Thankful

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PuckIt
PuckIt
105 Followers

"You've never eaten just one of anything in your life," Mom said, reaching out to move the plate of deviled eggs just a bit further from the door.

"And if you make one move towards those deviled eggs, I'll whack your hand black and blue," Aunt Regina added. "Nick, take your uncle with you before he lands himself in big trouble."

"Do I have to?" I asked. "I was going to sell tickets to his attempts to swipe a piece of that pie he's been edging towards."

"Traitor!" Uncle Billy gasped as Mom and Aunt Regina both spun around with raised wooden spoons.

I let myself be hustled back up the hallway by Uncle Billy pretending to run from Mom and Aunt Regina.

Sure enough, Kelly was sitting in the recliner once more, running a brush through her long, wet hair over and over.

Pris and Michelle were talking quietly, which was rare and never a good sign.

I pointedly picked up my book as I reclaimed my habitual seat. I debated getting my Walkman out once more but decided that would be pushing it if Mom should happen to pop in.

Olivia joined us a few minutes later and claimed her spot on the far end of my couch with a glower at me. If she'd showered at all, much less used soap, she couldn't have proved it by me.

Uncle Billy was doing everything but break into a singing tap-dance at the far end of the room, talking with Kelly. I caught enough to realize he was working in anecdotes from my past and hunched over my book even more.

Laurell graced us with her presence, finally. Conscious of what I'd realized the night before, I studied her as she fell in with Pris and Michelle's quiet conversation. There was no sign of her tiredness that morning as she listened and exclaimed and glanced at Kelly and then myself.

I tore my eyes away from Laurell's beaming smile only to find Kelly looking my way. I buried my attention in my book once more, determined not to give anyone any more ammunition to make me feel foolish until at least after lunch.

"Kelly, why don't you come back with us?"

I glanced up at Priscilla's question to find our three family cheerleaders on their feet. Whatever that was about, I knew it probably didn't bode well. But, I couldn't think of a way to stop it.

Kelly and Olivia joined Pris, Michelle, and Laurell as they trooped toward the back of the house. No one had invited Olivia. She'd just taken it on herself to go. As usual.

It was my turn for Uncle Billy to try to entertain me by working in anecdotes about Kelly. To my surprise, I found myself interested.

It didn't take long for me to work out that, while Kelly was a recent addition to the coterie, she had become a pretty constant fixture in their household for the past three years. I wondered that I hadn't met her before or even heard anything about her, not even her name, before this trip.

"And she took fifth place, if you can believe it!" Uncle Billy wrapped up another story. "Fifth strongest woman in the world, boy! That's somethin'. You bet it is."

"Are you boys ready to eat?"

"Woman! I've had my face set since yesterday about this time!"

"Sure, Aunt Regina. Thank you."

Yet another family tradition I didn't care for, we all gathered in the kitchen before we fixed our plates and joined hands while Uncle Billy led us in a prayer. Then, while we continued holding hands, we went around the circle and said the one thing we were most thankful for.

Granted, part of the problem I had with that tradition might have been that Olivia always managed to be the one squeezing one of my hands like a walnut she wanted to crack open, but still.

I flinched as I rounded the corner into the kitchen and saw everyone waiting almost in their usual spots, except Kelly was between Olivia and where I would stand.

Great. Just wonderful. Peachy.

Determined, still, not to give anyone any ammunition to make the situation any worse, I stepped between Pris and Kelly and slipped my hands into theirs without looking at either of them.

Uncle Billy launched into his usual long and meandering prayer full of "thee" and "thou" and "thine."

The first thing I noticed about Kelly's hand was, while it was big enough to completely engulf mine, she wasn't squeezing. The second thing I noticed was it was trembling.

I've thought back on that moment many times, and I really can not say just why I did what I did when I noticed. But, for some strange reason, I tightened my fingers around her hand, gripping it more tightly. Kelly let out a sound that may have been a sigh. When I glanced up and smiled at her, the trembling stilled and her long fingers clutched at my hand. Not a vise grip such as Olivia inflicted on me each year. But, still, as if she were about to go under for the third time and my hand was the rope she'd been thrown.

When I ducked my head again and closed my eyes once more, I noticed a third thing about her hand. I could feel the raised, harder nodes decorating the back of her hand and the hard, ridged calluses on her palm.

