tagHumor & SatireTeddy and Mr. Red

Teddy and Mr. Red


This is my first attempt at humor. If I didn't succeed please forgive me.

This is a first encounter between Teddy and a dildo told from the POV of the dildo.

It is not intended to be erotic however if it is more power to me.


My first memory is coming alive by having my batteries inserted. I was laying on a bench with a bunch of my new friends and waiting my turn to make sure that my switches and vibrating organs worked.

Luckily I passed my test and I was moved somewhere else where I laid for awhile and I got to talk with my new friends. Of course since we were new we had no experiences to discuss but there were a lot of rumors passed on by those who had been returned by customers for repair.

I learned what our mission in life was and I learned that some of us would have a great life and others would be treated in a horrible manner.

The worst of all possible fates was, I was told, to be purchased by a gay man. The second worse was a similar fate but was to be purchased by a girl whose guy had an ANAL fetish. Sometimes in these situations you could end up covered with horrible smelling stuff and even find yourself put away still covered with it.

I asked why girls would enjoy that and found that they didn't but some guys convinced themselves that the girls did like it.

I also learned that some of us come "BATTERIES INCLUDED" and some "Requires 2 AA batteries (not included)". Apparently I was in the former category as I was an expensive model. I also learned that while I had three vibrators, one in my head, one in my mid-section and one in my base that not all us dillies were so equipped.

I was soon packaged in hard plastic and resting on a cardboard bed. I could see by looking at others that the cardboard had printing but was unable to see it well enough to read it entirely.

Then I was in a confined dark place with about eleven others and we were bounced around and left in cold places for a long time until the dark place was flooded with light and I was unceremoniously pulled out of that place and hung on a long hook on a wall.

I was back against the wall and there were several others in front of me and I could only see to the sides. Once in awhile I could catch a glimpse of someone looking around at other items on the wall and making remarks like.

"I can't believe that they are so expensive." or

"That one is pretty." or

"Oh, that one really looks great." or

"Can you imagine trying to get that inside of you?"

Once in awhile one of the guys in front of me would be sold and I would move up in the line until finally I was at the front. Then I could see the people as they walked around and looked and sometimes took something off the wall.

I couldn't see myself but as time went on I found out some things about myself. First was that my price was $79.95. Then that I was 7 1/2 inches long and 1 1/8 inch in diameter. What ever that meant.

Some said that I wasn't big enough. Others said that I was just right but cost too much. Most seemed to like my color which I learned was bright red. According to the description on the package which I heard some guy read to his girl my flaming red color would heat her up quickly. I was sometimes taken off of the wall and twisted this way and that as someone read about me on the package.

Of course sometimes I cringed and tried to hide as someone whose looks I didn't like seemed interested in me.

One day I saw a pretty blonde girl who was about five feet tall come into the store. I remembered that she had looked at me once and decided that I was too expensive. This time she came straight to where I was and took me down and carried me to the cashier.

I was so happy. She was a bit older than some but I was sure that she and I would get along great. I later learned that she was forty four. Of course none of us would ever live that long but it was not old for a people.

The cashier placed us in something translucent and I bumped along for awhile until I was thrown a short distance and then landed on something soft. I heard some fumbling and jingling and then some noise which I was to learn was a car engine. Whatever that is.

After a few minutes I was out in the open and my owner held me up and looked at me and smiled. Then I heard her say. "I'm sure that you and I are going to be very good friends. I've wanted to meet something like you for a long time and when I saw you I just had to have you. Just wait till we get home and I get you out of that nasty old packaging. I just know we'll have good times together and I'll treat you very well."

"By the way my name is Teddy and I think I will call you Red. OK?"

It certainly was OK with me. She set me gently down on the soft place and we started to move. I could see Teddy's pretty face and I was in love.

After a while the engine noise stopped and Teddy picked me up and held me to her soft body and carried me into what I now know is called a house. We went into the kitchen where she laid me down on a flat surface and when I saw her next I about died of fright.

She had a giant knife in her hand. But I was OK. It turned out that she just wanted to free me from the confinement of my packaging. She scooped me up and turned me this way and that. Finally she turned on each control and revved each of my vibrators up and down for a few seconds and then turned them off.

She held me up in the air and twisted me around so I could see everything and said to me. "This is your new home. I hope you will like it here and I can't wait to feel you in action." She kissed me on my head and then moved me in and out of her mouth as she licked me with her tongue. It was heavenly.

I still wasn't sure exactly where I was and all the stories my new friends had told me spun around in my head but I had confidence that everything was going to be fine. I knew my owner loved me and that was all that counted.

