Testing John


Budgie smugglers are Speedos.


I'd decided there would be no celebration of April Fool's Day this year for me. I couldn't think of a suitable prank and I don't think the pranks I'd engineered in the past had been appreciated. The plastic object that looked like dog vomit hadn't been appreciated when placed on my wife's car seat. The stones placed in a hub cap hadn't elicited any appreciation when the Automobile Association was called to sort the problem noise out- twice. When the car went to the mechanics I had to pay a considerable sum to rectify the problem. She didn't see any humour in it at all. I'd learnt my lesson. It's not much fun laughing on one's own.

This year would be innocent of any prank. There are no thanks for pranks. I guess it's just as well. We were going to Ruth and Colin's for lunch instead. I couldn't imagine any thing happening there. Sonya introduced me to them at church. She worked at the clinic with Ruth.

Sonya had placed my bathers on the bed for me to put on saying there would be a heated pool. Why she had my budgie smugglers out and not my board shorts was a mystery to me because she usually hated my budgie smugglers. I put them on under my clothes and we were soon away with a plate of salad on my knees.

We arrived at about eleven. Ruth opened the front door and surprised me, she was dressed in the briefest bikini. Small black triangles that barely hid her nipples and another which would have necessitated a full Brazilian wax or shave. She took the plate from Sonya as she said she was so pleased to see us. I was thinking I could see more of her than she could see of me. She invited us inside, turned for us to follow and I was surprised to see there was no fabric to the back of her bikini, only a few lengths of string. Sonya glanced at me and I saw her grin. The grin surprised me too.

Ruth put the platter on the kitchen table and led us to her bedroom where we could change into our bathers. She pulled the door closed to give us some privacy. Sonya started to shed her clothes and I discovered she too had the briefest bikini. I'd never seen it before. She's normally very conservative. I started to get my clothes off and asked if there was a risk she could have an escape.

"I don't think so, not with the tape," and I watched as she lifted a triangle of her bikini top and the skin of her breast stretched with it. I'd never heard of bikinis being glued on. I didn't feel so bad wearing my budgie smugglers, they weren't nearly as revealing as her bikini, though they were becoming stretched by the behaviour of parts with in.

Ready, we went to the kitchen and Ruth handed us drinks.

"Colin had to go to the office," she explained. "We're still waiting for Helen and Jane." There was a knock on the front door and she went to meet them. Just as well, I'd discovered the bottom triangle of her bikini was transparent. It was difficult to ignore. Again she was effusive in her welcome and took their plate. I'd never met them and felt a little odd in my budgie smugglers as we were introduced. Helen was taller than me and for the pretend cheek kiss I was on my toes. Jane was more my height and it was a lot more comfortable. Ruth led them to the bed room and she closed the door for them to change.

We stood around in the kitchen as Ruth made their drinks and they talked about the exigencies of work. Apparently there were difficulties about taking pap smears. I cringed but couldn't stop listening. Helen and Jane soon joined us. They too were in the briefest bikinis with transparent fabric like Ruth and Sonya. I couldn't help but look. The line of their sex was clearly visible. Ruth told us they'd had a burglary recently and she was now extra vigilant as she locked the bed room door. The key was on a string which she hung around her neck and it extended to be between her wobbling breasts.

We followed her out side to the pool. Ruth, on a knee, tested the temperature as she put her hand in and her breasts tested her bikini. They all followed suit and declared the water to be "perfect". I jumped in. It was beautiful. I stretched out and started to swim. Goldilocks temperature, not too hot, not too cold, but just right. One by one the ladies got in, careful not to get their hair wet. I was tempted to bomb them but resisted.

I heard Ruth ask Jane whether she was having problems with taking paps. Apparently the slides were kept in another room and frequently they had the lady in stirrups to discover they had to get slides. Highly embarrassing, especially as they had to go through an examination room to access them in another room. In both rooms a client could be in a similar state of undress and display. Sonya asked Helen and she agreed some thing should be done. Only yesterday it had happened to her. She realised after putting the speculum in and had to take it out to go and get more slides. She'd had to intrude while a doctor was doing a breast examination in one room and another doctor was doing a vaginal examination in another. I could only imagine. I imagined plenty. I was embarrassed for them.

