That Time I Banged A Mermaid

So there I was, kayaking through the beautiful waters of New Zealand, when lo-and-behold I got myself lost. I was searching for a series of caves I read about that were allegedly filled with bioluminescent glow worms. Photos made it seem like a scene in Avatar, and although I didn't like the movie, I couldn't help but gawk at the amazing visuals like everyone else. To see their real life inspiration would be incredible. The man I rented my kayak from told me there were guided tours once a day that would bring me to those exact caves but, as usual, I fancied myself an explorer and declined his offer. I wanted to find them myself.

As dusk approached, I spotted a small island that looked like it could be home to the caves I sought. I also grossly underestimated the time it would take me to get there. Over an hour ago the sun dripped below the horizon and darkness came fast. Moonlight shone off the water and illuminated parts of the shoreline, giving me just enough of a target to navigate the black sea. I paddled and paddled, exhausting myself to get to that small patch of land since there was no way for me to find my way back to the mainland in the darkness. As the island became larger and more clear, my fears dissipated. It wouldn't be long until I could pull my kayak on to dry land and rest until morning.

I heard a loud thump! and my kayak rocked hard to one side, threatening to topple. I adjusted my weight to keep my balance, probing out with my paddle to see if I had hit a rock. It seemed much too far from land for there to be a rock, but maybe the water was more shallow than I thought. When my paddle failed to hit anything, I was puzzled. Ahead of me, a great black mass breached the surface and splashed water over me. In the brief glimpse I had, my brain concluded it must have been a whale.

"Probably just checking me out," I mumbled to myself. Sea mammals tended to do that. So did sharks. The water was calm for a moment, and I began paddling once more, eager to make it to my tiny island in case the creature returned. I barely went a hundred feet before my kayak rocked again, this time flipping over entirely and throwing me from the craft. I held my breath and clawed for the surface. My hands scratched across my kayak, which told me that way was up, so I grabbed hold and took in a lungful of air when I broke the water.

I struggled to flip my kayak and hoped most of my gear remained fastened on top. If not, tonight was about to get a lot worse. To my left, a large, black dorsal fin crested the water and disappeared from view as it rounded my craft. My heart raced so fast I thought I would pass out. I rocked the vessel back and forth, gathering momentum to right it, and kicked my feet hard to climb on top. Just as I was about to stick my feet into the kayak and search for my paddle, the whole vessel rocked again and the dorsal fin was suddenly an arm's length away.

Getting a closer look at it, I was almost one-hundred percent confident it was an orca, or killer whale, fin. The good news was, as far as I knew, there has never been a report of a wild killer whale actually killing a human. Not on purpose, anyway. The bad news was that maybe that was only because the dead can't report their own deaths. Or perhaps I would be the first. Logic told me that the orca was simply playing, messing with me for sport, but that wasn't enough to stop me from panicking. Whatever it was doing, it terrified me, and even more so when my tiny little kayak raced toward the island ahead of me with the orca's help.

How it pulled my vessel was a mystery. I feared where it might take me and frantically thought of how I could stop its movement with what limited resources I had. As we grew closer to shore my worries lifted, and I gained confidence. Even if the creature changed course, my momentum would surely propel me to shore, and I'd be able to wait things out till morning. When the creature did change course, I somehow went with it, like it was towing me. I glanced down and saw my gear was missing from the top of my kayak, but the cords that secured it were pulled taut ahead of the vessel. Had the orca grabbed my backpack in its mouth and was literally dragging me along? Were they smart enough for that kind of thing?

Instead of heading for the island, the orca turned and took me around it. Fear and curiosity in equal measure consumed me. Where was it bringing me? Was it bringing me anywhere at all, or just having some fun? Why did I go alone instead of take that stupid tour? As we rounded a jagged outcropping of rock, my thoughts and fears were momentarily assuaged. An ethereal blue glow emanated from inside a cave on the other side of the rock face. It glimmered off the black water and took my breath away.

The orca turned again, pointing me toward the cave, and raced toward it long enough to get my vessel going in that direction before the steady pressure of its pull disappeared, as did its dorsal fin, and the waves calmed around me. My kayak lazily floated straight ahead, into the mouth of the cave under its own momentum. The glowing blue light grew brighter as I entered the cave, and I got a good look at what caused it.