Then Teddy picked me up and carried me to another room which smelled nice and was very pretty. She touched me up and down and said. "You feel a bit cold. I'll put you someplace warm while I take a shower. After all it will be our 'first time' and I want it to be special for both of us."

"Here I'll put you under my pillow. It's warm there and you'll be safe. Be right back."

It was only a few minutes later when she reached under the pillow and took me into her hand. She was still a bit damp and she smelled nice.

"Now Red I hope you are ready. This will be our first experience together. I am a dildo virgin and I know that you are new to this so let's enjoy our first time together."

Teddy turned on my head vibrator at a slow speed and again took me into her mouth and kissed and licked me. Then she held me away from me and looked at me and then got up and looked into her mirror.

"I think that since it's our first time I should try to look pretty for you. Do you want to watch?" Of course I couldn't answer but she set me on my base and I watched as she applied makeup to her eyes and her cheeks and her lips. She seemed to me to put the lipstick on very thick."

She looked at me and said. "I know guys love it when there is lipstick left on their cock after I finish giving them a BJ. How about you?"

Then she stood and put on a choker necklace and ear rings and then she put a wide belt around her waist. She completed her dress up with high heels and then stood in front of the mirror and picked me up.

"Let's watch ourselves for a while. OK?" Then she turned out all the lights and lit several candles. Then she picked me up again and stood in front of the mirror and said. "I'm ready Red. How about you?"

Without waiting for an answer she turned my head vibrator back on but a little faster than before. I looked at Teddy in the mirror. She was so beautiful in the soft light that I could hardly wait for what would come next.

She touched me to the side of her breast saying. "How about we start here Red?" She gently moved me all over both her breasts getting closer and closer to her nipples which I could were see getting longer and longer.

Finally she touched me to one of them and she immediately began to groan. At first I thought that I was hurting her and then she said. "That's so nice. I've never had anything make them feel so nice." Then she moved me to the other one and held me there for a while.

Meanwhile I could sense that her other hand was busy doing something but I didn't know what it was. Then she brought me between her lips and pressed her lips firmly around me but with out wetting me with her tongue.

Teddy held me out between herself and the mirror. "Don't need to wet you Red. It's very wet down there already. Now if you are ready let's have some real fun." With that she moved me down to where I could see her beautiful mons.

I forgot to mention that we have a little chip in us that is programmed with some anatomy terms and some basic instructions. Teddy's pubic area was very neatly trimmed and also very moist. I knew that I wouldn't get scratched when I entered.

She slid my head up and down the slippery valley pausing at one end to spend time exciting her clitoris and at the other to excite the opening there. She began to moan and give excited little gasps as she touched me to certain places.

Then she turned me up to my highest speed and began to move me up and down that valley faster and faster. Then suddenly without me realizing what had happened I was plunged into darkness. I was inside a slippery tunnel and I loved it. It was warm and slippery and exciting. It was what I was born to do.

Then Teddy turned on my other two vibrators and moved them to their highest speed and then I was moving back and forth up and down that tunnel and listening to the sounds I generated there and to those sounds of pleasure from Teddy.

As I would come out into the light I could see that the fingers of Teddy's other hand were rapidly pinching and rubbing her clitoris. Then I was pushed even further into the tunnel and when I came out into the light I looked in the mirror and saw that Teddy had one foot up on the chair and that was why I was in there so deep.

Then suddenly Teddy let out some little screams and I was moving in and out even faster and also spinning and some other motions that I couldn't decipher. Meanwhile Teddy's body was in some kind of turmoil which I later found out was called orgasm.

Then everything got quiet and my vibrators were slowed down and almost stopped and we rested inside the tunnel for awhile. Then I was taken out and Teddy put me to her lips and kissed me and said. "Thanks Red. You're the greatest. I wish I had time for us to do it again but I have a date."

"Too bad that you can't fill me with cum. If you could I would marry you and we would live happily forever."

Teddy took me to the bathroom and washed me in warm water using a pleasantly scented soap. Then she placed me in her panty drawer in between some soft and silky panties where it was warm and pleasant smelling.

I rested there until several hours later when we had another nice encounter. I stayed very busy for about three weeks and then I got a rest for a few days.

After that our encounters were more sporadic and seemed to depend to some extent on the state of her other sex life. I did get to go on some trips with here as we visited distant places. When we did that I would be quite busy until we got back home.

I am now 4 years old which is a critical time for someone in my profession. But I do think that Teddy will keep me around for a long time since we were each other's First Time.

But if not I have had a pleasant and exciting life and have not been subjected to the ultimate horror.

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byCousin-Barb© 0 comments/ 17536 views/ 2 favorites

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