My budgie smugglers were very inadequate. I started swimming to distract my self from the conversation topic and hopefully improve the adequacy of my budgie smugglers. There was no way I would contribute. They were doing breast stroke as they bobbed around sedately in the water. Ruth went to the side of the pool and looked at her watch.

"Two minutes," she whispered to Sonya. I had no idea what that was about.

I got out of the pool to do a dive, being very careful not to display my excited state. It was difficult with barely fettered breasts floating on the water and the topic of conversation. My dive apparently produced a splash because they all complained when I surfaced.

"April Fools," I declared, not really thinking. The moment I did I felt some thing odd happening and looked down. I could see a piece of fabric floating next to me, then another, and another. It took a moment to compute. I felt the women looking at me. It was as though they knew some thing I didn't. Jane giggled. Helen giggled too. Sonya moved to me, picked the three small pieces of fabric out of the water, held them aloft in her hand and said,

"Happy April Fool's Day, dear," and threw them out of the pool. They were all laughing as I slowly realised. The fabric, only a very short time ago, had been my budgie smugglers. I was now naked and felt the flush of embarrassment as realisation set in.

"Our turn to look at you, John," Helen said. They were all laughing.

"Twelve o'clock, John. You're too late to fool us now." Ruth was holding her watch up to show me.

"I want to see your dick, John." Jane was grinning.

"But, it's past twelve, April Fool's Day is now over," I reminded them.

"It wasn't for me last year," Sonya reminded me, "It wasn't until after five o'clock the stones were found in my hub cap. You have to admit I was a good sport. It's your turn to be a good sport."


"A few months ago you told Bob I was "inclined to be a little bit of a prude." I want you to show us you're not a prude."

"What do you want me to do, Sonya?" I was worried. Very worried, as I waited for her reply.

"You can jack off in front of us."

"What? Now?" my voice squeaked, barely able to get the words out, incredulous.

"Lunch first," Ruth offered, "so we can build our anticipation. I can barely wait, but I want you at full strength." She started to get out of the pool. Instead of using the stairs she chose to climb the wall in a most undignified, unladylike fashion. I discovered the lower, fabric triangle was insufficient to hide all of her feminine charm. Indeed, the triangle slipped to one side and as she raised one knee her vulva opened wide to my gaze.

"Ruth, are you due for a pap?" Sonya asked, "I'd love to do it for you." There was an exchange of grins.

"You do mine and I'll do yours... Any time."

"Monday." Sonya confirmed. They giggled. I was a little surprised by my normally demure wife who reached, took hold of my penis and pulled for me to follow her.

"Can I get a towel?" I asked cautiously.

"It's a warm day. No need for towels," she said. "This time, last year, it was bucketing down. I was drenched."

"Am I supposed to perform in front of them?" I asked. We were climbing the steps out of the water.

"Of course."


"Because your prank last year affected all of us. I didn't get to work that day. I didn't get paid. They filled in for me. It was a very busy day. We aren't just work colleagues. We're very good friends. You helped to bring us together."

"Also, we all had a hand in the prank. Last year we were all furious with you and vowed revenge." I hadn't noticed Jane was beside us. "It was Helen's idea. I resewed your budgie smugglers and made our bikinis. Ruth supplied the pool and did the experiments to make sure it would work and Sonya kept her cool. We worked together and I think we all deserve a performance. You're lucky Tess and Fiona aren't here, they helped with the planning and wanted more. They wanted to shave you and to video your performance." She was very matter of fact and smiled throughout her explanation. She extended her hand to displace Sonya's on my penis.

"What if I refuse?"

"You won't get your clothes, or your keys, or your wallet, and you'll be known as a wimp. We were in the bedroom after you and have hidden every thing. Besides, it's a long way to walk when you're naked. If you don't behave we'll record you and shave you." I looked at Sonya and could see her determined look, the steely resolve and the implication of consequences. We continued on to the dining room where Ruth greeted us.

