The Arrangement Ch. 02

"I'm rambling again, aren't I?" he asked when he saw her looking up at the moon once more.

"Yes, you are, Commander. Are you saying that you have reconsidered the marriage idea?" She inquired, trying to keep the note of hope from her voice.

Daniel drew back. "No, God, no," he exclaimed.

Jill fought back tears. His words cut across her like a bayonet. Feeding insecurities that she thought were buried. Of course, a guy like him would never be interested in someone that looked like her. She sat in stunned silence.

"What I'm trying to ask is...would you consider staying as our nanny?"

Jill thought that she was immune from rejection after the past couple of years. But his proposition was so much less than what she had once hoped that it was impossible not to draw back from the pain. She would not let him see the pain. She gathered her words carefully about her like a Kevlar vest to protect her heart from word bombs.

"Daniel, I'm sorry, but I'm not interested. As I said in an email, I had considered the possibility of caring for other people's children, but I don't want to become attached to them and then have to move on."

"But it doesn't have to be that way. The girls adore you. Well, except for Jessie, but she's just being a typical teenager. I can see you are already care for them. This could work. I know it could," he tried almost desperately to convince her.

"No, Daniel, it couldn't. Your job is dangerous. We both know that. What if something happened to you? I know from personal experience that the military isn't exactly kind to its widows and orphans. But at least the boys and I had one another. A nanny has no legal standing...whatsoever," she punctuated the last word.

She hesitated to say more. She realized that she knew far more about this man, his daughters, and even his marriage than he knew. But for some reason, she needed him to understand how it could never work. "I know that Rachel's sister has already tried to get custody of those girls once. I wouldn't stand a chance as the hired help. So, no, Daniel, the answer is no," she said with finality as she stood and turned back towards the house.

The slamming of the screen door punctuated her remarks in the dark, silent night.

***

Daniel stared at the computer screen. His eyes hurt. He had barely slept at all last night. And when sleep did finally come, it was filled with images of blond lifeless bodies and cold, blue lips. The nightmare was a frequent visitor these past months. But this time, when he looked back the lifeless form was not Rachel, but Jill.

He hated to admit it, but everything she had said last night made perfect sense. She was right. Even widows and children were rapidly erased from the minds of the country that they had served. And of course, even if he made a will giving her custody of his daughters, it would probably not be enough. A nanny would have little standing in a custody battle, especially when faced with the best lawyers money could buy. He knew just how vicious things could get, especially with his former sister-in-law.

He was a bit shocked that she knew about that though. What else might she know about him and the girls was what had kept him up most of the night. He had pulled the piece of paper with the account name and password from his desk. He spent hours pouring over the emails that she had exchanged with his mother and Simone. He still was not anywhere near the end of them all. Over the weeks, there were hundreds. Two-hundred and twenty-seven to be exact. And that was just her responses.

He had finally given up trying to read them all around three in the morning. He might not know everything about this woman that had invaded their lives and home. But he was a man accustomed to making decisions based on limited intelligence. Decisions that could cost him and others' their lives.

He knew enough to come to a decision.

He closed the laptop and stood. He knew where to find her. After she walked Jessie and Bel to the bus stop and saw them off to school, her mornings were spent in the backyard as Ashley and Britney toddled and played on the plastic gym that had seen over a decade of proud service.

He held open the screen door. He saw them immediately, laughing and playing in the pool. Jill was wearing some knit dress that clung to her lush covers. The halter style top accentuated her full breasts. He swore that he could see the dark outline of her nipples through the thin fabric.

'Enough of that, buddy,' he chided himself. This was not that sort of an arrangement, he thought.

Clearing his throat to announce his presence, he waited. Jill looked up with a smile plastered on her face. Britney giggled and splashed water on her dress. The knit material clung to her soft breasts.

In self defense, he turned his eyes towards Ashley as she waddled towards him. He lifted her into his arms when she reached the steps. Finding the woman sexually attractive would only complicate an already muddled situation.

Even with the decision made, his mind and his body were battling. He did not need this complication. It was not a duty that he any damned good at. But it was the only choice. He dove in, knowing that he was probably messing this one up too. He forced the words out before he could think himself out of it.

"Jill, are you still interested in this arranged marriage thing?"