That 70's Show - Red's Birthday

Fictional story about fictional characters.

This is my fantasy of Season 2, Episode 10.

*****

Red Foreman hated his birthdays. It wasn't that he minded getting older; he didn't feel older. It wasn't that he minded losing more hair; he began losing it in high school, so that was no big deal. No, the reason Red hated his birthdays was because of all the fuss people made...over him. Basically, Red disliked people in general; they were bothersome and he had no interest in interacting with them...most of them were dumb-asses. If the world could have existed with just him and his adored wife Kitty, Red would have been a happy man. Even his children: his nearly perfect daughter Laurie , and his teenage son Eric, were annoying. It wasn't that they were bad kids...just constantly irritating...especially Eric.

But as birthdays go, this one was beginning to show promise. His lovely wife was waking him up at 8:23 and she was lying next to him completely naked. He could feel her warm skin pressing into his back as she reached around him and grasped his morning erection through his pajamas. "Happy Birthday to you and Big Red," she whispered in his ear, referring to their nickname for his penis. "I have your present here and it's already unwrapped."

"And it's just my size," he responded by turning his head to give her a kiss. She was the love of his life and he knew he didn't tell her often enough. They had met when he was in the Army serving in Korea and Kitty had been touring with the USO. At an after-hours party, Kitty and a few of the other girls had been "entertaining" some of the troops and she had been the only one willing to take on "Big Red." After that night, she only "entertained" Red and they had been married when he returned home. As much as he loved her though, sometimes even Kitty seemed to obsess with him having a good time on his birthday...but this morning's treatment, he didn't mind.

Just as Red was getting down to business, they heard a loud cracking-sound overhead and suddenly they were covered with plaster, broken boards, and shingles as the roof collapsed right over their bed. As the dust settled Red drolly stated, "Happy Birthday to me." Throwing back the bedcovers and debris, Red looked with lust at the naked body of his mate as she brushed off the plaster dust. "Are you OK," he asked, watching her shake her dirty-blonde hair, her curlers hanging loosely.

"I'm fine, I guess," Kitty responded; then in her sometimes annoying cackle, "heh, heh, heh... wow!"

Her slightly sagging 36 D breasts jiggled as she brushed them off, and as Red watched her pick little bits of plaster out of her generous dark-blonde bush, he ordered, "watch where you step, but come with me to the shower. You're a dirty girl and you need washing."

"Heh, heh, heh, oh Red," she blushed, "are you sure? Won't the kids come running in to see what happened?"

"Are you kidding," Red smiled, "they wouldn't wake up if a truck ran through the living room...now get that sweet ass in the shower."

Kitty threw the bedcovers down on the floor to cover the roof-remains and ran to the Foreman's bathroom, her ample breasts flopping up and down with each step. Red tip-toed his way and joined her as she was turning on the shower. He quickly shed his pajamas, his cock now only half-erect after the roof catastrophe. Even after all their years together, Kitty still skipped a breath every time she saw Red's penis. It was a true freak of nature, and she could feel the dampness in her crotch increase as it waved in front of him. When fully aroused, it was a full thirteen inches long (she had measured it) and as big around as a Coke can. His big purple crown was the size of a tennis ball and she could hardly wait to feel it inside her.

They hopped into the shower stall like a couple of teenagers and Red wasted no time in pinning Kitty against the shower wall and exploring her mouth with his tongue. He backed off, grabbed the Lifebuoy soap and began to rub it all over Kitty's naked body, paying special attention to her groin area. Kitty had large fleshy pussy lips concealed by her dark blond pubic area and Red loved to slide the bar up and down her slit. "Oh Red," Kitty moaned as he actually inserted the soap up into her cunt, "scrub your dirty girl, wash my pussy." As the water flowed over his nearly bald head, Red nibbled on each of Kitty's jellybean sized nipples, which became as hard as little stones when she was aroused. Kitty squeezed the soap bar out of her hole and rubbed it up and down Red's throbbing pole. Moving her hands up and down his shaft, Kitty could feel her body shiver as Red bit down hard on her nipple.

"Since this is your birthday, you get a special treat today," Kitty winked at Red as she pulled away, turned her back to her horny husband, and bent over until her hands were flat on the shower floor. Due to Red's size, anal sex was not a frequent occurrence in their love life, but Kitty loved the feel of a hard cock in her ass and it had become a treat for Red.

