Tender Flowering

"May I sit with you?" Angela asked in a hushed tone. Chloe was so mortified that she could only nod.

After a few moments of awkward silence Chloe asked, "How did you know I was here?"

"I saw you at the bus stop yesterday afternoon," Angela replied. "You've been so quiet and distant the past couple of days that I thought there might be something wrong, so I took a chance that you came back here today. Lucky guess, huh"

Chloe didn't know what to say so she just sat there looking at her knees. After what seemed an eternity, Angela asked, "You've never been much of a church girl, Chloe. Why are you here?"

A flash of annoyance flared up in her for a moment. "Why are you here?" she asked, a bit more sharply than she intended.

"You're my sister. I want to know what's going on with you," Angela said, a bit more defensively than she intended.

"I'm sorry," Chloe said. "It's just that there are things going on in my life right now that I don't know how to deal with. I mean, I want to talk to someone about it, but I don't know who or what to say."

"You can talk to me," Angela said.

Chloe looked at her sister. She had been hesitant to talk to Angela about what she was feeling, but sitting here, in this church, under Angela's sympathetic gaze, made Chloe feel safe. She wondered why she had never seen it before.

"I feel dirty and ashamed," Chloe stammered. "I guess I came here to get over it, or maybe to punish myself."

"What do you have to punish yourself for?" Angela asked.

"I...played with myself last night," Chloe said.

A shadow of a smile crossed Angela's face. At first Chloe thought it was mockery, but she saw that it was a smile of understanding.

"How did it feel?" Angela asked.

This was the last thing Chloe expected to be asked. She had prepared herself to offer an explanation or a defense, even to run away, but never to be asked how it felt. The memory of last night's pleasure came flooding back to her. Chloe eyes closed as she murmured, "It felt...wonderful!"

When she opened her eyes she saw that Angela was looking at her with a beaming smile. "Good. That's how it's supposed to feel," she said. After a few moments, "Is that why you feel dirty?"

"Mm-hmm," said Chloe.

"Don't," said Angela. "It's a wonderful, natural, normal thing. Chloe, you're becoming a woman. Part of being a woman is awakening to your sexuality. It's something every woman goes through."

"Even you?" Chloe asked.

"Even me," Angela replied. "Even mom," she added.

"Do you feel ashamed when you...you know?" Chloe said

"Masturbate? Heavens no! Like I said, sexual pleasure is part of who we are as human beings. I'm never ashamed of being a human being or being a woman. And neither should you."

"But I keep thinking of the Virgin Mary," Chloe said. "I've always been taught that she was so perfect that she never had sex and that was why she bore Jesus."

Angela stifled a chuckle. "Chloe," she said, "you've got more to learn about religion than you do about sex. Sex isn't a sin and Mary's perfection had nothing to do with sex. She was a normal human woman, the same as you or me, she was engaged to a man. Don't you think it's likely that they did the things that husbands and wives do?"

"What about Jesus?" Chloe asked.

"Jesus' conception is a mystery. Ask any priest here and they'll tell you that. They'll say something about the Holy Spirit and salvation and all that but that's not really important. What's important is that, however you want to believe it, whether it was God or evolution, human beings were created as sexual beings so there's no reason to be ashamed about exploring your own sexual nature."

Chloe and Angela sat in silence for a while. Chloe felt her shame and confusion ebbing away as she sat with her sister. Just being able to talk about it was cathartic, especially since she was able to talk about with someone she trusted, someone who didn't judge her.

Chloe finally broke the silence. "Thanks for talking with me," she said. "I was afraid when you first sat down that you would make fun of me or call me a slut."

"I'd never do that," Angela said. "You're my sister and I love you. You drive me crazy sometimes, but I still love you."

"You know, now that I'm able to talk about it, it doesn't seem like such a big deal. There's even some racy stuff in the Bible. I just read some."

"Ah, you must have read the Song of Songs," Angela said with a smile. "The priests will tell you it's a metaphor for God's love for humanity or something like that. I'm sure that's what dad would probably say if you asked him about it. He doesn't want his little girl to grow up too fast. But it's right there in black and white. A man and a woman describing their physical attraction for each other."

Another silence fell. Angela broke it this time. "Are you curious about sex with a man?" she asked.

"Very," Chloe answered.

"Well, I'm not going to sit here and lecture you about saving yourself till marriage, but I will say this. Your virginity is the most precious gift you can give someone. Be wise about it. You can never get it back. Don't give it lightly. You're becoming a woman, but you're still a child. You have so much ahead of you. Don't be in a rush."

Angela reached over and embraced her sister. "I'm going to go now and leave you to your thoughts. Just remember that we all love you, Mom, Dad, me. If you ever need to talk to someone I'll be here."

Angela stood up and walked away. Chloe watched her go. She smiled as the sunlight streamed through the doorway and threw Angela into silhouette. She turned back and let her mind wander. Angela's talk of virginity brought thoughts of Ben to her mind.

Chloe remembered how her hands felt as she caressed her nude body, how the pleasure had radiated throughout her limbs as orgasm overcame her. She remembered admiring her body in the mirror. She wondered what Ben looked like naked. She wanted to feel all the things she had felt last night, but through Ben's hands rather than her own. She fantasized for a good while, but remembering her sister's words, she got up and went outside.

Everything looked different. It was the same street, the same cars, the same park, but Chloe looked at everything now as if it was for the first time. The sky seemed bluer, the air crisper, the grass greener. For a moment she thought of going to Ben's house and exploring her newfound womanhood with him. But Angela was right, there was time. The world was before her feet. She still had a long path to tread. She hoped that Ben would be there to tread it with her, but that was all in the future. Today she would simple revel in being Chloe, young and alive.

She crossed the street and stood in the park for a few moments. She decided to be young for a while yet. A smile stretched across her face and she began to run.