The Assassin and the Sorceress Ch. 07

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"Morgana!" a deep voice call to me.

My head darted up. I hadn't been asleep, but so deep in my thoughts I might as well have been. It was nearly dark now, so I must have been daydreaming there for over an hour. I looked around, but saw nobody. Then it dawned on me that there was something not right about that voice. It was difficult to tell if I had actually heard that voice or imagined it, like a night terror.

Then I remembered where I had heard, or rather felt that immaterial voice before. It was he who had given me my magical powers, returning to speak to me. It had been over two months since he had given me that otherworldly gift, when we had spoken last. Strangely, I wasn't comforted to be speaking to my old friend again. In fact, I was rather put on edge.

"Morgana!" the thought from outside my own mind repeated.

I stood up and looked around again. This time, I got a sense of location. The 'voice' seemed to be coming from underneath the bridge. I can't say what, but something caused my mind to perceive it that way. In the rapidly diminishing light, the space under the bridge was almost pitch black, quite reminiscent of the cave where I had visited him before.

Suddenly, a very peculiar feeling came over me. I felt naked. Of course, I was as naked as the day I was born, but this was the first time I felt vulnerable because of it. Usually, being naked made me feel confident and powerful, even if it had been by myself until recently. It had never been modesty, but a fear of judgement for doing something taboo that made me wear clothes around other people like a normal human. Yet, strangely, in all my years of wandering through the wilderness stark naked, I had never once entered the cave without my clothes. It just hadn't seemed proper.

But right then I felt a sudden urge to cover my body for my own sake. I resented the thought of his eyes, if he could be said to have them, gazing upon my nude flesh and seeing me as nature had made me. Yet I was also reluctant to show this sudden, uncharacteristic weakness, so I forced my arms to remain at my sides.

"Verus!" I said, trying to hide my discomfort. "You've come to Ash!"

"Not as you would understand it. I am not bound to the world as you are. I am everywhere. And I am nowhere. But I have been watching you. You have been using my gift skillfully so far. You have been practicing, and you have been getting good. Exceptionally good! So far, it seems I have chosen well."

"Thank you," I responded. I was relieved to hear him complimenting what I had done. Or at least I was less on edge. But that sudden comfort only left me unprepared for what he said next.

"Therefore, it is time that I ask you when it is you plan to act?" I heard sternness in his 'voice,' even impatience. I was so taken aback that I choked on my words for a few moments before I was able to speak clearly again.

"Act? But you told me to keep my powers secret! You said they can't find out about my magic powers yet."

"I told you to use your power subtly, however you have not used it to any real effect at all! So far you have only used it for small, worldly trifles: your little books and toys, and making yourself prettier in your own eyes. However, I entrusted the Oculus to you for reasons greater than yourself. I gave it to you to mete out justice to the wicked and selfish, starting with those who have wronged you, personally. You are now quite skilled: so skilled in fact that the need for secrecy may soon be over. It is past time for you to begin work on your quest. Do so soon."

"What do you mean? I've already done justice, and even without using its power! You gave me greater gifts than the Oculus: you gave me the courage to stand up for myself! And that's how I was able to stand up to my mother! And I convinced my father to go against her as well, and he beat her into submission! She won't dare lay a finger on me again!"

"But has your mother truly submitted to your father as the rightful head of the household? Then why does he keep his labor in the field a secret from her? So long as he even pretends to follow her edicts, which she made for the sole purpose of keeping him lowly and humble, then he still lives in fear of her. And so do you, because you have, through your own volition, kept your labors a secret from her as well!"

"No, you misunderstand us! Father told me why, and I agree. He said that isn't a battle that needs to be fought right now. We addressed the issue of her beating me and the other ways she used to abuse me, and that's what's important! We can push the issue when our family has recovered from fighting that battle: the one that did need to be fought."

"So, your father has convinced you that justice will be better served by delaying justice? By allowing some transgressions to continue unchallenged?"

"For the time being, yes."

"Or does he intend to ever challenge her unfair rules at all? When is it he means to finally confront her about this? Will that time ever come? And tell me, what if she were to discover your activities tomorrow? Will he still stand firm in his convictions that he will no longer bend to her every whim? Or will he yield to her wrath, just as he always has before?"

"No! He won't! Father and I stand together now! I won't let him yield!"

