The Age Of Innocence

This work is part fiction with a lot of fact. (Names and that have been changed as well as true locations to protect the innocent). I would like to add that life was actually like that for some of us and a far cry from the London of the swinging 60s we all hear about. In some ways it feels like another life-time ago.

For those who do not know about the money back then there were 240 pence to the pound. 12 pence to a shilling so 20 shillings to a pound. We also had what we called a thrupenny bit which was a three-pence coin. Before my time there was also a farthing which literally means fourth-thing and was a quarter of a penny and two made up the hapenny which was a half-penny coin.

Many of us still use these terms like when we remember getting four Blackjacks which were sweets for a penny and we still say they were a farthing each.

Two other terms that crop up are The Mead and The Rye:

The Mead was a huge playing field to the east of where I lived and where lots of people gathered to play, attend fairs as well as picnic. The word mead itself means a mowed meadow.

The Rye was another field but much larger. It was closer to the town and where families and others gathered for picnics, carnivals and to play sport.. There was a boating lake at the back and at the front close to the main road was where children could play on the slide and swings. There was even a paddling pool fed by the the river close by where kids not only paddled but sailed their small boats.

It was 1960 when I first started at the infant school at the age of 5. Even then I was as bright as a button. I knew most of my letters as well as knew how to do sums. I felt so proud when the teachers asked and I could tell them that my mum had taught me. From then on I shot ahead.

The only bad time that year was when my mum kicked my dad out. He was a lorry driver and on the road a lot yet he had an affair and got the woman pregnant. I saw them in town once quite a few months after he left. She was big with child but I did not hide how much I hated her or hated my dad come to that. Years later I did overhear her husband had thrown her out so thought she and my dad deserved each other.

I loved my mum more than anything and always had and I hated seeing her struggle as dad did not always pay her for me. But at least we had each other and I always did my best at school wanting her to be so proud of me.

In 1962 I attended the junior school my mum went to and loved seeing what she had seen as little had changed. I was in the top form of 48 children and always in the top 8. That was a bad year though because as 62 slipped into 63 we had one of the worst winters on record. Mum and I were reduced to sleeping in the front room on a matress in front of the open fire to keep warm. Mum got pneumonia though and never survived. As far as I was concerned I had no family apart from my maternal nan so I was sent to live with her.

I was never sure I would understand my nan though. I did get hugs and kisses but they were very few and far between as she was never as loving unlike my mum. But what she did give me was freedom and I guess that helped me come to terms a little with the loss of my mum. Nights were always the worst though with little to occupy my mind so I often thought of mum and cried myself to sleep.

It seemed strange too that as a family mum and dad were well off as we were the first family in our street to own a car. Now we were what you would call dirt poor. Nan did have a small pension as my grandfather had been in the war as well as worked on the railways. I never knew him or at least I could not remember him as he had died before I was two. Nan was 62 when I moved in with her and still worked evenings cleaning offices to earn a little extra money.

All I had with me when I moved in with nan were little trinkets of mum's and my teddy bears. One was like any normal teddy bear mum gave me when I was two while the other one was knitted in yellow wool and from my maternal nan. He was called Tom Dooley as in the song because when you held him up his head hung down.

Nan's house was on the estate to the east of town called the Marsh. It was one of the oldest estates like the one to the west of the town. They were where the oldest and poorest lived and the kids that grew up on them like my mum moved into the new houses on the new estates as soon as the were built. I was nearly two when we moved into our new house. Before then I had lived in a caravan with my parents not far from the Marsh and near the back of the Rye. I remember bits but not a lot like looking out the windows and seeing other caravans.

Nan's house was cold. Like her neighbours we always used the back door on the side of the house. Between that and the kitchen door was the bathroom with toilet. When it was cold you kept the kitchen doors closed to keep in the warmth. When you needed the bathroom you didn't hang around and the worst part was at night and trying to grope around to find the string to switch on the light especially when you were in a hurry to go.

