That Summer - Alice's Story

"I know. I saw you talking," he replied, just as softly.

We fell silent for a moment.

I swallowed the lump in my throat and nudged the suitcase nearest my foot. "Have you got everything?"

"I think so."

"Well then."

"Yeah."

Again, silence crept between us. When I thought I couldn't take anymore, I heard his sigh, a tiny catch in the sound and I turned to bolt from the room. Then I stopped, not two steps away and whirled around to walk back across the room. I put my arms around him and held on for dear life. I pressed my nose to his neck and breathed deeply, clinging tightly to him in the hope that I could freeze this moment forever. I felt him stir against my abdomen then and I pulled back with a heavy sigh of my own.

"I'll miss you, Erik," I said, abandoning my resolve to keep this painless and going for the truth instead. "And not just for the reasons you think."

"I know," he replied, smiling and stroking my back. "I'll miss you too, Alice."

A shiver ran through me at hearing him speak my name for the hundredth time that summer. Then I grinned and pulled away slightly to look into his face. "It's Ms. Jenkins, young man," I said, hoping that he'd repeat it to me so I could hear it once more.

He nodded and smiled, as he grabbed me around the waist and laid his lips over mine, stealing my breath yet again. Then he pulled back and said, "I'll never forget you, Ms. Jenkins."

My knees turned to jelly at that and I tried to keep my composure. It wouldn't be good for either of us if I lost it then. I spoke, saying something about the lovely girlfriends and babies in his future, hoping I sounded sincere. He shrugged it off though, saying he wasn't sure. So I made him promise to live his life, no more thoughts for the widow he'd worked for one summer.

After he agreed, I nodded and stepped out of his perfect embrace. We each grabbed one of his suitcases and left the bedroom, walking down through the house and outside to where his father was waiting patiently.

His father greeted him with a bear hug and a firm clap on the shoulder. He said his mother wouldn't even recognize him. All I could hear was the pounding of my heart as I struggled to keep the tears at bay.

All too soon, Erik was facing me, shaking my hand and looking for all the world like he hadn't spent half the summer inside of me.

"You take care, Erik," I managed to say out loud as he shook my hand. Then he smiled that ridiculous smile I affectionately referred to as his 'public face.'

"Thanks again, Ms. Jenkins," he replied and gave my hand one final squeeze before stepping away.

His father thanked me as well and they both waved good-bye as they climbed into the car.

I stood in the dust cloud that remained after their departure for I don't know how long. Eventually my vision blurred and I sniffled as I turned back towards my much improved house. With yet another heavy sigh, I walked inside to call the realtor.

***

My daughter was sixteen years old when she finally dug the truth of her parentage out of me. And because I was dying, I figured she deserved the whole truth. Being the razor sharp go-getter that she was, she left no question unasked or unanswered. When I was finally allowed to fall into a somewhat restful sleep that evening, I guessed the only reason for that was that she'd been satisfied enough with my answers. At least for the moment.

"Why didn't you ever contact him about me?" She asked instead of saying 'good morning' the following day.

Groaning, I rubbed my eyes and struggled to sit up in bed. She hurried to my side, her expression penitent as she fluffed my pillows and allowed me to settle before asking the same question again.

"He was very young, sweetheart," I told her.

"But don't you think he deserved to know?"

"Yes, he did deserve to know," I agreed weakly and sighed, closing my eyes and breathing deeply through the pain.

"Then why didn't you go tell him?" She asked, not stopping until she knew everything, inside and out.

Smiling in spite of the painful memories, I explained that the one time I'd sought out Erik, my long ago summer lover, I'd found him on the verge of marrying another woman.

"How could I ruin that for him?" I asked after explaining. Even now, the memory of him, holding a jewelry box towards a beautiful blond woman sent a pang through my heart.

Sighing, my daughter relaxed in her seat next to my bed. She still eyed me critically and I grinned in response. "You couldn't," she finally relented.

The brief silence that followed was broken yet again by her gentle but insistent voice. "Why are you telling me now?" She asked and the question sent a fresh frisson of pain coursing through my heart.

"Sweetheart," I murmured, reaching for her hand and finding it near. "I wanted you to know that you still have family." As I looked up at her, I saw tears in her eyes and blinked away my own. "You won't be alone."

"Oh mom," she muttered and lowered her head to rest against my shoulder.

We remained still for several minutes, not speaking until at last she straightened, rubbing my arm gently as she did so.

"I bet he would have loved to hear from you. You don't even know if he's still with that woman! He might never have actually proposed," she said firmly, back to her old self. She smirked at me. "And even if he had, he would have left it all behind for you."

I laughed and patted her hand. "And you, love. He would have been there for you as well, Erika."

We fell silent after that and I drifted towards sleep again. Cancer might be destroying my body from the inside out but I was at peace. The last thing I would have wanted would have been to leave Erika alone in the world. But I knew she never would be. Just as I had never been alone that summer, and all the summers that followed, she would be loved as I had been loved.

Erik had given me life that summer.