With my eyes closed, I should have been safe from the patterns. I should have been. I wasn't.

I couldn't have said whether Uncle Billy followed his traditional prayer verbatim or not. I would imagine he probably did, only substituting Kelly's name for Dad's. But, I didn't hear it as my mind was sucked under the alluring patterns resting on Kelly's skin.

Pris squeezing my hand snapped me out of it to realize the prayer was over and we had started our way around the circle. When I glanced at her with an embarrassed, grateful smile, Pris frowned quizzically and tilted her head at me. For answer, I glanced meaningfully at where Kelly and I still held hands. Priscilla's eyes widened as she followed my glance and took in my meaning.

Pris dug her thumbnail into the back of my hand. Not enough to be painful. Just enough to be uncomfortable and give me an anchor to hold onto my focus.

There was more than one reason I adored my younger big sister.

Everyone was pretty much saying the same things they always did as they stated what they were thankful for. I, as usual, racked my brain for a compromise between what I could say, what I should say, and what I wanted to say as my turn grew closer and closer to speak my one thing I was most thankful for. At least Olivia wasn't hurting me while I was trying to think.

Then Pris was finished and it was my turn.

"Kelly," I blurted. "I'm thankful Kelly could join us this year."

It was a toss-up whether Uncle Billy's face, as his grin threatened to split his head, or Mom's, as her eyebrows disappeared into her hairline, was the more comical.

Or, if it was Olivia leaning around Kelly to scowl at me.

At that point, Kelly's hand did clamp down hard enough it was almost as painful as what Olivia usually did to me. But, she seemed to realize it and relaxed her grip immediately.

I realized I'd made a mistake. But, the truth was, in that moment, I was most thankful that Kelly was there to act as a buffer between Olivia and myself. However, the assumption would be that there was more to it than that.

Yes, Kelly was attractive to me. And, yes, so far she had seemed much nicer than jocks and pretty people habitually were to me. But, I'd been down that road too many times to be blind to what lay in wait should I drop my guard.

However, it was too late. I'd spoken my piece and the circle had moved on with Kelly thankful for being there and Olivia mimicking me, being thankful for Kelly being there.

Finally, it was time and we dropped each other's hands so everyone else could reach for plates and I could take one giant step backward, out the kitchen door. Just as well I did, too. As Kelly turned, her right breast passing through the space recently occupied by the top of my head. If I'd been still standing there, her boob would have bounced off it. Marginally better than my relatives who would have hit me anywhere from nose to chin, but still.

I gave her a smile when she glanced my way as I struck my traditional waiting pose for the crowd to thin.

"Aren't you going to eat?" Kelly asked.

"Oh, he will," Pris answered for me. "He's just a touch claustrophobic. He'll come in after most of us are out."

"Oh. Okay."

Without dear old Dad there, Olivia claimed the second drumstick, ripping it off the bird, before going on to pile enough on her plate she should have taken three. I shuddered and glanced away as she passed me. Maybe all of it was going to the same place, but that didn't mean it had to start that way.

"Here you go, Nick." Aunt Regina held out a plate to me. "I did a little research. And I think you can eat this without any trouble. I hope you like it."

"Um, thank you, Aunt Regina," I said, honestly touched.

Normally, I just ate my usual daily fare, unable to process the feast foods everyone else claimed to love, but wouldn't eat any other time of the year. Or eat enough of there weren't two weeks of leftovers. For Aunt Regina to go to that much trouble for me when she was already making the traditional feast...

Even if I hated it, or it made me sick, that still meant something.

I took my plate and wandered into the living room where Uncle Billy and Olivia were already seated and ripping into their turkey legs like a pair of ravening dogs. Ugh.

After a lifetime of coaching from Mom, I didn't follow their example but waited patiently for everyone else to appear.

The cheer squad took over their couch, plates in hand. I made a note of what Laurell had on her plate. It may not have been much by anyone else's standards, but was plenty for Laurell. Now if she just ate it and didn't go throw it up while no one was looking.

I most likely would have kept one eye on Laurell, but Kelly didn't move to the recliner. Instead, she settled on the couch between Olivia and I. I noted, even in my surprise, that she'd been a little more conservative with her plate than Olivia. Not only was it not piled as high, but the foods weren't so mixed they might as well have been stew.

