The 80/20 Solution Ch. 09-10

The next two weeks passed quickly and for their second full weekend together, Emily planned the weekend which included a picnic by the lake where they made love outdoors for the first time. She also took them to a musical that was being performed and had him mow the back yard while she did laundry.

The following Saturday, Emily and Rod prepared the grill and patio, as the group was coming over at 2:00 to hold their follow-up meeting. Outwardly, Emily showed confidence and calm, but inside she was almost shaking in the fear that someone or thing would upset the apple cart. She had not seen or heard of anything that appeared to be a problem but the potential for issues still existed.

Jay and Paula were the first to arrive. He knocked even though he now had a key of his own. Wendy and Jordan arrived shortly afterwards. Jim and Nikki arrived last having had to drive the farthest. They all settled into chairs on the patio. The only conversations were quiet and almost stilted. Several men had a beer while most of the women had tea or a soda. Emily could see that there was an underlying tension hovering over everyone and she knew what it was because she felt it herself. She stood up and took the reins.

"OK, let's get the most important issue settled right now; then we'll get to the other issues after awhile. How many of us want to stop this arrangement?" Everyone was silent. No one showed the slightest inclination to stop. "Alright, let me ask the same question in a slightly different way. How many of us would go back to the way it was before if they had to?" Every hand was raised. "How many of us would go back to the way it was if they didn't have to?" No hands were raised. "OK, unless someone has something else to say, I think that it is safe to say that we all like what we are doing and want to continue and enhance it even more. Does everyone agree?" Everyone said yes. "OK, this part of the meeting is over. We can all breathe now. We will start discussions on the 'what ifs' and other refinements a little later. For now, let's relax and enjoy each other."

Everyone started talking to each other in animated ways. Over the next thirty minutes, people started moving around. Where everyone started with their spouse, everyone ended next to their 20. Nikki was actually sitting in Jordan's lap even though there was an empty chair next to him. Chips and dip were eaten and several of the women were now drinking wine.

Emily decided that it was time to get the next step going. Without standing, she said, "Does anyone have anything to tell about their trial period experience that might help the rest of us? Paula was the first to speak.

"I want to thank you Emily for suggesting the bit about coming up with a story in case we ran into someone we know. On the very first Sunday, we went to a store and ran right into Jim's boss. Jim handled it beautifully just like you suggested. That proved to be very important."

"I second that," Wendy added, "Rod and I have spent a lot of time on the boat and we ran into a couple of people who he knew. He handled it like he was a pro. But we also met a couple that we liked immediately. They invited us to their house for dinner. After talking about it, we decided to put it off until after today. I think we both want to get to know these people better and it now feels good to know that we can without feeling out of place."

Emily looked at Jordan and Nikki. Nikki looked a little shy but then spoke up, "We didn't have any of those experiences but I want to comment on one of the first things we girls talked about. I have always loved to garden. But gardening with someone who also likes to garden makes it five times more fun than it is alone. Jordan and I spent all day last Saturday putting in a new garden at our house. We did have our first disagreement though. He wanted to plant one variety of tomato and I wanted to plant another one. So we compromised, we put in two gardens, one for each variety." Everyone smiled and everyone agreed that Nikki's comment about sharing common interests was really good.

No one else had a story to tell; so Emily shifted subjects. "Before we start on the things we all want to talk about, I want to ask about an already open issue. Three weeks ago, Wendy brought up that we needed to stop pussy footing around each other and I have noticed on our Friday nights and today that that point has sunk in. No one seems to feel awkward around the rest of us anymore. Is that so or is anyone having a problem with it? You may notice that it is one of the issues that has been raised."

Jordan was the first to speak. "I admit to being very nervous that first Friday night together. I guess I was afraid of what the rest of you would think about me or about Nikki. I was afraid of what Wendy might think. But after Wendy spoke up, it was like a light bulb went on. We all know what is going on and we are all involved. There is no reason to hide from it. So I want to thank my beautiful wife for cutting right to the heart of a critical matter."

"Rod take me to the emergency room, I may be having a heart attack. Jordan said I did something good in public." Everyone laughed including Jordan and Nikki.

Jordan replied, "Bullshit, you know that you are almost always right about everything except in the kitchen and I tell you that frequently."