Nan practically lived in the kitchen where there was an open fire. It was burning most of the time not only to heat the water but nan often cooked meals in the pot that hung over the fire. Mostly stews with a bit of meat she called scrag-ends or something like that and a lot of veg.

Sometimes I did wonder about nan. She and my grandfather married in 1930 when she was nearly 30 and grandfather 36. They came from Dublin for what they hoped was a better life. She never said what her life was like before but I thought it had to be worse than this that she never went back even though she had family there. I never knew much about them apart from the letters as well as the shamrock she got in a box each year. In ways it was funny how easily I understood her with her soft lilting accent when others could not. I did get teased at school as I picked up some of her habits especially as she used tis for "it is" a lot.

The best part about winter was when having a bath and being able to kneel in front of the open fire while nan dried me. The worst part was like the bathroom when you did not want to hang around to get to bed. It was a quick run upstairs to dive under the sheets to try and get warm. At least there were potties under the beds so you didn't have to try and make your way down especially in the dark.

As soon as the weather got warmer I went exploring. I met Bobby and Mark soon after. They were a bit older than me and lived not far away. It was strange in a way as none of us had watches but we always knew the time. It was strange too I only saw them now and again in school. I never saw them when I walked to and from school. I did cut across this end of the Rye reached by a narrow lane next to the shop at the end of the road. Some children I knew of that lived my way I saw catch the bus but never having the money I would walk in all weathers. Not much choice really and I did like walking across the Rye especially in nice weather as it reminded me of picnics and that with my mum.

The two boys and I mostly walked up into the woods near the end of my road when we went exploring weekends and holidays. There were trees at the top of this steep bank with a clearing below. There was this long rope that hung down and we all took turns swinging out on it. I liked too there was never this boy/girl thing. As I could climb trees and do whatever they did we were all the same. I liked it too they would show me their secret camps and other places that were scattered along the surrounding hillside. We threw sticks from one side of the bridge and race across the road to see who was winning. Somtimes we walked along the river bank to watch their progress before we could no longer see them where the river meandered along behind the houses where my nan lived.

If nan had a couple of coppers spare as we called pennies she would give me some as I did not have pocket money. I saved them to buy her presents. It was the same with the money meant for buying fireworks that Bobby, Mark and I got for Guy Fawkes nights celebrated each November the fifth. We would get some old clothes and make a guy and then push him around in an old pram and ask for "a penny for the Guy". We covered quite a few streets and then split the money three ways. Being a girl helped us get even more especially wearing my old clothes. Sometimes I would go in the shop with them and for a treat I would buy a couple of Blackjacks my favourite sweets for half a penny if we had managed to do really well out of our guy.

I did have some clothes but I was slowly growing. Neighbours and friends of my nan gave her clothes which were mostly second hand. Some had seen better days while others were nearly new. They would even give her food if they had any spare knowing she would struggle to keep me as well. Sometimes when I walked with nan on her way to work of an evening for something to do we would look out for duck eggs to fry for breakfast the next morning. At least I got free school dinners while I was at school and would eat as much as I could so as not need to eat so much in the evening.

All the kids got free milk at the junior school and all my school day trips got paid too. I did get called rags but never in a nasty way. Boys were always teasing me trying to lift my skirt to see if my knickers were the same. Nan always bought new for school although my uniform was always second-hand. Some had been repaired before where leather patches had been sewn on the elbows of jackets.

I never minded as there was little choice although it did make me appreciate what I had. I did have wishes but that was all they were. I also had my friends at school I played with so there was little I needed.

The strangest part for me was failing my 11+. Not that I expected to go to the Grammar even if we could have afforded it which we couldn't as I wanted to go to the secondary school on the hill where my mum went. And not that learning was as important as it once was now mum was no longer here but, I still wondered how I had failed.

