Tenderness Ch. 04

"You're always buying stuff for me, I'll pay for the cab!" He was sitting in his chair, the demolished remains of two slices of pie on his plate. Seriously, he must have eaten ten percent of his body weight. Did he have two hollow legs?

We argued about who was going to pick up the cab, when Rose made a sudden contribution.

"You guys are boyfriends! 'Bel tells me that Danny lives like a block away, why don't you just have a little sleepover, rattle the rafters a bit."

She snorted with laughter and started another round of cackling around the table, but I was the only one that saw the guilty panicked look on Aaron's face. I stood up and stretched.

"Hey Aaron, wanna see my old room?"

My dad snorted. "You know we rented that to Freddy Krueger years ago."

More cackling. Aaron was lucid enough to know that I was trying to rescue him from my nutball drunk family.

"Sure." He murmured. He got up and followed me down the narrow hallway.

My room was clean, but otherwise it was exactly as I had left it from my senior year in college. It had been a tradition to live at home during the summer. A double bed that had always been exactly two inches short for me, a dresser that doubled as a closet, a desk with an ancient early 90's PC still hooked up to it. Posters of a couple local bands, and Brad Pitt as he was in 'Fight Club'.

I sat on the bed, shaking my head to try and get rid of the dizzying amount of alcohol in my veins. Aaron sat next to me and leaned into me. I kissed the top of his head. "You okay Aaron? I'm sorry about Rose."

He took a deep breath. "I... I want to sleep over, and I love being with you, I really do..." He looked like he was struggling to speak, but couldn't find the words. "But maybe... Maybe I should pay for the cab..."

I forced myself to expose the elephant in the room. It would be the first time we talked about sex, and my stomach was squirming with embarrassment. But it needed to be said, needed to be kept in the light.

"Aaron? I don't want you to feel like we need to have sex." He flinched and looked up at me. I could see the embarrassment on my face reflected in his, but also he was curious, and grateful.

I took another deep breath. "I don't want you to feel uncomfortable, or obligated ever. I mean, I never expected you to be ready right away. I... I hope you know that... well, as long as you still want me, I'm in this for the long haul. I want to be with you, and I really like being with you. I'm not just being an asshole and waiting for when you're ready."

I kissed him on the forehead. He hadn't said anything, but tears were streaming down his face. I would have been panicking, but he had a huge smile on his face. His eyes were filled with pain and gratitude and something close to devotion. I felt a huge warmth spread through my chest. I kissed him on the mouth this time, and he hugged me to him very tight.

"Thank you Daniel." He whispered, in a choked little voice.

--------AARON--------

I was high on love, drunk on love, reeling on love. He understood! I had guessed that he would, but guessing and knowing are two different things. He had looked so embarrassed when he had to talk about it, but now he was smiling and hugging me. I was buried in his muscular chest, smelling leather and a wisp of cologne and a deep masculine smell that was just his smell. He smelled so amazing.

A loud knock on his bedroom door made us both jump. Marcus's voice was loud and reeling, he was a few glasses of wine away from passing out. "Momma sez you have to clean the sheets yourself!!!"

Then he howled with laughter and stumbled to the bathroom. I looked at Daniel, and he looked at me, and we burst out laughing at the same time. Now that all of that awkwardness had been aired out, Marc was hilarious.

---

We left at about eleven thirty. We had been there for three and a half hours. Daniel promised to call his mother when we got there, because even though he lived three blocks away, the neighborhood wasn't the best, we were both still tipsy, and a gay couple.

I was a little terrified and paranoid when we walked to his apartment, but the walk went smoothly. There were a few cop cars around, but we didn't run into anyone. I still breathed a shaky sigh of relief when we slipped into the apartment building.

"Yup, I live in a war-zone." Daniel joked.

I giggled. "Anywhere in Minneapolis is a bit scary when you're drunk and wandering around late at night with your boyfriend!"

He snorted. "I just get a little happy feeling whenever you call me that. Say it again."

"Boyfriend!"

He pretended to shudder, making me laugh. "Boyfriend! Boyfriend."

"No more!" He pretended to pant. "I don't think I could take another!"

He opened the door to his apartment and Noel ran to greet us, whining and wagging his tail furiously. I dropped to my knees to love him up a little, and he covered my face with sloppy dog-kisses. Zoe eyed us, aloof and cold on top of her couch.