"See he just told you all that I'm full of shit."

"Wendy, we all already knew that." Nikki said. Wendy buried her face in Rod's chest in feigned embarrassment. Then she sat up and looked at Nikki with a fierce look.

"OK, little girl we'll go to fist city later, out back, no holds barred."

"Riiight. We'll do that but I warn you have secret fighting talents.

"Like what?"

"I can scream real loud and run fast when I need to." Once again everyone broke up at the light hearted banter.

Emily interjected, "Well I can see that isn't much of an issue any more except for some 'what ifs'. Anybody else have anything before we start on those?" No one did.

"OK, I got about twenty e-mails from everyone and at least one from each one of us. So I can tell you that everyone seems to be taking this seriously. But the twenty questions or issues could be condensed down into five main subjects. Number 1 was special events which we all knew was coming. Number 2 was vacations. Number 3 was about someone out of town or sick or unavailable for some reason. Number 4 was about emergency communications. And last was about one couple getting together with other couples. I will say that I've thought about all of these and I don't have a strong feeling or recommendation on any of them. I hope you guys have some that we can hash around."

Jay interjected, "I want to add something before we get too deep into these discussions. Emily and I talked one day..." Paula snickered and said, "I'll bet they talked." Jay continued with a smile on his face. "As I said Emily talked one day and she pointed out something that I hadn't thought of but is really a critical thing to think about during these discussions. That is that anything one couple does or doesn't do affects all of us not just the two people directly involved. For example, if Jim's boss had taken offense with him being with someone not his wife, that would have had a direct impact on Emily and I which would have an impact of Rod and Wendy and so forth. As a result I've come to agree with Emily about taking this slowly and allow things to develop over time rather than jumping in with both feet. If we can't come to an agreement easily, I suggest that we postpone a decision to think it through more rather than just agreeing because most of us want something."

There were several murmurs as people talked it over. There were several nods indicating that that point hadn't been thought over very deeply.

Emily leaned over and said, "Thank you lover. That was just what was needed." She kissed his cheek.

When everyone was silent again, she began again, "Let's start with number 4. It is really very important and I think that it should be fairly easy to agree on. Anybody have a thought?"

Rod spoke up, "I for one wouldn't have a problem in the world if Emily called if something happened with my parents or if work called. As a matter of fact, I would be pissed if she didn't. I think Wendy feels the same about Jordan."

Jim followed with, "I agree. I really wouldn't like Nikki to just call to chat, but if something came up even if it wasn't a huge disaster but important none the less, I would want her to call."

Everyone nodded. Emily spoke, "So can we agree that emergencies like work and family are acceptable reasons to interrupt a 20 weekend?"

Jay spoke up, "Let's add accidents and health issues to be sure. In an accident, it might require the spouse to sign releases at the hospital."

"I hadn't thought of that specifically but I totally agree." Emily added, "Everybody agree to family, work, and health are good reasons?" Every head nodded. Let's ask it another way, does anyone disagree with it. If so, say no."

Everyone was silent. "OK, that is one down and four to go. I hope that they are all that easy. Anybody have one that they have a proposal to suggest?"

Rod spoke again, "This one is important to me, so I'll put this on the table. That is the subject of vacations this summer. I think all of us have at least two weeks, some may have more. I would propose that we try to find a week that all of us can take off and make it a week-long vacation with our 20. It can be Saturday morning to Monday morning. The rest of the available vacation time is left to the discretion of the 80 partners."

Jim jumped in, "I really like that idea. Paula what do you think?"

"I do too. I think the hard part will be to come up with a week we can all agree on."

There were several similar comments. In the end, there was no dissent only concern about the details.

Finally, Nikki spoke up, "I think I may have the most restrictive vacation options. My boss wants us to take our vacations between June 15 and July 15."

Rod said, "Nikki that may help more than you think. Now all we have to look at is four weeks. I've got a calendar here for everyone. Look in that range and see if you can see any conflicts." Everyone looked at the calendar.

Jim piped up, "Look at the last week in June. If that one works for everyone, we could each have a ten day vacation because of the Fourth of July."