I did like the secondary school as we were completely seperated from the boys. No having to worry about getting hit by the ball when the boys played a bit rough. I was still friends with Bobby and Mark and never really thought about boys. I guess also with what I wore was another reason I never looked for a boyfriend like my friends did.

The worst time for me was when I started to have my periods. It was back to the old ways with stuffing bits of rag inside my knickers. We had no money for anything other than basics. And when we did have a few coppers spare it was the jumble sales to see what we could find for me and nan to wear.

I did hate that trite proverb "clothes maketh the man". It was complete hogwash as it was what was inside that made a person. Even poor people where we lived gave what they could to help. I would run errands as my way of thanking them and never wanted anything in return. It did make me want to cry seeing they wanted to give me something they could ill afford so I would settle for the least they were willing to give.

It was like when I was about 11 and looking for a Christmas present amongst the market stalls that lined the High Street. The man asked what I was looking for so I told him I was looking for a present for my nan. As he wanted to know I told him I lived with her. I had seen something for her hair but it was two and a half shillings. He got me to show him what I had so I showed him the sixpence piece and the two thrupeeny bits that made up a shilling. I did gasp when he took a sixpence and then wrapped the hair thing up. I told him I did not have enough for that but he told me to have a nice Christmas on him. I did get him to lean forward and kissed his cheek while I fought back the tears.

I also remember when I must have been about 12 and had gone into town Saturday morning window-shopping. It was something to do to pass the time. And if I was being honest I would have to admit I was feeling a bit lonely too. Bobby and Mark had gone off with friends for the day so I thought I would walk over the Rye. The town was always busy Saturday mornings so I decided to go there. It was nice to mingle with the crowds and pretend I was shopping with my mum and looking in the windows like the other kids did to see what they would like.

I walked back through the town early that afternoon and stopped by the cinema. There was some film on that had Dean Martin in it. I would not have minded going but when I checked my pockets I had very little money. Not that it would have made any difference anyway as I saw you needed to go in with an adult.

I turned enough and saw a woman look at me. It looked like she was with her husband and her daughter who I thought was about my age. I looked away feeling a bit bad as they were dressed nice while my dress was a bit thin and wearing my worn school blazer over the top to hide how bad it was.

I went and sat on the steps to wonder where I wanted to go next. I was trying to decide whether to go and stand on the bridge that was next to the station nearby and watch the steam trains or go straight to the Rye. I thought I might try and make some new friends like I ususally did while I played on the swings and that when the lady came up to me and asked if I wanted to go in. I told her I had no money. She asked couldn't my mum take me. It was the look on her face that showed she cared and made me think of mum that made me start to cry. She told the other two she would be there soon and even sat down and cuddled me. Somehow she had me telling her everything while I tried to dry my eyes.

I even told her my name was Alice Metcalf and my age. She told me that was her husband Mr. North and her daughter Kathy who was the same age as me when she got me to look. She even took my hand and helped me up and after brushing the back of her grey skirt with her hand brushed mine down and told me I could come and watch the film with them. She told me her treat before I could say anything.

Kathy was so nice and very pretty I thought as she took my hand while her mum and dad went to buy some popcorn and that. While Kathy told me about the Grammar I told her I had failed my 11+ although I had expected to pass. I admitted too, even if I had passed I wanted to go to my mum's old school.

After we all sat down I did hear her mum tell her dad about me and all I had told her. Kathy I saw had heard too but she gave me a nice smile so I gave her a nice smile back. We even held hands while the film was on although she still found it hard to believe when I admitted I had never been before not even to Saturday morning pictures here like all the other kids did. I could even imagine it when she told me what it was like and why she always sat up here in the balcony as the boys threw popcorn and that on the kids below which made us giggle.

That wasn't the end of it though as Kathy's parents took us to the cafe on the corner where we both had chocolate milkshakes. Her parents gave me a nice smile when I told them I had never had one before and it was lovely. While they drank coffee her mum asked about my mum as she had gone to the same school. When I told her my mum was 19 when I was born in 1955 she thought they had to be in the same year. I did tell her mum liked to be called Suzie although her name was Susannah Parker when she asked. Her mum thought she sounded familiar but could not place her and would have to ask her friends who were the same age.

