The All or Nothing Game

THE ALL OR NOTHING GAME

Eva converged with Fate at a crucial point. She got a terrific offer, and now she was on her way to her life's adventure! She was to join the world tour of Julian Woolfe!!

One man's loss is another man's gain as they say. Eva Sanderson knew that, but the harsh reality of it was nonetheless hard to accept. And as always, in moments of crisis, she went back home to Granny to talk it over with her and get her advice.

Back home was in South Dakota, somewhere on the endless, grassy plains between the James and Missouri rivers. When she asked the driver of the bus between Madison and Huron to stop in the middle of nowhere, he looked at her with curiosity and had a question on the tip of his tongue. But she looked at him noncommittally, standing close to the door with her small suitcase in her hand, just waiting for him to open it. So, without any comments he let her out, and she climbed down onto the road and watched the bus disappear in the distance in a cloud of dust. A great silence fell over and around her, and she sat down on her suitcase to wait patiently for Granny or whomever Granny might send along. The fields, gently billowing in the soft breeze, stretched forever around her touching the horizon at all the points of the compass. The sky was light blue and slightly hazy.

Eva closed her eyes a bit and thought about Granny. She wondered how many times she had prompted the old woman to move into something more convenient and easier to manage than that farm out on the plains.

"Never!" Granny had replied vehemently. "I've lived here all my life and my family before me. And, mind you, I'll die here too. They'll have to carry me off this estate."

And that was always the end of the discussion. Deep down Eva was happy that Granny persisted somehow because Eva looked upon this place as her real home. This was what came to her mind, when out in the world, and this place was where she longed to be whenever she was in trouble facing the dire realities of making life work.

It hadn't always been her home, of course, but still for such a long time that Eva couldn't remember living in another place although she was told stories of her childhood. She had come to stay with Granny when she was three years old at the moment her father had left the family for good; the father being Granny's youngest son and therefore making her Eva's paternal grandmother. Eva didn't know why her mother had chosen to go to the family of her husband instead of her own family when caught in this trauma, but as with all things that concerned her mother, it was muddled, shrouded in questions and secrets, and Eva didn't care to find out why.

If she didn't remember anything about her father leaving her life, the memory of her mother breaking up and disappearing out of view was all the more vivid and painful.

Eva was close to six years old when she one day overheard a heated discussion between Granny and her mother.

"I realize that there isn't much I can do to persuade you to think over your situation and make another choice. We've talked about this now so many, many times. But I just want to let you know that although I might not be able to keep you from making a mess of your own life, I will never let you ruin Eva's! You may go and do whatever you want, but she stays here!"

Eva couldn't hear what her mother had answered -- only the shrill tone of her voice - and then how the two women had started to shout at each other. Not wanting to hear more of the awful argument going on, Eva put her hands over her ears and ran out of the house and into the barn to hide.

A few days later her mother approached her with awkwardness and tried to explain that she was "only going to be away for a couple of months and that there was this big opportunity, which she couldn't miss out on . . . and of course she would come and pick up Eva as soon as everything was settled and her future secured." This was now twenty years ago. Eva had turned to Granny, hiding behind her skirts and refusing even to talk to her mother, and from that moment on Granny was the only relative whom Eva ever came to accept, the only one she ever trusted completely and the only one she ever cared for and whose judgment, in all that was hard to deal with, was like the verdict of King Solomon out of the Bible. That was why Eva was on her way to Granny now.