"Is that a problem week for anyone? I realize that we don't know what might come up between now and then, but if we could get it on our schedules fairly quickly, that would make sure that there is a better chance than not that it will work." Rod said. Nobody indicated otherwise. "OK, let's all try to get that week and we will confirm it either by e-mail through Emily or we can talk about it the next time we are together. Any other questions?"

Paula asked, "How about paying for it?"

Rod replied, "I figured that would come up. My first suggestion is that I would assume that all of us in some form or fashion have a budget set for vacations, probably for two weeks. If you cut that amount in half, that is a reasonable amount for two people for one week. Cut that in half and that would be the amount each person could bring to the table for a vacation week with our 20. It isn't perfect but I think that it is fair and doesn't put anyone in a real bind. Each 20 couple would have to plan their vacation according to the finances available. If someone doesn't have a budget, then the 80 couple would just have to negotiate a number that each person could spend."

Jordan said, "Rod, I like that a lot. It doesn't put any extra pressure on anyone and is fair to everyone. I could live with that." Heads nodded around the room.

Rod continued, "Anything else?"

Jay started, "I don't know what anyone is thinking about but I would like to suggest that we limit it to the continental United States. I am saying this because I know that Paula would die to go to Cancun or one of the Mexican resorts. But with all of the stuff that is going on down there, I know I wouldn't have a good time thinking about her being down there. Sorry honey. That place scares me to death."

"That's OK Jay. I appreciate the thought but to tell you the truth I wouldn't go anywhere down there unless I had my own personal bodyguard like a platoon of American Marines. I do want to do that some day, but that isn't on my short term horizon. But so that we don't restrict anyone else, how about modifying that proposal to include Canada, Alaska, and Hawaii? I haven't heard of any violent bad guys operating in those places."

Everyone nodded their head in agreement.

Rod asked, "Anything else?"

No one said anything so Emily started again, "OK, if I get all of the pieces right, we all agree to a one week of vacation time including weekends and holidays with our 20 which will be limited to North American plus Hawaii and that each 80 couple will agree on an amount of money each can contribute to the vacation and that each 20 couple will plan accordingly. Does that cover it? We will confirm that the last week in June is available, if not we will look at the other available weeks."

Rod nodded,"I think that that summarizes it very nicely."

"Does anyone disagree with this? If so, say no." There was silence. "OK, boys and girls we have a vacation with our 20. Start planning. Before I go on, I want to apologize to you all for what I am about to do." She jumped up and ran over to Rod and gave him a big kiss right on his mouth. "That was very well done, baby, I am so proud of you." Then she returned to her seat and continued, "That's two down. Let's take a break for a few minutes and then go on."

She turned to Jay, "Any ideas big boy? My only requirements are that I am with you, I don't have dress up much, and we screw a lot."

"I like your requirements. Actually after last weekend, I do have an idea. Think about a week long road trip in an RV through the back roads and stops in a lot of non-tourist places."

"Oh I like the way you think. Let's get some maps and information and budget stuff together and talk about it."

They each stood up and stretched and found their way to the bathroom. On their way back, Jay pulled her into the guest bedroom and shut the door and pulled her to him for a kiss. When they broke it off, she looked at him and said, "I think that that was a little outside the guidelines."

He replied, "Based on what I heard a couple of guys saying, some of these guidelines are going to disappear very shortly."

They moved back to the patio. Most people had refreshed their drinks. When they settled in, Emily began, "Which one shall we address next?"

Jordan said, "I would like to address the last one now because I think we can get to an agreement fairly quickly."

"'The floor is yours, master chef."

"Thank you. It is Nikki and my desire to be able to have each of the 20 couples over at some time for a meal for just the four of us. We like to cook and we like to share and we like all of you. We assume that there would not be a problem having Jay and Emily over because none of the 80 partners would be involved. It could be somewhat difficult with either of the other two couples because an 80 is involved. We also think that in time, we are going to run into each other as 20 couples and that we need to start getting used to it. Today, each of us ended up with our 20. Emily has publically kissed both her 80 and her 20. Nikki is sitting in my lap, each of the others have their arms touching or around their 20's shoulders. So I would like to propose that we accept reasonable signs of affection between 20s in the presence of their 80 and that each couple can decide to socialize with other 20 couples as they desire as long as everyone acknowledges the rights of the other couple. "

"What a great proposal? Jordan, I knew that there was a reason I married you in the first place. And Rod and I would be pleased for you to host us for dinner. Although I'm not sure that anyone would want to watch Rod fondle my girls during a Friday night."