"I don't care how much soap I use," Red grinned, "you are still a dirty girl." He ran the bar of soap up and down her ass crack, making sure it was totally slippery, before he used his hands to spread her plump ass cheeks wide. Wedging his slippery crown against her ass-hole, Red began to push forward, struggling to enter her rear hole. It was an incredibly tight fit and Kitty pushed her hips back as Red thrust forward.

"Oh shit," Kitty gasped as Red's giant head broke through her sphincter ring, "go easy Birthday Boy or I won't be able to walk today." She braced herself with her hands and Red pushed forward, slowly pushing his massive cock up her ass-hole. Every couple of inches, he would pause to let her channel get used to his girth. When he had inserted about half his length, Red began to slowly fuck Kitty's ass, her fleshy cheeks jiggling as he thrust. He loved his mate and would never try to shove his entire cock into that hole. "Oh Red," Kitty moaned as he reached around her and began to finger her slit. He loved the way her huge tits flopped around under her as he fucked her ass. Tweaking her large clit between his thumb and forefinger, Red felt Kitty's body shudder and sink lower as her knees became momentarily weak.

Truth was, Kitty was the only woman he had ever been with who was even willing to try to accommodate his huge cock in her ass; just another reason his Kitty was so special. He steadied her, and then began to playfully slap her ample ass cheeks making them jiggle like Jello. "You are my dirty, bad, bad girl," he scolded her as he spanked her repeatedly.

"Oh Red, I love your cock in my ass...Happy Birthday, heh, heh, heh," Kitty exclaimed as she felt Red begin to pump her ass-hole full of his seed.

Red slid his still spurting cock out of her ass and showered her pale backside, watching it wash immediately away in the shower's stream. Kitty groaned as she stood, grabbed the soap and began to wash Red's slowly shrinking snake. As it shriveled in her hands, Kitty slyly remarked, "what's happening to Big Red?"

Smiling, Red answered, "well, you know I'm not as young as I was yesterday; Big Red needs a break, but he'll be ready to tickle your fancy later." Even at his age, Red was very virile and only needed a few minutes to "recharge."

"I'll take your word on that sailor," Kitty agreed, "it's just as well because you have a big day of birthday surprises ahead of you."

"Oh crap," Red shook his head, "I was afraid of that. What else is going on?"

"Well, the Pinciottis are taking you to dinner," Kitty informed him.

"Oh no, not the Pinciottis...that Bob is such a dumb ass," Red declared, turning the shower off and reaching for their towels. Bob and Midge Pinciotti were the Foreman's neighbors and Red despised the Brillo-headed Bob. Midge, on the other hand, was a different story: every male in the neighborhood past puberty lusted after the gorgeous Midge. She was often compared to a "Bond-girl" or a Playboy Bunny. The biggest mystery on the block was how she had ended up married to Bob. Another plus was that their nubile daughter Donna was dating Eric, and Red thought that maybe Eric was finally going to amount to something if a girl that hot was interested in him.

Kitty slapped Red's bare ass and tried to convince him, "it'll be OK, you can drink and have a nice free meal; you don't even have to talk to Bob if you don't want, heh, heh, heh."

"Oh all right, but I'm ordering the biggest steak they serve and sticking Bob with the bill," Red smiled, "that'll teach the dumb ass."

Before spending most of his birthday cleaning up the disaster-area called a bedroom, Red had to endure more fawning when Kitty called him into the living room to open his gifts. Eric, in an attempt at humor, wrapped up four two-by-fours in newspaper gift wrap and gave them to his father, "you know...for the roof," he clarified.

Red's model-thin blond daughter Laurie gave him a card containing seven dollars and of course Red acted like it was a gift of the Mona Lisa. Actually Red was well aware of Laurie's reputation as the neighborhood whore, but he would never acknowledge it, at least not in front of Eric: he couldn't let Eric get the idea it was OK for him to slack off. Red hoped that by holding Laurie in such high regard, Eric would try even harder to please him and succeed in life. Kitty had given Laurie twenty dollars to get Red a gift, and told Laurie that before the day was over, she wanted her change.

Stephen Hyde, one of Eric's friends who the Foreman's had virtually adopted, gave Red a bottle of peach schnapps that he had "appropriated" from the Pinciotti house when he had been talking to Donna. Hyde had always had a crush on Donna, and even though she was Eric's girlfriend, he still held out hope of getting into her panties someday. "Hey Red," Hyde offered, "I hear you're having dinner with Bob...you might need that bottle."

