The 40 Year Old Virgin

Subtitle: I'm your What??

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You remember that movie called , "The 40 year old virgin." Starring Steve Carell who plays a nice guy who has lived his whole life without "losing his virginity". Well , believe it or not , there are a lot of guys out there just like that. As proof of that I'm one of them. My name is Phil Harris and up until a few minutes ago I was pretty sure of that fact. That is until she say's that she has DNA proof that I'm her father.. She claims her name is Karen

Hayes and that her mother swears that I'm the Daddy.

"Uh,,,, No....No.... No.... That's impossible I'm a virgin I've not even had sex yet with any woman period this has to be a mistake Karen."

"No Daddy DNA doesn't lie, your surely are my father."

I don't know about you but being a geeky nerd and having something like that laid on you I sort of spaced out. My mind was recalling my youth. I guess my mind was trying to see if I had done something and couldn't recall it. However, everything that I did remember said that it was impossible. Growing up I was always the ever conscience wanting to learn how things worked and my favorite thing was electronics and computers

. Something I probably spent way to much time on and was why I got picked on and called names by those that were more popular than me in High School. Because of that I was extremely shy and I guess one might even say a little paranoid especially around the girls.

I guess like many nerdy guys like me we got drafted(you know made by threat of possible bodily harm if we didn't) to do others homework . I was no exception to the rule so to speak , not that any of the bodily harm threats ever manifested themselves , it was just implied that they would and I gave them no chance that it would ever happen.

Some of my worst tormentors was for some reason the cheerleaders The ring leader was Debra Johnson she was the head captain her co-captain was Darla Reese . Then there was Denise Williams and Rita Thomas. There were four others but these four were by far my worst tormentors. This went on all thru my High school years until my senior year , unfortunately I got paired up with Debra and Darla for a science project. Of course they chose the topic of the project and I was just expected to go along with it. They chose genetics and procreation as the topic and that as they say was that.

"Mr. Greer ," (He's our science teacher) .

"Yes miss Johnson?"

"I know this is going to sound odd and maybe somewhat off but being our subject is genetics and procreation we can't do this part without some help. That's why we'd like you to ask or demand that Phil Harris to donate some sperm for our project."

"I'll see what I can do miss Johnson."

The next day I was sitting in my computer lab class when , "Phil Harris please report to Mr. Greer's office."

Four minutes later in Mr. Greer's class room office.

"Mr. Greer, did you need to speak with me?"

"Yes, Phil I do. As you know you've been assigned a science project with Debra Johnson and Darla Reese they've ask me to enquirer of you to donate some sperm for the project."

"They've ask what?" I couldn't believe what I just heard. "Mr. Greer , at present I'm not even sure what the hole project is about or to what extent. Now I'm hearing thru another source that they need my sperm for this project."

"Yes , Mr. Harris that's the main jest off it . I highly suggest that you comply and supply the needed sperm for the project. More than half of your grade depends on your cooperation."

"Mr. Greer , this will be highly embarrassing for me ... I... I... just don't know if I can do something like that even for this project."

"Well. Phil do me a favor and think on it because as I said more than half your grade depends on it."

later in the day:

"What did Phil say Mr. Greer."

Mr. Greer chuckled and said , "He didn't seem to be very enthused by the request maybe you should ask him yourself on the subject."

Debra and Darla glanced at each other , "Maybe we should have a little chat with Mr. Phil Harris."

Just before the end of the school day on a Friday:

I was walking towards my locker when all of a sudden I was slammed up against a locker with Debra pinning me to it and Darla watching the hallway.

"Mr. Greer tells me that your not wanting to be very cooperative in our science project." At that point she grabbed a hand full of my family jewels .

"If you want to keep these in one piece you'll do as your told Phil....."

At which point I nodded my head and said, "OK" . Not wanting to loose any of my family jewels. Yes I was a bit of a coward in that area.

"Good , here's a sample bottle to put your sperm in we need as much as possible so you may have to do yourself several times. After each time make sure and I mean make absolutely sure that you refrigerate this bottle after you make your deposits,,,,understand me?"

Not knowing what else to do I nodded my understanding . Debra and Darla then turned on their heals and left me standing there sweating bullets. I was thinking that maybe I just dodged a major bullet. Those two scared the living shit out of me. I was to find out much later that's not all they were going to scare me with.