"I am not so confident in that as you proclaim to be. So long as justice remains incomplete, justice has not been done. But enough of that! What of the others who have wronged you? Joseph, for scorning your love for him, and Susan for pretending to be your friend all through your childhood while treating you like a dog? What are your plans for them?"

"I..."

"Have you already forgotten how they wronged you? How you suffered at their hands, while they shed not a single tear of sympathy for you?"

"No, I haven't forgotten. I just... I've moved beyond it. I have real friends now. For the first time in my life, I can honestly say I am happy! And my anger at them... at everyone... at the whole world... it was such a huge burden. And finally letting go of that anger... it... freed me. It freed me in ways I can't even describe! Because... I'm no longer constrained to my terrible past. I have the possibility of a bright future ahead of me! Why stay angry? So what if I was teased? So what if Joseph picked a different girl than me?"

"I am sad to hear you let go of their crimes so easily. Do you not care that they wronged you? Will you take no action, even given the vast power now at your command? Or would you frolic in the water with your friends and lie with them in the grass, enjoying the meaningless pleasures of your fleeting, Earthly flesh? All while iniquity and suffering abound just outside of your little paradise?"

"There ISN'T any suffering anymore! Not from them to me. What they did to me in the past entirely there: in the past. I've forgiven them. There. Did you hear that? I've... forgiven... them."

"That is not how forgiveness works, Morgana. Forgiveness only comes after they repent. Once they truly regret in their hearts the wrongs their hands have wrought can they be absolved. To offer forgiveness to those enemies who haven't even asked for it is to lie down in the mud while they trod upon you. Does it not bother you that their wrongs will go unanswered and forgotten for eternity? Or do you believe that this 'God' your mother professes in will set everything right in the end?"

"No, I certainly don't believe in that God. Fine. How about this? I will get an apology from them the same way I got my mother to stop beating me: without using magic. I will do it with words. And for these lesser crimes than those of my mother, I will do it with kindness. I will talk to them and tell them how I felt being treated as I was. They will feel sorry simply for the virtue of having hurt me, a friend of theirs. And then I will forgive them properly. I'm doing this for you, Verus. Does that sound good enough."

"Morgana, I chose you to receive my power because of your innocence. Your innocence has left you untouched by the hard ways of the world. However, it is also a weakness. With your innocence comes a sort of naivety. You assume the wicked hold much more virtue than they truly do. If you ask them to repent without punishment, without coercion, all they have to do is lie. They will lie to you and say they regret it, because to do so costs them nothing. And once you forgive them, they will hurt you again."

"No! No, Verus! If being raised under my mother's iron fist has taught me anything, it's this: harsh punishment doesn't make a person regret having done anything wrong; it only makes them regret having been caught! It doesn't turn wicked people virtuous; it only makes them cautious!"

"You are naïve!"

"I'm going to try! Can I at least do that? Maybe you are right, but I just... I just can't accept such a hard truth from your word alone. Let me at least try to make honest friends out of them. And if I am wrong, then I will find out for myself!"

"This is a mistake! I gave you the power of the Oculus for a reason! If such problems could truly be solved with words alone, when why give my champion such a weapon at all?"

"Then let me do it for me. I need to do it. I need to try. Maybe this is a hard lesson I need to learn, but let me learn it on my own. Yes, you trusted me enough to make me your champion, now please trust me once more. I feel in my heart that this is how it needs to be done, and if I'm wrong, then let me be wrong. I'm done asking! I will not do it your way! I WILL NOT!"

"Very well! I see that you will not bend. Then do it your way and fail. This failure will be harder than you realize. It will be your ruin! Your enemies will see your weakness, your willingness to forgive any transgression without apology, and they will strike at it! This small paradise you have build for yourself will fall apart! You will be left with less than you had when I first revealed myself to you! I will despair at your loss, but there is nothing I can do to prevent it. I will leave you now to the consequences of your inaction. I will speak to you again when you see the truth of my words. Good bye, Morgana."

With that, I felt his presence leave me. I was left standing by myself near the river bank, the woods around me now nearly pitch black. I looked around to see if anyone was there, but I seemed to be alone. I realized anyone who might have happened upon that exchange would have likely only heard my words. They would have thought I was mad! Morgana, standing naked in the woods at night and yelling at figments of her imagination. A brief bout of hope came over me as I wondered if maybe I truly was mad, and Verus merely a figment of my imagination. But as quickly as it came on, that hope vanished as I remembered that the magic he had given me was very real, and therefore, so was he.