"Good to see you," she said, "all of you," she added and Jane let me go so I could be seen as they all giggled. So embarrassing, my penis was hard and erect. Ruth put a sandwich in my hands. I ate, wondering what I should do. Ruth gave my penis a few strokes. "It's going to be so good watching," she assured me.

"Best is we all have front row seats," Helen added. She had my balls in her hand. There were titters of laughter and I saw the ripple of breasts. The apricot cake was beautiful. While I was eating I wasn't performing. I had two slices. It was very challenging being the only one naked. I knew my time was coming and asked to use the toilet.

I went and saw all the towels had gone. I looked at my self in the mirror, noticed I was quite red in my nakedness and accused my self of being an idiot. After a wee, I washed my hands and self consciously walked out. As I walked past the bedroom I paused, had a look at the lock on the door and walked on to join them. Ruth held the key up to show me my investigation of the lock had been useless and giggled. I remembered the key she used was brass. The key in her hand wasn't.

Sonya came to me, held my penis and stroked it a few times as she said they'd be ready soon. Ruth and Jane placed four chairs in a semi circle. I started to shake. Sonya looked at me with a moment of concern. I'd never done any thing like this before. I'd always been loyal to my wife.

"I told them I'd do any thing to get you back. They chose this. Deep breaths. Calm down. It's not the end of the world." She stroked me a few times. Jane reached over and held my balls. I was in a sweat, I could feel it run down me, particularly my face. They were all watching. Ruth wondered what my blood pressure reading was. Sonya took my pulse.

"A hundred and seventy two."

"Wow." Helen pulled me to a place in front of the chairs. They all sat. My hands shook. I could see Sonya was concerned. My pulse was normally less than sixty. My heart was hammering my chest so fiercely I thought it could jump out. I was almost catatonic. Sonya was shaking too. I think the enormity of what was happening was far more than she had envisaged. They were waiting.

I was trying to start. I saw Sonya's hand move. She grasped her bikini top and pulled. Her breasts stretched as the glue held her nipples and suddenly they slumped as the glue let go and I watched as they shook and rippled to composure. She grinned to me, I knew the message, she loved me, she wanted to be in solidarity with me.

I started to stroke. My heart began to calm. I watched Sonya as I stroked, my penis so big, so rigid. It started to show off for her. Sonya was watching my eyes as she lifted her breasts, offered them to me for ever and ever and showed me her nipples so hard and big. Then she moved forward in the chair, put her thumbs under the strings of the bikini bottom and pulled. I heard the string break and she dropped the bikini bottom to the floor, opened her legs so wide and pulled her lips, kissable lips, wide open.

I watched as she showed me, her labia so swollen and beautiful, her clitoris so big and firm. I saw her fingers enter. Intoxicating. She rubbed herself and I heard the squelch. I stroked in time with her, my hand moved on the sliding skin. Her eyes were on me, I saw tears form in the corners, they balanced and finally fell down her kissable cheeks. Her breasts rose as she breathed deep and her fingers worked her delicious, wet sex. There was a puddle on the seat under her. I blew her a kiss. She grinned. She was so beautiful. I worked my cock for her. She worked her puss for me, genital gym and digital dancing.

I saw her body tighten. My cock hardened more. As one we came, her body jumped and shook and a jet of my cum hit her chest. She screamed. I was having trouble standing. Another jet hit her crinkled, beautiful face. I turned. With the next shot I hit Ruth, another shot hit Helen, Jane got the next and I wheeled around to face Sonya. She fell to her knees and sucked the last from me. I hit the floor, lay on my side and sucked the secretions from her. We took deep breaths as I put my arms around Sonya and hugged her, kissed her and I couldn't help it- I cried. We both did.

We lay together for some time. With soft murmurs and diminishing sobs we stroked each other's hair and wiped the tears from our cheeks. I heard nothing from the others. I guessed they were still watching.

Eventually I heard Ruth.


Jane and Helen also demonstrated their expensive educations with the same word.

"Wow." They were all dabbling their fingers in the semen I'd sprayed on them. One started to laugh. Quickly, we were all laughing.

"What an experience."

"How beautiful."