I did tell her where I was living with my nan along Kings Road. She sort of knew it she said and told me where she had lived so I told her I had lived down the road from her in Hunters Road. As she was interested I told her I had lived with my parents in a caravan at the back of the Rye and moved into Hunters Road just after the house was built.

She and Kathy gave me a kiss so I kissed them back. They hoped to see me again and if I was ever passing the cinema they would look out for me. I told them I would love that and gave her another kiss and thanked her for everything. They even stood there and waved before I reached the bottom of the road and turned the corner to head home. I wasn't sure I would ever see them again which made me sad as Kathy was so nice. I wished I was pretty too as I did not think I was especially with the clothes I wore.

Life went on and before I turned 15 I got a Saturday job. The lady that owned the little corner shop by the bridge near where I lived wanted someone to help serve. Sometimes I helped in the evening after school. It seemed strange to have money in my pocket. I gave some to nan even though she did not want to take it. I saved the rest to buy nicer presents as well as clothes for best.

The shop job stood me in good stead too as after leaving school I worked in a big chain store in town. It was really good I had experience as I had sat for CSEs and not GCEs (O levels). No one knew what CSEs were when I looked for jobs even though a grade 1 was meant to be the same as a pass in O levels. A lot of us took them as the teachers thought we would stuggle otherwise and they were a softer option.

I liked too that clothes were provided so I had a mid-calf length straight blue skirt and white blouse. I did buy myself a pair of sturdy shoes as I would be standing all day. I wore my blonde hair in a pony-tail to stop it falling over my face when I leaned over the counters that surrounded my work area. I mostly looked after jumpers and blouses that were out on display. I often had to tidy them up too especially the jumpers as people often held them up to see what they looked like.

I did get chatted up by boys. I did have to smile when some even younger ones with their parents let me know they would not mind taking me out and making sure their parents did not hear. Home life would not have let me anyway as I made nan give up work as it was getting too much for her. I gave her half my money as she would not take more. We did at least eat better although I had dinner at work to save us money.

The year I turned 18 nan had my name on the rent book. She told me just in case anything happened to her.

During that summer I had to question myself. A girl came into the shop who was about my age. She was also about 5 feet 4 the same height as me when I saw she was wearing baseball boots. I had a pair like a lot of others did as they were cheap and comfortable and went well with jeans. She was very beautiful too. Very cute too with her dimples when she gave me a smile I thought. She had long dark hair that curled and I liked her freckles below her blue eyes that ran across her small button nose.

I didn't know why but I found myself wondering what she would be like to kiss especially with her cupid-bow lips. Some of the girls at school had talked about girls kissing and there were jokes something about strapadictomy but I was too afraid to ask and show my ignorance. I didn't really know what men and women actually did either. We did have a sex education film but most of us were giggling too much to really take it all in. I guess I did think about marriage and children but that was for way in the future as I wanted to look after my nan as she had been there when I needed her and I was here now she needed me. It didn't make me sad that I could be looking after her for years as I knew it was only right that I now take care of her.

That Christmas I was over in Reading to do some Christmas shopping. I was sitting in a cafe having a break mid-morning when this girl sat next to me as the place was a bit crowded. As the seat next to me was free I told her she could sit there when she asked.

We did talk about how busy it was and I told her where I lived when she asked. I had told her the town I came from was usually heaving with people at this time of year too. I then told her I loved her jeans and asked where she had got them from. She even let me have a feel. The denim cotton was lovely and soft and I loved the powder blue colour. She told me where she got them and then told me what they were like. As we had the same bum measurement she told me to get them in size 28 as they were mens jeans but fitted really snug. She even stood for a moment and I thought they were brilliant.