And Granny had never let her down. If it wasn't for Granny, Eva knew that she might even have died the way her own parents had died eventually. Coming this far in her roaming thoughts, Eva always closed a door inside. She knew that it was a matter, which she hadn't fully penetrated and which was so filled with pain that she couldn't really touch on it yet. Eva knew that Granny was aware of this too, and Granny had refrained from talking about it save for the mere practical details, which were necessary to know and to deal with. Since Eva hadn't had any opportunity to get to know her father, the news of his death and the implications of it only had to do with the silent sorrow Granny harbored. Eva mourned with Granny and lamented that she couldn't feel any real feelings when confronted with her father's death. It might as well have been that of a distant relative. Her father had died the death of a mercenary soldier in a meaningless war somewhere in Africa. Eva's mother had survived him with more than ten years and was eventually found in a pad in San Francisco, dead from a heroin overdose. Over the years, Eva had received a couple of mails from her mother and once even a telephone call. These sparse contacts had only enhanced her feeling of loneliness and being left to look after herself, and it made her believe even more firmly that she was the only one, who could chisel out the future. But again, she knew that without Granny, she wouldn't have made it through these difficult times. She felt a wave of warmth and love wash over her when she thought of the old woman.

Lost in her memories, Eva almost missed the first sound of a vehicle approaching her. When she was a child and was waiting at the side of the road for someone to fetch her, she had amused herself to find out how long it took for the car to reach her from the moment she spotted it. Now she saw a cloud of dust in the distance and heard the engine of the old Ford very clearly. She laughed quietly. She knew that it was Granny herself coming to pick her up because no one cared to drive that rickety old car but her.

Eva was on her feet before the car had come to a stop and she ran towards the woman, who disengaged herself from the wheel with some difficulty. They hugged and performed a little dance on the road, and they could almost have fallen to the ground if Eva hadn't stopped them in time.

"It's so wonderful to be back again..."

"I've missed you so much these months . . . "

They spoke breathlessly at the same time and began to laugh. At last they managed to look at each other fully and composedly.

"You've really been gone so long this time," Granny said and then started to look Eva over, scrutinizing her. "You've lost even more weight since I saw you last. You're not eating properly in New York!"

"Oh Granny! Don't worry, everything is fine and I'm fine!" Eva laughed. "Come on now, let's go home, we can't stand here in the middle of the road. The sun will be setting soon."

And so they went to the car and started their way to the farm, a drive Eva knew would take them around half an hour. She had done it so many times before, as for example during every weekend of her school days. When she started school, she had gone to live with her uncle Marshall in Huron. Marshall was Granny's oldest son and a lawyer with a blooming business in the city. Granny always said that God gave all the mirth to Eva's father and only left the gloom for Marshall. But Marshall was a pillar of strength and Eva knew that neither she nor Granny would have coped without him and all the help he had provided when Eva's parents died. Eva also knew that Marshall took care of all legal business tied to the farm, which was a great relief for Granny.

"Have you had any news from Marshall recently?" Eva asked, thinking about him now.

"Yes dear, everything is fine and he sends his love. He might come with the family for the weekend, but it's not fully decided yet. That depends on how much work his present case in court will burden him with."

"Ah!" Eva exclaimed. "Granny, I don't know if I will be able to stay over the weekend. You see, that depends on the decision I have to make. And Granny, that is what I need to talk to you about. But not here in the car, not now."

"On the contrary," Granny replied. "Here is as good a place as any; we won't be disturbed by anyone."

And so Eva began to unburden her mind to Granny on the decision that might change her life forever.

Actually, it all had to do with work. The line of work Eva had chosen for herself. Or maybe it would be more accurate in telling of her passion because sometimes that word was a better description. Eva was but a child when she displayed a talent for working with colors, and when no canvases were around to use, she used her own face and that of anyone, who complied to be transformed into a clown, cat, fairy or monster; all according to the whim of the artist. Eva was never in any doubt that this would eventually be her vocation, and she had applied to a college in California where she could pursue her talents and become the makeup artist she wanted to be.

The practice was the fun part. Eva teamed up with another student, Janet, who was perhaps even more daring in her choices of color and hairstyle than Eva was herself, and together they offered to do makeup jobs in small theaters and for young aspiring Hollywood stars and charged nothing for their services. Janet's big break came when she fell in love with a country musician. She went off with him to Nashville and eventually landed a top job there, doing the makeup for a TV show. Eva used to marvel at reading Janet's name in the credits at the end of its episodes.

