That's What Friends Are For

One of my favorite writers in Ohio. His stories are rife with complex characters placed in complex situations. I read the story "House of cards" Which is a story I encourage others to read. What struck me and why I am writing this little flask point, is that so often writers have friends involved on the periphery, but these are friends who never seem to contribute when things happen, a friend comes to you to talk about it.

I get involved in the storyline. I don't know about y'all but when I have a friend who is going through tough times, I talk to him about it. And vice versa. And so, I wrote this little piece in which a friend of the main character has a heart-to-heart with the two main characters, Tom and Marianne.

I suggest you read Ohio's submission for at least the first 6 pages. Then jump to this then go back. I hope you enjoy the read. Comments and 4-star ratings are below.

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You have all heard about the calamity which has become Tom and Marianne's marriage, no doubt. If you haven't, here are the main points as relayed to me by Tom. After 16 years of one of the most stable marriages I had ever known, Tom found out that his wife, Marianne, had been having an affair lasting 8 months. This was quite a shock for the boy as there had been absolutely no warning signs. But, in addition to the usual physical infidelity, their problem has been exacerbated by not an insignificant amount of emotional infidelity as well. In an effort to get his wife to have a deeper appreciation for his torment, Tom developed an affair of his own out of whole cloth. It has had the desired effect on Marianne's state of mind. All of this is recounted in the story, A House of Cards, which is certainly what their marriage had devolved. Tom wanted to remain married but could not seem to get past some major sticking points. After talking with me, my wife, and Marianne as well, hews as deeply mired in indecision as ever. Fortunately, this revelation had occurred while their kids were away for the summer. However, summer was ending and still Tom was still residing in a rented apartment and Marianne was beside herself with worry about the marriage surviving. It was into this morass of emotions I threw myself in order that I might bring to light a few points which he and Marianne might better navigate their way back to one another. In short, I stuck my big nose into matters which were none of my business.

I wanted to speak with them both but not at the same time as I didn't want to dilute my message to either. So, I invited Tom for a drink to see what was going on in his thinking. We would meet after work at a favorite watering hole. It had just inched past six. I had just ordered what I suspected would be several Jack Daniels, when I saw him enter. He looked like shit. no, he looked more like warmed over shit. I motioned with my glass. He nodded and I yelled for him to find a seat. As I ordered, Tom managed to secure a small table away from the maddening crowd where we could talk.

"You look like shit warmed over" I said as I set his drink down.

"Thanks. Nice to see you, too, Steve" he smiled.

"So, how's tricks" I asked as the JD worked its way down. It burned. But then, I have GERD so it always burns. I love the taste, however. Of the Jack, not the GERD. "Making any progress?"

"As well as I can expect, I suppose." Tom replied. He took a sip and looked at me. I had seen that look before.

I examined my friend's face. Skin tone slack, shallow complexion, his eyes had a vacant look, as if he had seen too much and had yet to process it.

"How are you sleeping?"

"Not well. I have a lot of, well, I guess they are nightmares. You know, Anni and her boyfriend having sex. Marrianne and I screwing and, all of a sudden, therehe is. I wake up sweating, shaking, crying and can't get back to sleep." He took another drink, a deeper one this time.

"You're seeing a shrink, yes?" I asked.

Tom laughed, "I'm seeing a therapist, yeah." He took another swallow.

"May I ask if he is using CBT in your sessions?"

Tom frowned. "CBT?"

" Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. It is one of the therapies used in PTSD case. Because that is one thing you are suffering from, Tom. Take it from me. You have a lot of the signs. And before you ask, PTSD can come from any trauma. And finding out your wife of 23 years is cheating is traumatic. Find out and get back to me"

He just sat there looking at me for a long minute. "Sure. Is that all?" he asked.

