could feel his Aunt in the room and he reached out for her because she was the only one who felt cool, where everyone else was burning hot.

"Liam?"

"Make them stop, Aunt Freya. Make them stop!"

"Everyone leave the room...now!" His aunt bodily picked up his mother up from the bed as she fought against her. "Ashleigh, your terror is leaking all over him, you have to leave now. I will protect him, but you have to go!"

He curled up, and covered his ears with his hands in an attempt to make everything go away. The feelings subsided a little and he could think a bit more coherently. He could hear his aunt talking to the doctor, could distinguish their conversation.

"The safe room may be a better place to put Liam."

"You think he's going rogue?"

"No, Mallen, I was thinking there may be some benefit to the padded room being some kind of external buffer to the emotions he's being subjected to. No nephew of mine will ever go rogue. Not as long as I live."

"That may work. I'll talk to Rafe."

The emotions muted a bit more, and then lethargy overcame him. Now that he wasn't being overloaded with emotions, the sedative the doctor gave him was finally able to take effect. Liam sank down into a deep oblivion.

When his eyes opened again, he was in the safe room. They'd all seen it before, their Alpha showed them every aspect of pack life, including the fact that sometimes Weres turned rogue and had to be locked away for both their own safety, and that of innocent people. Had he turned rogue? Was that why they'd moved his hospital bed into the safe room?

Liam rose slowly and surveyed his fifteen-year-old reflection in the two-way mirror. There was a wildness to his gaze that frightened him, but apart from that he felt as if he was sane enough. In the back of his mind, he could still feel the pack's emotions but it wasn't nearly as bad as it had been before, when he felt as if his head would burst.

The door to the room opened and Elina stepped inside. She was on the cusp of turning from child into a young woman, but the expression in her eyes made her appear much older. Her customary smile was missing, and in her eyes was a bleakness that he could see but couldn't sense.

"Elle? What's wrong?"

"You almost died, Liam," she answered in a voice that was devoid of all emotion. "You were able to reach out to Mother and it was enough that the doctor was able to get you sedated and bring you here. It helped for a little while, but then you went wild again."

He frowned at her, fear coursing through his body. "I don't remember anything after the hospital room. What did I do?"

"It doesn't matter. You didn't hurt anyone apart from yourself and you have healed." Elina moved to sit down on the side of the bed and he followed her. He reached out to sample her emotions as he sat down beside her. He knew it probably wasn't a wise thing to do, but her lack of inflection was starting to concern him. He didn't like seeing his cousin so serious.

"I'm shielded too tightly for you to feel anything," she said quietly, turning her intent gaze on his. "Whatever help Mother was at the beginning quickly wore off, Liam. Everyone was certain we were losing you. I snuck down one night to see you because I couldn't bear to be apart from you any longer." Her voice faltered and for a moment he thought she wouldn't continue, then she took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "You were hurting yourself. You were in wolf form and you were biting at your own paws...you were trying to chew them off."

Her voice had dropped to a whisper, and for a glimmer of a moment, he felt a strong surge of pain and then it vanished as quickly as it had come.

"I couldn't let you do that. I couldn't let you hurt yourself. I opened the door and came in, even though I'd been warned to stay outside and call an adult if you needed help. I did the only thing I could think of: I just threw my arms around you. I could feel you in my head, screaming relentlessly. It hurt my head, so I tried to push you out and something snapped into place. The adults think it may have been something to do with the fact that we connected before I was born. The shield I used protected me, but it also strengthened your own shield. When we are connected like this, I can help keep the overload at bay."

Shock rippled through him, his astonishment so profound that for a moment he couldn't quite grasp what she was telling him. Now that she'd mentioned the connection, he could feel her nestled quietly inside his head. Her presence wasn't intrusive in any way; she wasn't reading his thoughts or anything. She was just there, right where he imagined his mental barriers to be.

What he did notice was the utter calm she projected. He felt something similar around his aunt when she contained her emotions, but nothing nearly as strong as what he felt around his cousin. As his astonishment subsided, it was replaced by a dawning realisation....

"Elle, if you're protecting me all of the time, then what about you?"

Big eyes met his and for another moment, the barriers she held wavered; he felt a shaft of pure love radiating outwards before it was cruelly extinguished in the next heartbeat.