Eva's life wasn't without romantic involvements either, but nothing left a lasting impression on her. In fact, she didn't want to tie herself down. She wanted to go east, to New York, and try her luck in the theater business. She knew of course that she hadn't made it easy for herself. She could only guess at the number of makeup artists in the area and how they all waited for that big chance to turn up, which would bring them instant fame and recognition. But she persisted and finally got a steady job as an assistant at a TV station, making people ready for the camera and their live interviews and also doing the makeup for the news anchors. Eva was satisfied with her life. She supported herself and didn't have to ask anyone for help. She even managed to get hold of a small flat in Brooklyn in a quiet area, which felt very far from the bustling city across the bridge. Eva met Janet now and then, especially when Janet visited New York with her fiancé, the musician. Janet confided that she had consented to follow the band on their next tour if she could manage to get time off from her TV show for a couple of months. Eva wondered a bit at the restlessness in her friend, but at the same time she understood that Janet maybe didn't want her man to go away for such a long time without her. After all, who knew what temptations he might meet on the road? Janet wouldn't want to find out. Yes, Eva understood, but she didn't discuss it with her friend.

Life on tour seemed to agree with Janet. She became known for her very good work among the pros in the trade, and before Janet knew it, she was the one in demand and not her fiancé. This proved to be a source of tension, which their relationship didn't hold for in the end, and eventually they drifted apart. Eva got the details by and by as they dropped in through mails and telephone calls. In the meantime, Janet was a rising star in her line of business.

Then, one day, their lives converged again in a fatal way. It was this development Eva wanted to discuss with Granny.

"You see Granny," Eva began, "Janet called me the other day and had a proposition for me. And I don't know if I should take the job or not."

"Janet, yes," Granny mused absent-mindedly, keeping her eyes on the road. "How is she these days? As busy as ever?"

Eva didn't answer directly, but continued her story. "Janet has really been eating life with a silver spoon! She got this terrific offer and should have been on her way to her life's adventure. You see, I heard that she was going to join the world tour of Julian Woolfe!!"

"Who?"

"But Granny!!!" Eva was really exasperated now. "Of course you must have heard about Julian Woolfe! He is a superstar from Britain and he's been at top billing for the last couple of years by now.

"Eva dear," Granny broke her off with her most infuriating innocence. "I haven't the slightest notion whom you are talking about. You must know that I only listen to the radio in the evenings and then only to the local news..." Her voice trailed off as Eva started to laugh.

"Granny, my sweet, lovely Granny, don't pretend innocence! Ever since I helped you tidy up your drawers, years ago, I know that you keep newspaper clippings from your faves at the time. So if I say that Julian Woolfe today is what your Mario Lanza and Enrico Caruso were at the time. Then you might get it."

"Hum!" Granny muttered. "But Mario Lanza never went on a tour!"

"No, that's right because it wasn't done that way in those days. It was almost enough to show up outside Grauman's Chinese Theater in Los Angeles. But today, it's vital to reach the fans in person, all of them. So all of these super artists are going around the world almost endlessly. Look at Bob Dylan! Do you think he'll ever stop now?"

"Hum!" Granny said again because Bob Dylan was at least known to her. "Well, so Janet was to go on tour," Granny continued. "Is that what you are telling me? And you use past tense. So what happened?"

"She called me last Sunday from the hospital in Nashville, which is still her base you know, and said that she had been operated on! She broke her right leg in no less than three places when she slipped on the wet tiles by the pool in her gym and fell onto the stairs leading down to the water. She was rushed to surgery, and it was successful she told me. But she'll be out of action for the rest of the year. Of course, the only thing that's important to me is that Janet can walk again. I'm so sad for her. But then she started to talk about this situation and the work she had been offered with Woolfe. She told me that she had already been in contact with Maryka Vollerhofen, who is Julian Woolfe's personal assistant and the one with all the decisions in her hand, and Janet recommended that they sign me up instead. I was told to expect a telephone call from this Miss Vollerhofen the very next day."