Later that afternoon in the Foreman basement, which was the daily gathering place for all of Eric's friends, Eric and Hyde had gotten into a verbal disagreement about Donna. Eric was upset because Donna had confided to Hyde that her parents were still living together (albeit in separate bedrooms), but were dating other people. Hyde had put Eric in his place, "you're pissed off at me? You're the one making out with her, while she just talks to me. I'm pissed off at you, you ass."

Fez, the school's foreign exchange student who no one was ever sure what country he came from, volunteered, "so Midge is dating other people. I would date Midge...she has great boobies. I love boobies."

Michael Kelso, the self-proclaimed teen lothario, agreed, "yeah that Bob is one lucky bastard. If I wasn't going with Jackie..."

While her parents were out to dinner with the Foreman's, Donna was sitting in the old Vista Cruiser station wagon with Eric and it was evident that something was bothering him. She had brought a few of Bob's beers from the fridge to keep her mind off her parents and as they sat in the darkness gulping them down, she took off her flannel shirt and leaned over to kiss her boyfriend. Eric felt like he was in heaven as her tongue tickled his tonsils and he rubbed his hands over her huge breasts which were straining against her t-shirt. "God, she tastes like a Jolly Rancher," he thought. He wanted to confront her about the "Hyde situation" but there was no way he was going to press his luck. Donna had downed three beers to Eric's one and she didn't even resist as his hands slipped up under her shirt and he began to squeeze her bra covered tits.

"Mmmm," she moaned into Eric's mouth as his hands forced her bra up over the top of her breasts, freeing them to his touch. Donna's breasts were the envy of every girl in her class and the object of lust to every boy. They were a full 36 D and bounced and jiggled with every step she took. Her head, already spinning from her rapid consumption of the beers told her she should stop him, but it felt so good she just lay down in the seat with Eric on top, and enjoyed it. Eric kneaded her soft tit-flesh and rolled her gumdrop sized nipples between his fingers, pressing his groin against hers and hoping she could feel his erection through their pants.

She looked absolutely beautiful with her long red hair spreading out on the car seat. He had never gone this far with a girl before and he was in uncharted territory as to what to do next, but trusted instinct to tell him. Donna's tits were huge and they felt fantastic in his hands as their tongues played tag. Eric was so aroused that there was no finesse involved in his technique, just pure lust. He slowly slid his left hand down over Donna's taut stomach and, as gracefully as possible, wedged his fingers under the waistband of her jeans. Surprisingly, she let him continue and even sucked in her abdomen to permit it; his hand continuing down under the elastic of her panties.

Donna was still upset with her mother, but subconsciously thanked her for being so liberated. In the 70's, not many eighteen year old girls went on the Pill at the suggestion of their mother; and even though Donna was still a virgin, she was free to explore her sexuality. She loved the way her skin tingled as Eric's fingers crawled between her legs, and spread them wider to invite him. His fingers tickled her pubic hair as they inched their way downward to find her already moist slit. Donna thought that for someone who had no idea what he was doing, Eric was performing admirably as he ran his finger up and down the length of her unusually long pussy lips. Afraid he would stop, Donna grasped his hand through her pants and held him there, making sure he knew she wanted him to continue.

Eric's knowledge of female anatomy and how to seduce a girl was restricted to the pictures and articles in the Playboys hidden under his bed, and he just hoped he didn't make a mistake; or worse yet, hurt his beloved Donna. He couldn't believe his luck when she let his hand proceed all the way down to her crotch without objecting. The dampness between her legs surprised him, as did the abundance of flesh surrounding her slit. Most of the girls in Playboy had puffy mounds, and not fleshy flaps. He was resisting the urge to pull his hand out so he could smell her aroma; afraid if he did, she would not let him down there again. With his other hand, he awkwardly shoved her t-shirt up and over her magnificent breasts, finally getting a look at them in the moonlight. "Holy crap," he exhaled when he saw their size, and the way her large pink areola seemed to almost glow in the pale light.

Donna's mind was racing when she felt Eric's long finger press between her slit and slide up into her pussy. "Oh God, Eric," she groaned as he pushed it all the way in, his head resting on her chest like it was a soft pillow. He started to slide his finger in and out of her cunt, fucking her with his long digit. "Oh...right there," she moaned and her body trembled in orgasm. She kissed him passionately and then it was as if she had an epiphany: she was almost ready to let Eric go all the way...almost. Donna decided that she wasn't going to lose her virginity just because she was mad at her mother. She was pretty sure she wanted Eric to be her first...but not tonight.