"Aside from my parents, there is no one I love more than you, Liam. You are my family, my cousin, the brother I've never had. You have always protected me, always welcomed me into your life. You've never once chased me away because I'm younger than you or a girl, even now when you've started thinking about girls and what you can get up to with them. Now, I can finally do something for you, to repay everything you've ever done for me."

"No! Elle! Not this!" Despite trying to hold them back, his eyes filled with tears as the full impact of what his beautiful cousin was willing to do crashed over him in a wave of despair. "You can't sacrifice yourself for me, Elina. You just can't."

"It is only a sacrifice if I achieve nothing from it," she smiled, but there was no warmth in the tilting of her lips. "I can't lose you, Liam, I just couldn't stand it if you were no longer in my life. This way I get to keep you and you get a chance at living a normal life."

Liam was shaking his head, oblivious to his tears, and determined that she wouldn't do this thing. "Your parents will never allow it. Rafe won't allow it. When they find out what you're doing..."

"They already know, Liam. There have been endless meetings about the subject. They've covered every possible angle and this is the only one that works. Mother said I am old enough to make my own decisions and Father has reluctantly agreed to it. I think they have realised my shields are too strong for them anyway, and they know there is nothing they can do to prevent it."

"Elle...Elle, your beautiful smile...your laughter I love so much. You can't give that up for me, not for anyone." There was desperation in his voice as he gripped her hands hard, trying to get her to see sense.

"Then work on your shields, Liam. Work as hard as you can and one day you will hear my laughter again. For this moment though, keeping you sane is the most important thing and my mind will not be swayed from this course of action."

He could see the truth in her eyes and knew there was nothing he could say that would dissuade her. Gathering his beautiful cousin in a bear-like hug, Liam wept...for both of them...

*****

"I should have argued more," Liam sobbed, as he bowed his head to hide his shame. "I should have refused her, but the peace she brought to my soul was a balm I never thought I would ever experience. She gave up too much for me. I wasn't worth that kind of sacrifice, not when I have gone on to do such terrible things."

"A person's worth is not how they perceive themselves but how others do. Elina clearly loves you, as do your parents and your pack." There was a healthy dose of respect in Reasa quiet words, as well as a slight catch.

Liam turned his tear-stained face to look at her, but she was staring straight ahead, her eyes dry.

"I don't want to do this anymore," he ground out, leaving the psychic plane and opening his eyes. He was shocked to see his hands resting on top of the book, Reasa's smaller hands wrapped around his.

She removed them, meeting his gaze with a neutral expression. "We need to continue what we've started. We need to heal the fragments of your soul before we can move on."

"I can't!" The words came out harshly, anguish on his face as he shook his head to reinforce them.

"You must. Too many people's lives depend on you, Liam. I will be with you."

Liam met Reasa's gaze again, searching her face avidly. There was something in her voice, something softer than anything she had given him before. Had travelling through his memories helped to begin their bonding? He couldn't see the same hostility in her expression. She wasn't showing any love for him, but then he hadn't expected that so soon. There appeared to be a softening towards him though and that have him some hope.

She was offering to be at his side when he confronted the vampire Twice before, his vampiric side had surfaced, and both times she had been the only one that part of his psyche would listen to. There was no fear or concern on her exquisite face. She believed that no harm would come from doing this. It was up to him, and whether or not he had the same faith in himself that his mate was displaying.

Taking a deep breath, Liam closed his eyes, and joined her once more in his mind. "Okay, let's do this."

In the past moving towards a door had been an instantaneous thing. He thought of where he wanted to be and he was immediately facing that door. Now his heart thumped hard in his chest as he concentrated on his wolf, since he judged that to be that the best starting point. Surprisingly, he didn't appear where his wolf was; they remained standing at the beginning of the corridor. He summoned his animal again, and once more, they didn't move.

"You're blocking yourself," she murmured at his side, her voice calm and soothing. "You know the vampire will be somewhere close to your wolf and you're afraid to face it."

"What if it gets loose again?"

"Then you will deal with it as you have before. You must learn to control it, Liam. You will need it later on the paths we will take."

Reasa sounded so certain and he wanted to ask her how she could be, and then he remembered that she had been a vampire. She had lived with her own monster for over a millennia.

Reaching deeper within himself, Liam summoned his wolf once more and found himself standing beside a deep magenta door. He could feel his wolf as he touched the handle, a slow smile curving his lips as he removed the barrier between them. Within a replica of his forest home, a large russet wolf lay close to a tree, its head on its paws as it stared back at him with glowing amber eyes.