He kissed me on the cheek. "I can find you some pajamas, they'll be huge on you, but better then your date-clothes."

--------DANIEL--------

I got him some matched pajamas. They looked a little dopy, but I liked getting them because they were comfy as hell. I was putting some fresh sheets on the bed and trying to clean up some of the dirty clothes when he walked in.

He had washed off his makeup and taken off his jewelry and taken off the hair binder. He looked adorable in the matched pajamas. A set of dark blue silky material that had been too tight on me, but I had never thrown out. The pants were rolled up at the ankles and sleeves. He looked sleepy and adorable. He also looked very young.

A huge yawn cracked his jaws. "Th--Thank you Daniel. This means a lot."

He came in for a hug and a goodnight kiss. He slipped his tongue in my mouth, and I wanted him so badly it hurt. The kiss ended and he slipped under the covers. I looked at the vulnerable shape of his body curled up under the blanket, and I was glad that he felt so safe with me.

Meanwhile, I went to the bathroom to masturbate quietly. I felt like like a teenager again, but I didn't think I could handle holding it off until tomorrow. I took a shower and finished up before marching like a good boyfriend to sleep on the couch.

---

I had always been a light sleeper, so when a baby started crying in the apartment above me, I gave up and got up to get a snack and some hot cocoa. I was still kind of sleepy, so I jumped about a foot in the air when Aaron tapped me gently on the shoulder. I turned around with a surprised yelp.

He was standing there, yawning and rubbing one eye. His hair was mussed and he looked so cute and sleepy. He mumbled something unintelligible and yawned again.

"You scared the shit out of me." I whispered, grabbing another cup and spooning instant cocoa powder into it. "What did you say?"

"Bad dream..." He mumbled a little louder. He nudged under my arm and snuggled into my chest. I took a moment to hold him tight. I didn't let go until the kettle started to whistle.

"Come on Aaron..." I murmured. "Cuddle and cocoa, that fixes everything." He let out a shaky little giggle and he took his cup out to the couch.

--------AARON--------

We sipped our cocoa, not saying anything. The dream had been terrible, but now I barely remembered it. Something about being in a dark alley, but there had been a swing set in the alley too. That was all I could remember, that, and it was terrifying. I shivered, and Daniel's arm closed more tightly around my shoulders, as if to keep me together.

I rested my head on his chest. "Daniel? Am I too clingy?"

He kissed the top of my head and took a sip of cocoa. "No way Aaron. If you ever need me, just call. I just want to make sure that you're okay."

A huge pang of guilt rocketed through my stomach. I didn't deserve him. This sweet amazing man was buying things for me, loving me, treating me like something precious. What had I ever done for him? He was treating me like a prince and the most I had ever done for him was kiss him.

He was amazing, but I was so fucking insecure. Maybe it wouldn't happen today, or tomorrow, or even for a week if I was lucky, but as soon as he realized how deep my fear ran, he would leave.

"Hey? Aaron, are you okay? Must have been an awful dream... Don't cry Aaron, shh."

I was only sniffling a little. I needed to make sure he stayed with me. I wouldn't be able to handle it if he left me. He was the only thing keeping me sane.

I took a deep breath. We were on a couch, in each others arms, and I was still a little drunk. There would be no easier time then now.

I turned my head slightly and kissed his chest through his green pajama top. He didn't say anything. I could feel the slow rise and fall of his breath, and the healthy thump of his heart. I nuzzled my cheek against him and then raised my head to kiss him on the lips. His mouth was warm and firm and sensual. His lips parted slightly, and his tongue entered my mouth. I sucked on it gently.

It was working. I didn't feel bad. I didn't feel that terrible mixture of fear and guilt and cheapness that I had always felt with Bryce. I didn't feel like I was being blackmailed, or cheated, or bought out. I just felt simple love, and a growing urge. I wanted to be naked with him. I wanted to have sex with him, and make him happy.

We went slow nonetheless. He put one arm around my waist and the other hand cradled the back of my neck, sending shivers down my feverish skin. He broke the kiss, and gently ran kisses down my jawline. I whimpered as he kissed me on the sensitive spot under my ear. I could hear his breathing, faster then it had been. He took my earlobe in his lips and growled playfully.