Strange pods of light clung to the roof of the cave, with long, dangling appendages like vines or tentacles hanging from each. Small fish followed in the wake of my kayak, and the walls of the cave moved with unknown creatures. A cloud of dusty debris in the water caught my attention, and I noticed that my bag dragging across the bottom was causing it. I leaned forward and pulled my backpack out of the water, shaking it before securing it to the front of my vessel once more. I gawked at the glowing spectacle and grinned from ear to ear that I had finally found it, even if I needed a little help.

"Hello!" I heard a female voice echo through the cave. I followed the source of the noise and saw a woman softly lit on a beach inside the cave. At least I thought it was a woman, based on the sound of her voice. As I drifted nearer, I saw that she was topless, naked from the waist up. At first I wanted to look away to preserve her modesty, but my eyes then fixated on her lower half, which was unmistakably that of a fish. I rubbed my eyes to make sure I wasn't seeing things, then concluded that the whale must have killed me and this was some form of afterlife. What else could explain a half-fish woman?

"I said hello. Can you hear me?" she asked.

"Yes," I said as my kayak came to a halt on the beach in front of her.

"Then why didn't you respond?"

"I, uh... I don't know."

"Are you ill?"

"I'm not sure," I said, staring at her in disbelief.

"Is something wrong?" she asked, looking down her body. "Oh, right! I sometimes forget you humans aren't used to seeing a mermaid."

"A what?"

"A mermaid. Haven't you heard of them?"

"Well, yeah, but..." my train of thought meandered for a moment. Had I not banged a fairy a few weeks ago I would have thought I was dreaming or going crazy. Maybe both. "A mermaid, huh?"

"Yes! My name is Tino Tau, what's yours?"

"Mel," I said, still trying to catch up to the situation. "Did that whale bring me here on purpose?"

"Tauihu? She sometimes helps lost sailors. Were you lost?"

"Yeah, I suppose so," I admitted, "Is she a friend of yours?"

"More of an acquaintance, really. We're friendly though, if that's what you mean."

"I see." We stared at each other for a moment. I won't lie, my eyes drifted to her breasts more than once. They drifted to her green and blue tail more than once as well.

"Is something wrong?" she asked.

"No, just... I don't know, just trying to accept that you're a mermaid and stuff."

"Do you want to touch my tail? Many humans before you have, it seems to give them some kind of peace."

Many humans before? How many humans had she met? I know mermaids are a legend, well, were a legend, but people don't really talk about it much anymore. Or maybe they do, and other people just think they're crazy. Regardless, I definitely wanted to touch her tail. Who wouldn't? She was incredible, a literal mythological creature made flesh. Again, had I not banged a fairy recently I would have probably struggled a lot more with this. "Sure, why not?" I said, climbing out of my kayak and dragging it on to the sand.

I moored it to a nearby rock and took my backpack off for safety. I then walked over to Tino Tau, set my bag down, and kneeled beside her. She had long, black hair that probably would have covered her nipples if she had bothered to make it do so. Her skin was a deep caramel, like a Maori native, with iridescent flecks like freckles and her eyes were a light green that lit up with the surrounding blue light. She had a slim waist, and an athletic build until you got to her fish tail. Iridescent blue-green scales lined her waist just below the belly button and turned into the exact fish tail you'd expect on a mermaid.

I reached out to touch it. She felt warm, which was nice, but also a little slimy. It felt very much like the mucus layer of any other fish, though it was thinner than I expected. I slid my hand down what I considered to be her thigh, and then over her 'knee'. The end of her tail flapped on the sand, and she giggled. "That tickles," she said.

"Sorry."

"Don't be sorry, I like it," she smiled. I ran my fingers down her 'shin' and to the tip of her tail. Thin, translucent flesh webbed between stiffer protrusions that gave the forked fins structure. She flexed the fins wider as my fingers touched them, and I was as mystified as I was weirded out. "Pretty cool, huh?"

"Fascinating," I replied. I felt the texture of her scales back up her shin, and her tail curled to thwap me.

"Don't get any ideas!" she scolded. I stared at her, wide-eyed and confused until she burst out laughing. "Just teasing." Her sense of humor was almost more intriguing than her anatomy. My brain struggled to accept her as a human, with thoughts and feelings. She smiled and watched as my hands returned to her tail, curiously exploring. "Are you cold?" she asked. I hadn't noticed before, but I was shivering. My jaw clacked, and my shoulders were tense. It was cold in the cave and all my clothes were soaking wet, so I wasn't surprised.

