Tenderness Ch. 02

He switched tactics. We started doing things in absolute darkness, under the influence of different mood-altering substances. We tried alcohol and pot, and I even tried inhaling something from a tiny brown bottle, but we never got much farther then me stroking his cock, and our furthest conquest, him sucking and fondling my cock while I was so drunk I felt like I was falling.

After our furthest conquest, he broke up with me, and after almost two years of thinking about it, I forgave him. I had been curled up on that bed, so drunk I felt weak and sick and crying brokenheartedly. After those dark confused fumblings, I never really liked anything that altered my perception. I never drank anything stronger then Mountain Dew, and I never smoked pot again.

I had been so afraid and confused by how I felt. I loved men, and I knew I was gay. I knew that I wanted to have sex, but as soon as I felt his hands on me I always froze. Eventually my weeping and begging for him to stop had driven Bryce away.

I hoped, I wished, I prayed, that the same thing wouldn't happen with Daniel.

--------DANIEL--------

During the meal, Aaron was flirting with me. I had some gay friends and relatives that would lightly flirt with every man alive, but something was very different about Aaron.

I couldn't put my finger on it at first. I thought about it during our second round of Lazer Tag, I thought about it as we drove in my silver Hybrid, and I thought about it when we went to the Mall of America to go to Underwater Adventure.

For those who have never been, Underwater Adventure is an aquarium with a moving walkway that goes through a tunnel of water. Different sections of the tunnel had sharks, manta rays, colorful fish and turtles. He hadn't been to Underwater Adventure since it had been called Underwater World and he had been fourteen. Aaron was enchanted, oohing and aahing over the fish and sharks like a child. A large family of tourists was in front of us on the slowly moving walkway and they kept giving us puzzled looks.

I kept thinking about how Aaron had flirted during the meal. I thought about it in the serene blue tunnel of water, where all of the sounds were simultaneously echoed and muted.

A large tan turtle moved up towards my face and looked sourly at me with a grumpy, yet somehow wise expression.

---

At first Aaron protested me paying for everything, the Lazer Tag, the meal, the Aquarium, but then I told him that I lived in a small apartment and I worked as an editor for the Star Tribune, while he lived in a glorified closet as a part-time bartender. I loved buying stuff for him. I had always been kind of frugal, but it didn't seem like a cost if I was spending it on Aaron.

I loved the sound of his delighted laughter. I had the feeling that most of the time, he didn't laugh a lot. I tried to hear his husky delighted cry of laughter as often as I could. I heard it constantly when we had been shouting and shooting in the neon craziness of the Lazer Tag room, and I loved his giggle when we watched small fish peck algae off of the grumpy turtle's shell.

After the Aquarium, it was nearly nine o'clock, and I asked him what he wanted to do next. He smiled, and my heart broke a little to see his pretty brown eyes surrounded by dark purple bruises.

"How about we go a little closer to home? Maybe we can take a walk or something?"

"After dark?"

I mentally cursed myself. I wasn't afraid of seeming like a pansy, but so many things were just a reminder of how he had been attacked. Half of the night I had been analyzing everything I said, just to make sure it didn't have any double-meanings, or reminders of what had happened.

But this time, it rolled off of his shoulders. He just looked into my eyes and said, "You will protect me."

My heart melted a little in my chest.

---

We had parked near his apartment and we were walking through a small pocket park. It was almost ten o' clock on an unseasonably cold May night. So except for one hurried looking woman walking a mid-sized fluffy dog, we hadn't seen another person. We were warm from laughter and shivering.

We were talking about families. I had been the lucky one, because as far as families, mine was the most accepting that I had ever heard of, really ever. He had been raised by his father after his mother died from heart failure. He had been ten years old. His father had disowned him when he came out at age sixteen. His Grandma had taken him in, and it was his her who had helped him pay for college with her savings. She had died about a week after getting his diploma.

"Dad has started seeing me at Christmas again, and I come over sometimes. I think he's trying to wrap his head around it a little, but mostly he's trying to make make me fall in love with a girl who lives in the apartment next to him."

He had a smile on his face, but I could sense years of rejection and heartbreak in his voice. "He found out about, you know, today. He wants to come over tomorrow. I...I think that if he found out about you he would have a heart attack."

He looked down at his tennis shoes hitting the dark pavement of the bike path we were walking along. His voice was a little wavery. "I wish I could tell him, I really do. He's probably going to use what happened to me as an argument to why I should be straight! He wont say it, but he probably th-thinks that God is p-p-punishing me!"

I heard one muffled sob before I hugged him tightly and desperately, trying to squeeze his grief and pain away.

--------AARON--------

Daniel was very sensitive about his weight. We had never expressly talked about it, but I had always gotten the impression, and he always looked so guilty when he was eating. He worked out, but he told me that he had lost some weight, but never enough.