"And she called too. She sounded very formal on the phone I must say. And I guess that I was a bit colored by all the stories I've heard of her. Being the tiger and bully that everyone has to pass before gaining access to Julian's person, and how she guards him with her life. Maybe half of it is true, and the rest is the usual crap, but one fact remains: any person who is to work closely with Julian Woolfe must be approved by her."

"I tried to sound casual and interested at the same time, and I told her that I needed around two days to find out if I could manage to get out of my present obligations so I could join. She said she understood that I needed some time to make arrangements, but more than two days she couldn't wait. And Granny, this was yesterday. So I have to give her an answer tomorrow. And if I accept, I will fly to Fort Lauderdale the day after. So you see! I might not be able to stay the weekend after all. But I so need to talk this over with you. Please don't answer now. Let's talk seriously about it later on, after dinner." And Eva fell silent.

Granny patted her arm softly and conveyed all the comfort that Eva always needed. Granny didn't have to tell her that all would be well in the end. Eva would never doubt that in Granny's presence. She had a fear though in her heart because she didn't know for how long Granny would still remain a vital presence in her life.

"I've cooked your favorite chicken supreme for dinner," Granny ventured instead of launching into any reflections on Eva's tale. "We'll eat as soon as you've freshened up."

And they spent the rest of the journey in silence.

**********

It was a lovely dinner and, as usual in Granny's place, a rather lively affair. One would think that she lived a quiet and almost lonely life out there on the plains, but nothing could be farther from the truth. Although Granny was a widow from before Eva ever came to live with her, her house had always been full of people. Three farmhands had always been present on the estate and one of them was now married and had a small family to support. His wife helped Granny in the kitchen, and the children filled the house, the stables and the barns with life and laughter, and Eva guessed that they regarded Granny the way she had done herself already from the start, as a pillar of strength and an endless source of real goodness, care and love.

Left alone with Granny in the spacious living room, Eva lit a fire in the big fireplace and went to fetch the coffee.

"Granny, here's the thing . . . " Eva called from the kitchen. "Miss Vollerhofen told me that if I accepted the offer I would have to join the full tour. There would be no breaking off and leaving in the middle. And she also told me that however sorry she felt for Janet under the circumstances, she didn't consider Janet an option any longer. Again, if Janet couldn't be available for the whole period, she was out of the game. And I don't know if Janet is aware of this. I guess so. She's been in this trade for a while, and I think she knows the rules. But still, I'm so split and torn by this fact! I feel as if I'm stealing her job and her position. What shall I do, Granny? Please tell me what to do."

"My sweet," Granny said, "the most important part is one you haven't touched on yet, have you? I mean, what about your present work? You have a job to go to every day -- well, almost. I know, since you work nights, you get a couple of extra days off in between. But you must have taken into consideration that if you jump on this bandwagon you'll have to quit." Granny's face had now taken on a serious expression.

Eva hid her face in her hands. "Yes," she whispered, "I have been thinking of that. I know that if I decide to commit myself to this tour I have to quit my present job. First of all, I can take some vacation time of course. You know as well as I do that I haven't had a proper break for two years now, so I've accumulated some days. But I'm not gonna lie to my boss. I can't lie about anything, not even a white lie. I'll ask for my vacation days, and if they want to know the reason why, then I'll tell them. And if they want to sack me then, fair enough. From my own point of view, I'm sure that I'll know within a week if I'll stay on the tour or not."

Granny shook her head a bit, and now she looked sad.

"Eva, my little girl, you have no idea of how much of both your mother and father that I see in you at this very moment. The same urge to do what one has to do. And I guess I won't be able to stop you, as little as I managed to stop them; the only consolation being that your quest at least contains elements of reasoning and substance. And perhaps you will make a success out of it. As for your friend Janet, you must know deep down inside that she wouldn't even have mentioned you to these people had she felt jealousy towards you for taking her place. No, as far as I can gather, she is really giving you a precious gift, an opportunity that would never have come your way otherwise. And if you are only thinking of her, the choice must be an easy one."