"Wendy honey, we have already watched that several times. That's not a new thing." Paula said. "And I can add that Jim and I would love to go to a concert or a play with Emily and Jay sometimes."

Jordan asked, "Any other comments or questions?"

Jay asked, "What if there was a problem. Remember one's person's problem becomes every one's problem."

"I couldn't agree with you more Jay. Our thought is that is one of those 'go slow things'. Going out to dinner and finding out that no one is going to throw silverware is good. Two couples going clubbing and dancing might be risky, so building up to it slowly might be a better choice." Jay nodded in agreement.

Jordan continued, "Thanks for bringing that up Jay. I meant to lay that groundwork at the start. Any other comments or questions?" There were none.

Emily took back the floor. "So what I am hearing is that 20 couples can engage in mutual activities with the others as long as they are prepared to do so and work up to it slowly if necessary. This includes showing reasonable affection to each other even in the presence of their 80. Does that do this justice?"

Jordan looked at Emily, "I agree with Jay, you are excellent at keeping things clear. You are right on."

"Then does anyone have a problem with this proposal. If so, speak up." No one spoke. OK, three down and the hardest on still to go. So I take it that we should deal with missed weekends and stuff and get it out of the way before we tackle the elephant in the living room?" Everyone nodded.

"OK, does anyone want to present thoughts on this?"

Paula started, "I put that one in because of the possibility of someone being sick, missing a flight, or being called in to work during their 20 weekend. I know that the weekend can't be made up, but I was thinking that under those circumstances perhaps a make-up night for those two might be allowed. Last weekend, Jim's boss called him in Sunday afternoon late. So our weekend was cut a little short. I don't expect to have a make-up because we already had a great weekend. But if he had been called in Saturday morning and worked until Sunday morning, which would deprive both of us, I think it might be appropriate that we be allowed to go to dinner or something during the next week to stay connected. It doesn't have to be overnight and it doesn't have to uproot the non-involved 80. That's what I wanted to request."

"Any other questions or comments?" There were none. Emily continued, "Let's consider this the first of the special case 'what ifs' so we can keep on going into those. How about we phrase it this way? In the event that a 20 weekend is interrupted through no fault of either party, the two 20's are free to have a make-up night during the next week subject to the approval of each of the two 80's. By that I am saying, that each party clears it with their own 80. If the two 80's agree, then they can have an overnight away from both houses or they can have dinner or whatever they want. Basically if all parties agree, a makeup night is allowed. But let's be reasonable. If I go to Rod and say, 'Jay threw up last weekend because he was drunk, can I have a makeup night.' The answer is not no but hell no."

Emily continued, "Now I have also been thinking a lot about these special requests and special event things and the most reasonable answer I can come up with was just solidified in my mind during this discussion. So let me offer what I think. Every special case involves four people. If all four of them are OK with it, I don't think we have a problem to deal with as a group except for a general understanding. And I propose that the line be drawn along the lines that if the request is approved by all four of the people directly affected and it does not substantially infringe on the time or responsibilities of the 80 relationship, I think that it is OK. For example, last Friday Jay wanted us to go to a bread and breakfast for the weekend. He had a killer week that didn't end until noon Friday. I could have gotten off at noon on Friday. We waited and went to our Friday Night as agreed and waited until our goodbyes before we left. It was midnight before we got there. If we could have called Paula and Rod and explained the situation, I don't see that we would have substantially infringed on their time if we left at 4:00 or 5:00. You guys would have missed the pleasure of our company but there was a good reason. Yes, I recognize that we could have waited until Saturday morning to leave but this place has a two night minimum even if you stay only one night. You get the drift. On the other hand, if Rod tells me that they want to go to the boat Thursday after work when he knows that I have a full day of meetings all day Friday and a repairman is scheduled to fix the water heater. That is an infringement of our responsibilities. Oh by the way Wendy, before I forget, here."