That sample bottle was about the same size as one of those urine test bottles that doctors give you to test your urine for drugs or other things with and not knowing what they wanted and not wanting to have to do it over again any time soon I done it so many times in the next several days Friday evening to Monday morning . That that bottle was topped off to the top.

Sunday evening Debra called my house, "Have you done what we requested?"

"Yes ," I stammered out.

"Good , here's what your to do with that sample bottle make sure it stays cold pack it in ice preferably inn one of those little igloo ice chest . Bring it to me I the morning , understood?"

Again I stammered out ,"OK".

Monday morning I made my last deposit in the bottle and sealed it and packaged it in ice as was requested. I then nervously headed towards school not knowing what to really expect. Debra and Darla both were waiting for me at My locker.

"Is that it?" nodding at the ice chest I was carrying.

I stammered out a ,"Yes". These two really worried me.

Upon taking it from me both girls looked into the chest and then pulled the bottle out. Both gasped and then smiled and without further a due turned after reinserting the bottle back into the ice chest leaving me standing there.

Suddenly I heard some one saying , "Dad ....Dad... are you OK?" Karen my supposed daughter was saying.

"Um... I was just trying to remember something I guess I sort of spaced out."

"Well, Daddy, mom has being keeping tabs on you almost constantly for some time now."

"She has ,Why?" I asked.

"I don't know for sure but she has." Karen answered.

"Well Dad, there are a lot of little things you should know about that your unaware of at present."

"Like what for example?"

"I'm not going to say right now because you need to digest what info you've just received. I'm leaving this DNA report with you so you can look it over and if you want to verify its contents feel free to do so." Just like some other women I know Karen turned on her heal and walked out of the room but not before saying, "We'll talk more tomorrow, Daddy."

Maybe now would be a good time to tell you some more about me and my present situation. As mentioned I'm 40 years old and up until today believed I was a virgin.. No , that's not right I am a virgin no if and or buts about that so how is it that I could have a child , a daughter at that. Without having sex I just couldn't fathom that .

Anyways when in High School my interests as mentioned was electronics and computers so I started my own side business doing repairs on radios/ TV sets / computers and the like as well as household appliances. I was good at it and made some good money which I saved except for the things I bought that I needed to run my side business while in school. After graduation from high school I concentrated on my business full time and virtually had no social life to speak of. That if I had any before that so what you don't have you don't miss as much as you would if you had one. One of the things I like doing after a friend talked me into doing it was teaching young people computer science and electronics at the high school that I graduated from. My classes were small at first for the first five or six years but gradually increased in size to were I had maybe 20 students per class amounting to four 90 minute classes. Two computer and two electronic

At the age of 40 I had saved my money and was worth about 900 thousand dollars at least on paper and that was after taxes and all. So actually maybe somewhat over 1 million before taxes. Like I said no social life so no large expenses to attest to . After my parents died when I was 18 , I inherited their house so no major expenses except electric and water. My mother died first and my father died several months later . I think he just missed her so much that he decided that he'd join her.

The next day Karen Hayes dropped by my shop again.

"Daddy did you have a chance to digest what I told you yesterday," Karen asked.

"Karen , I'm still not convinced that I could or can be your dad, Your last name is Hayes you said and I don't know anyone by that last name."

"Of course you wouldn't dad that's my mom's married name , you'd remember her possibly by her maiden name Debra Johnson."

At the mention of Debra's name I think I must have blanched in color and the look of fear may have crossed my face. At which point I unsteadily sat down on my computer bench chair visibly shaking.

"Dad....Dad.... what's the matter are you OK?" Karen asked worriedly.

"Karen, Your mother scares the living shit out of me."

"Dad, Mom wouldn't hurt a flea especially you."

"Karen , your mother and I wasn't on the best of terms back in the day , your mom was popular and I was the local geeky nerd that got bullied by her and her group of friends. Made to do things that ....well things that .....well just wasn't right in my opinion."

"Dad , your wrong about Mom . Mom really did like you she was just trying to get you to open up and come out of your shell. She knew you'd be a great guy with a bright future."

"Well , that still doesn't answer my question as to how I could be you father."