"Yeah, I fell in the water earlier," I said. "I'd change into something dry, but my backpack fell into the water as well so I think I'm out of luck."

"I can keep you warm," she said, opening her arms.

Oh boy. Cuddle? With a mermaid? I was freezing, and technically in a survival situation. Sharing body heat was a very common way to stay warm under such conditions. Usually those conditions didn't involve a topless mermaid, but still. I glanced down at her bare breasts. Even if she was used to being topless, I felt like I'd be taking advantage if I held her. Though they would do wonders for warming me up. My mind was full of contradictions. "What, are you afraid of me?" she asked.

"No, not at all," I said. That was a bit of a lie. "I just... well, humans usually wear clothes when we are around each other."

"You don't like my chest?" she asked, looking down at her breasts.

"No, it's not like that, it's just... I guess it's a weird cultural thing. I wouldn't feel right about it."

"Because of my breasts?"

"Yeah, sort of." Among other things.

"I thought human men liked breasts."

"We do. I do, I just... it's hard to e-e-explain." My jaw clacked as I shivered. I was freezing.

"Well, let's at least get you out of those wet clothes. You look like a grumpy grouper," she said, reaching over to help pull off my t-shirt. In hindsight, I should have worn a wet suit. The only reason I didn't is because I thought it would be a quick trip. I peeled my shirt off and wiggled out of my shorts, keeping my wet boxers on for modesty. She reached forward and tugged them. I pushed her hand away.

"Those should stay on, I think."

"How come?"

"I just... it's a human thing," I said. She shrugged and looked down at my legs.

"Can I touch them?" she asked.

"What?"

"Your flippers?" she said, pointing to my feet. After she let me fondle her tail, I figured fair is fair. I turned around and gave her my feet, which made her smile from ear to ear. It was impossibly endearing, her smile. She had perfectly straight teeth that were surprisingly white. The way her eyes crinkled when she smiled was adorable, and I couldn't help but smile back as she grinned down at my feet. The tip of her tail moved anxiously as she waited for me to get situated in the sand. I lifted one of my legs and placed it in her lap.

With the same curiosity I had, her hands ran over my joints and muscles like she was appraising fine art. Once she got down to my feet, she played with each individual toe, wiggling them from side to side, bending them in different directions and pulling on them as if to prove they were attached to me. A few times she made me laugh, both because it tickled and because of how amused she was. We shared more than a few flirty glances while exploring my leg. At least I took them to be flirty, I'm not an expert on mermaid body language.

"They're so weird," she said.

"Y-y-yeah, I suppose they are," I agreed. As weird to her as she was to me, at any rate. She frowned at my stutter.

"Still cold?" she asked. I sighed and nodded. Drying off helped a little, but it was still a cold cave. She curled her fin underneath her and leaned forward, inching her body toward mine until her head rested on my shoulder and her arms wrapped around my waist. I felt her breasts squish against my chest, which was very welcome even if a little awkward. Her skin was slick, like it was covered in lube, but delightfully warm. "Better?"

I let out a resigned sigh. It was uncomfortable from a manners perspective, but I needed her warmth and she was happy to give it. "Much. Thanks." She rested on top of me for a while, stroking her fingers over my chest in a way that felt intimate and made me slightly uncomfortable. I kept telling myself she was just curious about my human body. Or maybe merfolk are just touchy-feely with each other, how should I know. Not that her touch was necessarily unwelcome, but it was not the behavior I expected from a complete stranger.

"I am the first mermaid you've met?" she asked after what seemed like an eternity.

"Sure are."

"Did you ever hope to see one? Fantasized about it? Maybe after watching that movie I've heard about... the small mermaid, is it?"

I laughed. "The Little Mermaid?"

"That's the one!"

"Where did you hear about that? Have you seen it?"

"I've met many sailors over the years, lost like you. Some have mentioned it. I'd love to see it someday."

"It's probably not what you think it is."

"I'd still be curious. If I told you we had a performance of 'The Little Human' wouldn't you be curious?"