Mom and Aunt Regina joined us, taking their usual spots. Pris and I joined everyone else in demolishing our plates.

"Mom! You need to get this recipe!" I blurted in surprise. "And any others Aunt Regina discovered too."

"I take it you like it," Aunt Regina asked, obviously pleased.

"Like it? If you weren't my aunt, and I thought I stood a chance, I'd off him in a heartbeat!"

"Hey!" Uncle Billy managed, his mouth full of turkey leg.

For perhaps the first time ever, my family laughed with, rather than at, me. Except, of course, for Olivia. However, it was hard to tell if she didn't think it was funny, or just hadn't heard it over the snuffling noises she was making with her trough.

I emptied my plate in short order and briefly considered seconds for the first time in my life. I regretfully decided it would be better to see how my body handled it first.

It wasn't until I was standing in the bathroom, my kit open, that I realized I wasn't feeling the usual urgency. Again, I thought wistfully of another helping of whatever ambrosia it was Aunt Regina had found for me.

But, a lifetime of experience told me to be cautious. Maybe for supper if everything went well further south.

Medicinal regimen complete, I drifted back to the living room. It didn't even cross my mind to move to the recliner until I was back in my spot, next to Kelly, rubbing my stomach thoughtfully.

"Aunt Regina, seriously," I said. "Thank you. That has to have been hands down the absolutely best thing I've ever tasted."

"Well, I'm glad you liked it," Aunt Regina said. "It was very little trouble, and all worth it to see you smiling like you are."

"I don't understand," Kelly said.

"Nick's got a bunch of plastic innards," Olivia supplied. "Can't eat like a normal person. And what he can eat, he has to chase with a whole bunch of stuff you really don't want to know about to kick-start digestion. It's the first time he's eaten anything not bland baby food."

"Wow," Kelly said, glancing at me.

While embarrassing, nothing Olivia had said was strictly untrue. So, I shrugged, blushing.

Since I happened to be looking that direction, I saw Laurell slip some of the food from her plate onto Michelle's. I glanced around quickly, but no one else seemed to have seen. When I looked back, Laurell was staring me right in the eye.

The good mood I'd been feeling from the good tasting food withered away. Some of the sadness I felt must have shown on my face as Laurell dropped her gaze to her plate in what might have been shame.

In that moment, I despised everyone who'd ever looked at a skinny model type and thought they were attractive. I loathed every one of those model types for what they'd done to their bodies and what they'd led other girls, my cousin among them, to do to theirs. I hated every advertising agency and fashion designer who'd pushed that body type where the clothes didn't look much different than on a hanger. They were killing my beautiful cousin as she tried in vain to reach what she understood was their ideal.

And I wasn't a big fan of Michelle who was helping her sister kill herself either. Michelle who happened to meet my hot gaze and had the grace to blush as she lowered her face to her own plate.

"Is everything all right, Nick?"

I blinked and focused on Kelly who had asked me the question. Kelly who had herself faced the fire from the masses who had a certain idea of what was beautiful and held contempt for any of us who didn't measure up.

"No," I heard my voice say. "No, everything is not all right."

"What is it, Nick? Was it the food? Is it causing problems?"

I looked around to see Aunt Regina looking worried.

"No, Aunt Regina. The food was fantastic. And it's not causing me any problems that I can tell. I was just thinking about how people act towards anyone who falls outside their narrow, all but unattainable, view of what is beautiful. And the price we all pay for it."

Silence descended in that room. More than one set of eyes flickered to Kelly beside me. I realized they didn't see how Laurell, and to a lesser extent Michelle, were affected. They didn't see how Priscilla had been changed by it. They didn't see what they, themselves, put up with in the name of chasing that ephemeral ideal.

They all thought I was saying it because of Kelly. Even, or perhaps especially, Kelly herself.

I flushed scarlet and determined I should just keep my mouth firmly shut for the rest of the weekend.

"I agree," Uncle Billy spoke up. "Every woman in this room is breathtakingly beautiful. And I'll stomp a hole in anyone who says otherwise."

I had to struggle to keep my gaze from going to Olivia on the other side of Kelly. I wouldn't say she was even attractive, much less "beautiful."