I had thought that he was a good size when I met him, and he looked really good, sexy in his clothes, but now I loved the sheer size of him, the tall broad muscular breadth of him, down to the slight softness of his stomach and chest.

I hadn't felt like crying the whole night, nearly five hours of near-euphoria, and now all of that happiness was crashing into a nearly delirious sense of grief. My dad's homophobic righteous attitude towards the attack was just enough to set off everything else. I was so humiliated that I was crying in front of Daniel, but I was grateful that he was there for me to hug, and that there was so much of him to hug.

He was startled by my sudden outburst, but he held me tight. It felt like we were the only people in the world, under a light post in the middle of a tiny park, me enfolded in his arms with his big muscular body surrounding me and protecting me.

My face was against his strong chest, and I could feel his heart beating against my cheek. Our bodies were entirely pressed together, but I couldn't feel anything, and I was glad. I think I would have gone a little bit insane if I had felt an erection. My cheekbones and eyebrows were wet, because his shirt was soaking up my tears.

His arms were around me, tight across my shoulders and around the small of my back, with his right hand cupping the back of my head. I expected him to start shushing me, telling me to stop, please stop. But he said something different.

"I'm here Aaron. I'm here. Just let it all out."

I felt him moving slowly and a little clumsily so we were sitting on a park bench. I was still clinging to him but he didn't seem exasperated or annoyed, he just held onto me.

I sat next to him on the park bench and he held me tight against his chest and now I was in an awkward position but I didn't care. I just cried and cried and cried, and Daniel held tight to me the whole time.

---

I slowed down eventually. His shirt had two big wet patches on it, about an inch apart. I had expected to feel humiliated, and I did, a little. But mostly I just felt tired, and relieved. He took care of me, and he hadn't been impatient, only gentle.

He kept his arm around me as I sat up and let out a little hitching sob. I leaned on his shoulder.

"Don't say that you're sorry Aaron. I have no idea how painful this is for you, and if you ever need a shoulder... well, a chest to cry into, I'm here."

I giggled a little. "Can I say thank you?"

He laughed a little too. My glasses were blurry and crooked from crying, but I could see that he looked a little shy. "Yeah, I think that's okay."

It was a spur-of-the-moment thing, and I didn't know I was going to do it until I did it.

I leaned up and kissed him. My eyes were closed, so I missed a little at first, and my lips touched his flat cheek and the corner of his mouth. I could feel the very beginning of light stubble against my cheeks. He was just as surprised as me, but he recovered and gently moved to the left a little so our mouths were touching.

It was like a little slice of heaven.

--------DANIEL--------

His lips were soft and swollen and so tender that he yelped a little from the pressure of my mouth. His cheeks were soft and smooth and boyishly hairless, I guessed that he only had to shave a little fuzz from his jawline and chin and upper lip. His tongue was shy and small and soft when it nudged my mouth for entry.

I know that you're not supposed to kiss with open eyes, but I always had. His cute glasses were crooked and smeared from his crying jag and his eyes were swollen shut from crying and old bruises. He was beautiful. Not in a traditional way, but to me he was beautiful, and he was trusting.

It was there, holding this frail young man in my arms that I realized what had been so different about his flirting. He trusted me. He absolutely trusted me. He let himself go limp and soft and vulnerable when I held him in my arms. The look in his eyes was always innocent and infatuated and free of guile.

I held him tighter and felt my heart throb with something that I told myself was infatuation, but way down deep I knew it was love. I wanted to keep Aaron protected, and never let anyone hurt this sweet man ever again.

The kiss broke and he looked up at me with a wavery little smile and eyes that positively glowed with trust and infatuation/love. I leaned forward and kissed his forehead.

"Let's take you home Aaron, it's late."

---

I walked him to his apartment, it was unseasonably chilly, and I could see my breath in the air, and there were two cold patches on my chest where the wind whipped against Aaron's tears. He lingered by the concrete stairs up to the apartment.

"Daniel?"

He had cleaned his glasses, and wiped his face with a fold of that clingy form-fitting sweater of his. I liked the way that sweater fit on his slim waist and slender shoulders. He was so small and vulnerable up close. He smiled shyly at me.

"I had a really fun night tonight, and I wanted to thank you. Not just for... for understanding, but for the night, and for the date, and just for everything." He was blushing. "I would love to do it again."

"Me too, and I'm just grateful that we had fun, this was the first real date I planned!"

I leaned in and kissed that soft bruised mouth as gently as possible. Tenderly. He kept his eyes opened as well, and the kiss broke early and sweet. I pecked his cheek quick.

"Be careful Aaron, and I hope we can do this again soon."

He smiled, and he looked so happy. "My next night off is on Saturday."

I made sure he got into his building safely and set off walking towards my car. I was so happy that I couldn't stop myself from smiling hard enough to hurt.