I leaned back in my chair and regarded my friend. I knew that what I was going to say was going to piss him off, conceivably cost a friendship, and probably hurt him as well. I also knew that he was stuck, unable to move ahead, veer left or right. Something had to be done, the logjam had to be broken. And I thought I was the man to do it because, well because I was his friend. Somes hard truths can only be voiced by those who love us but are removed from the consequences. But, how to begin? I wanted to be supportive, diplomatic, and yet offer a different perspective to the ongoing tragedy which was becoming my best friends' life.

"Tom, you know you are my best friend, right. No, skip that. I'm not going to piss down your back and then tell you it's raining like Marianne has been doing. Tom, when are you going to man up and pull your head out of your ass?"

Tom, sat up. "I beg your pardon?!"

"Cure this rectal-cranial immersion before it becomes terminal." I explained. "Oh, hell, snap out of it!"

"Your pushing it, Steve," Tom warned.

I held up my hand and nodded. "I know. But, just hear me out, ok? This has been going on a few weeks now and you are no closer to a solution. What is it you want, Tom?"

My friend ran his hands through his hair in torment. "That's just it I don't know. It keeps shifting with each new revelation. And I don't know if the whole story has even come out yet!"

"Tom, many problems are complicated. But the solutions are actually easier to come to than we think. Often, we add layers of complexity to the problem so we don't have to decide. But, as they say in Zen, 'No action is an action'."

"What are you trying to say," he asked motioning to the barkeep for refills all around.

"Well, here's a complication for you. In a few days times your kids are coming back from camp. And no matter what you or Marianne decide, those kids' world is going to be changed forever." I tapped the table and emphasized the word 'forever'.

Tom, took his drink from the waitress. Looking down at the table, he replied, "I know."

I refreshed my whistle. The JD was beginning to kick in and I was on a roll. "Then fucking act like it. "

We just looked at each other for a moment. "Tom, either you want to remain married to Marrianne or you don't"

"It's not that simple, Steve. I love her. More than my life sometimes. But I don't know if I can continue after the way she betrayed me. And for eight damn months!"

"I'm not saying it is easy or that you are not entitled to some pain. Hell, a lot of pain. She betrayed you, she betrayed your past together, she betrayed her vows, she betrayed your trust and she betrayed her kids and family. And I daresay, she betrayed herself. But love has nothing to do with going forward."

"What do you mean?"

"In the words of Tina, what's love got to do with it? As I said, you either want to stay married and work through this, or you don't. That is a conscious decision you have to make. IIf you don't think you can work past her betrayals, then for the sake of your kids as well as yours and Marianne's peace of mind and futures, you need file for a divorce. And you need to do that knowing that it is going to take time, perhaps years, before you are whole again. That goes for Marianne as well. If you want to remain married, then you have to realize that the Marianne you are married to now is not the Marianne you married. That Tom is dead, that Marianne is dead and that marriage is dead. You can't keep dragging out the corpses and wringing your hands, oh, poor me, and weeping over the carcasses trying to animate them. Which is what you have been doing," I added. "Those are all cognizant decisions and love hasn't got shit to do with them."

"You aren't pulling any punches, are you?" Tom observed with a slightly crooked smile.

"No time." I continued. "These kinds of problems are dealt with in one of three ways: Burn the Bitch, BTB, Reconcile at any cost, RAAC, or what I call Standing Here Holding My Dick, SHHMD. I have a friend, we call plain Bob, well, he used to be a RAAC kind of guy. He would do whatever was necessary to keep his wife which never really solved anything. Sometimes he was a kind of SHHMD kind of guy which is just your market cuckhold. Last guy was a mentor of mine I called HDK."

"And what would he do?" Tom smiled.