That brought me up short. I was just as guilty as anyone else. I'd fallen head over heels in lust with Tina on first sight. I thought Olivia was dog butt ugly. I couldn't even hide behind the fact she was my cousin, since I thought my other cousins, my sister, my aunt, and my mother were all beautiful women and they were related to me as well. Nor could I defend it was her personality that made Olivia unattractive as Tina had, from all I'd seen, the same personality.

God! I was just as guilty as the people who'd looked askance at me all my life for the way I looked. Who'd targeted me on the basis of it without even knowing me.

The conversation gradually picked up again until the couch I shared with Kelly, and Olivia on the far side of her, was the only one silent. Except for the sounds of Olivia eating.

It was absolutely amazing to me how early we had to get ready and leave for the game. We'd eaten early and the moment everyone was done, we were all chivvied into motion in preparations to get out the door.

Mom had smuggled one of my dress shirts in her suitcase and made me change into it. I drew the line at the khaki pants she'd brought as well, adamantly holding to my jeans.

Uncle Billy and the girls disappeared to the back of the house to return faster than I would have believed possible wearing different clothes.

Laurell and Michelle were, of course, wearing the nylon tracksuits with "Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader" emblazoned on the back.

Pris was wearing a denim skirt and white blouse and had somehow found the time to paint a silver limned blue star on her cheek.

Kelly and Olivia were both wearing black pants and oversized sweaters, Kelly in white and Olivia in blue.

Mom and Pris cornered me and all but patted me down, relieving me of my Walkman, the book I was reading, and a paper I was trying to smuggle to give me something to do.

Then we were chivvied into the van.

I ended up in the back corner, sandwiched between Pris and Kelly with Laurell on the other side of Pris and Olivia on the other side of Kelly. Michelle took her seat on the other side of the table.

Up front, just behind Uncle Billy in the driver's seat, Mom took one of the cabin chairs, leaving the other one, the one Dad used to sit in, empty. I eyed that chair for just a moment, but I would have had to climb over a table and people to get out of the corner and go sit in it instead.

I began to get a glimmer of why we had to leave so early as we pulled onto the highway and still moved at a crawl compared to normal.

Pris was talking with Laurell, her back almost to me. Olivia was engaging Kelly in conversation. Michelle was bouncing back and forth between the two conversations leaving me, not unusually, the odd man out.

I stared out the small diamond shaped window next to me and zoned out.

"You all right, Nick?"

"Hmm?" I blinked around to find Michelle looking at me intently. "Sure. Fine."

"Okay," Michelle said with a curious smile on her face.

Trying to puzzle that out, it dawned on me that I was leaning more heavily than strictly necessary into Kelly. I twitched upright, wondering if I should apologize.

Kelly, for her part, didn't even seem to realize I'd been leaning against her or that I'd moved so I no longer was. I decided not to call attention to my brief lapse and took the precaution of leaning against the wall of the van instead.

Over an hour after we'd left the house in Garland, we arrived at Texas Stadium in Irving, a drive that should have taken maybe fifteen minutes, and pulled around to an entrance far away from the pile of vehicles joining a group that was already there. Laurell and Michelle hopped out and showed their IDs on lanyards around their necks to the security detail at that entrance as we pulled away to join the crush of fans towards the front.

I saw more foam hats and fingers than I could believe and idly wondered why no one marketed ones with the middle instead of the index finger sticking up. I'd part with the money for one of those.

I also noticed something else. The Dallas Cowboys were playing someone who's color was purple. The shirt Mom had packed for me was purple. Even not being a sports fan, I knew better than to wear the other team's colors.

And not one of my loving family had pointed it out to me!

It was going to be an interesting game in the full sense of the supposed ancient Chinese curse.

I don't know what I had imagined. I knew the skyboxes were at the top, after all. And it was a long way up. But, I hadn't thought there might be an elevator involved.

I didn't exactly have a fear of elevators, really. But after being stuck in one between floors when I was twelve, I avoided them if there was any way I could.

In this case, however, I didn't see any way I could and followed the rest of the lemmings inside. Which was fine. Until the elevator started to move.

The only building in Lubbock over twelve stories had been twisted during the tornado of 1970. Not far enough that it was dangerous, but far enough I could feel the building sway in the wind on the twentieth floor when we went there. The elevator in that building was sturdier than the one at Texas Stadium. It felt like I was in a tin can swung through the air on a string almost too thin to support the weight.

PuckIt
PuckIt
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