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I fought my own orgasm, wanting to enjoy the sensation, wanting us to cum together, but I had to fight hard, I remember the pearls of perspiration run down my cheek from my brow. But Lauren, was close, as she picked up the tempo, started to cry out, swear, before she arched back,
"Oh god Ohhhhhhhhhhh fuck Miranda, Oh god yes yes YES..."
She shuddered violently into her orgasm, shaking, her finger nails dug deep into the flesh of my hands, her orgasm made me lose control, as my body, too shuddered in the delights of a deep earth shattering orgasm, pulling her in close, holding her, kissed her as our bodies relaxed from the onslaught, relaxing in the afterglow. As she came, Lauren collapsed on top of me, and I just held her close, caressing her, kissing her hair, her cheek, as an eerie silence descended on the room, our bodies joined at the hips by the dildo.
Finally, she lifted her head, and looked at me...
"Miranda, I need to know, I need to ask you a question?"
"Of course Lauren, my lover."
"Did you make this happen, did you... engineer this, through hypnotism?"
"I thought you said you didn't believe in hypnotism Lauren."
- COMMENTS
BigrimmstalesTooover 4 years ago...but I felt you need an editor. Rightbank's examples were rather pointed, to point of sarcastic rather than constructive in tone, but he/she does pick up on the key ones. For me, it's the little things that repeat I'd suggest you watch out for: e.g. using 'of' instead of 'have' (I could of - when should be I could have) and 'to' instead of 'too' (it was to much - when should be was too much). These were quite distracting. A good editor would help you remove both types of error: i.e. Rightbank's observations and mine. Having written all that, I found it a wonderfully erotic mind control piece. Liked the ending too, as others have commented.
Anonymousabout 8 years agoGood story, but very badly told.
You should not use commas at all until you learn HOW to use them.
rightbankover 9 years ago"our friend ship, though still strong did drift"
perhaps an anchor would help?
"I found myself reading books in a book shop, but upon graduation had never given it any thought until his tragic death."
What an odd place to read books. But, as you think about it now, after his tragic death, you could next try a library.
"and well her legs were clad in leather boots, and a skirt, and a light cream V neck top."
those certainly are well clad legs. I am picturing them now in the V neck top.
"I looked down at her, . . . each time my eyes wondered, they would return."
those pesky eyes, I wonder what were they thinking about? But no matter where their thoughts took them, it is good they came back. We would hate to have them lost in thought.
"to express their love, their affection there desires"
I'm sorry, where exactly were the desires?
and so on, and so forth, etc., et al.
btw: was Adrian aware Miranda was exploring her bi sexuality while they were married?
RachalCaronalmost 16 years agoHypnotised by the premise, by the quality of writing, and of course... by the sex. VERY hot