"HDK? Hell, he would have torched Marianne's hair with a butane torch and dragged her ass behind his pickup going 80 mph five miles down the Penn TPK until she realized the error of her ways" I grinned. "But seriously" I continued, "you have to make a decision. No option is easy or painless. They each affect you, Marianne, the kids and to a lesser degree, your friends as well. You can't roll back time and you can't keep sitting here feeling sorry for yourself either. You and the kids got a raw deal. But so do a lot of people. You can't go back to the way things were. You can't erase those dirty pictures of Marianne and what's his face" "Eddie." Tom interrupted. "Eddie" I went on. "But, you can and do have to move on. And before those kids get back. All they are going to know is that their world crashed in the space of a couple of months at camp. That isn't fair.

"When those darlings get back, as much as you and Marianne try to hide it, they are going to know something has changed. Kids are far more receptive than we are. Maybe we lose some of that perception as we age and replace it with logic and evidence. I don't know. But, know they will. And you know who they are going to blame?" I asked.

"Me" Tom observed.

"No, that's the tragedy. They will blame themselves. If only they hadn't been so unruly, if they hadn't gone to camp, if they had done something different, Mom and Dad would still be happy and love each other. And even if they did blame you and Marianne that just means they are going to blame you for breaking up their happy home. For them, it is a lose/lose situation. Sabe?"

"Yeah, I'm beginning to." Tom stood and checked his watch. "I gotta scoot," he said. He downed the rest of his drink and put out his hand. "Steve, thanks. You really are a friend. You gave me a lot to think about."

"Sit your ass down! I'm not finished yet." I said somewhat more harshly than intended.

"Oh, yes, you are" Tom corrected. "I don't have to sit here and listen to this shit."

I relented, somewhat. "Oh, yes you do if you want to bring some peace into your life. Please. Sit." I motioned to the vacant chair.

Tom sat down heavily and glared. "What?"

"There is one last thing," I began.

"What!?"

"Carrie," I stated flatly.

"Carrie? Carrie doesn't exist, you know that."

"I know that. Arlene knows that. You know that. But Marianne doesn't know that."

"SO? She's not supposed to know. She is supposed to get an idea of how I felt after finding out about Eddie," Tom defended.

I leaned back, considered a point on the ceiling and ruminated. "The SS Tom and Marrianne sets sail on a fateful trip. And after 24 years hits an iceberg floating in the Infidelity Ocean. The wife is thrown overboard into the ocean where she proceeds to drown, barely able to keep afloat. As the ship flounders, our stalwart husband leaps in, hoping to save what can be saved but only after tying the 1 ton albatross, Carrie, around his neck so that the ship is sure to sink and all hands lost at sea. Is that about it?"

"Very funny. You know it is not that way."

"So, tell me, how is it? Are you going to tell Marianne?" I asked.

"I haven't decided yet."

My mouth fell open. I couldn't believe this. "So, after moping and bitching for the past weeks, and moving out of your house, complaining about lies, infidelity, and broken trust, you decide the best course of action is to lie about having an affair yourself, and setting yourself as being the epitome of trust and reliability, huh? Not very bright, Einstein." I shook my head sorrowfully. "That is not the Sufi way," I admonished with a line from Jewel of the Nile. "At some point you are going to have to break up with "Carrie" and lie to your wife yet again. Or, playing Devil's Advocate, what if Marianne decides she wants to meet this femme fatale schlumping her husband? Or worst case, hires a PI to follow you?"

Tom pursed his lips. "All right, I admit I hadn't thought of that."

"Well, now you have something else to consider."

Tom rose and extended a hand to shake which I took.

We shook hands. "I have a lot of things to think over. Thanks for being a friend. I guess I was just so caught up in the confusion and hurt. I still am. I don't know if we can ever get back to where we were. As you said, that marriage is over. But now I know that I haven't been as lily white as I thought, either. A lot to think about."

"Don't think, Tom. DO. And thanks for not hitting me. I do tend to stick my nose where it might not belong at times."

"That is what makes you a friend." he said moving off.

I had hoped I hadn't stepped too far out of line. Time would tell and time would tell with his and Marianne's marriage. Tomorrow? Well, tomorrow, might be Marianne's turn in the barrel.