He ran more kisses down my throat. My breathing was light and fast. My skin felt hot and dry and liquid warmth filled my body and I could feel nervous sweat under my arms and in my crotch. I felt like I was filled with electricity, and my cock was as tight and swollen as a drum.

I tangled my hands in his loose coarse hair as he ran nibbling kisses across my collarbone. "Are you okay with this Aaron?"

His eyes were dilated in the dim light, beautiful and full of love and concern. I nodded and kissed his mouth again, tasting him, moaning softly with how good I felt. I felt good. For the first time I could remember, I felt sexy and loved and unafraid. Then he undid the first button at my throat and started kissing the sensitive little dimple at the center of my collarbone.

With that first button, my feelings of security didn't go away, but they were shaken. I felt the first sour tang of nervousness and the faint prickle of fear. I closed my eyes, and tried to concentrate on the tender way he was stroking my side with one hand, or the gentleness of the hand on my chest.

He moved, and that just made me feel a little more nervous. He got down on his knees on the floor so he was at eye level with my chest. He leaned forward through my slightly spread legs and continued to kiss me gently, tonguing my skin. I felt a little better, and I stroked the hair on his head, but then I could feel the hotness of his breath on my chest, and his hands moved the second button through the hole. He wanted to go down my chest, and give me a blowjob. He was so excited, so into it.

I felt a little sick, and then I felt a wave of despair. This wasn't Bryce! This was Daniel! This was my amazing understanding sweet Daniel. How could I be feeling sick, and only after two buttons?

He wasn't like Bryce, trying to force me over the rough spots, and keep going when I felt upset. Daniel looked up and saw the tears beading in my eyes, and that I no longer looked like I was enjoying it.

"Aaron? Aaron, why didn't you tell me to stop?" His face looked hurt, and I cringed inside. "I don't want to force you to do anything that makes you feel bad."

Then I really started to cry. I felt so ashamed, so scared. He was hugging me now, buttoning up my shirt now, but what about when he got sick of blue balls? What would happen then?

"Shh... Aaron, I'm here Baby."

"Please." I choked, crying into his arm. "Please, I can do it. I c-can do it, I promise."

He looked shocked. "No Aaron, don't ask me to hurt you. I don't need to have sex with you right now, Shh..."

His arms were so comforting, but I refused to be comforted. "You'll leave!" I sobbed. "Y-You'll leave j-j-just like B-Bryce did!"

Then I sobbed into his chest. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry, I didn't mean that!"

He held me without talking for a long time, shushing me gently, and rubbing my back with his big warm hand. After a long time, he whispered. "Whoever Bryce is, he's an idiot. He didn't know when he had a good thing."

I felt a little better, but only a little. "He tried. But... But I was always so scared."

Nothing but silence for a moment. Then he kissed my ear. "I have an idea Aaron, but only if you want to try it."

He whispered his idea into my ear. I wiped my eyes on the green cotton of his pajama shirt, and we went into the bedroom.

--------DANIEL--------

My boss had told me not to leave Aaron alone, and I thought I had understood why, but I didn't fully understand what she had told me until today. I hadn't understand how incredibly fragile Aaron was. He had only dated one other man, and I found myself hating him. Whoever this 'Bryce' was, he had instilled my sweet little Aaron with the idea that I wouldn't love him unless he had sex with me.

I had an idea. If it were entirely up to me, I wouldn't have gone this far. But Aaron really wanted to do something, and not just because his asshole boyfriend had brainwashed him into thinking there couldn't be love without sex.

We went to my room, and we lay down on top of the covers. I carefully settled myself behind him, and I hugged him gently. He was always more relaxed in my arms. It was dark, and I couldn't see him at all, but I could feel his body. I kept my lower body a little separated, not wanting to scare him if I got an erection.

I nipped his earlobe gently, and I felt a lot better when I heard his soft moan. He had stopped crying.

"That's it Aaron. Now just... y'know, jerk off. I wont touch you down there, I'll just be here, okay? Emotional support."

A shaky giggle, and then I could feel his arm moving in the dark, and the soft rise and fall of his breath. I kissed his neck gently, teasing the sensitive skin just a little with my teeth. I could feel his skin vibrate a little as he moaned. The silky pajama shirt was so smooth, I rubbed my hand across it. I could feel the warmth of his skin, and two hard little nubs against my fingers through the fabric.