I laughed again. "I suppose I would." As I warmed up to her, both physically and mentally, her voice and curiosity became astoundingly endearing. Her English was good, impeccable really, but she still had an accent that I found adorable. I reached over and tugged my bag, opening up the front pouch and pulling my phone out of a plastic baggy I sealed it in to keep it safe from water. Since it was a satellite phone, there was a chance I'd have service, even in this cave. If I did, I'd surprise her.

"What is this?" she asked. I pulled up a clip from The Little Mermaid on my phone and after a painfully long buffer, it played. It was the 'Kiss The Girl' scene, and Tino Tau found it hysterical. She loved the animation and asked a million questions about the context, so I had to pause the video and explain things several times. Eventually I just found the whole movie, and we laid together and watched it. She thought it was silly, but fun. After a while I completely forgot that I was basically naked, and she was totally naked, laying on top of me like casual lovers instead of strangers.

At the end she wanted to watch the 'Kiss The Girl' scene one more time, with proper context. My battery was almost dead, but whatever, how often does one get to entertain a mermaid? Besides, her laugh was intoxicating. I never wanted it to stop. As the scene wrapped up, I brushed a wet clump of her hair that had fallen onto her face and tucked it behind her ear. She looked up at me with her bright green eyes. The illumination from the bioluminescent creatures in the cave put such a soft light on her delicate features and caused her iridescent freckles to sparkle. She was gorgeous. Distractingly so. My heart sped up. Was I forming a crush on this woman, a mermaid? I barely knew her, yet she somehow felt like an old friend. It was hard to explain. Maybe I was just horny.

"Thank you for indulging me. I loved it!" she said.

"No problem. Say, would you mind if I snap a picture? I kinda want to remember this forever."

"You won't remember me on your own?"

"No, I most definitely will, I just... want proof, I guess." I held out my phone and turned on the camera, trying to frame us up so that her breasts weren't on display.

"That is a fascinating object," she said as our faces showed up on screen. She adjusted her hair, as if self conscious. "I look terrible, don't!" she said, putting her hand over the screen.

"What are you talking about, you look great! Let me just take a quick one," but as I said it my phone died. "Ah, well, never mind." It occurred to me that my last chance of getting any help probably died too, but at the moment I didn't care. I put the phone away and looked down at her resting on my chest.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" she whispered.

"Like what?"

"Like you just found a large pearl in a tiny clam."

I laughed. Not a comparison I would have used, but it worked. "I don't know, you're just very pretty. I'm a little flustered, I guess."

She smiled up at me. Her lip curled so she could chew on it as she thought about something. Then she lifted her lips to mine. It surprised me, I'm not gonna lie. I tried to pull back, get some air and catch up to the situation, but she leaned forward and followed my lips to the ground. My shoulders dug into the sand as she shifted her weight on top of me and slid her tongue into my mouth. It was long, longer than I expected anyway, but that was by no means a bad thing. At first my hands went out to my sides, bracing my fall to the sand before they wrapped around her and slipped across her skin.

I instinctively reached for her booty, which felt odd because it was scaly and didn't really have cheeks. After I got over the initial differences, I didn't mind. I held it tight and felt her tail putting pressure on my knees. A human girl would straddle her legs and mount me, but Tino Tau was not a human girl, so I had to improvise. I spread my legs to make room for her tail, lifting my knees to act like a cradle for her. I didn't want her to feel uncomfortable or slip away. She turned her head and kissed me deeper, expelling hot breaths as we made out like horny teenagers.

Without a proper booty to grip, my hands slid up her body to cup her breasts, which felt amazing. They were firm handfuls, and I wasted no time squeezing them. Not hard, but enough to make sure she felt it. She moaned into my mouth and her hands came to either side of my face, where she tucked her fingers behind my ears and stroked with very deliberate motions, as if she were trying to tease me somehow. She probed for a little while, then broke our kiss and laughed.

"What is it?" I huffed, still massaging her breasts.

"I forgot you don't have gills, so my touches won't feel nice to you," she said, returning her lips to mine and writhing on top of me. Well, she was right, I don't have gills. But her statement implied that she did, and that it would feel good if I touched them. I removed one hand from her breasts and held the back of her head, kissing her like my life depended on it as I gathered the courage to find her gills. I knew it would be weird. I was prepared for that. But not knowing her precise reaction gave me an uncertainty that made me hesitate.