"Here's the thing Dad , my Mom , was studying to be a micro-biologist in genetics her senior year in high school which she did become a full fledged Doctorate micro-biologist in genetics . You should remember that science project your senior year where she got you to donate some sperm for the project."

When Karen mentioned the sperm donation for that project my mind went numb. I was thinking , 'God law suites against me for child support and possible jail time .' I didn't know what to really think just that I could be on the hook for everything that I ever earned to present date to pay for something I had no say in.

Karen was still talking and I was just barely hanging on to what she was saying, "Anyways , Mom was working at the genetics clinic when she met Mike Hayes my step father. After some flirtations on his part he charmed her into marrying him. It was shortly after that maybe a year or so that she caught him cheating on her. Can you believe that my mom is gorgeous and smart."

I sat there thinking Karen was right about that Debra was a very beautiful woman blue eyed blonde with a killer body that was honed to precision due to her cheer-leading activities. Her friends on the cheer squad weren't chopped liver either all eight of the cheer squad were knock outs in the looks department if you know what I mean.

"Mom was so angry when she found out for sure that Mike was cheating she decided she'd make him pay. Seeing that mom still had your sperm sample saved from high school she artificially inseminated herself with your sperm and I'm the result of that .Mike believes he is my dad , however after my birth my mom divorced him for adultery. So sticking him with child support . Seeing that my mom had had no outside adultery with another man and he had no proof that she did , DNA test were never done."

I just shook my head and , "So, I'm not being hit on for child support for you then?"

"Oh, no Daddy like I said mom's already being supported by the slime ball Mike for that , however, Mom has expressed an idea she'd like to get with you and have you in our lives if you would."

I started stammering , "Why would she want me in her life? I was a nobody in high school and she acted as though she didn't care for me anyways."

"Oh, Daddy I've already told you mom was trying to shake you out of your shell but she misjudged you some and she is really sorry for how she treated you."

I started thinking ' well that wouldn't be so bad the beautiful Debra that was the envy and eye candy of almost all the guys in high school wants me to be part of her life how bad could that be.'

Karen continued speaking , "Dad , you remember that experiment project in high school where you donated that sperm what grade did you get on that? "

"We got a A+ all around on it , I didn't really understand what a lot of the stuff that Debra and Darla did for the project because like you say I only supplied the sperm sample."

"Yes , that's right you did but so did all the boyfriends of the cheer squad as well. The experiment was to see what tolerances that sperm could survive in under varying conditions such a to acidic to neutral to alkaline. Just so that you know dad you have some strong swimmers for a geeky nerd. It seems that your sperm was more able to adapt to the varying conditions than all the other guys put together."

"My God really ," I stammered out.

"Yes really Dad!" Karen enthusiastically.

"As I told you My Mom's a micro-biologist geneticist for this firm she works for. She's in the unique

position in a fertility clinic Dad. She helps women to be able to conceive children that they want to have via artificial insemination . Dad some of these children conceived you've actually been teaching at school recently."

I was surprised by that one , "Really how many would that be Karen?"

"Last I heard there were about 90 plus, however only 80 of them have been in your classes so far."

"Well that's how many I have in my present classes now all in total."

"That's right dad all 80 are your students and one more thing dad that you should know . Mom sort of spread your sperm around some at the clinic .Those 90 plus students I was telling you about are all yours."

Suddenly I started feeling faint and the lights went out and blackness prevailed.

JUSTANERD PSS: don't worry nothing bad happen to Phil he just fainted.

From JUSTRANERD: I know this is going to upset some but I ended this story as a cliff hanger for a reason. It could stand as is as a complete story on its own, Or it can have follow up chapters which expands the story line some. If you happen to like the story let me know. Also if you have a situation you'd like to see expounded upon that goes along with this type of story let me know. I also know there are other writers out there that like finishing stories that end like this one . If so then if you want go for an ending all I ask is you keep the characters thus far in character and give me credit for the main story line.

I'll take ALL constructive criticisms from all except those that are from anomalous That are insulting . People that do that in my opinion that post as anomalous probably couldn't write a story themselves that would be entertaining enough to be read and they believe they get pleasure out of lambasting others attempts at writing. I write for my pleasure and for those that want at least an unusual story even if it has some minor mistakes. I use Open Office with spell check . Also if any that read this story happen to be editors on here that would like to help correct those errors please let me know if your available to do so.

JUSTANERD