"Eric that was so nice, but I think we should go home now," she kissed him several times.

"But...but Donna," Eric protested, "jeez, I'm ready to explode here."

"I'm sorry, but I'm a little drunk now and don't want to rush into anything...you understand," she explained as she pulled Eric's hand out of her pants and sat up.

Eric knew that Donna was nothing if not head-strong and determined, so watching her pull her shirt down over her fantastic breasts, he agreed and slid over into the driver's seat.

He knew he was rock hard and would be sore if something wasn't done to relieve the tension, so he was determined to hurry home and masturbate. He was sure of one thing as he passed his finger under his nose: he was never washing that finger again.

At the Foreman home, with Red and Kitty out of the house, Kelso, Hyde and Fez had decided to go upstairs to the living room and watch Star Trek in color. They had also raided Red's bar and were passing around a quart of vodka, drinking straight from the bottle. Kelso remarked, "that Uhura is kinda hot...I wonder if they do it the same as our women."

"Kelso, you're such a dumb ass," Hyde objected, "Uhura is a human."

"Oh...yeah. Well she's still hot," Kelso answered, taking another swig from Red's vodka."

"I would do it with her," Fez added.

Kitty and Red had arrived at the restaurant first and when Bob and Midge walked over to the table, they were arm-in-arm with another couple. Red thought they were just other friends of the Pinciottis until Bob opened his mouth, "this is my date Carol; and that is Ted, Midge's date for the evening."

Red blurted out, "wait...what...what the Hell is going on here?"

Kitty put her hand on Red's arm as Bob explained, "we've decided to date other people; it's very liberal and gives us an opportunity to explore our sexuality."

"Are you serious," Red queried, "Midge are you OK with this?"

"Oh yes," Midge smiled, "it's very modern...it's in Cosmo."

"Heh, heh, heh, isn't that nice," Kitty cackled, trying to soothe Red.

As they sat, Red was about to get up to leave when Kitty slipped her hand under the table and rubbed the bulge in his pants. He was at a loss for words so it was a good thing that Carol began to tell about her love for horses. "Horse's ass," Red thought as he held his tongue. She went on to explain about equine intelligence while Red's face now resembled his name. The ironic aspect was that Ted was a Marriage Counselor. It was fortuitous that the waiter chose that moment to bring Red the largest, juiciest steak he had ever seen, because that was the only thing that kept him at the table.

As the meal was drawing to a close, Bob and Midge excused themselves to go out to their car and have sex; leaving the Foremans with the strangers. By this time, Kitty was very intoxicated. She had ordered several cocktails in order to make the Pinciottis behavior tolerable. Red shoved the check into Ted's hand and he and Kitty scampered out of the building.

Walking from the garage to the back door, Red wondered aloud, "what the Hell is going on with this world. Married couples dating other people...together. I mean I can see occasional sex...but dating? Our neighbors are degenerates Kitty."

"Now Red, don't let them ruin your birthday. I've still got a present for you...and it's already wet," Kitty soothed him. "Now let's go upstairs birthday boy."

"Oh Kitty, not the bedroom," Red objected, "have you forgotten there's no ceiling...suppose a plane flew over."

"Well, the kids are out. There's a big, comfy couch in the living room," Kitty reminded him, "I'll race ya."

When they opened the door to the living room, they were shocked to find Kelso, Hyde and Fez already on the sofa. "Holy crap," Red declared, "this house is always littered with kids...it's like we're Mormons."

Retreating into the kitchen, Kitty suggested, "you know if the kids are up here, there's a perfectly good sofa in the basement."

"Oh jeez Kitty," Red pleaded, "just give it up. My birthday's over. I would be afraid to sit on that sofa fully clothed...you never know what might come oozing out of the cushions."

Suddenly stern, Kitty scolded, "you know sometimes birthdays are not just about you, they're about the people who love you. Now you get downstairs right now and get those pants off Mister...heh, heh, heh." They scampered down the basement steps, Red nearly decapitating himself on a water pipe in his haste. He kicked off his shoes, and flung his jacket onto the messy coffee table, followed by his tie, shirt and undershirt.