"I've never seen any thing like it."

"Thank you."

"I wish it was me."

"I'd love to do that again."

Ruth pulled her bikini top, broke the strings and we watched the glue stretch her nipples until the glue released them to shudder into shape. Jane and Helen did the same. Sonya joined them in handling her breasts and pointing her nipples at me. Helen broke the strings of her bikini bottoms. Ruth and Jane did the same. With their legs wide open they pulled them selves apart and began to masturbate. Sonya whispered to me to look at them, touch them, make them come. She took my hand and pulled me to Ruth. I put a finger deep inside her and felt her. I was slow, uncertain.

"Don't be shy." Sonya said, you turned them on and they'd love you to help. She put a finger in Jane's pussy and showed me with her fingers providing a vigorous digital dance. "Just do what you normally do for me." I speeded up my application and quickly had Ruth screaming with her face scrunched in orgasm. I went to Jane, repeated the process and left her in orgasm to do the digital dance for Helen. When she came I was a little relieved. I felt uncomfortable with them.

It was Sonya I felt comfortable with and when she kissed me I pulled her off balance. She rolled to the floor and I got on top of her. My cock quickly entered and we fucked with so much determination, reaffirming our relationship and love for each other. We came, she was first and we lay together with our sex glistening. We lay there recovering and it was beautiful. We kissed as Ruth, Jane and Helen lay next to us and we all hugged.

"Is there any thing you want to know?" Sonya asked.

I thought for a while.

"Why do you ask?" Sonya looked at me for a while.

"I really don't know but I think it's right to ask, I feel good about it and want good memories of today. I don't want it to be just my agenda, I want you to be involved and happy too. We're lucky. We can communicate. Colin is being difficult. He doesn't get it and is running away. I think we can all benefit from each other. I don't want to be a prude, we all want more."

"Are you bisexual?" I asked. She paused.

"I'm not sure but I think so. I think we all are. We haven't known for long. It's evolving- since starting work on your budgie smugglers and at work we all practice our pap taking on each other. We all want each other and you."

"Thanks for telling me. I've been wondering. I guess we have a lot to talk about."

"I think so. What ever we do I want it based on mutual respect."

"We need a few good men," Jane added. "We don't want you permanently exhausted."

"I want to understand what you do at work. One day I'd like to see you take a pap smear. I hear you talk about it and don't know much about it."

"Monday," Ruth said.

"Monday," repeated Helen and Jane.

"Any thing else?" Sonya asked.

"I want to know how you made my budgie smugglers fall apart."

Helen responded.

"At work we have plastic bags we use for infectious linen. We put the linen into the bags and tie them off so we don't have to touch it. We put them into a washing machine and the plastic dissolves. Jane unpicked the thread in your budgie smugglers and sewed them up again with a ribbon of the dissolvable plastic we cut from a bag. Ruth worked out that when a six millimetre strand is twisted into a thread and sewn into a garment with a size eighteen chenille needle it takes six and a half minutes in water that is twenty two degrees to dissolve. The water was twenty degrees and it took a little longer. We were all worried it wouldn't work."

I was surprised by the detail. They laughed.

"Did you like our bikinis?" Jane asked. When I said they were wonderful they giggled.

"It wasn't easy sewing the triangles. They were intentionally too small. We wanted you excited." She winked and I felt felt my self blush.

"I want to apologise to you, all of you, for what I did last April Fool's. I won't do it again. Instead of stupid pranks and very sophisticated ones, I'd love to meet here every year with every one in swim wear sewn together with dissolvable plastic. I also want time to think about things. I heard an intake of breath. They looked around and were nodding their heads. Sonya gave me a kiss. I held her breasts as she hugged me.

"You know," Ruth said, "I'm hoping we'll all be living together before then. I've been thinking about it and it seems crazy that we are all paying a lot of rent. Colin is saying he's going to leave. I'd love to try some thing different. Preparing for today, I was thinking it's the only day of the year we won't be fools. I think we all have our fingers crossed.

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by yowser03/14/18

Unfetter bed

'barely fettered breasts'
Aye, that's when all the trouble starts.

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