"It is quite an impressive animal," Reasa remarked at his side. "I only caught a small glimpse of your wolf up at the compound."

The wolf's gaze turned to her, its head cocking to the side before it rose up and padded forward. It stopped before it crossed the threshold into the corridor, its amber eyes never leaving the former vampire. For a long time it merely watched her, and then it chuffed in Liam's direction and once more resumed its position.

"My wolf likes you," Liam smiled, happy his animal approved of their mate. He hadn't considered that it would be otherwise, but it was still a relief to know they were in tune with each other.

He closed the door when she didn't say anything, and searched for the miniscule human part of himself. He found it close by, as he expected it would be, the door a slightly lighter shade than the last one. "I don't think I need to open this one," he said quietly. "It would most likely be just like looking in a mirror."

When she didn't contradict him he knew that time had run out and he couldn't put off the last step in the process. He had to confront his vampiric side. His heartbeat began to race at just the thought of it, but he searched for the monster anyway, closing his eyes and willing himself to find that last hidden part of himself.

When he slowly opened them, he found himself standing in front of a door of the deepest black, a door with no numeral on its face. It was as if his subconscious mind had deliberately excluded it from the pattern he had conjured up. A trickle of sweat beaded his forehead and he felt a shiver run down his spine.

"Open it. Have faith in yourself."

Reasa's whispered words had him reaching out with a shaking hand, his palm sweaty as he slowly turned the doorknob. There was a loud creaking sound as the door opened inward, into a darkness so absolute it seemed to swallow up all of the light surrounding them.

"All the other doors opened outwards," Liam murmured, trepidation lacing his words. A hand touched his arm lightly, and he was surprised not only by Reasa's gesture, but also the fact he could feel her touch on the psychic plane.

"You feel you have control of everything else except this part of yourself. The door opens inwards because you're afraid of what will come out if it were any different."

There was a certain logic to her statement and he was amazed at the complexity of his own his mind. Always before he had been a slave to hiding from everyone's emotions; it was only now that he felt he was really coming to understand himself.

A noise from within the darkness startled him, and Liam tensed as a portion of the blackness lightened into a muted grey and a mirror image of himself appeared, standing motionless with his eyes closed. This Liam was clad entirely in black, his dark auburn hair loose with a wild, unkempt look to it.

"He cannot cross the boundary unless you allow him to," Reasa said quietly. "When you change to your wolf form, you do so because you allow it out of the forest room we just viewed. You can contain the vampire within...and study him so you can come to know him. You are strong enough to do this, Liam. Have faith."

The moment she finished speaking, the vampire opened his eyes, dark pools of the deepest black glaring out at them. A loud hiss escaped him, lethal fangs and talons elongated as he strode towards the doorway, with no apparent indication of stopping.

"No!" Liam yelled, holding out his hands as if to ward the vampire off.

"Use your mind, Liam. Use your enhanced shielding capabilities."

It felt as if he was being freed to act, freed to protect Reasa and everyone he loved. Liam slammed up a mental barrier, almost gasping aloud as thick glass appeared from nowhere. The transparent cage effectively barricaded the vampire in, and a strategically placed rectangular opening allowed him to interact with them safely.

"Release me," the monster growled, pushing his fingers through the opening, talons scraping the glass as he pulled hard, trying to remove the barrier.

"No!" Liam cried out again, trying not to slam the door closed to hide the horror within. "I will not allow you to hurt anyone else ever again."

The vampire paused, a cruel smile crossing his face as he flicked his talons over the glass. "You allow others to hurt you, to take that which belongs to us. The female is ours, our mate, and yet you allowed harm to come to her. Release me and no one will ever dare touch her again. You know you are not up to the task. You and the wolf are too weak. Free me and we will have everything our hearts desire."

There was honey in the words, thick and cloying, and yet tempting beyond all measure. His vampire's strength had been proven and his appeal to the side of Liam that wanted so badly to mate with Reasa was a cleverly calculated move. He was tempted...oh so very tempted to remove his defences, to claim the woman at his side. The glass shimmered for a moment and he struggled to maintain it. Then Reasa stepped forward and there was no further struggle; the barrier solidified as he sought to protect her.

"You are indeed a worthy specimen," she said to the vampire, her green eyes running over the sheer beauty before her. This is what she knew, what she understood. This was what she had seen when she had been hurt and what had drawn her to look at the Vârcolac as a man for the first time.