"D-Daniel?" His voice was soft and breathy. Timid, but breathless from arousal. "Aren't... Aren't you going to...?"

"I will Aaron... Don't worry baby. Right now, it's all you. Just keep going." I nibbled his earlobe, and I could feel his hand moving faster, could hear the soft rhythmic pounding of his hand on flesh. I rubbed his chest, and gently tweaked his nipples through the silky fabric.

I ran kisses up and down his vulnerable neck, and it just came out, I couldn't stop it.

"I love you Aaron."

My stomach instantly clenched, and my insides writhed coldly with fear. I had said it too soon, he was too insecure to handle it, it was the wrong time, he didn't love me back, he would think that I was a big clumsy stupid galoot. A million self-reprimands hit me at once, and I cringed a little. My erection had been like a long hot stone against my thigh, but now it shriveled with shame.

Aaron had frozen in my arms, his shoulders trembling. Then he suddenly turned around, and his body was pressed fully and intimately into mine. I could feel his prick against my stomach, through the fabric of my pajama shirt. It was so hard and hot. His mouth was against mine, and even though my eyes were wide open, it was so dark that I couldn't see him.

I felt his eyelashes against my cheeks, felt the hot pearls of the tears that fell from them. I could feel his breath in my mouth and against my cheeks, I was inhaling his breath, inhaling him. I was dizzy with how close we were. His hair brushed my cheeks and he was making noises that were a clumsy mix between laughter and sobs and moans of passion.

"I love you Daniel." He whispered, burrowing his head under my chin to nip at my neck in a way that drove me crazy. "I love you, I love you, I love you Daniel."

As if remembering himself, he drew his pelvis away from where he had been grinding his throbbing cock against my torso. I felt high and dizzy on love as our tongues and hands explored. I was careful not to touch his groin, but our admission had given him a generous boost of courage.

He let me put my hands through the seam of his shirt and explore his chest. His nipples were hard and velvety, poking into my fingers as I fondled them. His chest was a little soft, tantalizingly smooth. I latched onto his neck and sucked, drawing an excited little moan from him.

His hands were inexperienced and timid and shy. They explored my body in such a sweet way. I was insecure enough about my body, but Aaron somehow made me feel more confident. With my other boyfriends, I had always been sucking in my gut, and nervous about having sex with the lights on, and ashamed when I ate in front of them. Aaron made me feel sexy, just the way I was.

Soon, we were exploring each other with only one hand. My cock was so hard, my body was flushed and aroused and amazed. I hadn't had sex in more then a year, and I found myself having to slow down, to deny myself, just to make it last longer.

His tongue was in my mouth, my left hand was in his hair, my right was flashing up and down my cock. His breath was hot and tasted like wine.

I felt his hot flushed cheek against mine as he whispered in my ear. His breath tickled me. "Daniel! I'm gonna... I'm gonna come!" He sounded breathless, and joyful.

"I love you Aaron." I whispered, stroking my cock harder, feeling heat build up to a tremendous peak inside of me.

--------AARON--------

For a moment, when we were both done, we didn't speak. Daniel moved around, handed me a tissue from the table by his bed, and we both cleaned up. It was too dark to see anything. After I had wiped myself and pulled the pajama pants back up, I moved into his arms. I was kind of hot, especially after jerking off under the covers, but there was no where I'd rather be.

"Daniel?"

He kissed my forehead. He was breathing deeply, and I could feel his muscular chest against mine. "Hmm?" He sounded a little tired. His lips were smiling against my forehead.

"Do you have to go back to the couch?"

He chuckled softly, and kissed me again, this time on the nose. "I'll stay here all night Aaron. Wild horses couldn't drag me away."

We got comfortable. I slept on my stomach, with my arms under the pillow, and he rested on his side, with his arm over my shoulders. I wanted to say something, but it took me a minute to think it through.

"Daniel?"

"Hmm?" He sounded very sleepy now.

"Thank you Daniel. I just want to thank you. This was amazing."

"Mmm... You're welcome Baby..." His words faded into a soft breathy snore. I giggled in the dark, and closed my eyes. This wasn't first time that I had been with a man. But it was the first time I hadn't been raped or coerced or uncomfortable. This was the first time that it had been something beautiful.

I loved him so much, it hurt.